I leave Linda’s office with my tail between my legs, my ego wrapped in a prickly blanket of shame. My mind continually switches back and forth between the image of my hand signing the disciplinary warning Linda typed up this morning and the image of Samuel’s gorgeous face as he told me he’s falling in love with me. It’s crazy to think that I agree with Linda and Bernard’s decision to file a complaint against me with the medical commission while I also believe there’s a strong possibility Samuel was telling the truth. How do I reconcile this intense, justifiable longing with my knowledge that I must pay for my indiscretions?

In my office, I grab my purse and slide my laptop into my leather tote bag. I look around the room one last time, to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. Then, I leave my office, not bothering to lock the door on my way out.

“Jennifer, I need to ask a favor of you,” I say as I enter the reception area.

Jennifer nods enthusiastically. “Of course, anything you need.”

I draw in a long breath and let it out slowly. “Should anyone call the office asking for me, please tell them I am on an indefinite leave of absence and you don’t know when I will be returning. Please refer all my patients to Bernard. Overflow should go to Linda. Anyone who doesn’t want to change therapists, please send them my list of recommended therapists. I sent out an email to all my patients letting them know I will be unavailable, but if they feel they’re having a crisis they are always welcome to contact me, but not as a therapist. Once the commission has decided whether or not to move forward with the investigation, I will be in touch to let you know when I’ll be back and in what capacity.”

“And… What if… What if he calls or comes here looking for you?” she asks in a small voice.

I flash her a soft smile. “If you know it’s him, you can transfer him to Bernard or Linda. If you’re not sure, just take down the call back number and send me an email.”

She nods as she stands up and around the desk to give me a hug. “I hope you come back soon. It won’t be the same without you here.”

“Thank you, Jennifer.”

As I leave the office where I have worked for eight years, I heave a deep sigh of sorrow tinged with foolish optimism. The medical commission’s assessment of the complaint against me isn’t for another two weeks. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. If I can’t do my job, if I’m not a therapist, then who am I?

I shake my head as I press the elevator call button. It’s so incredibly typical for someone to be attracted to the field of psychiatry and psychology because they seek answers for their own madness. I am no exception to this stereotype. And identity crises are almost always the catalyst for mental health breakdowns. Now more than ever, I need to speak with my therapist. Heck, I’ll probably ask her to squeeze me in every day for the next two weeks.

As I come out of the elevator onto the 15th floor of my condo building, my stomach swoops at the sight of Samuel standing next to my front door in a perfectly tailored gray suit.

He looks up from his phone at the sound of my footsteps approaching. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he says, his gaze focused on my face, searching for something I cannot guess. “Are you okay, Leah?”

I smile as I reach for the keypad on the door and begin typing in the code to unlock the deadbolt. I don’t bother attempting to conceal the code from Samuel. I have every reason to believe he would never use it without my permission. Though, it gives me a bit of a thrill to imagine him using the code to visit me in the middle of the night and shower my body and heart with his undivided attention.

“I am,” I say pushing the door open. “I’m okay. You didn’t have to come here…but I’m glad you did. Come inside.”

He lets the door fall closed behind him before he locks it. “Here I’ll take that,” he says, helping me out of my trench and opening the door for the coat closet as if he lives here. He hangs up my trench and purse in the closet, then he follows me to the kitchen. “I received a letter from the Department of Health asking me to testify about the nature of our relationship.”

I place the tote bag with my laptop onto the breakfast bar, then I had straight for the refrigerator to grab the bottle of Riesling. “I suspect you’ll be receiving more correspondence from them in the coming weeks,” I reply, my hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle as I pause for a moment, then decide to grab myself a Pellegrino instead. Pouring two glasses of sparkling water, I set one down in front of Samuel and take a sip from mine.

He stares at the bubbly liquid for a while, but he doesn’t partake. “I found another therapist,” he begins, his gaze meeting mine. “But I don’t suspect I will be seeing him for any addictions. I haven’t faltered. It’s like there was a switch inside me that flipped the moment my father died. Like my brain was trying to tell me that, just like my mother, I didn’t matter to him. Because I was no better than him.”

I shake my head. “That’s just not true,” I reply softly. “I know you don’t want platitudes, and I cannot give you therapeutic advice, but I can tell you this: You matter. You matter to your friends and colleagues. You matter to the families of the people you employ. You matter to the people affected by your work and your charity. You mattered to your mother. And no matter how difficult it is to believe, you mattered to your father.”

He flashes me a handsome smile, which doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “But do–”

“You matter to me,” I reply fiercely, answering his question before he’s had the chance to ask it, before he can verbalize his uncertainty.

His smile widens and he rounds the kitchen counter toward me. “You make me feel invincible,” he says, reaching up to tuck my hair behind my ear. “I know this will probably be the last time you and I will be able to spend time together, and I want you to know that walking away from you will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.”

He pulls me into his arms and I wrap mine around his waist, burying my face in the caller of his blazer, closing my eyes as I inhale his scent and bask in his warmth. Kissing the top of my head, he tightens his hold on me, causing a flood of emotions to well up inside me.

“Stay with me tonight,” I murmur my plea. “I know I shouldn’t ask you to stay. I know it’s selfish of me to even ask, but…but I don’t want you to leave.”

He slowly loosens his hold on me and I look up to meet his gaze. “I said I would do anything you want me to do. So, yes, I would be honored to stay with you tonight.”

We stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment, both of us seemingly contemplating where this night is headed. His gaze falls to my lips, his mouth dropping open in a silent question. I lick my lips as a reply in the affirmative.

His hands come up to hold my face as he leans in and places a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. Pulling away slightly, his gaze wanders over every inch of my face as he gently strokes my skin. I close my eyes as his fingertips skim across my eyebrows and down the side of my face. He places a tender kiss on each of my eyelids, then he kisses the other corner of my mouth.

Opening my eyes, my chest is heaving shallow breaths as warm arousal pools between my legs. He reaches down and, instinctively, I raise my arms so he can pull my cashmere sweater off. He tosses it onto the island and proceeds to remove his clothes, beginning with his gray blazer and black tie. I follow his lead and remove my heels, black skinny pants, and undergarments.

This is the first time I’ve seen him naked and I get a visceral pain in my belly at the realization that it is also probably the last time I’ll ever see him this way. Before he can stop me, I fall to my knees in front of him and saliva pools in my mouth as I stare at his smooth erection.

He gazes down at me with an expression of pure adulation as I take his cock into my mouth. He groans with pleasure as I bob my head back and forth, keeping a firm grip on the base to hold the skin taut. I look up to hold his gaze as I let some of the saliva in my mouth trickle onto the tip of his erection as a lubricant.

“Fuck…” he groans as his head falls back in ecstasy. “Leah… Fuck yes.”

I bob my head faster now, reaching my hand between my legs and using my slippery cum to circle my clit with two fingers. His eyes meet mine again, running his fingers through my hair to keep it out of my face so he can watch me.

I swirl my tongue around the tip of his erection, relishing the sound of his moans as I pay special attention to his frenulum. I tease him playfully, smiling as I take some of the cum from my pussy. Holding my hand up, we both moan with pleasure as he sucks on my fingers and I take his cock fully into my throat.

His erection gets even harder and his breath comes hotter, heavier, and faster every time the tip slides past my tonsils. Tears stream down my face from the sheer size of him. I’ve never swallowed a penis this large, but somehow the way Samuel gazes at me with such reverence makes me feel as if I am capable of the impossible. And I understand now that feeling of invincibility, the feeling that you can do anything with this person by your side.

His grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls his cock out of my mouth. I lean my head back, continuing to touch myself as he comes on my chest. Hot ribbons of milky fluid decorate my breasts as I moan with pleasure.

“I can do better than that,” he says, bending down to help me up from the floor, then he hoists me onto the counter and spreads my legs. “That’s my job, little bird.”

But he doesn’t go straight for my pussy. He grabs a paper towel off the counter behind him and wipes the cum from my chest, then he takes my head in his hands and kisses me. The kiss is slow and tender but hints at a filthy promise, like a summer skinny dip in a warm spring. I’ve never been kissed like this. Period.

I coil my legs around his waist and pull him closer so I can feel his warm cock against my wet slit. “Fuck me, Samuel,” I breathe into his mouth.

His lips graze my jaw as he moves down to kiss my neck, but he doesn’t answer my plea. With superhuman patience, he continues slowly kissing his way down my shoulder, over my chest, paying special attention to my nipples before he reaches my navel.

There is a mischievous glint in his eyes as he kisses my pubic mound. But after that, his full attention is on my pleasure. He works his way slowly around the crease of my thigh, planting sensual kisses on every part of my skin, from the small patch of hair above my slit to the smooth skin on my bottom and inner thighs.

The anticipation is driving me crazy. I grip the counter, hardly able to breathe as he finally lays a soft kiss on my clit.

“Is this what you want?” he taunts me as he runs the tip of his finger down my slit, and uses it to massage my entrance.

I nod. “Oh, yes.”

He slides his finger inside me a few times before removing it and holding it up curiously, then he slips the dripping wet appendage into his mouth. It comes out clean.

“Oh, God. Please, Samuel. Please make me come.”

And with that, he lifts both of my legs over his shoulders and my ass makes a squeaking noise as he slides me closer to the edge of the counter to devour me. Leaning back with my hands splayed against the cold, white marble, I stop breathing for a while as the orgasm steamrolls over me. When it’s over, my legs are still twitching and my vision is slightly blurred. Lights dance before my eyes as I gasp for oxygen.

“Holy shit,” I pant, as I try to catch my breath.

But Samuel seems to have other plans.

He stands up straight and slides his hands under my butt to lift me off the counter. I latch onto his neck and coil my legs around his hips as he thrusts into me. Using the sheer strength in his muscled arms, he pushes my hips back and forth, so he’s fucking me as he carries me to the bedroom.

We leave the bedroom only once for the rest of the night, to take a shower and refuel with some water and a plate of charcuterie. And as I lay my head on his shoulder, he tells me a bedtime story I’m sure I’ll never forget. It’s the story of the moment he realized he was falling in love with me.

“When I asked you if you were speaking to me as my therapist or as Leah, and you said you’d be anything I needed you to be, that was the moment everything shifted inside me,” he says as he strokes my shoulder. “That was when I knew I was falling in love with you. And I knew you were falling in love with me. But it wasn’t until today, I realized just how fucking lucky I am to be here with you right now. Even if it’s just for tonight. I was lucky to feel your love, because it’s not just any kind of love. I can see it in your face when you talk about your sister. How you lost her changed your life. You became a doctor so others might not ever have to feel the pain you felt. That is not just your typical kind of love. That’s what selfless love looks like.

“Leah, the way you love is an art form. And that’s why, after tomorrow, I will not come back here. I will not call you or message you. But I will show up for you at the disciplinary hearing. And I will do everything in my power to make sure you can continue practicing medicine. So you can continue expressing your love.”

I lift my head slightly, wiping my spent tears off his collar bone as I plant a kiss on the side of his neck. “It’s actually just an assessment hearing. Not a disciplinary hearing yet. But thank you.”

He kisses my forehead and squeezes my shoulders. “Good night, little bird.”