For a few days, Ruary had not come to Annefield. Nor was he in church on Sunday.
Miss Sawyer and her family were not in church either.
Then Tara overheard the stable lads discussing rumors. They said that Miss Sawyer would have nothing to do with him. They said Ruary had stood for days on General Wade’s Bridge, staring at the smithy’s house.
That information ate at Tara. Had he no pride? Did he not understand that she waited for him with open arms?
It was one thing for him to pine but another for him to make a spectacle of himself.
She would feel better if he would come to Annefield. Then they could talk and she could remind him of what he meant to her. She would not treat him the way Miss Sawyer was. He needed to know that.
And, in spite of the words they’d spoken in the wood that day, this rift between Ruary and his intended gave Tara hope. Here was a sign he was meant to be with her.
On Tuesday, in spite of the rain, she went into Aberfeldy on the pretext of visiting her cousin Sabrina. She never made the call. What she’d really wanted to do was see if she could catch sight of Ruary. He lived in a slate-roofed cottage close to the village. She hoped her presence would make him realize she still cared, that she was there for him.
However, he was not on that bridge or anywhere in the village that she could see. She kept riding around, knowing she was hard to miss on top of Dirk and with an Annefield groom as her escort. At last she gave up and went home.
It was a sad ride, until she began making excuses for Ruary. She’d been silly to believe he would approach her in Aberfeldy. People expected her to marry Blake. The horse master would be sensitive to her reputation and what creating the wrong impression would mean for both of them.
He was right. They had to be careful, but Tara was nothing if not impatient.
She toyed with sending a note, then rejected the idea.
And so she waited, expecting him to appear at Annefield at any moment.
But he didn’t.
The next morning, she sat in her bedroom window with its good view of the stables and watched the lads take the horses out to exercise. No horse master appeared to watch the work.
Tara didn’t know how long she’d sat there waiting. Time had ceased to have meaning. The only thing that brought her back to the present was Ellen entering her room.
“Are you wishing to dress, my lady?”
For a second, Tara couldn’t form an answer. She was that adrift in her own sadness. She raised a hand, a gesture Ellen took for assent.
The maid began making the bed. “Did you hear that Miss Sawyer, the blacksmith’s daughter, is leaving the valley?”
Tara swung around in her chair by the window to face her. “What did you say?”
“Jane’s mother is my aunt,” Ellen said, smoothing the counterpane. “She told my mother that Jane has asked to be sent away for a spell. It’s a pity she won’t marry Mr. Jamerson.”
Tara’s heart danced at the news. “Does anyone know why?” she asked, trying to keep her voice calm.
Ellen seemed to be concentrating on fluffing a pillow as she said, “Jane and her family are not ones for idle chatter. They have not said. My mother has asked, but it is to no avail. All they will say is Jane is leaving on the Mail for Glasgow, where my uncle’s family lives. She’ll be leaving today. Of course, she’ll probably meet a fine young man there. Then again, few can match Mr. Jamerson with the looks. What dress would you like to wear today, my lady?”
The deep desolation that Tara had been experiencing vanished. Jane Sawyer was leaving. Ruary could be hers.
“The blue,” Tara said, choosing the cheeriest color in her sparse wardrobe. Perhaps Ruary was waiting until Jane was truly gone to pay a call?
He was right, if that was his plan. They should let the talk die down before they said anything to anyone.
In no time, she was dressed and ready for anything. She wore her hair pulled back and curled around her shoulders. The blue brought out the color in her eyes, and she knew Ruary would appreciate it if he came to call. And if he didn’t call today, she’d wear the dress tomorrow. Anything to charm him.
When she came down for breakfast, Ingold informed her that the earl had returned home that morning. Tara didn’t care. In London she’d grown accustomed to her father coming and going as he pleased. Her sister was not home either. Apparently Aileen had just left to help deliver charity baskets to the sick in the kirk.
Tara broke her fast with a bit of toasted bread and tea, then set about the task of keeping herself occupied while she waited for that one thing she wanted most of all—a decision from Ruary.
A few hours later, Tara was attempting to work on a needlework piece that really had no purpose other than to rest her anxious mind when Blake found her in the morning room.
He gave a light rap at the door frame. “May I join you?” he asked.
She gave a guilty start. Her mind had been so focused on Ruary that she had paid scant attention to him. Then again, he hadn’t seemed to need any. She didn’t know what he did with his time, but he didn’t appear to be at loose ends.
She’d almost forgotten catching him kissing her sister. The whole incident had ceased to be of importance once she’d learned of Miss Sawyer and Ruary’s fight.
Besides, from what she could see, he and Aileen barely spoke to each other.
“Please join me,” she said, setting aside her needlework and moving over on the settee to make room for him.
Instead, he pulled a chair up to sit directly opposite her. His action didn’t bother her. Blake could do what he wished. There was only one man who concerned her.
“Have you been making yourself useful?” she asked, giving him the smile men seemed to like most from her. The one that never touched her eyes.
“I have.”
She smiled again.
He didn’t smile. In fact, he had a grave expression on his face.
“Blake, you seem as if you have something to say.”
He met her eye. “I do.”
“Well, what is it?” she prodded.
“I’ve fallen in love with your sister.”
At first, Tara didn’t believe she’d heard him correctly.
Blake rightly considered her silence as shock. He plunged on. “It was not her fault. Not mine either. It is something that just happened. Tara, you don’t care for me. I beg of you, release me from my promise to marry you.”
For a second all Tara could do was blink, but she quickly found her wits.
“My sister?” she repeated, the surprise in her voice unfeigned.
“You must not blame her. Or if there is blame, then it rests on both of us. Tara, I have never felt this way about another person in my life. I never knew there could be a bond this deep and strong between two people. I’d like to handle this matter honorably. In truth, Aileen would have no other way. She cares for your feelings and understands how sensitive you might be right now.” He leaned toward her. “I want Aileen to be my wife. I can’t imagine my life without her. And let us be honest, there isn’t anything between you and I save for mutual respect.”
Tara released her breath slowly.
What was happening to her?
First Ruary had not come immediately back to her. And now, Blake was telling her he preferred Aileen over herself.
“Isn’t mutual respect enough for a marriage?” she heard herself counter.
“Not for the marriage I want,” came Blake’s answer.
Tara sat for a moment, her mind a jumble of feelings.
This was the declaration she wanted from Ruary.
She could not begrudge Aileen. Her older sister deserved happiness.
Still, it would not appear well to the eyes of the world that Blake had chosen Aileen over her, and Tara cared very much for what the world thought. She knew how difficult London society could be. One misstep and doors slammed shut.
Blake knew as well.
“Do you not realize what will happen if you marry my sister?” Tara asked. “Everything you worked for will be gone. Especially since she is a divorced woman.”
“I’ll have my business affairs,” he answered, his tone hardening, as if he was not pleased with her mild observation. “And my friends will stand beside me. I would have nothing to do with those who would reject Aileen.”
“What of your father? Will he approve of such a match?”
“Are you raising objections out of concern for your sister?” he asked coolly. “Or do you have your own reasons?”
His question was a good one. Tara wasn’t certain how she felt.
Instead of running away the way she had, he was being decent and asking for her understanding. Furthermore, this involved Aileen. Perhaps they had grown apart over the years, but they were still sisters, and Tara did love her.
However, Tara had come a good distance from those days when she’d been completely dependent upon her oldest sister. Much had happened.
What did she owe Aileen now? And didn’t allegiance go both ways? “I can hear the whispers,” she said. “They will talk about one sister stealing another sister’s future husband. It might be different if you weren’t who you are. There will be a great deal of speculation.”
“I know.” He shrugged. “I sense what is going through your mind. You are right to be concerned.”
“Concerned?” Her voice sounded a bit shrill. She swallowed. “This is not some comedy where lovers are passed around and all’s well that ends well. There will be a price.”
“I’m willing to pay that price.”
“And what if I say no?” she asked.
Blake sat back, the set of his jaw hardening. “I hope you won’t, for Aileen’s sake as well as mine.”
“But if I did, would you honor your commitment to me?”
He considered her a long moment before saying, “Yes, I would. Mainly because your sister would not have me without your blessing.”
Her blessing.
And, Tara wondered, what did she want? She wanted Ruary. If he came back to her, then she didn’t care what Blake did.
“I need to consider the matter,” she said. “Will you let me have a bit of time?”
Blake’s gaze narrowed. “Our banns will soon be announced for the third time.”
“I am aware of that. How good of you to remember.”
He did not like her jibe. He stood. “I mean nothing to you, Tara. But Aileen means the world to me. I’m not a begging man, but I ask you now to free me of my pledge.”
“It isn’t just my decision to make,” she answered. “We are bound by the conventions of society—”
“That is rubbish. You were willing to bolt on me without a thought to ‘society.’”
“I’m wiser now,” Tara said, her tone equally steely. “And a woman has more to lose. Men don’t like being second choices. And I don’t want Aileen’s lot. I don’t want to be left in the valley to just rusticate. The life I desire is in London. You know that.”
“And what of your horse master?”
“What of him?” she challenged.
Blake didn’t continue on with it. Instead he shook his head with disgust. “You are a child.”
“I was woman enough for you at one point. But this isn’t easy, Blake,” she said, rising to her feet. “It is like we are all marionettes. There is a limit to what we can do freely.”
“What limits? The conventions of society? To the devil with them, Tara. Do what is right.”
“And what is that, Blake. Ruining myself?”
“How would you be ruined? Cry off and let me carry the blame.”
“But all will know you chose my sister over me.”
“And that is the heart of it, isn’t it? You don’t want to be left behind.”
“You are right,” she admitted with complete honesty. “I don’t want to be pitied or abandoned.” She’d experienced that once when Aileen had left her and gone to London.
No, Tara had not liked that at all. She’d understood then that the important did not stay behind.
“Well, understand this,” he informed her. “Your sister and I are lovers.”
His words were hard. Piercing. For a second she wanted to blame Aileen . . . and yet couldn’t. “You would risk breeding subject bastards?”
“Yes,” he said, as if just considering the thought. “I could wish no mother better for them than Aileen.” He left the room.
No mother better . . .
His words were a cruel cut. She’d not thought of what it would mean to be a mother. She’d not considered it. Childish of her . . .
She sank down onto the settee.
Ruary. She had to focus on Ruary. He was her only hope for a life of love. Closing her eyes, she repeated the prayer that had been in her mind for days, “Please, Ruary, come for me.”
Jane had left him.
Ruary was stunned by the knowledge.
Even though she had not let him close to her for the last six days, he had desperately hoped they would work out their differences. He’d never imagined her running.
Hannah Menzies was the one to tell him. She was a young widow with two small lads and had eyed Ruary as a father for her sons for a good time now. She had not been pleased when Ruary had started courting Jane.
Catching Ruary while he was preparing to stand his vigil at the bridge, she couldn’t wait to tell him the news that Jane had gone off to Glasgow.
There had been only one day when he’d not been at the bridge. That had been when Tara had come searching for him. It would not have served to have Jane see him speaking to, or being anywhere near, Tara.
He’d hoped to wear Jane down. He’d seen her a time or two in the window of her house, watching him. He had expected that she would finally listen to him when he said he loved her. She would forgive him for his lapse with Tara. He’d been a fool.
Instead, she’d gone to Glasgow, and the news surprised him.
He’d seen her father almost every day, although the two men had not spoken. Sawyer wouldn’t even make eye contact. The smithy was protective of his daughter and only child. Ruary expected him to take her side, although the two men had rubbed well together in the past. Sawyer had been pleased when Ruary had asked for Jane’s hand.
Now it was as if Ruary was completely cut out of their lives.
“You must be feeling sad, Mr. Jamerson,” Hannah Menzies said. “Perhaps having a good dinner at my table will help your spirits.”
Ruary took a step in one direction and then another, confused. How could she just leave?
“I’ve stewed a chicken. Do you like stewed chicken, Mr. Jamerson?” the widow Menzies continued.
Ruary frowned, not understanding. But there had been something she’d said that made sense. “Glasgow?” he repeated.
“Aye. They said on the coach out of Kenmore.”
That coach would have left an hour ago.
The widow smiled hopefully at him. She was missing two of her teeth, one for each child, they say.
For a second, Ruary was tempted to rip the bridge into pieces. He was that upset. He’d done a great deal of thinking over the past days. He’d watched Tara looking for him. He knew he could turn to her and she would welcome him with open arms . . . until something or someone else caught her eye.
Or she grew bored being a simple horse master’s wife.
Yes, he knew Tara better than she did herself. They’d been very young together, and the ties between them were strong. He had no doubt that she loved him as well as Tara could love anyone. She still had much to learn. He understood that now. For whatever reason she had run to him, he knew he wasn’t the answer for her.
He also knew she was his past.
Jane had been his future, a future that had once been filled with everything he could have ever wanted—and Ruary reached a decision.
He had done this all wrong. Everything wrong. He’d expected Jane to come to him. Or he’d thought he could knock on her door and she would forgive him.
Ruary had no doubt that Jane loved him, but he also knew she needed to be certain of him.
And he didn’t have much time to make amends.
But he could. He had to.
“So what do you say, Mr. Jamerson? Will you be coming for dinner?”
Ruary placed his hands on the widow’s arms to move her out of his path as he said, “Thank you, Mrs. Menzies. I wish I could be eating with you and your sons, but I have to go fetch Miss Sawyer. I must have Jane.”
“But she left you,” the widow protested.
“All the more reason for me to chase,” Ruary said, already moving toward the field where he kept Marcus. His saddle was in his cottage, but there was no time to fetch it. The widow tried to follow.
“You are a fine man,” she was saying to him. “I don’t believe a man like yourself should chase after a woman who doesn’t want you.”
“Then you would be wrong,” Ruary threw out at her. “Although I am deeply in your debt, Mrs. Menzies, for the knowledge.”
“I don’t want you in my debt,” she pouted. “I want you at my table.”
And in her bed.
But that wasn’t for Ruary.
Years ago, Tara had left him, and it had taken him almost two years to overcome her rejection. But Jane was different. Jane loved him. He knew that all the way to his soul.
He also understood that she would not tolerate his playing fast and loose with her, and he had needed that lesson. He’d let his head be turned by a past love, but he was seeing clearly now. He knew which woman he wanted. The question was—did she want him?
As if reading his mind, the widow said in a singsong voice, “She’s left you. She doesn’t have a care for you.” She sounded like the harbinger of doom, but Ruary didn’t care.
He mounted his horse and smiled down at her. “You may be right, Mrs. Menzies. But I can’t let her go without doing everything in my power to win her back.” He put heels to horse, and they were off.
After days of inactivity, Marcus was ready to go. Because of his work, Ruary knew all the paths and byways between the different villages and stables. He now used the knowledge to his advantage.
Man and beast ran as one, and within the hour, Ruary rode up over a knoll and saw the Glasgow Mail on the road below him.
He charged down the hill. Marcus landed on the road in front of the coach. The driver had no choice but to pull his horses to a halt.
The guard blew his horn for Ruary to move out of the way, while the driver punctuated the sound by shouting, “You bloody fool.”
Ruary ignored the order. “I need to see a passenger. A Miss Sawyer.”
Several passengers craned their necks out the window for a look at what had caused the delay. They passed on this information to those inside the coach.
“Move out of the way,” the guard shouted, setting aside his horn and reaching for his blunderbuss.
“Go ahead and put a hole in him,” the disgruntled driver said, holding his stamping horses. “Either that or I’ll drive over him—”
“Jane,” Ruary shouted. He called for her again, and again, until the coach door opened.
Jane climbed out. For a long moment, she stared at him, her features tight and unyielding. She wore her best dress, a brown one with black trim, and her bonnet was one she had designed herself—and she looked beautiful to him.
He had her attention now, and he didn’t know what to say, because if he said the wrong words, she would be gone from him.
So he did the only thing he could think to do that would make her understand how sorry he was to have hurt her—he sank to his knees, right there in the road, in front of everyone.