“What do I do, Jesse?” I ask, lying back on my bed and opening the box of Sour Patch Kids that I bought at the grocery store yesterday. This morning, I’ve decided to eat junk food for breakfast.

She giggles at the other end of the line.

I scowl. “This isn’t funny. Do you understand the gravity of what’s going on here?”

“Oh no, I understand all right. It’s pretty straight forward. You’re busy drowning in a puddle.”

“Thanks, I’m so glad I called you for advice,” I say, popping the candy into my mouth. “Ooh,” I say, scrunching my face at the sourness. It’s been years since I’ve had one and I’ve forgotten how strong they are.

“He’s not there doing something to you, is he?” Jesse asks.

“Ha, ha, very funny. I’ve just popped a Sour Patch Kid into my mouth.”

“I think you should have sex with him. He wants you. You want him. Go for it,” she says. I can hear the smirk in her voice.

I spit the sour candy onto my hand and swallow a few times. It’s unbelievable how quickly my tongue feels raw and burned. “I can’t just go and have sex with him.”

“Why not?”

I look at the ceiling and clear my throat. “Because he’s so…contrary.”

“Contrary men make for hot sex.”

I put the candy on a piece of wrapper and survey the rest of the packets of sweets and chocolates. “I hardly know him.”

“Even better. Stranger sex is the best kind. More sexual tension,” she counters.

I laugh. “You’re crazy, you know?”

“Don’t you want a piece of that cowboy?”

“I don’t know. It’s complicated. I can’t get my head around the idea of sleeping with someone while being someone else.”

“Treat it as a fling.”

I lick my fingers. “I can’t do that either.”

“Why not?”

“I kinda of like him, Jesse.”

She pauses. “What? As in like, like?”

“Yup. He makes me feel things no one else does. Most of the time I want to rip his eyes out, but sometimes…”

“Here’s the thing. You’re supposed to be Tamara, right?”

“Yeah,” I say cautiously as I unwrap a Hershey bar.

“She would be all over him by now, so logically, by sleeping with him you’ll just be staying in character.”

I bite into the bar. “Be honest with me. Would you sleep with him if you were in my shoes?”

“I’d freaking throw myself at him,” she gushes immediately.

“Liar.”

“I so would,” she insists firmly.

“Well, I’m not going to throw myself at him and end up getting attached. After this month, I’ll leave and he’ll never see me again. It’s just not worth it.” I’m saddened by admitting such a thing, but these are the hard facts.

“Are you really going to pass up this opportunity?”

“You make it sound like this is a once-in-a-lifetime break. We’re talking about sleeping with my boss. As tempting as it may be, I’m not going to do it.”

“Don’t come crying to me when you’re back here in the suffocating smog and soot and you’re all regretful and sad that you didn’t get naked and ride the cowboy.”

“Stop being disgusting.”

“How hot is he, anyway?”

“You’ve never seen anything like it in Chicago.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Aww…come on. Do it for me,” she urges.

“No.”

“Girl, I’m living my life through you. You need to do something worthwhile for once. Just have some spontaneous, passionate sex then act like it never happened. You won’t get attached and neither will he. We all do it.”

“Jesse, you’re engaged.” I laugh.

“I lived it up in my glory days,” she defends. “Don’t judge.”

“I wouldn’t dare. Anyway, I have to go and take care of Thunder now. Lars is expecting to meet me in the barns soon.”

“At least think about it,” she says persuasively.

“Okay, I will.”

“That’s my girl. Bye, Cass. Much love.”

“I love you, Jesse.”

I end the call, spring to my feet, and gather up all the wrappers from my bed. It’s already quarter past nine and I need to be in the barns by nine-thirty, but I’ve already eaten, showered, dressed, and talked to Jesse.

I wave goodbye to Emma Jean and make my way down the hill toward the barn. I expect to be alone for a while before Lars joins me, but my expectations are crushed again when I find Butch is waiting inside for me. Does this mean that Lars is planning on blowing me off again? I shudder with barely contained rage and strut into the barn with a scowl.

Fine, I’ll learn to ride Thunder without him.