CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Deacon had never been so terrified in his life.
He’d faced death dozens of times, sure—looked down the wrong end of a gun a time or two, been stabbed in the kidney with an ice pick, and he’d had an Italian double agent try to slit his throat while she’d ridden him to orgasm. But none of those incidents had inspired the deep, icy fear that had penetrated his being when he’d returned to the funeral home to find that Eve had taken up residence and Tess was nowhere to be found.
When they entered HQ from the tunnel, Eve was sitting at the head of the conference table, her legs crossed. She had a pint of ice cream in her hand and licked the back of the spoon like the damned cat who’d eaten the canary.
“Where’s Tess?” he asked, his gaze narrowing on hers.
“Your kitten has claws,” Eve said. She put the lid on the ice cream and set it aside. And then she leaned back in the chair and studied him.
“What did you do?” he asked.
“I told her the truth,” she said. “You’ve always been big on wanting to know the truth, Deacon. Why shouldn’t she get the same courtesy?”
“There are shades of the truth,” he said. “Which ones did you choose to share with her?”
She smiled then and his brothers moved in beside him. He wasn’t a hundred percent sure if it was to give him backup or to hold him back if he lost his shit.
“I just told her what she already knows. That you’re an exceptional lover . . .”
“And how the hell would you know that?” he asked.
“You forget that you were on surveillance with that Italian agent. She certainly didn’t have any complaints. A woman recognizes when another is faking. And she was enjoying every moment up until she tried to kill you.”
“You explained that part to Tess?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
“She wouldn’t let me finish my appraisal of you. She’s got quite the temper.”
“I know,” he said. “It’s one of the things I love most about her.”
“Love?” she asked. “You think you’re capable of love? After the things you’ve done? The things you’ve seen?”
“I’m the same man I’ve always been. I’ll make sacrifices that no one else should have to make. And I’ll do what’s fucking right. Always. That’s why you wanted me. And that’s what you’ve gotten. Otherwise you would’ve let me die.”
His heart was hammering in his throat, but he didn’t let her see his anger. That wasn’t the way to deal with Eve. She shrugged and drummed her nails on the conference table, a habit of hers he always found irritating as hell.
“Where is she?” he asked again.
“I don’t know,” she answered. “She left.”
“What else did you tell her?”
“Only that you were just following orders.”
“That’s fucking cold,” Elias said, shaking his head.
“Is it?” she asked. “Is it cold to expect the best agents in the world to keep their dicks in their pants and do their jobs? To stay focused on saving lives. Do you think you would’ve put an end to this sooner if you’d been more concerned with finding their headquarters instead of fucking her bed through the floor?”
“You’ve got her suite of rooms under surveillance?” he asked, fury rising inside him.
“Of course I do,” she said. “She knows about us. She knows classified information. It’s my job to make sure our existence stays classified. I’m not going to let a nobody mortician from Nowhere, Texas, fuck that up. Think like the agent you used to be instead of the lovesick puppy you’ve become.”
“I can do both, thanks. I’ve got five years, eleven months, and twenty-two days left on my contract,” he said. “Tess is mine, and I love her. She knows the risks. But I’ll ask her to be my wife if she’ll have me.”
“Damn,” Dante said. “We really thought you were just following orders. Who knew you’d really fallen for her.”
“I’d be pretty piss poor at my job if I couldn’t make you all think what I wanted you to think. But I’ll not lie to Tess. Not about anything.”
Eve smiled again. He’d never seen her lose her temper. She was always cool under pressure. And when she didn’t get her way, she thought of different ways to get what she wanted. She wasn’t a woman who liked to hear the word “no.”
“Five years, eleven months, and twenty-two days is a long time,” she said. “A lot can happen. A lot can change.”
“That’s true for any life,” he said. “There are some people who know how to fight. How to stick when things are hard. And how to use the bad things in life to grow and become better.” He thought of Tess and all she’d been through in her life. “Tess is that kind of person. If she’ll have me, she’ll be here for the long haul. I will always be better with her than I am without.”
Eve uncrossed her legs and got to her feet. “It’s your life,” she said. “You know the rules. If you don’t mind putting her life on the line, then by all means, marry her. You’ll have to convince her to stay, of course. I think she’s seriously considering the job offer I made to send her to D.C.”
“Believe me,” he said. “Tess is smart enough to see through you.” At least he prayed to God she was. Eve was a masterful liar and manipulator.
“We’ll see,” she said. “Now, enough of this. I listened in on surveillance, but give me a full status update.”
“According to Levkin,” Axel said, “the Detroit Lions truck departed two days ago as an insurance policy, and it’s headed to Philadelphia. That’s where they’re playing the opening game of the season. We’ve got him waiting for you in one of the holding rooms. We thought you might want to question him yourself.”
“I do, thank you,” she said.
“It’s too late to stop the truck now,” Elias said. “It’s already confirmed as arriving at Lincoln Financial Field. Men dressed as advanced game day staff were there to greet the truck and unload it. They have credentials that are only issued every week by the league. Egorov and his men have everything they need to make their mission a success.”
“When will you head to Philadelphia?”
“We leave in twelve hours,” Deacon said.
“I’ll have what you need from Levkin by the time you arrive,” she said, walking toward the door that led to the containment rooms.
Deacon turned and headed toward his rooms, trying to keep out the emotion that wanted to spill to the surface. He’d spent thirty-six years of his life able to control his emotions. He couldn’t let that change now. Not when so much was at stake.
“Don’t let her fuck with your head,” Elias said, coming up behind him. “You do what you have to do. We don’t get chances like the one you’ve been given with Tess every day.” Elias slapped him on the back and then said, “I’m heading home for a few hours’ sleep.”
Deacon nodded and hurried the rest of the way to his rooms before anyone else could give him advice. He only knew one thing. Tess had left. He needed to find her. He needed to know she was safe and whether or not she still loved him. She’d told him she did just hours before. He had to believe she hadn’t changed her mind.
TESS HADN’T BEEN good company.
Miller had known immediately something was wrong when she’d shown up pale-faced and white-knuckled, bearing the bag of chocolate cookies and coffee. But she hadn’t pressured her for answers after Tess had told her everything was fine.
They’d watched movies until the sky turned dark gray with the first inkling of daylight, Tess all the while checking her watch over and over again, wondering when Deacon would be back home. If he’d make it back home.
Then she’d given Miller a hug and driven the three blocks back to the funeral home. It had been tempting to climb the stairs to the third floor and sleep in her own room, no matter the mess that was inside. But she wasn’t a coward. And she knew the longer she waited and wondered, the worse it would be.
The last thing she wanted to do was run into Eve again, so when she opened the door to the carriage house and stepped into the kitchen, she breathed out a huge sigh of relief to see that the other woman wasn’t there.
She had no idea whether or not Deacon had returned, but either way, she had to face things head-on, so she went up the stairs to the rooms they shared. She used her thumb on the fingerprint pad and waited as it scanned her and unlocked the door. He’d had her programmed in once she’d moved her day-to-day things there.
The door snicked open and she pushed it wide. The room was empty. Her palms were sweaty and she relaxed as she put her purse away. She’d shower and try to get some sleep. It would do no good to worry herself into exhaustion.
She sat down on the bed to kick off her shoes and undress, but fatigue came over her and she lay back on the bed for a few minutes to rest her eyes. The next time she opened them was when she heard the familiar sound of the lock opening on the door and felt the presence of someone else in the room.
She turned her head and drank in the sight of him. She was still sleepy and disoriented, but her brain was new enough to see that he was whole and uninjured. Though he looked like hell. His black face paint was smeared from sweat and his hair was damp. He looked like a savage.
“Hey,” he said softly, his gaze taking in every inch of her. He looked surprised and relieved to see her.
“Hey, yourself,” she said. And then every word Eve had poisoned her mind with came back like a flood.
They stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Deacon came toward her. He picked up the chair that sat against the wall and moved it in front of her on the bed.
“I’m filthy,” he said. “I don’t want to get the bed dirty.”
“I need to talk to you,” she said, coming to a sitting position to face him. She probably looked like hell, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it at the moment.
“I thought you might,” he said, his voice sober. “I ran into Eve downstairs. She mentioned you have quite a temper.”
She tried to smile, but she wasn’t a miracle worker. “I need to ask you something,” she said. “And I need the truth.”
“Before you do, I want to tell you something.”
She swallowed and thought this might be the end. His face was so serious, his expression almost sad.
“Okay,” she agreed. “Go ahead and tell me.”
“Actually, I want to tell you two things.” He reached out and took one of her hands and squeezed it gently. “The first is that I won’t lie to you. If you have something to ask me, you’ll get the truth. I promise you that.”
“What’s the second thing?” she asked.
“I love you.”
Her mouth dropped open and she tried to remember to breathe, but it wasn’t coming as easily as it usually did. It wasn’t what she’d been expecting.
“You . . . you do?” she asked. And then she burst into tears.
Before she knew it, she’d been scooped up into his arms and was sitting on his lap. Her head was tucked into his shoulder, and she didn’t care one bit how ridiculous she must look or that he might be smearing black face paint all over her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sniffling. “You just surprised me.”
“I can see that,” he said, and she could feel his smile on the top of her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. That you couldn’t tell how much I love you. You’re like my oxygen, Tess. I can’t breathe without you.
“For two years I’ve been living as if I were already dead. But loving you has given me a hope I’ve never had before. You’re my light in the darkness. Don’t you see that?”
She saw the sincerity in his eyes and she trembled as she stroked his shoulder. “I didn’t believe her,” she said. “Eve, I mean. Not really. Though she got in her fair share of darts. She knew exactly what to say to hit me where I’m weakest.”
“It’s her specialty,” he said. “I told her you were too smart to be fooled by her half-truths.”
“I have to know though,” she said and swallowed again. “Did she order you to seduce me?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “A few weeks ago. But I’d already decided a long time ago that I was going to pursue you with full force once you were ready. It just so happened you being ready and her orders coincided.”
“Okay,” she said. “I just had to ask. I would’ve wondered forever if we hadn’t cleared the air. I let her get to me. Even as I was standing there telling myself not to let it happen, she succeeded. I don’t care what she says. I love you too. I know the consequences of this life and what it means. We can do this. What I don’t want to do is live without you. I’d also prefer to not have to ever speak to her again. All I can think of when I see her is how damned perfect the two of you must have been together. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. It still baffles me you’d pick me when you’ve had something like that. I’ve never really felt jealousy before. But when I look at her I want to claw her eyes out.”
“First of all, she’s not the most beautiful woman. She’s got a heart of ice, and the soul she once had has long since been bargained for in her line of work. I picked you because you’re everything I see that’s beautiful in this world. I’d stopped seeing those things before I met you. You’re the kindest, most sincere person I know. You give selflessly and you know how to love, even when you’ve told yourself it’s not worth it. You never give up.”
Her tears had started to fall again and she swiped at her eyes.
“If you saw yourself as I see you, you’d know Eve Winter can’t hold a candle to your beauty. You light up the room.” His hand touched the ends of her hair. “The soft warmth of fire in your hair and your sorceress eyes. Your beauty bewitches me. It’s you who makes my head turn and you who captivates me. Only you.”
She nodded because she couldn’t find the words to say anything. How could she even come close to saying the right thing after such beautiful words?
“And second of all,” he continued. “Eve and I have never been lovers. I’m not and have never been a monk. I’ve had lovers in the past, and there have been missions where I’ve done what I needed to do to get the job done.”
“You don’t have to explain,” she said.
“I don’t ever want you to have doubt or feel that jealousy. She’s not worth the emotions it drains from you. The only reason Eve knows what kind of lover I am is because on one of those missions where I did what I had to do, she was watching through the surveillance we’d set up. That’s her only basis for what she told you.”
Tess was surprised at the relief she felt. She’d known Deacon had had lovers in the past, just as she had. His past was his past. But there’d been something that hadn’t settled well at the thought that he’d chosen Eve as a lover. She couldn’t have blamed him, because Eve was gorgeous. But she’d hoped his taste had been more discerning. It pleased her immensely that it had been.
“I need a shower,” he said, standing to his feet with her still in his arms.
“I was just thinking that,” she said. “We do really good work in the shower.”