Chapter Fifteen
"Miss Angelica, do you really want us to go out in all this – this – weather?" asked Kitty, shaking her head in disgust as she tied the ribbons of Angelica's broadest-brimmed bonnet. The day was warm and muggy, and Kitty had never approved of the heat.
"The weather is immaterial," said Angelica. "I simply must speak with my fiancé. I cannot wait."
"If I may, Miss?"
"You always may, Kitty."
"What's the good of traipsing all the way across London on a simmering Wednesday just to see a man who, soon enough, you'll see every day for the rest of your life?"
"I have received some disturbing news," said Angelica. She bit her lip. "Can you keep a secret, Kitty?"
"I love a good secret, Miss!"
"I overheard my father talking to one of his friends in the study this morning. It appears that, once again, I am the last person to hear the rumours about the man I'm supposed to marry."
"I haven't heard nothing, Miss."
Angelica smiled. "Then I am only the second-last to know. I wish that were more comforting."
"What did you hear, Miss?" Kitty put on her sternest expression. "Not that I condone you putting your ear to Mr Stirling's keyhole."
"You wretch! You'd do it yourself if you had the chance! Well, if you must know, I heard that he recently had a disturbing encounter with an old enemy." Angelica considered the wisdom of spilling out everything her father had said to Kitty. She trusted her lady's maid, and goodness knew the girl had managed to keep all of Lily's struggles a secret, but it still did not seem prudent. Prudence was a virtue Angelica had only lately begun to cultivate, and it did not come easily.
The fact was that Edward had encountered Lord Oliver Barnet, the man whom he allegedly shot ten years ago, and it was the talk of London.
Angelica had no wish to live her life in the centre of a whirlwind of gossip and scandal. She intended to put a stop to the whispers as firmly as she could. She had written a note to Edward, asking him to meet her at Gunter's Tea Shop that afternoon.
It was the sort of conversation that could not be had in her family home, where Angelica well knew they were chaperoned and watched over carefully. Edward might not like what she was going to say, and she couldn't have her mother policing her language.
The best thing would be to go and see him in private at his house, where she was sure they could speak freely. That, however, was quite impossible. It was simply not done for a young woman to call on a gentleman with no ladies in the house, whether she was engaged to him or not. While it was equally out of the question to be seen in public with a gentleman at a coffee house or similar establishment, it was perfectly acceptable to remain in a carriage in Berkeley Square, eat one of Mr Gunter's iced confections from a pretty little glass, and talk to a gentleman there.
Angelica felt a prickle in her stomach as she considered that Kitty's words were true. Very soon, she would be alone with Edward every day for the rest of her life.
Did the thought excite her, or fill her with fear?
She considered the prospect of meeting his shockingly green eyes over the breakfast table each morning. That part she would certainly not object to. And she was beginning to think that, despite his cold exterior, a warm heart did beat inside that broad chest.
Perhaps, one day, it might beat for her alone...
Angelica shook her head, drawing a squeak of annoyance from Kitty, who had not quite finished tying her bonnet. It was useless to make plans based around Edward's affection, or lack thereof. That was not something she could control.
What she did hope to gain a measure of control over was his reputation. And that required his cooperation.
Angelica was not certain that she could convince her future husband to do anything, but the life she would lead if she could not did not bear thinking about. At the very least, she was determined to try.
So it was with a degree of trepidation, but much more determination, that Angelica waited for Edward to arrive at Gunter's. She remained in the carriage, as was proper, while Kitty leaned against the railings at a discreet distance and chatted to the waiting staff who bustled back and forth with trays of ices and sorbets for the people in the square.
She saw him coming the moment he appeared on the other side of the square. He cut through the tree-lined grass in the centre. The way he walked drew the eye unmistakeably; he was tall, confident, straightforward, and it was visible in every step. Angelica had never before appreciated the way a man moved. Now, suddenly, it struck her that Edward's grace and power was one of his finest qualities.
How foolish had she been, not to notice it while they were dancing? They had never danced again since the night they met. How she suddenly longed to try it again now, now that she knew how to value it!
"Good afternoon, Edward." She extended a hand down from her seat on the carriage for him to kiss.
He scowled up at her as if she were the sun and it hurt him to open his eyes. "Good afternoon, Angelica. May I buy you an ice?"
"I have already ordered one. Elderflower – quite my favourite flavour. What sort do you prefer?"
"I do not indulge in confectionary."
Once, Angelica would have despaired at his surly answer. Now that she knew him better, it amused her. "I suppose you don't want to run the risk of sweetening your temper."
"I don't appreciate being summoned like a manservant," said Edward. "Would your father approve of your writing to me?"
"Edward, we are engaged. I may write to you as often as I wish. Though you need not write back, if you are not so inclined."
He sighed and leaned against the wrought iron railings, entirely unaware of how sophisticated he looked with his arms folded and his head cocked to one side. "I suppose I cannot object to it, then."
"You certainly cannot."
"What did you ask me here for, Angelica? Is this another necessity of courtship? To be seen eating an ice at Gunter's?"
"I am not at all concerned about being seen at Gunter's with you or anybody else," said Angelica. Edward relaxed a little. "Edward, surely you know me well enough to know that I have no wish to court public attention?"
"You are right," he admitted. "I do know you better. Forgive my temper, Angelica. I am merely..."
"You are out of sorts, and I know why. That is precisely why I asked you to meet me here. I have things to say to you that I cannot risk my parents hearing."
Edward raised an eyebrow. "My word, Miss Stirling! That sounds rather scandalous."
"Are you teasing me?" Angelica asked, delighted. Edward coughed and resumed his pose of affected indifference.
"I never tease. Tell me, what is so pressingly important that it cannot be said in the Stirling household?"
"Why, the matter of your encounter with Lord Oliver Barnet yesterday night."
Edward stiffened. A shadow of horror crossed his face. Angelica immediately regretted bringing it up – but at the same time, she could not bring herself to avoid it.
"What do you know of my business with Lord Oliver?"
"I know that you fought a duel. At least, that's what everybody says. And you wounded him."
Edward's jaw tightened. "He wounded me first, Angelica. A great deal more severely. It is a wound from which I have never recovered. Do not speak of it, I warn you."
"If I am to be your wife, there can be no subject out of bounds for us," said Angelica. "I will not insist on an explanation of the rumour. Not yet. But I will insist that you do all you can to make things right with Lord Oliver."
Edward said nothing, but the expression on his face was eloquent enough. For a moment, Angelica thought he was going to leap into the carriage and take hold of her. Cold anger radiated from him as though he were one of the blocks of ice Mr Gunter used to make his frozen confectionary.
"There are several elements of your past which are less than desirable in a husband, Edward. Your family feud is one. Please, do not ask me how I know these things. It is precisely because I know them that they must be dealt with. I do not wish to marry into a tangle of old grudges and resentments. You must make peace with your past. For my sake, if not your own."
"What you ask is impossible."
"Nothing is impossible, Edward. I have such faith in you. You are strong enough to do almost anything – why will you deny me this?"
"You do not know what you are asking."
"That is of no consequence, since you refuse to tell me. I am simply informing you that I refuse to accept a husband who cannot mend his broken bridges."
"Refuse?" asked Edward. "You mean you will actually end our engagement over this – this nonsense – this shadow – this ghost of the past?"
"How can you expect me to enter into a life still haunted by those ghosts?" asked Angelica tenderly.
"I thought we had grown to understand each other," said Edward. He spoke harshly, but Angelica knew him well enough now to catch the tug of hurt below the brashness. It wrenched at her heart.
"I long to understand you," she whispered, offering him her hand again. Edward clutched it, his grip so strong it almost hurt her. His eyes locked with hers.
"I cannot reconcile with Lord Oliver. Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. I spent a long night searching for a way to forgive the sins of the past, only to discover that it is beyond my abilities. As to the family feud... there is none. Only a lack of love on both sides."
"That is not what I have heard."
"That is all I can tell you."
Angelica sighed. "Then I can only say that –"
"An elderflower ice, Miss Stirling!"
The waiter was standing on the other side of the carriage, waiting impatiently as the ices on his tray began to melt in the hot sun. Angelica mustered up a smile and thanked him. Kitty was still standing far enough away that she had heard none of the conversation between Angelica and Edward, and was enthusiastically spooning up the orange-blossom ice Angelica had treated her to.
Angelica had lost all her appetite for sweetness. She nudged the ice about with her spoon, disconsolate.
"What were you about to say?" asked Edward. His voice was heavy. He was expecting the worst.
Angelica took a spoonful of the ice and let the shock of its cold bring her back to her senses. "I cannot demand anything from you, Edward. I am disappointed, that's all."
"You are lucky enough never to have known the sort of pain Lord Oliver inflicted upon me," said Edward.
"Perhaps." Angelica longed with all her heart to ask him what exactly Lord Oliver had done that was so unforgiveable, but she knew she would not receive the answer she desired. "I cannot admit to feeling lucky right now."
She summoned Kitty with a wave. "Kitty, take my glass back inside, please."
"You've hardly touched it, Miss!"
"I have lost my appetite."
As Kitty scurried off to find a waiter, Angelica was surprised to find Edward seizing the side of the carriage and pulling himself up until he stood at her eye level.
"I cannot assuage your fears," he said, in a low, urgent voice that stilled Angelica's heart in her chest. "But I am more pleased than I can tell you to hear that you have begun to imagine the life you will have with me."
Will it be a happy one? The question died on Angelica's tongue. Edward seemed to hear it, all the same. His gaze dropped to her lips, as though she had spoken.
"I intend to make you happy," he said, and dropped back down to the ground.
As Angelica went home, avoiding Kitty's curious eyes all the way, she could not stop replaying those words in her mind. I intend to make you happy. It was not exactly Shakespeare; it was hardly love poetry. Still, something about it rang truer than all the sonnets she'd read.
She wondered how possible it was. Could Edward make her happy? Each time it seemed possible, something happened to jar her expectations once more.
But how wonderful, how perfect it would be if he could!