Daniel kindly forced me to eat a bowl of cereal before we headed upstairs to the guest room. I had just enough energy to wash up in the bathroom before changing into my SpongeBob SquarePants nightshirt, which made Daniel smile when I came out of the bathroom.

He was sitting up on a pillow propped against the headboard, beckoning me to his side. “Very sexy pajamas.”

I crawled across the foot of the bed and snuggled up next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. “Believe it or not, I left the matching cape at home.”

He pulled the covers up to my waist and kissed the top of my head. “I didn’t know SpongeBob was a superhero.”

“You obviously have never watched SpongeBob when you’re feeling sad. Instantly cheers you up.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave my arm a soft squeeze. “Well, I hope I was able to cheer you up tonight, despite my obvious lack of krabby patty-flipping skills.”

I let out a deep breath as I allowed my body to settle into his. “Thanks for listening to me tonight.”

“My services don’t come free, you know.”

I gasped at the insinuation, smacking his chest lightly in protest.

He grabbed my hand. “What a dirty mind you have,” he said with a chuckle. “I don’t require sexual favors, though I certainly won’t reject you if that’s the only form of payment you offer.” He tightened his grip on my hand so I couldn’t inflict any further abuse. “All I ask,” he continued, “is that you name your next sculpture Vanessa… That was my mom’s name, and I think she’d have really liked you. I think that would make her happy…wherever she is.”

I tilted my head back a little so I could see his face, and the sorrow in his eyes broke my heart. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so busy talking about myself, I never asked about you.”

He shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. You needed to get that out. I’m honored to be the one you opened up to.”

I laid my head on his shoulder again. “Tell me about your mom.”

He chuckled. “Oh, man. You’re in for a treat. My mom was a total firecracker. Kind of like you,” he said, giving my arm a little squeeze. “She used to have all these little sayings that she claimed she learned from my grandpa, but he died when I was eight, so I don’t remember him too well. One she liked a lot was ‘Mucho ruido y pocas nueces.’ Which literally translates to ‘a lot of noise and very little walnuts.’”

I laughed. “Is that supposed to be like all bark and no bite?”

“Exactly. Very quick on the draw, Picasso.”

“Nice pun. Tell me more about your mom.”

He stroked my hair as he told me stories about his mom. He smiled as he told me how, every Saturday, his mom would turn her favorite Brazilian jazz music on full blast, then she’d dance as she made breakfast. He spoke almost longingly of the hilarious punishments his mom would dole out for bad grades and missed curfews. With every story, my vision of her became more and more clear, until she felt like a physical presence in the room, grand, loud, and beautifully flawed.

“She was only forty-two when she was diagnosed,” he said, his tone more solemn. “She was so young, but the first thing she told me when she got back from that doctor’s appointment was ‘If I die, it’s not because you or me or your sisters or your brother deserve that. It’s just life, so don’t let anyone tell you it’s for a reason.’” He paused for a minute. “You see, she knew something important. Bad things happen to good people every day. It’s not God or the universe trying to punish you or teach you a harsh, unknowable lesson. It’s just life.”

I tried to hide the fact that I was crying again by taking slow, deep breaths to calm myself. Though Daniel couldn’t see my face, there was no hiding from him. His hand reached up to wipe the tears, which had collected in the corners of my lips. I grabbed his hand to hold it there as I kissed his thumb, tasting the salt of my tears.

He pressed his lips to my forehead and I looked up into his eyes. Even in the dim lamplight, his green eyes were fierce with longing. I let go of his hand and he placed it on my face, holding me still as he leaned in to kiss me. His tongue tasted minty sweet as it slid into my mouth. I moaned as he turned a bit, sliding his leg between my thighs, ever so slowly and cleverly using his knee to spread my legs.

His kiss remained unhurried and steady as his hand moved down to lift up my nightshirt. Daniel tilted his head back to get a good look at me as he pulled the shirt up and over my head. I inhaled sharply as the cool air-conditioned air whispered over my exposed nipples. Daniel looked down at me, taking everything in for a moment. Then, he ran his fingertips softly up my abdomen to the skin between my breasts, raising goose bumps over my entire body.

“You’re absolutely stunning,” he said as he swept his fingertips lightly over my taut flesh.

The warmth of his skin on mine, and the firmness of the bulge in his boxers, told me he wanted me as much as I wanted him. But the look in his eyes relayed a different story. The conflict I noticed in the parking garage was back, not quite as intensely, but it was definitely there. Either Daniel was cheating on someone with me or there was something, probably even worse, that he wasn’t telling me.

Or…he was afraid of hurting me. Not physically. Maybe Daniel was afraid he would lose interest in me after we had sex. Maybe he was afraid of hurting me because he was actually starting to care about me. Of course, that implied that Daniel was the sort of guy to love ’em and leave ’em. Somehow, that didn’t seem like the Daniel I knew.

The more critical question was, did I know the real Daniel?

I linked my arms around his neck as he cupped my breast in his large hand. “I want you, Daniel,” I whispered, hardly able to believe I was saying the words aloud. “I do.”

His gaze locked on mine as he lightly stroked the skin over my ribs. He stared into my eyes for so long, I began to feel as if he were reading my soul like an open book. Finally, he looked away, as if something he’d seen had filled him with a sense of defeat or…guilt.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, looking up to meet my gaze again as his hand slid down my body, coming to rest on my hip. “But I can’t promise I won’t.”

I didn’t know if he was talking about hurting me physically, but it had to mean something awful if I was hoping for that to be the case. Awful or not, there was no turning back. If Daniel and I were on a collision course, from this moment forward, I was going to close my eyes and remain blissfully ignorant until the moment of impact.

I pressed my lips together as I looked him in the eye for a long moment, trying to ignore the hormones raging through me, begging me to throttle him.

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, either,” I said, my breath quickening as he slipped his finger under the elastic of my panties and slowly traced the hem down to the inside of my thigh. “But I’ll try my hardest not to.”

One side of his mouth turned up in a heart-stopping half smile. “You continue to surprise me,” he said as he leaned in, his mouth hovering over mine as his hand slid inside my panties. “Let’s see if I can surprise you.”

As he kissed me deeply, I thought of nothing but his mouth on mine. As he reached for a condom in the nightstand without being asked, my insides warmed at his natural sense of responsibility. As he tugged my panties off and took a moment to admire my body before he settled himself between my legs, I wondered how I could possibly deserve such a gorgeous man.

His weight fell over me like a comforting blanket, then he kissed me for a while before sliding into me. Propping himself up on his elbows, he watched my expression as he moved a little deeper inside with each careful thrust, patiently allowing me as much time as I needed for my body to conform to his. It had been so long since I’d done this, it took a while before I could fully receive him. But when it happened, it was magical.

As he moved inside me, carefully and methodically fusing every part of our bodies and minds into a single moment of raw cosmic symmetry, I thought maybe, just maybe, Daniel was wrong about the randomness of the universe.

I had never wanted anything more than I wanted to believe I deserved to be this happy.

His eyes locked on mine and it was as if the earth had opened up and swallowed every person on the planet except us. We were the only two people who existed in this moment, and the only thing we existed for was this. This avalanche of sensations. This storm of emotion. It was all there in his penetrating gaze, his deliberate rhythm, his fevered kiss.

This was my definition of real.

* * *

I slid out of bed quietly, holding my breath until I was safely outside the bedroom. As I made my way out to the veranda, I noted how the house still didn’t look lived in despite the fact that Daniel and I had been here for almost a day. I wondered if that was the way it would always look, and something about this thought made me sad.

I quietly prowled across the veranda, past the swimming pool, and down the wooden stairs to the beach. It was still dark out, but a hazy golden promise of sunlight lay just beyond the horizon. Taking a seat in the cool sand a few meters from the reach of the waves, I positioned my feet toward the east, hugged my knees to my chest, and waited. Just as the sun began to crest above the crashing waves, I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye.

“You promised to make me breakfast,” I said, as Daniel took a seat next to me.

He wore a pair of gray athletic pants and no shirt, his wavy hair perfectly messy. “I would have never made that promise if I knew you woke up at the butt-crack of dawn,” he replied, planting a tender kiss on my shoulder. “Jesus Christ, that’s beautiful.”

I turned back to the horizon and my breath caught in my chest. The bright, pale-yellow sun rose across a peach horizon, sending brilliant flares of sun rays shining across the sky and dancing on the ocean’s surface. Daniel was right; it was absolutely gorgeous.

“You say that as if you’ve never seen it,” I said. “Have you never come out this early to see the sunrise?”

He leaned back on his hands. “You took my Hamptons sunrise virginity. How does it feel?”

“You got a cigarette?”

He shook his head. “You’re different today.”

“Different? How do you mean?”

He laid a soft kiss on my shoulder and smiled at me. “When we got here yesterday, you were restless. Like a wild animal who escaped its cage.”

I chuckled and let out a soft roar. “And today?”

“Your soul is calm. You told your story. Now your heart can rest.” He turned his attention back to the sunrise. “Today, you’re different. Today, you’re you.”

A rush of warmth welled up inside me as I realized this man was more tuned into my emotions than I was.

“Have you thought some more about making that call?” he asked.

A pang of guilt beat a steady rhythm in my chest. “Actually, I wanted to ask you about that,” I began. “I know you had plans for us today, but I was hoping you could take me back early, like, this morning. So I can make that call today. Is that okay?”

His gaze drifted over my entire face as a smile curled his full lips. “That’s one of the best ideas I’ve ever heard.”

I turned back toward the sunrise to hide my grin. “Are you trying to get rid of me?” I teased.

“You really do catch on quickly,” he teased back, then he nodded toward the house. “Come on. I think we have time to relax in the sauna before we head out.”

I shook my head. “Is that your idea of relaxing?”

Sitting up, he reached up to move my hair aside as he leaned in to kiss my neck, then he whispered in my ear. “Trust me, you’ll be very relaxed by the time I’m done with you.”

By the time Daniel and I had utilized the sauna, showered, and made the two-hour drive back to the Bronx, the clock on my phone read 12:17 p.m. When I entered the apartment, the movie Turner & Hooch was playing on the TV as my mom lay in her hospital bed with an ice pack on her knee and her casted arm propped up on a pillow in her lap.

Leslie popped up out of the recliner to greet me. “Hey, kiddo! You’re back early. Is everything okay?”

“Did he hurt you?” my mom asked in a harsh growl.

I laughed. “I’m fine. I decided to cut the trip short so I could get some stuff done before I go back to work tomorrow night.”

Leslie tilted her head and gave me a pitying look. “Was he bad in bed?”

“Oh, my God!” I exclaimed through nervous laughter. “I am not talking about that with you guys.”

My mom and Leslie both laughed. “Must have been terrible,” my mom said, adjusting the pillow under her arm.

“Mom! Can we please not talk about that?”

My mom shook her head. “Rich guys… They get everything handed to them, and they never learn the right way to handle women like us.”

“Okay, I’m not having this discussion,” I said, my face burning up as I headed for the hallway. “I’m going to my room to unpack.”

“I’m heading out, Kris. I’ll come by to check on the both of you later,” Leslie called to me as I walked away.

I stopped in the hallway and blew her a kiss. “I’ll make you some dinner to take back to Jay and the kids.”

Leslie smiled. “You’re in a very good mood, young lady. I think Daddy Warbucks was better than you’re letting on.”

I shook my head in dismay as I headed into the bedroom. When I was done unpacking, I sat on the mattress and stared at my phone. I couldn’t bring myself to unlock the phone, afraid if I did that I would be obligated to call Petra right away. I wanted to rehearse what I was going to say, but I knew that no amount of preparation would make the call any easier. Not to mention, the conversation would mostly likely not unfold as I imagined.

I had to get it over with, but the butterflies in my stomach were spreading to my entire body. Tiny hairs on every inch of my skin stood on end as I entered my PIN code to unlock the phone.

The first thing I did was go to my phone settings and toggle off the option to show my phone number on caller ID. I still had the same phone number I’d had when Petra was rejecting my calls. But as I touched the button to toggle off this feature, I had a change of heart and turned it back on. I had to give Petra a chance to choose whether or not to take my call, assuming she hadn’t already blocked my phone number altogether.

My heart raced as I navigated to the phone app and opened my contact list. Scrolling down to the bottom, I found a contact named Zzz. I had renamed Petra’s contact because every time I saw her name as I scrolled through the list, I became sick to my stomach with guilt. Putting her at the bottom of the list meant I would only see it if I scrolled to the very bottom, and I made sure I never did that.

The first thing I did was change her contact name back to Petra. Then, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before I placed the call. Bringing the phone to my ear, my hand began to tremble as my body surged with adrenaline.

“Hello?”

My heart nearly stopped. For some reason, Petra’s voice was the last thing I expected to hear. I fully expected to reach her voicemail. I only half-expected her mom or Nick to answer for her so they could instruct me, once again, to leave Petra alone. I never expected her to answer.

“Hello?” she repeated, sounding more annoyed now.

“Petra,” I said, sounding out of breath. “I’m sorry, I…I…I didn’t expect you to answer.”

“Oh, I thought maybe it was your mom,” she replied with obvious disappointment.

I should have felt hurt, but all I felt was hope. If she wanted to talk to my mom, and she hadn’t hung up on me yet, maybe this phone call wasn’t such a bad idea. But with her disappointment being made so clear, I had to make my point quickly.

“Petra, we need to talk,” I said, sounding more assertive than I’d expected to sound.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Who’s that on the phone?” said a low, muffled voice in the background.

“No one,” Petra replied. “Look, I gotta go.”

“Wait!” I cried. “Petra, I know I hurt you. I know you’re angry. But I’m not asking for anything more than a chat.” I swallowed hard as my throat began to swell with emotion. “I’ll come to your apartment, or wherever you want. I just want a few minutes to see you, to say what I need to say. Then, you can go on your way and I promise you’ll never have to see me again. I just…”

My lips trembled as I considered stopping right there, then I remembered Daniel and how I’d allowed myself to be so vulnerable with him, and I didn’t even share with him the kind of history I shared with Petra. I had to be honest. This might be my only chance.

“I miss you.” As soon as I said the words, all the fear and uncertainty that had dogged me for the past two years disappeared, and I knew the only thing I could do now was to continue down the path of honesty. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Petra sniffed loudly. “I have to go. I’ll text you later,” she said, and the call ended.

Letting out a deep sigh, I smiled as tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t know if Petra was actually going to text me, but I didn’t think it really mattered. She answered my call. She didn’t tell me to get lost. She may have even cried when I told her I missed her. My heart was full.

I collected myself before heading out into the living room. My mom had fallen asleep with Turner & Hooch still playing on the TV. As I picked up the remote to turn it off, my phone vibrated in my other hand. My heart raced as I raised the phone and turned the screen toward my face.

I had to work Wednesday night, but Joe still owed me for the whole Jerry incident. I could probably sweet-talk him into giving me the night off. If not, I could switch shifts with another server. My hands shook as I fired off my response.