Jain and Alan did not return to her parents’ farm until just before nightfall. The sun was low on the horizon and it was getting dark. Alan brought them to a stop outside the stables and dismounted to help Jain down, with his hands secured low across her waist. Her feet set down on the grass in front of him and the world came to a halt.

For one moment, Jain let herself enjoy his company before heading inside to face the disappointment of Eamon and Moira. For that moment, it was just the two of them. She was afraid to speak and shatter the illusion it created.

All too soon, he released her and went to secure the horse inside its stall. When he came back, Alan took her by the hand and led her around to the front of the house. They were standing in the doorway about to knock, when it flew open and found Moira standing there in shock.

“Jain, ye’re back!”

“Aye, Mam.”

Moira hugged her tight and kissed her on both cheeks before releasing her and turning her attention back to Alan. “Oh, lad, I dinnae ken how to thank ye fer looking after her.”

Alan smiled and gave her a gentle nod, “’Twas my pleasure. Anyone else in my position would have done the same.”

Moira scoffed. “Thank ye, Alan.”

“Jain just needed to go fer a ride and clear her head. It’s all done now.”

“Won’t ye join us fer some supper?”

He shook his head. “Wish that I could, Moira. However, I must be getting back to the shop. Bruce would want to ken that I’ve returned. If ye’ll excuse me, I must be off.”

Alan backed out of the doorway and gave them a congenial bow while Jain smiled at him in earnest. Her heart fluttered at the memory of his kiss, watching him disappear into the fading sunlight.

Once he left, all that remained was for Jain to explain to her parents what happened. “Well, dinnae just stand there, lass. Come inside,” Moira told her.

She wasn’t even sure if they would listen to what she had to say about Conrad, but Jain knew that he had something to do with Heather’s disappearance.

Her parents watched her relieve some of the pent-up anger, looking worried. Aileen took a break from chopping vegetables for their supper and poked her head around the corner. Her tunic was smeared with oil and her dark brown eyes inquisitive. Even with the distance between them Jain could hear the raggedness of Aileen’s breathing – she’d been spending too much time outside in the cold again. Jain saw her curiosity and shooed her from the room just as her father stood up to say, “Aileen, leave the meal fer now. Ye can come back to it in a moment. Go fetch some water while yer aunt and I have a moment alone with Jain.”

His tone was so final that it didn’t leave much open for discussion. Aileen’s lips pursed with disapproval, but she obediently removed her apron and went out the door. Jain knew her cousin cared for her and was probably hurt by the sudden dismissal, but that was something she’d deal with later.

Aileen took her shawl off the chair where it was laying and pulled it up around her shoulders before walking out the door. Jain stopped pacing and rocked back on her heels while staring at the floor. They waited until the door fell shut and he released a tired sigh when he finally turned to her at last. “Jain?”

She breathed out through her nose and turned to him obediently, with her arms crossed tight around her chest. Every nerve of her body was alert and trembling with rage. The last thing she wanted was to be scolded by her father.

“I’m sorry,” she told him quietly. “I promise it won’t happen again.”

The expression on his face was heartbreaking, full of love and frustration all wrapped up in a mix of fear. On top of everything, he also didn’t seem convinced. “Jain, our village already lost a sweet young lass this week. I dinnae want to be losing ye as well.”

She nodded stiffly without looking up at him.

“He came around again, with the leering looks he always does. I lost my temper and threw the water bucket at him.”

Eamon laughed indulgently. “Aye, ye did. I saw the mess he was in when I came back. I dinnae think he’ll be coming around here any time soon.”

“We’ll see,” Moira whispered.

“As much as I enjoyed that, Jain. Ye cannae be acting like that, I won’t allow it. Ye ken better than to pick a fight with someone like Conrad. I thank God Alan was there, otherwise it could have gone much differently. Do ye ken?”

“Aye.”

He leaned forward in his seat to look her in the eyes and said, “Jain, I need ye to promise me that ye’ll be more careful. This cannae happen again. I try to understand and give ye freedom when I can, but this is one thing I cannae bend on.”

“I will not be his doxy,” Jain spat out angrily, while rising from her seat. “Any woman that married him would be nothing more than that – Conrad is not capable of love. He said that I need to be ‘broken’…like a horse. His friends were laughing about it with him. I won’t let him talk to me like that. I’d rather die than have him touch me.”

Eamon raised an eyebrow in surprise, then clicked his tongue in thought. “Ye’re right, Conrad never should have spoken that to ye like that,” Jain’s father told her. “I’ll speak to Keenan about it in the morning and let him ken about Conrad’s inappropriate behavior.”

Jain gritted her teeth at the memory. “Right before it happened, he asked me to change yer mind about his marriage proposal. As if I would ever have him to begin with.”

Eamon scoffed. “Lass, ye ken that will never happen. Yer Uncle Keenan wouldn’t allow it, and neither will I. Ye’ve got nothing to be afraid of.”

“I’m not afraid of him,” Jain snapped, pacing back and forth across the living space. “I’m angry. I’m furious that he can just get away with anything. He looks at me as if I were a piece of meat. It’s disgusting.”

“I dinnae understand why he keeps persisting,” Moira said. “Ye already spoke yer piece. He should be done with it. A clever lad like him should be able to take a hint.”

Jain shook her head, and let out a tired sigh. “It’s not even about that, he just wants to prove that he can get anything he wants. The only reason he’s interested in me to begin with is because I told him ‘no’. That’s what set him off in the first place.”

Jain knew perfectly well that Conrad had no qualms about breaking rules or using intimidation to try and bully his way to prominence. Men like that weren’t used to being told “no” and the rejection spurred him to put Jain on his radar as a trophy to be acquired.

Jain shook her head, brushing her hair off her shoulder. “He’s getting bolder by the day, Da. On top of the fact that I’m convinced he had something to do with Heather disappearing. What do we do?”

“We dinnae ken what happened to Heather,” Eamon told her.

“I saw them at the festival,” Jain sputtered in disbelief. “He’s been talking her up fer weeks. Ye cannae ignore the facts—”

“I’m not,” Eamon responded firmly. “But there’s nae evidence to suspect him yet. The search parties came back empty handed. Unless there is a body to prove foul play, I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.”

“Conrad—”

“Is a despicable human being, but he’s also an asset to the community. Keenan is going to need more than a hunch to accuse one of his warriors of murder. While ye’re in public ye will keep yer mouth shut about it, ye understand? I won’t have his men coming after ye.”

She hung her head in shame and whispered, “Sorry, Da.”

Eamon patted her on the knee and said, “Moira and I just want ye to be safe. I ken ye’re not too keen on the idea of marriage, but it’s something that I want ye to consider seriously. Having a man always there to protect ye could come in handy.”

Jain opened her mouth to protest when Eamon stopped her.

“It wouldn’t have to be Conrad, there are plenty of other men in the village. And…we both ken ye have a fondness fer the young blacksmith.”

Moira chuckled. “Good luck convincing her of that, my love. I’ve been telling Jain fer weeks that she should make her feelings known, but she’ll have none of it.”

Jain blushed, looking away from them in embarrassment. She could have guessed they picked up on her fondness of Alan. Everyone else in the village had. For some reason, hearing it come from her mother’s mouth was different. It held weight that hadn’t been there previously. “I dinnae know what ye’re talking about.”

Moira smiled knowingly, crinkling the skin around her eyes. “I think ye do,” she chided. “Why do ye think I ask him to come around so often? Alan is a fine man and ye could be happy together. I ken I tease ye about him, but it’s the truth. I’ve seen the way ye look at each other. Ye cannae hide from love forever. Ye should have someone to share a life with, someone who will appreciate that fire.”

Jain nodded, glancing up to meet her da’s gaze. His eyes were tired but thoughtful as he rested his chin in the palm of his hand. Moira patted her on the knee and stood to put another log on the hearth. “Ye may not realize it yet, but I think yer mam’s right – ye love him. At least ye could if ye’d allow yerself to feel it.”

Jain shifted her weight uncomfortably at the change in conversation. “He would be a good match,” she conceded. “If I ever did get married, it would have to be someone strong, but gentle. I’d rather die than be bound to that stinking, arrogant fool like Conrad who only views me as a piece of property.”

“I already told ye, Jain, that’s never going to happen. I would bet my life on it.” Eamon cleared his throat when Moira left and moved close to tell Jain softly, “If ye do care about Alan the way I suspect, if ye’re willing to build a life with him, then ye have to tell him who ye really are. He should ken the truth. Nae marriage can have such dangerous secrets.”

The tenor of his voice felt like a gallon of ice water had been thrust upon her. A chill crept into her heart that had not been there before, fear at the risk of losing Alan. What would he do if he knew the truth about her? Would he accept it and love her all the same? Or would it change him, and ruin their time together?

She stared back into her father’s eyes. They bore into her with gentle insistence and knew he would not be denied.

Jain desperately wanted him to know the whole story of how she came to be here, about how her parents died, but the thought of losing the friendship and love they had for one another broke her heart into a thousand pieces.

No one, not even her mother knew the whole story of her heritage.

~ * ~

Jain lay awake in bed long after the others had gone to sleep, thinking about what her father said. Aileen’s gentle yet raspy breathing sounded quietly on the pallet beside her, the dark waves of her brunette hair spilled out across the pillow. Every now and then the girl would cough, causing Jain to frown. She worried the change in the weather was taking its toll on Aileen, bringing the ailment back again. Jain promised herself she’d make a mustard plaster in the morning and encourage her to rest. It was the only way to keep the illness from spreading. Part of her was still upset about what happened earlier.

Damn Conrad and his games.

She felt bad for having snapped at Alan earlier, and her father too. They were only trying to help. Her insides felt twisted up in knots and she couldn’t sleep. Eamon had suggested she tell Alan the truth about where she came from. In her heart of hearts, she knew that he was right. Alan deserved to know that truth. He deserved that and so much more.

It wasn’t fair for her to keep the secret from him.

At the same time, it was unsettling to think about how it might change things. She’d known Alan for a few years now. Telling him now after all they’d been through felt like more of a betrayal than if she’d been honest with him from the beginning.

She didn’t want him to feel betrayed, like she’d been lying to him all this time, but it was actually the truth. She and her father had gone to great lengths to keep that secret from the clan. Jain hated that it could potentially come between them. Perhaps she was in love with him like her parents said.

Jain didn’t know how she felt about him anymore. There wasn’t a word to describe it. All she knew was that it felt like pain when he wasn’t near her. If she went a day without talking to him, her soul became heavy and it could only be soothed by remedying the distance between them.

She’d never thought of him as a husband, more like an extension of herself.

It would be so easy for her to fall in love with him. She could see it all unfold in her mind’s eye. They’d settle down with a couple of bairns—raise a family. A lifetime could change a man, but would he always be so gentle and understanding? All of these questions racing through her mattered not, if his affection for her wasn’t strong enough to withstand the might of her secret. She was a Viking, enemy to Clan Gordon. Would his love give way beneath the weight of clan prejudice?

She cared for him, and she wanted him to understand the truth about her lineage. Jain went back and forth about it in her mind, whether or not to tell him. That was both thrilling and horrifying at the same time.

Alan deserved someone sweet and gentle who would be a good wife for him. Jain wasn’t either of those things. Her hair was in constant disarray and she was always saying the wrong thing. Even so, Alan didn’t seem to mind. He looked at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.