Emma

Emma held it together until she got Colin buckled into the cab she hailed outside of Macy’s. But as they pulled away, the silence gave her too much time to think. All the images of Will and Liz over the years began to overwhelm Emma. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t compete with Liz Vanderveer. She’d never be like her and she didn’t want to be. But the thing that made her heart ache the most was the thought that if Liz was the kind of girl that Will liked then there was no hope for Emma.

She looked out the window, biting her lip to keep her tears at bay. How was she still so stupid? She had let a few good moments with Will give her hope. The searing pain that clenched her heart alerted Emma to the fact that she hadn’t realized her foolish heart had been knitting itself back together over the past few days. But it was evident now as she felt it tear apart all over again. Had she learned nothing from her parents’ divorce? Letting people in only allowed them to hurt you.

“I’m sorry you’re sad,” Colin said.

Emma swallowed back the tightness in her throat. She didn’t trust her voice so she only nodded.

“Why did Will kiss that girl?”

Emma shook her head. “That’s a good question.” And one Emma might never have an answer for.

Will

Will tapped his foot in frustration as his driver maneuvered the limo back toward his building through rush hour traffic. He’d tried Emma’s phone a dozen times with no answer. His chest coiled tighter as he flashed back to the image of Emma climbing into a cab and speeding away from him. She’d glanced back only once and the hurt he saw in her eyes stopped Will in his tracks. He couldn’t get that image out of his mind and it gutted him to think he had caused Emma that kind of pain.

They’d been having such a perfect day, but of course Liz found a way to screw things up as usual. She’d texted Will saying she had a message from his parents, and when he mentioned he was at Macy’s Liz appeared out of thin air, claiming she’d been getting a manicure next door.

And not only did Liz show up to hijack his date with Emma, she also dropped the bombshell that Will would be on his own for Christmas. Apparently they’d called Tom to tell him and Hazel they were extending their trip and asked them to get a message to Will. They hadn’t even had the decency to call him. He was crushed. And of course Liz took the opportunity to console him. Will shouldn’t have let her, but his mind was reeling. He had barely heard the soothing words or comforting touches Liz offered through the sickening disappointment that coursed through him. But Colin’s voice had jerked Will out of his spiral of despair, just long enough for Liz to take advantage of the mistletoe strung above their heads. Will was really starting to hate the meddling plant.

The kiss meant nothing to Will. But it couldn’t have happened at a worse time. He’d seen the hurt flair in Emma’s stunned eyes. And by the time Will got Liz to retract her claws, Emma was already gone.

* * *

It seemed to take forever to get back to his building. And as Will took the elevator to his floor, he scowled at the mischievous plant swaying above his head. He reached up and ripped it down, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Will couldn’t blame all of his troubles on a plant. If he wanted things to change it was time he went after what he wanted—starting with Emma.

Will steeled himself as he knocked on Emma’s door. It was time he ended this game and told her how he felt. She answered looking puffy-eyed which only knotted Will’s stomach more. She’d changed into pajama pants and an oversized sweater. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun. He’d seen Emma this way a million times before—all casual and warm, but he’d never wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her so badly before. His heart ached with longing.

“Can we talk?” Will asked.

Emma didn’t reply. She simply stepped into the hall, pulling the door shut quietly behind her.

Will could tell from her body language that she wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Her arms were crossed tightly across her chest and she chewed her bottom lip—something she only did when she was trying to hold back saying things she shouldn’t.

“You can say it,” he offered softly.

“Say what?”

“That I’m an idiot.”

She huffed. “Well at least you know it.”

“I’m sorry about today.”

“What part?” she asked. “That Liz showed up, or that you got caught?”

“Em, no! It’s not like that.” But her scowl cut him off. Will raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know how else to tell you there’s nothing going on between me and Liz.”

“You can say it all you want, but Snapchat says otherwise.”

“Excuse me?”

Emma groaned, rolling her eyes. “Why do you have to be the only person in Manhattan not on social media?”

“Because none of that shit matters. It’s not even real life. It’s a bunch of desperate people showing you what they want you to believe so you’ll like them more. It’s mob mentality and it’s everything that’s wrong with our society.”

“I’m not debating the importance of social media with you right now, Will.”

“Fine. But if we’re getting into it, why don’t you tell me what happened the night of the winter formal? Or why you left without saying goodbye? I thought we were friends, Emma. I thought we were more than that, but you just cut me out of your life like I was nothing. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”

“Good. I’m glad it hurt. I hope it hurt as much as you making a fool out of me.”

He blanched. “How did I make a fool out of you? You’re the one who stood me up in front of the whole school!”

“You looked just fine to me,” Emma sneered.

“Wait. Were you there?”

“I didn’t have to be there, Will. I saw the pictures online.”

“What pictures?”

“Really? Are you going to deny dancing with Liz all night?”

“No but—”

Emma snorted. “You really did look perfect together. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

“Emma, I’m trying to tell you that you don’t have to compete. I wanted you there by my side. I’ve always wanted you.”

“Yeah,” she scoffed. “You looked really broken up about me not showing. I mean especially in the after party pics from Cranston’s.”

Will looked down shamefully. “I’m not gonna deny that I got drunk, Emma. But . . .”

“But what? It was my fault?”

“No! But you made me feel like shit. Like no one cared about me at all. My parents have never really cared and I can deal with that. I expect that. But you . . . I thought you’d always be there for me. But you turned into a ghost for no reason.”

“Oh, there was a reason.”

“Then tell me what the hell it is so I can fix it!” he shouted.

“Why don’t you ask Liz?”

“I did! She doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

Emma scoffed. “Of course she’d say that.”

Will wanted to scream. “This conversation is going nowhere.”

“Then why are we having it?”

“Because we should’ve had it a year ago!” he bellowed throwing his hands up. “Because I still care about you. I never stopped. And I need . . . I need you to know that I miss you.” He moved closer, tugging Emma’s hand free so he could hold it. “Being with you these past few days has been amazing.” He moved closer, daring to let his fingers sweep away a stray lock of her hair. “I don’t want to lose you again,” he whispered pulling her into his arms.

Emma pulled away. “Will, I can’t do this.”

“Em, please just let me say this, because I’ve meant to for a long time. I care about you. And I know you care about me too. I can feel it when we’re together. I want this,” he said picking up her hand again. “I want us.”

Hurt swam in her eyes. “There is no us, Will.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t even live here anymore.”

“You could move back. I mean you’re coming back for college, right?”

“No. I thought maybe, but . . .” Emma shook her head sadly. “You should just leave me alone, Will. It’s better off that way.”

“No it’s not,” he argued, unable to keep the anguish from his voice. “You know it’s not, Emma. New York will always be your home. This is where you belong. . . with me.”

Emma closed her brilliant green eyes and released a tight breath trying to compose herself.

Will ran his hands up her arms holding her in place. “Emma, I want you. I’ve always wanted you. Just tell me you feel the same and I’ll do whatever you want,” he begged.

When she opened her eyes he barely recognized her. “What I want, is for you to leave me alone. I’m going back to Boston in a few days, and I want to pretend this holiday never happened.”

“How can you say that?” Will demanded, but he could see Emma was shutting down, putting up the wall she never let anyone behind—anyone but him.

Emma already had one hand on the door to her father’s apartment. “I leave the day after Christmas,” she said calmly. “I need to spend time with my family.”

“And what am I supposed to do?” he asked.

She shrugged. “The same.”

“That’s kinda hard when my family isn’t coming home.”

Emma’s eyes flickered up to his with concern. A chink in her armor. “They called?” she asked.

“No,” he laughed gruffly. “They sent Liz. That’s what she was doing at Macy’s today. Telling me my parents don’t care enough to come home for Christmas, in case you wanted to know the real reason we were talking instead of getting your gossip from Snapchat.”

But there it was again, the simmering anger at the mere mention of Liz’s name. Emma’s hand twisted the doorknob and Will swallowed his pain. He was done. Done pouring his heart out only to get it stomped on. His parents didn’t care. Emma didn’t care. What the hell was the point of holding onto hope for those who only trafficked in disappointment?

Will didn’t want to feel like this anymore. Maybe Emma had the right idea—build up your defense and ward off the pain before it could find a way in.

Deflated, Will sighed. “Have a good Christmas, Emma.” Then he turned back toward his apartment and walked away.

Emma

Emma made it to the bathroom before she burst into tears. She turned on the shower to drown out her sobs as she slid to the floor and dissolved into a full-blown ugly cry. What the hell was wrong with her? Will had just told her he wanted her. He’d said everything she could’ve hoped for. So why wasn’t it enough? Why did she still feel so heartbroken?

Because there’s no going back, the little voice in her head told her. Because he betrayed you and broke your heart the day he went into that closet with Liz and nothing will ever make it go away.

No matter what sweet things Will said or did, he couldn’t take it back. He had broken the magic they’d spent a lifetime building for a few hormone and booze fueled moments with Liz. Maybe more than a few.

But it didn’t matter. Liz had punched Will’s V-card and that meant he’d compare everyone to her for the rest of his life. Emma couldn’t deal with that. She could barely stand competing for popularity with Liz in the halls of St. James. She damn sure wasn’t going to compete with her between the sheets. Especially not when Liz bragged about all the hours she clocked on her back.

He made a mistake, Emma’s conscience chided. Everyone’s entitled to a bad choice here and there. But bad choices were acid wash jeans, not bedding Liz Vanderveer in Cranston’s closet after he’d asked Emma to the formal. Emma choked on her tears as her emotions warred against each other. She wasn’t perfect. She knew people made mistakes and she wasn’t above forgiving them. But this felt like a stain on her soul that only a miracle or a time machine could erase.

* * *

Emma managed to pull herself together long enough to shower and get ready for bed even though it was barely seven o’clock. She’d told Tara she wasn’t hungry when she’d knocked on the bathroom door saying she was ordering in for dinner for Colin, so Emma was surprised to find a large brown takeout bag on the kitchen counter with her name on it. There was a note next to it.

Emma, I’m meeting Teddy for dinner. Colin already ate and is in bed. He had a wonderful time with you today. Thank you for taking him out. I wanted to make sure you had dinner tonight, but I don’t know what you like, so I ordered a little of everything. Enjoy. – Tara

Emma peered inside to see half the menu from Café China inside. Grateful, she pulled out a few of the square white boxes and dished the piping hot rice noodles, sesame chicken and stir-fried vegetables onto a plate before smothering it with coconut curry sauce.

She sat down on the couch and devoured her meal, not realizing how hungry she’d been. She was emotionally drained and somehow the food filled her with a tiny bit of comfort. After cleaning up the kitchen, Emma settled in on her makeshift couch bed and told Penelope to play a Christmas movie. She flipped threw a few before settling on ‘Elf.’ It always made her laugh and she could use as much happiness as she could get at the moment.

It seemed Colin was a fan of the movie too, because he came running out of his bedroom when he recognized the soundtrack. He paused when he saw Emma, making Hodor crash into the back of him.

“Hi, Emma,” Colin said brightly. “Are you watching Elf?”

“Yep.”

His little cheeks curled into perfect pink circles as he grinned. “That’s my favorite Christmas movie.”

“It’s a good one,” Emma replied. “Do you want to watch it with me?”

“Can I?” he asked sounding surprised.

“Sure,” she said pulling her knees to her chest to make room for him on the couch.

Colin didn’t hesitate a moment. He bounded onto the couch, calling Hodor up too. Colin looked up at Emma like he just realized maybe she would be mad about the dog on the furniture. “Sometimes I let Hodor on the couch when Mom and Dad aren’t here,” he whispered. “Don’t tell, okay?”

Emma couldn’t help herself, she smirked at his serious tone, nodding that she would keep his secret.

The three of them settled in to watch the movie. Halfway through, Colin snuggled up next to Emma. His eyes were drowsy and kept blinking closed.

“Do you want to go to bed?” she asked.

“No. I’m not tired,” he said stifling a yawn. “I want to hang out with you.”

Emma smiled and pulled the blanket up over Colin’s little shoulders, making Hodor groan and flop onto his side. She shook her head at the lazy dog taking up half the couch, but she couldn’t deny he was a good foot warmer as she wiggled her toes further under his glossy coat.

“Emma?” Colin murmured.

“Huh?”

“Are you still mad at Will?”

Emma’s heart tightened. Will. For about five minutes she’d managed not to think about him. But hearing Colin mention his name was like an icicle to the chest.

“I’m not mad anymore,” she said. “Just sad.”

“I don’t want you to be sad.”

“Me either,” Emma admitted.

“When I’m sad, I let Hodor sleep with me. He always makes me feel better.”

Emma looked at the drowsy dog sprawled across her feet. He did have a calming presence. Colin looked at the dog too, chewing his lip like he was deciding something. Then he turned to Emma. “If you want . . . Hodor can sleep with you.”

There was so much hope in Colin’s voice that Emma’s throat was suddenly tight. She pulled the little boy closer, hugging him tight as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. How had she almost missed bonding with this kid? He was sort of awesome, and the sad part was, Emma had Will to thank for their new found friendship.

She was a mess of emotions as she whispered. “Thanks, buddy. That’s really nice of you.”

“You’re welcome,” Colin murmured, his voice sleepy again.