Chapter Seventy
I fall to sleep thinking about her.
I wake up thinking about her.
I think about her when I’m in the shower.
I think about her when I’m eating my breakfast.
I think about her when I‘m getting dressed.
I don’t just think about her when I step into the elevator. My mind is bombarded with images of her. How the hell am I supposed to ride an elevator like a normal person ever again after last night? We joke about elevator porn but now I can’t even look at one without getting hard. I pull out my cell and call her. It rings and rings and just when I think it’s about to go to voicemail, she answers. “Hello?”
“Guess where I am?” I ask.
“Um, it’s Monday morning so I’m guessing you’re at work.”
“No. I’m in the elevator. Well, I’m just about to get out of it actually.” She laughs softly. “I wish you were here.”
“What, so Darnell could spy on us?”
“I’m thinking of getting the camera taken out.”
“That’s very presumptuous of you, Mason.”
“No, it’s wishful thinking,” I reply as I head to the lobby. “How are you feeling today?”
“I’m fine.” She doesn’t sound very convincing.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired,” she says, which reassures me a little. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
I smile. “Neither did I. What are your plans for today?”
“I’m working.”
I wave at Eric then nod in thanks when he opens the door for me. “What about lunch?”
“I’m having lunch with Lori today.”
I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. Didn’t Buzz tell me that he was having lunch with Lori today? “Are you going anywhere nice?”
“I’m not sure. I think Lori has booked a table at some Italian place.”
“Well I hope you have a nice time.” I pat Charlie on the back as he opens the car door for me. “I’d ask you to dinner but I’ve already made plans with Buzz.”
“It’s fine. I’m busy tonight anyway. I’m having a Gilmore Girls marathon.”
“I have no idea what you just said. Give me more girls?”
She giggles. “No, Mason. That sounds naughty. Gilmore girls is a TV show. You should watch it.”
“Maybe we could watch it together some time.”
“Maybe.”
I can tell that something’s on her mind but I don’t want to push too much. I hope she’s not having any regrets about yesterday. Maybe she’s worried about the CCTV. “I took care of the camera footage, by the way. I wiped it all. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Good. I don’t want to make things any more difficult.” I can’t help but analyze her choice of words. ‘Any more difficult’. I wasn’t aware that things were difficult. Sure, we’re not in an ideal situation but when we’re together, it comes so easy. It would be so easy for me to love her. Maybe she can’t get past the fact that I’m still married and that Emily is still in my life whether I like it or not. Disappointment floods through me.
“I meant what I said yesterday, Sophia. We can take things slow. I just want to spend more time with you and get to know you better. I would love to take you out to dinner and I still owe you that movie, remember?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
“I didn’t.” I hesitate before speaking my mind. “Please don’t shut me out. I think we could be on to a good thing here.”
She pauses. “I’m trying my best to process everything.”
“That’s all I can ask of you.”
“In the end, I’ve got to do what’s best for me.”
“I understand. If you need some time or space, just let me know.”
She sighs. “Thank you. I should go. Goodbye, Mason.”
“Until next time, Sophia.”
I just pray that there is one.
“We’re going drinking,” Buzz announces when he shows up at my door that evening with a bottle of liquor in each hand. “And I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I laugh. “Can I be the designated driver?”
“No. That excuse doesn’t work when you’ve got your own goddamn chauffer. Plus, I don’t want you judging my bad choices.”
“So you want me to make them with you instead?”
“Hell yeah!” He takes two glasses out of the cupboard and starts to pour.
“Why don’t we just stay in and order a take out?”
“Because we’re not an old married couple.”
“But why do we need to go out? You’re already drunk.”
“I’m not drunk enough. I want to feel completely numb.”
“Why don’t we go down to the hotel bar?”
“Because I don’t want to embarrass you or get fired.”
“You know you can talk to me, don’t you? You don’t have to drink your problems away.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even want to think about it.” He takes a sip and hands me the other glass. “Hence the alcohol.”
Whether I agree with it or not, if getting crazy drunk is going to help Buzz get through tonight then I’m all in. “Okay. Where are we going?”
“That’s more like it.”
“Maybe we should invite Sophia and Lori.”
He laughs. “Oh. I haven’t told you yet, have I? I spoke to Lori about the file."
“When?”
“Today at lunch.”
Lunch. My heart sinks. Why did Sophia lie to me? “Was it just you and her?”
“Yes, until she walked out.”
"What happened?" I ask Buzz, trying to force my own problems to the back of my mind.
"She never wants to see me again."
"Did she actually say that?"
"Yeah, right before she told me to delete her number."
I take a drink. "Well I wasn't expecting that. Did you at least find out why she had the file?"
"No, she wouldn't tell me anything."
"She's probably just upset."
He groans in frustration. "This is why I don't do relationships. My head is fucked. I don’t even know why I tried. I’m not a relationship kind of guy. I’m always going to be the one night stand or maybe one day I’ll get promoted to fuck buddy.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I told her that I was finally ready to commit and she ended it. I should have known it was too good to be true.”
“I’m sorry, brother. Maybe she just needs some time.”
“She made it very clear that she can’t be in a relationship with me. What does that even mean? She can’t. Can’t or won’t?”
“If it’s meant to be…”
“Don’t start with all of your fate and destiny bullshit,” he interrupts. “If it was meant to be then Lori would be my girlfriend right now but instead I’m single as fuck. I’m practically a born again virgin. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Tell me what’s been happening with you. When I listen to your problems, it always makes me feel better about my own.”
“Oh, thanks.”
He laughs. “You know what I mean.”
“There’s not much to report…oh, just that I think I’m falling in love with Sophia.”
“What the fuck, man?”
“Exactly. I can’t stop thinking about her. Everything I see or do reminds me of her. I can’t even listen to the radio without somehow finding a way to relate all of the song lyrics to her. It’s driving me crazy.”
“Woah, you’re obsessed. Have you told her how you feel?”
“No and I’m not going to. Not yet. For whatever reason, she seems to have this huge wall up. I don’t want to scare her off.”
“Dude, you need to knock that motherfucking wall down. You deserve to be happy.”
“I know. I’m going to try.”
“Don’t just try. Do it.”
I hold my glass up. “To knocking down walls.”
He grins and chinks his glass with mine. “Does that mean I’m allowed to call you Yankee now?”