Elliott walked out of the bathroom with his boxers back on. “I’m amazed that I just saw you crawl to the bathroom to pee.”
“I take my sexual health seriously,” I said, looking up from hooking my bra back into place. “That, and I couldn’t walk.”
“I did notice you were like a newborn Bambi.” He stopped in the middle of the room. “Why do you pee after sex? They don’t show that in the movies.”
“I doubt peeing in toilets is sexy in porn.”
“Normal movies, woman. Normal movies.”
“Ohhh.” I slapped my forehead, although I knew what he meant. “Well, in that case, there are a lot of movie stars with fake infections.”
“Peeing stops STDs?”
“Maybe in porn,” I said. “UTI’s. They hurt like a bitch.”
Elliott tilted his head to the side. “Huh. How does that help? Is it female voodoo?”
I stared at him wearily. “I’m still recovering. Can we not talk about pee right after sex?”
“You brought up my mother right in the middle of it.”
“Out of concern!” I threw my arms in the air. “It hit me that she knows you came to talk to me!”
He laughed and sat on the bed with you. “Peyton, I am a twenty-seven-year-old adult male on my way to talk to a very attractive adult woman. I think my mother would have been more surprised if I were home already, but I can text her if you’d feel better.”
“I’m not, I mean, Briony was sick.”
“Briony ate three pieces of cheesecake for dinner because my mother is weak,” he retorted, getting up and retrieving his phone from his pants. “If she’s still sick, Mom gets the cleanup duty this time.”
“That was the first thing she ate? Everyone knows you give toast.”
He looked at me with a sympathetic smile. “Ah. You’re unaware of the toddler handbook. If they can keep down a slice of toast, that means they get two bananas, a yoghurt, a handful of candy, three juice boxes, and three slices of cheesecake.”
That was a lot of food.
“Wow. And I thought the fact I could eat six tacos on Tuesdays was impressive.”
He pointed his phone at me. “Still impressive. But toddlers have everyone beat. Except for teenage boys.”
That was true. My parents went from one grocery shop a week to three by the time my brother had turned thirteen.
No wonder he had to pay rent when he got a job and I didn’t…
“There we go,” Elliott said. “See? It’s fine.” He tossed the phone my way, then picked his pants back up again.
“You don’t have to do anything drastic like wear pants,” I said, peering over at him. “I’m an advocate of the no-pants life.”
“I’m an advocate of the naked life if you’re keeping score.”
I rolled my eyes and looked at the phone.
Elliott: All ok? Will be back soon.
Mom: B’s asleep and your dad is on his fishing trip. I’m fine here. You stay and have all the sex.
“That is not normal for a mom to say,” I said, handing it back.
“Your grandmother mistook a dildo for bathroom décor.”
He had a point…
“Which you’re going to explain to me right now.”
“Ugh, fine. But I need water. And ice-cream, probably,” I said, getting up. I grabbed a tank top from the drawer and a clean pair of panties. I threw both items on quickly and followed Elliott down to my kitchen.
To where a very familiar male was rifling through my kitchen drawers.
“Dominic!” I shouted. “What are you doing?” I hid behind Elliott.
“Peyt, seriously?” Elliott wriggled out of my grasp. “I’m as naked as you are!”
Dom jumped, almost hitting his head on the open cupboard door.
Damn it. If it were me, I’d have hit it.
“What are you doing?” I shouted again.
My brother looked at me. “Why are you half-naked?”
I tugged my shirt down as far as possible, almost choking on laughter when I saw Elliott side-shuffle to the living room and grab a cushion to cover his groin with.
“It’s my house, and if I want to walk around half-naked, I can do that,” I snapped.
“Why’s he half-naked?” He nodded toward Elliott.
“Because we were practicing line dancing,” I snapped. “Why do you think?”
Dom frowned. “I thought you were supposed to be sleeping with Elliott Sloane.”
I held an arm out in Elliott’s direction and waved it in frustration. “Elliott Sloane!”
Recognition dawned on Dom’s face. “Oh, well, shit. Good to see you, Elliott.”
“I never thought I’d have to say this,” Elliott said. “But can you turn around, so I can get pants on for this cozy reunion?”
Dom immediately turned around.
“You want some?” Elliott asked me.
“No. If he breaks into my house, it’s not my fault if he sees me without pants. He’s lucky he didn’t break in twenty minutes ago,” I replied, walking across to the fridge. I pulled out a bottle of water.
“Fair enough.” Elliott walked over to the stairs.
You could kind of see the stairs from where I was standing, so I leaned over and watched as he went up.
Seriously.
That ass could make lesbians cry. It was peachier than the state of Georgia.
“What are you doing?” Dom asked.
I snapped my head around to him. “Are you eating my food?”
He shrugged, tearing a bite off the pizza slice.
“That pizza is two days old.”
He coughed and spat it out into his hand, then dumped it into my trashcan.
I hid my smile by sipping my water. It wasn’t. It was, like, two or three hours old, but the revenge was fun.
“You’re gross,” he said. “What is he doing here?”
“Watering my lady garden,” I replied. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Looking for documents.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m finalizing our expenses, but I think Chloe gave them to you for safekeeping.”
Seriously. We couldn’t trust him with a key, but he was trusted to do taxes. That was testament to how much Chloe hated numbers.
Me? I shoved it all in a folder through the year and paid someone to do it for me.
Clearly, I was the Austin sibling with the brains.
“I do have your expenses, but why you need them right now, I don’t know.” I pulled out a chair and sat down.
“Chloe said you had no appointments until one tomorrow, so you were coming in late. I want to do it in the morning.”
“Have you heard of this new thing? It’s really cool. It has an eight-inch screen and has this really cool function where you can talk to people without breaking into their houses,” I said dryly.
Dom flipped me the bird. “I called, and you didn’t answer.”
“I was busy.”
“I know that now.”
“Be patient next time. And don’t break in.”
“It wasn’t breaking in. The door was unlocked.”
I put my bottle down and stared at him. “You didn’t touch my keys, did you?”
“Funny. Can I have the expenses? I’m weirded the fuck out having this conversation with you wearing nothing.”
I crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in my seat. “Then, don’t break into my house.”
“The door was open!” he yelled.
“Send a text message!” I shouted right back.
Seriously. I’d had a day of shit. The only good thing had been the sex, and even now that was ruined.
“Give me the expenses, and I’ll leave you alone,” he said.
I shook my head. “Chloe told me that, under absolutely no circumstances barring a coma or death, am I to give you the expenses.”
Dom threw his arms up in the air and leaned against my counter. “This is bullshit. I need the expenses to do the tax.”
“You lose everything, man!” I was trying not to laugh now, but it really was quite ridiculous.
Unfortunately for my brother, I’d seen my sweet friend when she got mad, and you know how they say not to feed the Gremlins?
That. Don’t feed Chloe.
“C’mon, Peyt.”
“No. I’m not giving you the file. She’ll kill me if you lose all the physical ones because you can’t get those back. I’ll text her, and she can get them in the morning for you.”
Elliott came back down and tossed me a pair of yoga pants. “Here.”
I put them on the table and had another drink of water. While a now fully-clothed Elliott and my asshole brother reunited, I slid my phone across the table and dialed Chloe.
“What?” she wheezed.
“What are you doing?”
“Yoga.”
“Stop for a minute.”
“I can’t. Hold on. Downward Dog time.”
“Chloe! My brother is here and almost interrupted me having sex.”
There was a crash on the end of her line just as Dom yelled: “No, I didn’t!”
“Sorry. I fell over,” she said, coming back on the line. “Dom did what?”
“Nothing!” Dom yelled, trying to get my phone. “Nothing!”
I put the water down, smacked away Dom’s hand, and put it on speaker. “He said he’s come for the expenses.”
“Don’t you dare give them to him!” Chloe shouted down the line. “I will hunt you down and cut you, Peyton. Do not give the king of losing things something that important.”
Elliott smirked from the other side of the kitchen, his arms folded over his chest.
“See, Dom? I told you. I can’t give you the receipts.”
“Shit! Am I on speaker?”
“Yes,” I told Chloe. “You are.”
“Uh, who’s there? You said something about sex. Is that with a person or…?”
“Chloe,” I deadpanned.
“Is it Elliott? Or someone else?”
Did I have a reputation I wasn’t fully aware of?
“Elliott. All I want is for you to tell Dom that he’s Losey McLoserson and he can’t have the expenses.”
“Oh, this is awkward. Hi, Elliott.”
“Hi, Chloe,” he called over the room.
Dom clapped his hands. “The fucking expenses, Chlo! I need them.”
There was a crackle that sounded like her sighing. “Nope. I’ll come by Peyton’s tomorrow on my way into the office and get them. It’s not like you can get in there without me, anyway.”
Elliott covered his mouth with his hand.
“Fine. Then, I’m not leaving here unless I have the expenses,” Dom said.
What? No. No, fuck off. That was not how this shit worked, Dominic.
“Excuse me?” I blinked at him several times. “You’re leaving.”
“Not without my expenses.”
“Dominic, you’re thirty. Stop being childish,” Chloe chided him through the phone. “Leave her alone. She’s busy.”
“She already got laid. She’s fine.”
I got up and grabbed my water. “Someone bring me my phone when y’all are done. I’m fed up of this already.” I threw a wave over my shoulder and headed upstairs.
“Put on some pants!” Dom shouted after me.
“Get some responsibility!” I yelled back when I reached the top of my stairs. I went to my room and slammed the door behind me.
Goddamn it. Not only was Dom all in my business, now, I knew I’d have a million questions.
About something I wasn’t entirely sure if I cared about anymore.
I knew it was possible to have sex with someone three times and not fall in love with them.
I just didn’t know if I could do that with Elliott—not without taking a huge risk.
My door opened, and Elliott slipped inside. “Hey,” he said, shutting it behind him. “Are you okay?”
“He’s like herpes,” I replied. “And crabs. And chicken pox, all put together in one frustrating illness.”
“That sounds like it might kill someone.” He laughed lightly and sat on the bed next to me. “I tried to convince him to leave.”
“I take it that didn’t go well.”
Elliott shook his head, sighed, and leaned back. He propped himself up on his elbows, and I shifted to look at him. “In fact, I think I made it worse.”
“Oh, God,” I moaned, leaning back against the headrest of the bed. “What did you do?”
“I told him it’d taken me two orgasms to get you out of a bad mood, and I didn’t appreciate him putting you back in that shitty one.”
“That doesn’t seem so bad.”
“Then, he asked me why I cared so much, and I asked him why he was hell-bent on pissing off the women in his life.”
“So, the reunion went well,” I said sarcastically.
He shrugged a shoulder. “He’s the reason all this is happening. I don’t need him to like me.”
“Nobody needs my brother to like them. It’s more of a headache than it’s worth.” I pushed my hair behind my ear. “Are you going home?”
“Why would I go home? Did you hear Chloe on the phone? If Dom is staying, I’m going to be here when shit goes down.”
I stared at him. He looked like an excited kid the way his eyes sparkled at the prospect.
I held up my hands. “Fine, but I’m not going anywhere near him. And for the love of God, please bring me my keys.”
Elliott got up and stopped at the door. “What’s with the key thing?”
“He loses everything. He’s lost so many keys to his side of the office that Chloe has to have the locks changed.”
“For one key?”
“No. At least four in the last year.”
“How does anyone lose that many keys?”
I shrugged. “Ask him. We haven’t figured it out yet.”
***
The shrill ring of my phone broke through the semi-conscious, sleepy haze I was in where I was neither awake or asleep.
Reaching my arm out toward the nightstand, I felt around for it, groaning when I knocked it off onto the floor. My head was heavy, and my eyes were still sticky with sleep, but I managed to retrieve the phone from next to the bed and answer it.
“Hello?” I groaned.
“Peyton?” Chloe’s voice sounded in my ear.
“Why are you calling me so early?”
“It’s seven-thirty. Hardly early. You need to let me in, so I can get the expenses and remove the wart from your living room.”
That was music to my half-asleep ears.
“Give me a minute.” I hung up, yawned, and forced myself to sit up.
At least, I tried to.
There was something around my waist. Something that, when I looked, I discovered to be a tanned, muscled arm. Following the arm, my gaze led me to the face of Elliott Sloane.
Right. I forgot he was still here.
I dumped his arm off me—if I was awake, he could be awake, too—and got out of bed. I quickly got dressed and, retrieving my keys from the floor, went down to let Chloe in.
“You look like crap,” she said, strolling past me into the hall.
“Good morning, sunshine,” I replied, pushing the door shut behind her and following her into the room.
Right at that moment, Dom walked into the kitchen, waist wrapped in a bright purple towel. Chloe stopped dead, blushing.
“What are you doing?” I demanded. “Why are you here? Why are you using my shower?”
He pulled a mug from the cupboard and grabbed a coffee pod. “I’m making a coffee. I’m here for expenses. And I needed a shower. By the way, you need a more comfortable sofa for your guests to sleep on.”
“I have a two-bedroom house where one is an office for a reason. I don’t want guests. Especially not if you’re it.” I snatched the mug from him and made the coffee for myself.
“Dom.” Chloe sighed, putting her purse on the table. “You’re thirty this year. Do you have to be such an insufferable fuckhead all the time?”
“I have taxes to do,” he replied. “Which I can’t do without expenses.”
“You lose everything like a five-year-old. No, a five-year-old is more responsible than you are,” she shot back without missing a beat. “You lose your keys, your phone is misplaced twice a day, and you lost my coffee mug because you used it when yours went missing… In Peyton’s office.”
“I didn’t lose your mug.” He gripped the towel, refusing to look at her.
“Well, I didn’t lose it. Or your phone. Or your keys.”
Elliott slipped in next to me. “Did I miss it?”
“Shh,” I said, reaching behind me for the latte I’d just made.
He nodded, leaning back against the counter next to me and folding his arms as we watched them fight.
“I don’t lose my phone. I just forget where I put it sometimes.” Dom clutched tighter at his towel. “I wouldn’t lose the expenses.”
“Where have I heard that before?” She folded one arm over her chest and tapped a finger against her lips. “Oh, yeah, the last two times I handed you new office keys. Which, by the way, I found your keyring in my car this morning. So, not only are you too incompetent to keep hold of them, you lose them in different places.”
“You found my keyring? Are you finding my keys and withholding them?”
“No. I don’t want to be your babysitter in and out of the building you live in, you turd. I want you to grow a pair and not lose your keys every ten seconds!”
“Then, cut me a new key.”
“So you can lose it again?”
“You won’t be my babysitter anymore, Chlo.”
“No.” She jabbed her finger at him. “Until you can keep the key to your apartment for one whole month without losing it, you do not have the office key.”
Dom let go of the towel, only to have to snatch it back when it almost fell down.
Elliott took my cup of coffee and finished it. Usually, that was a mortal sin that came with a sentence of certain death, but the domestic between my best friend and brother was way more entertaining.
“You can’t lock me out of my office!” Dom shouted.
“I don’t need to! You lock yourself out when you lose your keys!”
We were this close to a screaming match.
“Should we leave?” Elliott leaned in to mutter.
I shook my head. “I have a feeling we haven’t hit the jackpot yet.”
Dom adjusted the towel once more. Put some freaking pants on, bro. “I don’t know how I work with you.”
Fury lit up Chloe’s eyes. “I don’t know how I work with you! You’re disorganized and intolerable. Not to mention you haven’t grasped that there’s only one thing you’re supposed to lose and never find again: your virginity!”