THE SOUND OF drunken laughter filtered up from the docks, waking Mira from a deep sleep. She stirred, aware of the warm male body against hers. A heavy woolen blanket covered them, for although they’d lit the hearth earlier in the evening, the night was cold.
The lamp no longer burned, but the glow of the fire cast a faint golden hue across the chamber. Mira pushed herself up onto her side, her gaze settling upon Asher’s sleeping face.
Asleep, he looked much younger; the tension smoothed out of his face. He was beautiful, she thought—far more than a man had any right to be—with chiseled features, high cheek bones, and clear skin. At times she had thought him cold, yet after the afternoon and evening she’d just spent with him, she’d revised her opinion.
Asher of the Light was a deeply passionate man. Over the past hours, within the safety of these four walls, he’d revealed a softer side of himself to her—and in doing so had brought Mira’s own vulnerabilities to the surface.
She stared down at him, her throat constricting. Shadows take him, life was so much simpler before.
They hadn’t discussed the future in all these hours—in truth they’d done very little talking at all. Yet it still hung over them, unspoken but shading every moment. Mira didn't want to think of the future, but she knew that eventually—and sooner rather than later—she would need to address it.
I won’t go with them … I can’t.
Ninia didn’t need her help, not with Asher at her side. Mira had yearned for freedom for so long, she couldn’t give it up now—not when it was finally within her reach. Ninia and Asher were distractions. She needed to think about herself.
Where would she go instead?
She could take a barge south and travel down to the lush green expanse of Farras, where the King of Anthor’s grip had not yet reached. She could journey to Anthor and track down her mother’s relatives, who still lived in Mirrar Rock. Her mother had spoken of a cousin who worked as a seamstress there.
Or she could go north to Rithmar tomorrow with Ninia and Asher, and leave them once they arrived in Idriss.
Maybe that’s best. Mira reached out, her fingers tangling in Asher’s hair that spread out across the pillow. She knew she was delaying the inevitable, but that would give her another day with him.
You’re only making it harder on yourself. Sadness compressed her chest, and she swallowed hard, pushing it back. Her union with Asher had been unexpected, unasked for. It was as fragile as a cobweb. If she tried to keep hold of this fleeting moment, it would disintegrate in her hands. She was too damaged, too angry—she’d only ruin things.
I’m better off alone. It’s easier.
Asher groaned in his sleep, stretching languidly. Mira reached out and brushed his cheek with the back of her hand.
Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked rapidly. What was happening to her? She wasn’t a crier. Just an afternoon in bed with this man had turned her soft. It was dangerous. It was why she couldn’t stay with him—why she needed to leave.
A wind gusted in from the west, turning the crests of the waves white, and whipping Mira’s hair into her eyes.
She stood on the deck of a merchant vessel bound for Idriss, her hands gripping the railing. A curtain of spindrift blew up into her face, and the boat pitched to one side. Mira clung on, nausea mounting within her.
“Are you alright?” Ninia appeared to her left. “You’ve gone the color of porridge.”
“Not really,” Mira croaked, swallowing hard as bile stung the back of her throat. “I’ve just realized I’m a landlubber.”
“I didn’t know this was your first time at sea?” Asher stepped up to her right. Grim perched upon his right shoulder, talons digging into the leather of his vest. The bird hunched, its plush, white feathers ruffled by the wind. It didn’t appear to be enjoying the ride either.
“Aye … and my last.” Mira’s stomach flopped over when the barge crested yet another wave.
Feeling Ninia’s penetrating gaze still upon her, Mira tore her own attention away from where Aldeport was receding on the south-eastern horizon and met the girl’s eye.
There had been some awkwardness earlier. That morning, when Mira and Asher had come down to the common room for breakfast, the girl’s face had turned bright pink at the sight of them. “You two were loud last night,” Ninia had announced primly. “You kept me awake … you kept the whole inn awake.”
Mira supposed they had, although she couldn’t have cared less. If that was to be her only night with Asher, she wouldn’t waste time over embarrassment. Likewise, Asher had been unflustered by the girl’s announcement. He’d merely smiled.
Ninia appeared to have recovered from her embarrassment now. Her expression was serious, her hazel eyes pleading. “Are you sure you won’t change your mind?” she asked, pushing a lock of curly hair out of her eyes. “I meant what I said yesterday.”
Biliousness bubbled up within Mira with every roll of the waves. However, she managed a sickly smile. “Aye … I meant it. I’ll go as far as Idriss with you both, but that’s it.”
Ninia’s shoulders slumped. “I’ll miss you.”
Mira huffed. “I don’t see why … all we’ve ever done is argue.”
“You’ve looked after me.”
“You don’t need looking after, Ninia. This journey has changed you. You’re a woman now … a gifted one.”
The princess gave a weak smile. “I’ll miss you all the same.”
The merchant barge hugged the coast for a while, before striking north into the open sea toward The Wash—a wide stretch of water that separated the mainland from the Isle of Orin. After a spell, a great headland appeared to the north-east; carven peaks thrust up from the rocky shore, carpeted in velvet green from the first early spring flush.
Mira remained at the railing, her gaze upon the land. The wind had a bite to it, and she sucked in great gasps. The cold on her face made her feel better and calmed her roiling belly. It appeared she was getting her sea-legs now, yet she dared not remove her death-grip on the railing. She wouldn’t move from this perch till they docked.
At noon the barge’s captain offered them fresh bread and salted cold. Ninia and Asher joined him and his men for the meal, but Mira did not. Asher brought her a cup of water and some dry bread afterward, and thankfully she managed to keep that down.
“Feeling better?” Asher asked as she tentatively sipped her water. They’d barely spoken all morning. Mira had informed him of her decision shortly after dawn. She’d seen the disappointment in his eyes and the tension that rippled over his face—yet he’d said little. Unlike Ninia, he hadn’t tried to convince her to stay with him.
“A little,” she admitted, glancing over at him. His expression was guarded, his gaze veiled.
He was hiding it well, but she could see she’d hurt him.
“I’m sorry, Asher,” she murmured. The words felt clumsy on her tongue; she realized she rarely apologized to anyone. “You understand … don’t you?”
His mouth compressed. “Not really.” He paused then before attempting a smile. “But the decision is yours to make … I’ll not fight it.”
“It wouldn’t work,” she continued. “You and me.” Even to her the words sounded weak, her tone lacking conviction.
“You don’t know that.”
Mira heaved in a breath. He wasn’t making this easy. “I’ve a vicious temper. I’m pig-headed and foul-mouthed.”
He smiled. “I’m not so easily put off, you know.” He stepped closer, and Mira felt the heat of his body, inhaled the scent of man and leather that made her heart race. “I see beyond all that.”
Eventually, as the sun sank toward the watery western horizon, spilling gold across The Cruel Sea, and the breeze died to a whisper, they sailed into Idriss.
A huge flat-topped, purple mountain hove into view, dominating a wide bay. As they drew closer, Mira realized that the mountain was actually the city itself.
“Look at that,” Ninia breathed from her left. “A city carved into the side of an extinct volcano.”
Mira couldn’t take her gaze off it. Mount Velar dwarfed its surroundings. Buildings made of dark basalt climbed its steep sides in tiers linked by stairways. Closer still, she inhaled the smell of the docks: tar, fish, and brine. Ahead, the wide docks heaved with life—the space was many times the size of the pier at Aldeport.
Anticipation fluttered in the pit of Mira’s belly. She loved this city on sight.
She turned to Asher. “I take it you’ve been here before?”
He nodded. “Many times. See the building that crowns the city?” He pointed to a large dark fortress. “That’s the Great Library of Idriss … the biggest library in all The Four Kingdoms. As an apprentice, I passed many a long day studying there.”
“As will I.” Ninia piped up excitedly. “I can’t wait.”
Mira tore her attention from the approaching city and glanced over at Ninia. The princess’s face was alight, her eyes shining. She really does want to join the order, Mira realized with surprise.
“You’ll make a good enchanter,” she said, voicing her thoughts. “You’ve got a thirst for knowledge, plus you’re dogged.”
Ninia tore her attention from the approaching port and glanced Mira’s way, surprised. “You don’t believe I’m a danger to all then?”
Mira’s mouth quirked. “No … I don’t.”
They sailed across the Bay of Idriss, weaving their way between fishing skiffs and barges that crisscrossed the busy water. A massive wooden pier thrust out from the docks into the harbor, and the merchant barge docked halfway down it.
Asher dug into the pouch on his belt and paid the captain a silver talent for the journey. His coin reserves were very light now, but he didn’t want Mira digging into her purse. She’d need what little coin she had left to make a new start.
His gut twisted at the thought. She can’t leave … not after last night. He was still reeling in the aftermath; he’d never known passion like it. He wasn’t ready to give it up.
He climbed up onto the docks, and Mira and Ninia followed close behind. The late afternoon sun glittered on the water of the bay and gilded the terraces of the city that reared up before him. He saw an iron cage cranking its way up the mountain—taking those who wished to save their legs, and who could afford to pay, up to the higher levels. Around him, men’s voices rose and fell and gulls wheeled overhead, their cries carrying across the water.
Unlike the last time Asher had visited the city, there were a number of soldiers in the crowd, their iron helms gleaming in the late afternoon sun—a sign that even here in the north, war cast its long shadow.
Despite the reminder that they had only outrun unrest for the moment, Asher inhaled the smell of the docks, feeling his body relax as he did so. He turned to Mira, who had stepped up next to him. “I love this place,” he admitted. “I always wanted to live in this city.”
Her mouth curved. “I can see why … there’s energy here. Life.”
“Surely you prefer The Royal City?” Ninia spoke up from behind them. “I’ve heard no other capital in The Four Kingdoms rivals its beauty.”
Asher shook his head. “That city feels more like a cage these days … I’ve spent too many years there.”
Feeling Mira watching him, he glanced her way. He saw understanding in her eyes; she knew what he meant. Their gazes locked for a moment, and suddenly the docks seemed an airless place.
“But what about the order?” Ninia’s voice intruded, slightly indignant. “You’d leave it?”
“Aye, I would,” he murmured, never taking his gaze from Mira’s. “I’ve given them twenty years.”
Mira stared back at him for a heartbeat longer before she looked away, her expression pained.
Silence fell between the three of them. The journey to Idriss was over; they’d now reached a crossroads.
“So what now, Mira?” Asher didn’t want to ask the question, but he forced himself to do so anyway. “It’s getting late … will you stay the night with us in Idriss? We’ll be heading off first thing tomorrow, once we’ve found horses.”
He saw her hesitate, tension rippling out from her as if she wished to flee. She took a step back from him, her shoulders squaring.
Disappointment lanced through him. He’d hoped she’d give them one more night together. Instead, he knew that stubborn look. She wouldn’t stay, for fear he’d try to change her mind.
“It’s best I go now,” she replied. “It’s easier.”
Ninia surprised them both by rushing forward and hugging Mira, nearly knocking her off her feet with the force of her embrace. The princess’s eyes were glittering with tears when she released her guardian. “Where will you go? What will you do?”
Mira shrugged. “Errad maybe … I don’t know.”
“Well if you get bored, come find me in The Royal City.”
Mira nodded, her expression tense, before she glanced across at Asher. “Look out for her, will you?”
He didn’t reply. He wanted to assure her he would, but the words had lodged in his throat.
Ninia stepped away, leaving space for Asher to move close to Mira. He did, noting the nerve that flickered in her cheek. She was finding this as difficult as him.
“Please don’t go,” he whispered. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t beg, but now that the moment had come he couldn’t keep his vow. “The world will seem grey without you.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. Then she reached up, her fingers trailing down the line of his jaw. “I’m glad we met, Asher of the Light,” she murmured. “I won’t forget you.”
She shifted back from him then, three rapid steps that created a gulf between them. Asher wanted to follow her, to reach for her and kiss her, but the look in Mira’s eyes warned him from doing so. She wouldn’t thank him. He had to let her go.
Without another word, Mira shouldered her pack and turned, her dark cloak billowing. Then she walked away down the pier. A moment later the crowd of dock-workers, merchants, and sailors swallowed her whole.