Chapter Six
“All right, ladies. We gonna do this or what?”
Aunt Estelle busted into the resort bar on a mission. Her brown hair was teased higher than normal, making it look like a can of Aqua-Net and a cotton ball had had a baby. She wore a denim skirt that hit mid-thigh, a navy-blue tank top that showed off her deep cleavage, and platform sandals. She had a slick glint in her eye that promised the kind of fun that usually got people arrested.
“Hey, Estelle!” Sam yelled back. “Come on in. We’re just getting started.”
Ten shot glasses filled with red liquid lined the bar. The women had already toasted Cassandra. This round was for Sam.
Aunt Estelle snaked her way to the bar, stopping at Kenna’s side. “How ya doin’?”
“Good,” Kenna said.
“Bullshit,” she said.
Kenna snapped a glance at her great-aunt. “Excuse me?”
“How are you really doing?” Estelle asked. “And don’t lie to me this time.”
Kenna scrunched her face up as she thought about her answer. She’d told herself she was over Bear. But if that was the case, then why did her heart hurt so bad seeing him again? Why did her body respond the way it did around him? Why did she long to wrap herself in his big, safe arms and force him never to leave again?
“It’s hard,” she said a little less composed than she wanted. “I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. I’d come to terms with it. But now…” She blew out a breath. “It’s…” Another breath. “I need to get through this week so I can get on with my life without him, just like I did before.”
Estelle placed an arm around Kenna and squeezed. Needing the comfort, Kenna turned into her aunt and circled her round midsection with both arms. The tight hold made her feel at ease for the first time since seeing Bear and being thrown into this tornado of wrecked emotions.
“I missed you,” Kenna said into the other woman’s shoulder.
“Missed you, too, girlie.”
“This is going to be a great week.”
“Damn right,” Estelle said.
“This is about Sam. I don’t want to dwell on my past. I want tonight to be about her.”
“I agree, hon. Tonight’s not about relivin’ past mistakes. It’s about makin’ new ones.” Estelle winked as both women laughed and toasted to not having regrets.
A squeal came from farther down the bar, so the women pulled apart to look in that direction.
Sam had an arm around the other bride, Cassandra, smiling as they lifted shot glasses into the air. Everyone else followed suit, lifting their shot glasses and then downing the contents in one take. It was fruity with a kick that burned on the descent. Perfect start to the night.
What a joy it was to see Sam happy and in love. She and Kenna used to sit in their bedrooms and dream about their weddings and future husbands. Of course, back then Kenna’s Prince Charming had a face. Sam used to say that one day she’d meet a man just like Kenna’s. Big, broad, brooding, and badass. Either she’d had a crystal ball or she had a very distinct type of man, because Ash fit that description well. He might not be as large as Bear, but Kenna had no doubt of his badass level. Ash exuded power and strength.
Sam caught Kenna’s stare and beckoned her over. Stepping forward, Kenna tugged Estelle with her.
“We’re going to play a game!” Sam said as they approached.
Kenna knew it wasn’t a question or a request. Everyone was going to play. Whether they wanted to or not.
Following Cass and Sam to the corner of the bar, the rest of the bachelorette party crowded around a circular table, each taking a seat. Tall glasses with pink liquid were set in front of each chair.
“What are we going to play?” Megan, one of Cassandra’s cute, blond sorority sisters, said from across the table.
Sam’s eyes met Kenna’s, and she grinned. “Never Have I Ever.”
That was the moment Kenna’s stomach rolled. “I—uh, we—I don’t think that’s the best choice. There have to be other games that are much more fun.”
“No,” Tiffany, Cass’s other sorority sister, said. “It’ll be fun!”
“Yeah, I love this game!” Tracy said all excitement and smiles. She was one of Sam’s friends. Blond and bubbly, just like Sam.
“One of my favorites,” Estelle said from the corner of her mouth.
Once upon a time, it had been Kenna’s favorite game, too. But not anymore. Not when she would have to relive all of her experiences so openly with the other women. Bear had been her first, her last, and her only. And now, knowing Sam and the questions that would be asked, she’d have to recall every little detail of her time with him. She wasn’t prepared to open that door. She wouldn’t ever be ready to open it.
“How do you play?” Celia asked, picking up her glass and examining the contents as if it were some sort of toxic waste.
Sam sat up eagerly in her seat. “Cass and I, as the brides to be, are going to make statements that start with ‘Never have I ever’ and if you have done whatever we say, then you take a drink.”
“I don’t understand.” Celia placed her cup onto the table, then straightened the collar of her white cotton button-up shirt. “Why would I drink if I’ve done something you said?”
Tracy pulled out a chair next to Celia and sat down. “Because it’s a fun way to learn which of us has been the naughtiest.”
“You’ve been with one man your whole life, Celia,” Estelle said. “You’re not gonna have to drink, so don’t sweat it. Just pick up your glass and sip while us big girls play.”
Celia’s usually innocent expression hardened as she pulled out her own chair. “I want to play.” The older woman dropped hard into her seat and turned to Sam. “Ask me a question.”
Sam blinked and looked between Estelle and Celia. Aunt Estelle shrugged and gestured for Sam to proceed.
“All right then.” Sam sat and dragged her drink from across the table toward her. “How about, never have I ever lied about my age.”
“I have! I have!” Celia said, nearly leaping out of her seat. “I’ve been told I can pass for sixty-five! I get to drink!” She ripped the glass from the table and held it into the air like it was the Stanley Cup.
Aunt Estelle snorted a laugh. “Yeah, yeah. That was a warm-up. Buckle up, Girl Scout. The statements get a lot dirtier.”
Celia sniffed and turned back to Sam with eyes hard and focused.
Just about everyone around the table lifted their glasses, toasting one another, and took a big sip of pink liquid.
A mouthful of the liquor traveled down Kenna’s throat effortlessly, tasting like berries, vodka, and exhilaration. You know what? This was Sam’s weekend, and Kenna was surrounded by amazing people whom she loved to the ends of the Earth. She needed to get out of her funk and start enjoying herself. This should be a fun night with a group of women celebrating one another’s happiness, not a pity session over what she’d lost.
“My turn.” Cassandra glanced around the table, her green eyes sparkling wickedly at the other women. “Never have I ever skinny-dipped.”
Estelle passed a you steppin’ up? look to Celia.
Celia tilted her head, her perfect gray chignon resting delicately against her neck, and smirked. She reached for her glass and took another drink.
Approval crossed Aunt Estelle’s face. “You’re makin’ me proud, Cee.”
The rest of the women at the table lifted their glasses and drank.
“Never have I ever seen a male stripper,” Sam offered.
“Easy,” Estelle scoffed, and lifted her glass. Before she placed it to her mouth, she elbowed Celia’s side. When the other woman looked at Estelle, she said, “Last month. Remember? We went to that male review down on Broadway?”
It took a second, but then recognition dawned on Celia’s face and she excitedly lifted her glass.
“Come on,” Becca, one of Sam’s high school friends, said. She flipped a section of silky brown over her shoulder. “These are too easy. We’ve all done that. Give us something juicy.”
The other ladies nodded and mumbled in agreement.
“All right, all right,” Cassandra said. She looked up to the ceiling for a moment in thought, then, “How about, never have I ever worn a skirt without underwear.”
Celia’s eyes expanded, and her mouth dropped open. A look of bewilderment crossed her wrinkled features. “Without a girdle?”
Aunt Estelle leaned closer to the woman but didn’t lower her voice. “It’s good to let your girl breathe every now and then. I’m doin’ it right now. Feels pretty damn freeing.”
Celia’s lips warped, and she turned a slight shade of green.
Kenna noticed two women at the table, who were guests at the wedding, though she couldn’t recall their names, looking sidelong at the others and didn’t drink.
The questions continued to build, each one growing more risqué. Kenna drank on every single one, earning her glances of curiosity and approval from the others. Alas, there wasn’t much she hadn’t done. She and Bear had quite the history together.
“Never have I ever had sex in a car.” Sam’s blue eyes illuminated, watching and waiting for the women to lift their glasses.
“Hannah!” Cassandra squealed, looking at her college roommate. “With who?”
The cute, energetic brunette with a bob giggled with drink in hand. “John.”
Cassandra’s jaw fell open. “Your husband, John?”
At Hannah’s nod, Cassandra chuckled. “You little minx.”
Kenna casually kept her focus forward, brought her drink to her mouth, sipped, and placed it back down. Yep, she and Bear had done that, too. Actually, it had been on his daddy’s John Deere. But the same principal applied.
Estelle tipped her head back and finished the rest of her glass, then slammed it on the table. “Another round!” she called out. When no one came running with a tray of refills, Estelle grunted and excused herself to lumber toward the bar.
“What’s next? What’s next?” Tracy asked, practically bouncing in her seat.
Cassandra threw a look at Estelle, who was still waiting for service at the bar. “How about…never have I ever masturbated in front of someone else.”
Sam’s lips curled, and one eyebrow quirked in challenge. “Who’s gonna own up to it, ladies?”
Nervous eyes glanced around at one another, waiting to see who would respond.
Kenna wasn’t going to be the only one, so she sat and waited, too.
“You sure as hell better drink on that one,” a low, deep voice whispered into her ear.
Bryan.
Something hot and unexpected hit Kenna. Her insides tightened, and her eyes drifted closed. That gravelly voice. That warm breath across her skin. The man it belonged to.
She’d masturbated in front of him. More than once. She’d gotten massive satisfaction seeing his reaction as she did it. But she wasn’t going to think about it. Not his predatory stare as he’d watched her. Not the way he’d barely restrained himself, wanting to stop her so he could finish her off. Nope. She wasn’t even thinking about it right now. Not at all.
Kenna squeezed her legs together and spun on the chair to meet hooded blue eyes. His expression told her he was reliving that particular memory right now, too. “Go ahead,” he said. “Drink.”
“Ash!” Sam got to her feet and nearly catapulted over the table to get to her fiancé, which thankfully pulled Kenna out of whatever trance Bear put her in.
She shook herself and came back to the present.
Bryan didn’t take his eyes off her. “Still waiting.”
She jutted her chin out. “The game’s finished.”
He leaned over her, his masculine, woodsy scent hitting her nostrils the second he moved, and reached for her glass. Sliding it in front of her, he commanded in a steely voice, “I said drink.”
A nervous thrill washed over her. He was commanding her like he used to do. And on instinct, she wanted to obey. God, did she want to obey.
She gave herself a few extra seconds to recover. Instead of responding to what he said, she changed the topic. “What are you guys doing here?”
His expression suggested he knew what she was doing, but he played along. “Guess Sam and Cass couldn’t be away from Ash and Luke for more than five minutes. They called and made us join your party.”
The women at their table had scattered over the last few minutes, so Bryan took it upon himself to lower into the seat next to hers. One arm draped over the back of his chair, and the other rested on the table in front of them. He angled his body to face her, taking up most of her personal space with his big body. It felt natural. Normal. Being this close. It was disconcerting how easily she forgot about his betrayal. Or maybe she didn’t forget as much as her body just disregarded it because she wanted him so badly.
“Where were you before this? Were you guys at a different bar?” she asked.
He pulled a strand of her red hair over her shoulder, holding it between his thick fingers. Playing with the ends, he said, “Nah. Luke’s suite has a kick-ass panoramic view of the ocean. We ordered a shit ton of room service and were watching the fight on pay-per-view.”
She pulled her hair out of his hold and flipped it over her shoulder, pushing aside that long-ignored feeling of warmth his touch always brought on. “Sounds like a good time.”
“It was,” he said, letting his hand fall. “Then those vagina suckers wanted to come down here. It was the last round, too. Valdez was getting ready to knock out Christenson.”
“You could’ve stayed and finished watching the fight. You didn’t have to join the other men, you know.”
His gaze dropped to her mouth, and the ghost of a smile touched his lips. “Yeah, but I like what I’m watching now better.”
She found herself staring at his mouth, too. Bringing her eyes up where they belonged, she eased back a few inches. “Bryan.”
“What?”
“You know what,” she said. “You can’t make comments like that. You gave up that right when you—”
“Didn’t come back.” He pulled away from her, slamming his back against the chair. “I got it. Can’t I enjoy looking at you for five goddamn seconds without you reminding me how bad I fucked up?”
Fucked up? So he was acknowledging that it was his fault. That he was the one who ruined things between them.
That he’d lost her.
She looked at him, noticing his posture was a little askew and his eyes glassy. “Have you been drinking?”
“Yeah, so? You gonna bitch at me for that, too? I don’t need you telling me what to do, Kenna.”
She got in his face. “You never did, you jackass.”
He met her the rest of the way, bringing his confused expression closer to hers. The tip of his nose brushed hers. “What are you saying, woman?”
“You never listened to me in the past,” she clarified. “Why start now?”
“Maybe I would’ve listened if you hadn’t nagged me all the damn time.”
She inhaled a sharp breath and shot backward. “I did not nag.”
He raised his voice about four octaves, and said, “Bear, do this. Bear, do that. Bear, you forgot to empty the trash again.” He huffed a breath and went back to his normal voice. “Every fucking day, woman. Sometimes a man doesn’t want to take out the trash. You ever think about that? Maybe he just wants to sit and watch the game with a bowl of popcorn and his hand down his pants without listening to his woman complain about every single thing he didn’t do right. Christ, Kenna. You’d think I was never enough for you.” His eyes were clouded from the effect of alcohol, but his tone was strong and direct. He was serious.
She blanched, her face immediately going ice cold. “Of course you were. Why would you say that?”
He grunted with one side of his lip lifting cynically. “No reason.”
Bryan started to turn away, but she gripped his arm. “Wait.” When he brought somber eyes up to hers, her insides hollowed. “Why did you just say that?”
His expression was straightforward. He meant it. All this time, had he really believed he wasn’t enough for her? Was that why he’d stayed away? Why he didn’t come back? But that didn’t make sense. She’d convinced herself it was her. Somehow she wasn’t enough.
“Bryan, you were always enough for me. You know that, right?” More than enough, actually. Sometimes too much. There had never been anyone else for her. He was it.
He grunted again and looked away. “Sure.”
“You were,” she insisted. “Why would you think otherwise? I mean, I know we argued. God, how we argued. We’re both hardheaded. We both want our way all the time. But we always got past it, didn’t we? That was no reason to think we weren’t good together.”
He stared at the rest of the bridal party on the other side of the bar, his chest rising and falling with labored breaths. “Forget it.”
“No. I want to know.” She had to ask if this was why he never came back. If she didn’t do it now, she’d always wonder. If that was the reason, she had to know why. He’d never mentioned a problem with their relationship while they were together. He’d proposed to her the evening before he shipped out to basic training for crying out loud. If there’d been a problem, why tie himself to her?
“Is that why you—” She stopped and cleared her throat. Her body started to hum, blood seeming to rush through her veins faster. She’d waited so long to confront him. To find out why he’d stayed away. The moment was here, and it was almost crippling. “What I mean to say is…did you not come back because you thought you weren’t enough—”
“I said forget it!” he snapped, eyes wide and blazing.
She fell back a step from the force of his anger. She glanced around the bar, but no one seemed to be watching them. The surrounding clatter of noise must’ve drowned out the boom of his voice.
He sighed, running a hand over his crown, smoothing a few loose hairs. “Jesus, Kenna. Can’t you ever let anything go? Why do we have to rehash our shit over and over again? We’re over. Done. Get that through your head, okay?”
Kenna advanced on him and tipped her chin up, gritting her teeth. “Oh, I got that part loud and clear. You made damn sure of that, didn’t you? Don’t worry, Bryan, that chapter of my life is closed and I’ve moved on. Just like you wanted.”
Kenna wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing she’d pined for him for years. That she’d been unsatisfied with her own hands and had refused to give up hope that one day he’d come back. She wasn’t that stupid, foolish girl in love anymore.
Surprise and hurt flashed across his face before he threw up a stone-cold expression. “Good,” he said, practically spitting the word out. “You’re right. It’s exactly what I wanted.” But something in the taut set of his lips suggested he’d meant the opposite.
“I’m happy to oblige,” she said. “You should know I’m happy. I have a really good life without you. It’s been great. Amazing, even.”
A hint of sadness crossed his face before he glanced away. It made her stomach drop. He’d hurt her with his words, so she’d wanted to do the same to him. It’s what they did. They could spar back and forth with the best of them. But he’d never reacted this way before. It immediately thawed her spitefulness.
“Bryan.” She laid a hand on his forearm, but he pulled away.
“Forget it,” he said. “I’m gonna hang with the guys. Have a good night.”
Before she could respond, he turned and marched to the bar, where the rest of the wedding party gathered. Ash had his arm out, ready to welcome his buddy into the celebration. Catching Bear’s sour mood, Ash’s own smile faded and he glanced over at Kenna.
She attempted a grin, but it was phony, and she knew Ash noticed.
Guilt filled her. She should stop feeling sorry for herself, for the loss of her relationship, and for the way she was treating Bear. It was time to put the past behind her. What mattered was getting her mom’s ring back and making sure Sam had a perfect wedding week. She could put aside her differences with Bear and make that happen.
No more moping. No more bitching.
Time to enjoy her week and not drag anyone else down.