Exploring the disheveled roadside shop, Jake wasn’t looking for anything in particular. He was really just wasting hours until it was time to head to the beach. The next mermaid encounter was all that was on his mind, but he’d always wanted to come into this place. He’d driven by it a hundred times, in fact he used to play baseball on the field right down the street. Yet, he’d never ventured into the place. His mother always told him it was a dirty place and never to go in there. His mother was always worried about dirty things and germs. Even though he was long into adulthood, sometimes things your parents said carried with you.
Jake assumed the longer he went without seeing the mermaid the more it would seem like an illusion. But oddly the opposite was happening. It seemed more real as time wore on. The longer it had to sink in, the more viable it seemed.
All the odd trinkets on the shelves were tourist-friendly. Jake imagined that this place raked in the cash during the holiday weekends. The beaches of North Carolina were magnets for everyone this side of the Mississippi river. If you didn’t want to drive all the way to Florida, North Carolina was the best beach state on the east coast.
Just as he put down a plastic turtle, he heard his name.
“Jake?”
He turned and saw her walking toward him. She wore a blue blouse and white shorts. Her long brown hair rested in a loose ponytail draped over her left shoulder, and her big brown eyes were smiling as they always had.
He found his voice. “Ashley? Oh wow, hey.”
“How’ve you been, Jake?” She gave him a short hug and pulled back. “I heard you moved away.”
“Who said I moved?”
“I ran into Pete and Roxy a few weeks ago at The Cantina. They said you sold the store and moved to New York.”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”
“Are you planning on it?”
He shrugged a little. “I thought about it for about a minute, but it was never an option.”
“Where’re you living? I drove by the house and it’s still empty. It’s up for sale.”
Jake swallowed hard, biting his lip. “I’m living with Tom again. Lucky for me his new roommate moved out at the right time.” He sighed heavily. “Anyway, he welcomed me back.”
She gave him the sad look, the one he’d learned to loathe. “How’re you doing with everything?”
He nodded. “I’m okay.”
She put her hand to her forehead. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to give you that look.”
He played dumb. “What look?”
“That cringe-worthy I feel sorry for you look.”
“I’m used to it.”
“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have to be. I know what that’s like. I wanted nothing more than for people to just stop asking me how I was doing and I just did the same thing to you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Ashley. Don’t sweat it.”
She then twisted her sweetly curved lips to one side. “What’re you doing for lunch? Let me take you out so we can catch up.”
He frowned reflexively. It had been so long since someone other than Tom just asked him such a basic question he didn’t even know how to answer it.
She tilted her head and leaned in. “Is that a yes or a no?”
Shaking it off, he replied, “Yeah, okay.” But he didn’t mean to say yes.
They headed toward the shop door. As he nodded to the crusty shopkeeper behind the counter, Jake caught a glimpse of a grainy picture. He stopped to get a closer look. He was shocked. “What is that?”
The shopkeeper curled a partial smile. “You like it?” he said with a wink. “Took it myself.”
“What? When? Where?”
“Down near Fort Fisher, about twenty years ago.” The keeper leaned in close to Jake and let out a direct whisper, “You’ve seen something, haven’t you?”
Jake met the old man’s cloudy gray eyes and then glanced over at Ashley. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The man’s crooked smile straightened as he leaned back into the wall. “Of course you don’t.”
Jake quickly got himself together and headed outside. The air refused to stay in his lungs. He felt queasy.
“Hey, you okay?” Ashley reached out as he sped by her.
He nodded. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“It’s just…” He trailed off and blew a long breath as his hands went to his waist. “Maybe we can do dinner another time.”
Ashley narrowed her big brown eyes and pursed her lips. “No.”
He snapped his head back. “No?”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No, we’re going right now. You’re not backing out because you saw some random fake picture of a mermaid that reminded you of Cassie.”
Jake studied her face. “It didn’t remind me of…how do you know it’s fake?”
“C’mon, Jake, you know how these roadside places are. They just try to sucker the tourists into paying big bucks for anything. That old clown was just playing up on you.”
“But I’m not a tourist.”
“He doesn’t know that.”
Jake chewed his lips.
“Look, Jake. I’m not going to let you wallow in self-pity any more. It’s been over a year, well over a year. You have to start moving on. You have to get over it. I know what you’re going through.”
He snapped. “No, you don’t. You didn’t kill your parents.” He regretted his words instantly. “I’m sorry.”
She crossed her arms. “I was twelve. Can you imagine how hard it is to lose your entire family at twelve years old? You’re right, no one is ever going to know exactly what you’re going through, we all grieve differently. But I know what you’re going through as much as anyone. I know what it’s like to lose people you love too soon.”
He took a few quick steps toward the sandy trail leading to the beach and fought the tears. “I just can’t let go. I feel the pain every minute, every day. I close my eyes and I hear her screams and the gurgles of air as the life escaped her body. She knew I killed her and she hated me for it.”
“My God, Jake, would you listen to yourself? You sound like an idiot.”
He glanced at her but said nothing, because he had nothing to say.
She continued, “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You’re torturing yourself because you feel guilty.”
“I deserve to feel guilty. It’s my fault.”
She raised her voice. “For God’s sake, it was an accident. It was a horrible damned accident. It wasn’t premeditated. They’re gone, you can’t bring them back. You can’t bring her back.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” he yelled.
“I’m not sure you do.” She snapped back and got in his face. “You need to stop this.” She grabbed his arm, hard. “I ran into you today for a reason. You need to stop!”
He bit his lip so hard it nearly drew blood. “You don’t know what I’ve gone through. You can’t just show up in my life and—”
“Just show up?” She cut him off forcefully. “Are you kidding me? Jake, I tried to contact you a hundred times. I texted you. I called you. I drove to your house. You never once picked up the phone, you never once acknowledged me. A simple I’m okay would’ve been fine.”
She stepped whisper-close to him. “I know you’re hurting still. But Jake, you have to let her go. I’m here for you. I can help.” She released his arm. “You don’t have to suffer forever. You’re a good man. Don’t let one moment of tragedy ruin your life. You lived, they didn’t. If you let yourself die too, that moment will have taken three lives. Do you understand that?”
He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. “I just feel like I can’t get out of this hole. I’ve wanted to die because it’s easier than living. I have nothing left to live for.”
“We all have something to live for. Sometimes it feels like we don’t, but we do. After my parents and sister died, I was numb for months. Then after the numbness went away, I fell into depression, where it felt like I wanted to die every day. If I’d been old enough to have had the courage to kill myself, we might not be having this conversation. I still get depressed over it. I wondered how God could be so cruel to take them all from my life, to take so many people from the world in one day, in one moment. I wondered how different my life could have been. My sister would have been graduating college this year. I imagine where she would’ve gone and how proud my mom would’ve been. It’s sad, really. You never get over it. But what you do get, Jake, is stronger, and smarter, and more perceptive into other people’s pain. You can’t let that one moment ruin you. You are meant to be here. Just like I am. I wasn’t on that trip and in that building. We were both spared for a reason.”
He looked up to the blue sky. “I’m just not sure how to move on.” He reached up to his chest and held a fist over his heart. “I feel like it’s broken beyond repair and I can’t get over her.”
She touched his balled fist. “I’ll help you. We’re friends, Jake. Nothing can take that away. I care about you. I value our friendship probably more than you know. It hurt me when you cut me out, when you wouldn’t let me help you.”
“I didn’t want anyone to help me.”
“I know, but I still wanted to. You mean a lot to me, you always have. You wouldn’t let me help you then, but let me help you now. Please, I won’t take no for an answer. Not this time, not ever again.” She smiled. “Like I said, I ran into you for a reason. The universe wanted us to find each other today for some reason.”
He cracked a slight smile. “The universe, huh?” It was a joke they’d shared before.
“You heard me.”
“It’s a small world.”
“Not that small.”
He nodded and let a drawn-out sigh escape. He knew Ashley well enough to know that he couldn’t win an argument against her. Not when she knew she was right. “Okay.”
“Okay. Now let’s go get some food.”