Chapter Twenty-Two

Trevor’s mom breezed back into Chicago a couple of days later, catching the first flight in.

Gabrielle had barely come out of her room, eating her meals in silence and only talking to Trevor when it was necessary. He’d had to skip morning skate, telling the team that he would be back on game day. They were disappointed, he could tell, but he explained patiently that it was a daughter thing and they were immediately accommodating.

When Donna turned up, her eyes warm and inviting, Trevor let himself be dragged into a hug. “Trevor.”

“Fuck,” Trevor cursed, not caring that his mother usually hated it. He couldn’t fight back the tears and buried his face in her shoulder, clutching at her shirt. “What did I do wrong?”

His mom sighed in the way she did when she had a wealth of things to say but didn’t want to hurt him anymore. Trevor wasn’t sure he needed to hear it, but he let himself be tugged into the living room.

“Gabrielle will want to see you,” Trevor said, as his mom situated him on the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. “She clearly doesn’t wanna talk to me right now.”

“She’s a child.” His mom stood in the doorway, surveying the room with interest. Trevor hadn’t really bothered to do much of anything and now that he was looking at it with a critical eye – something his mother was definitely doing – he could see the state it was in. Nick had usually kept up the cleaning in the living room, given his and Gabrielle’s day was spent at the table in the corner, either doing lessons or drawing.

“She hates me,” Trevor mumbled.

“She’s hurting,” Donna explained, sitting next to him and resting a hand on his knee. “One day she’ll wake up and she’ll be all right with you again.”

“Great,” Trevor muttered, massaging his forehead. “I just wish I knew when that would be.”

Donna pursed her lips and sighed. “You have to think about replacing Nick.”

Trevor’s heart squeezed painfully. “It took me forever to find Nick, Mom. I doubt I’m gonna wanna go through that again.”

“I’m only staying here for a couple of days,” his mom said sternly. “You’re my son, Trevor, and I want to be here for you, but you have to find someone to look after her when I go back.”

“I know,” Trevor snapped because he did. “I would love to sit around and mope, Mom, but I’m painfully aware that I don’t get the chance.”

There was a moment’s silence and Trevor shoved himself to his feet, pacing the length of the living room, staring out of the window, to where Nick’s car was no longer sitting in the parking spot. Fuck everything, seriously.

“Now everyone gets the ‘I told you so’ moment because I couldn’t keep it in my pants when it came to my nanny.” Trevor leaned against the window sill, dropping his head between his shoulder blades and blowing out a slow breath. Maybe if he was lucky, he would expel the anger, frustration, and lingering feelings for Nick out with it. “Not that it matters if I was happy with him, right? Not that it matters if I loved him.”

Trevor looked back over his shoulder to see the way his mother’s eyes had widened, her hand pressed to her mouth.

“Trevor,” she whispered.

Huffing a laugh, Trevor could feel tears prick the back of his eyes. Would he ever stop wanting to cry? “Even Nick thinks he knows what’s best. What about me? Why didn’t anyone care what I wanted?”

Immediately, his mom was up off the couch and holding him close. Trevor didn’t cry, didn’t think he had any tears left, but he did let her hold him, let her whisper soothing words into his ear that didn’t really matter, and weren’t very effective.

Eventually, it would stop hurting. That was what Trevor had to hold onto if he was going to survive the next few months.

“Right,” his mom said when the moment had dragged on just a beat too long. “You are going to shower and wash your face, then you’re going to help me clean this up. When that’s done, we’re gonna take Gabrielle somewhere – outside in the fresh air – and we’ll make a day of it before you have to focus once again on hockey.”

It was a stark reminder that Trevor didn’t have time to mope. He had a daughter, a job, things that wouldn’t allow for his heartbreak. He took a deep breath, standing up straighter. It would hurt, and it would suck, trying to hide everything deep down, but Trevor had done it before and would do it again.

“If you can get her out of the room,” he muttered, but obediently left the room.

He spent the rest of the day trying to pretend he wasn’t dying on the inside. Now that her Nana had arrived, it was as if Gabrielle was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, even if was just for the day. She held his hand during their trip to the park and screamed at him with delight when he pushed her on the swings. He let himself enjoy it, the sight of his baby girl giggling and enjoying herself for the first time since Nick had left.

Though he was tired by the time the three of them spilled through the door, Gabrielle asleep against his chest, he had no doubt that by the time he came back from skate the next morning, she would be back to ignoring him as much as possible. Trevor wasn’t looking forward to it, but he put Gabrielle to bed and told his mother she was free to pick a room, but he was going to bed.

Thankfully she pressed a kiss to his cheek and let him go, not forcing him to stay and talk about his feelings again. He had a feeling she was taking her own advice of picking her battles. Trevor snorted to himself as he opened the door to his room. He doubted she would ever win that particular battle, though his mom was certainly tenacious enough to win the war.

His room was empty, but the day before he had been going through the motions, not bothering to look at what Nick had left behind. There was one of his shirts in the laundry basket, a couple of his things on the nightstand – including his watch, fuck – and Trevor had no doubt that his room was still mostly piled with his belongings, though he had yet to arrange with Trevor to come and get them.

Trevor had no idea where he was staying and hadn’t been able to text to find out, not even to make sure he was sleeping in a ditch somewhere. Trevor had never bothered to ask if Nick had friends in Chicago and couldn’t help but think that maybe that was one of Nick’s points; he couldn’t remember the last time he had hung out with the guys on the team, with his own friends, with anyone that wasn’t Nick since he’d hired Nick.

Gritting his teeth, Trevor climbed into bed, tugging the duvet over his head, ignoring the fact that he was still fully clothed and had yet to go through his nightly routine. Fuck everything. His mom was here for Gabby and the only thing Trevor had to do the next morning was play hockey, something he’d been doing for years enough to go through the motions. He had a game that same night, but again, Trevor could play hockey in his sleep.

The emotional stuff would just have to wait.