“This stuff is so awesome,” Kara gushed, gently stroking an expensive bag like a beloved pet. “I’m glad you took it with you.”
Holly looked down at the gold embossed leather that held such good memories of her time with Jackson. She had carried it almost every day and it was something special he’d bought her as a gift. “Keep it.”
“You can’t be serious. This is a really expensive bag. Normal people don’t have this stuff.”
“I need to get rid of it all. Besides, where am I going?” Holly asked despondently, flopping down on her bed amidst the piles of designer fashions she had recently unpacked at the request of her sister. “I’ll be working in the restaurant when I’m old and wrinkly. I don’t have any use for this stuff anymore. Take it all to college with you. You’re bound to need some fancy stuff for job interviews and homecoming or something.”
Kara frowned and sat down on the floor next to Holly’s bed and began opening shoeboxes. “He was a huge jerk, but at least he had good taste.”
“Yeah, always the fashion icon.” Holly whispered sarcastically, feeling a sharp pain in her heart. She briefly wondered if Jackson and Jennifer had gone shopping for her movie premier together and quickly buried the thought in her mind.
“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, but I think it might help you to talk about him.”
“It’s really complicated, Kara. I don’t think you’d understand.”
Kara raised her eyebrows, dropping a pair of shoes back into their box. “I’m old enough to vote, go to war, and star in a porno. You can talk to me like an adult.”
Holly cracked a small smile. It was so easy to forget that her little sister was so grown up sometimes. “Well, you know I went down there for a job? I ended up working for Jackson Cantrell as his assistant, first. It was pretty basic stuff for a while until he came up with this plan to trick the public into thinking he was some family man.”
“He thought that having a girlfriend would make him win an election?”
“Yeah. That’s why he hired me.”
“You can’t be serious. You were being paid to date him? Paid to go shopping? Paid to go to fancy dinners? No way.” She shook her head, her brows furrowed. “No one is that lucky. It sounds like a movie plot.”
“Like Pretty Woman?” Holly asked wryly, remembering that conversation in Jackson’s office many weeks before.
“Exactly like Pretty Woman. But is that why you’re here? Did he fire you or something?”
“Not exactly. I was stupid and thought that there was more to our arrangement…more feeling. At least, what’s what I thought was happening. I thought he was beginning to….” She shook her head. “I was just really dumb and I have no one to blame for my stupidity but myself.”
“You’re not stupid.” Kara moved to sit next to Holly. “You really cared about him.”
Holly felt her eyes well up and angrily fought them back. She had spent days sobbing in secret and she wasn’t keen on breaking down in front of her little sister. “I did and I thought he cared about me too, until the other morning. I threw this party for his mom and we were living together—Jackson and I—and one thing led to another and I had feelings for him. I thought about it before Barbados, but when we were there, just completely alone with each other, I knew I felt deeply for him. He even saved my life.”
“He saved your life?”
“Yeah.” She sniffled. “We were snorkeling and I got caught up in something. He pulled me out and gave me CPR. I would have drowned if not for him.”
“What happened then?”
“I got overwhelmed and said I wanted to stop lying to his mom and come clean about the whole thing. He freaked and told me to do what I was hired for. He threw our arrangement in my face.”
Kara shook her head and took one of Holly’s hands in her smaller one and gave it a quick squeeze. “Wow, that’s harsh. What a jerk.”
“No, he’s not a jerk. He shouldn’t lie to his mom, but it wasn’t my place to make that decision for him. I mean, what did I think telling his mom would change? I was wrong and he was right. I was being paid to play a part and when my services were no longer welcomed, I left.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. I guess just live here and work with mom and dad. I need to get back into my old life. I’ve even decided to meet Brian for dinner.”
Kara instantly released her hand and flopped back against the pillows. “Ugh. Don’t go out with that loser again, he was a total jackass.”
“He’s older now, Kara. I just want to see if he’s any different.” Holly knew her words were basically a lie and she had no real desire to see Brian again. She forced a small smile.
“Or he might be exactly the same.”
“I know, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and just have dinner with him. I need to move on from Jackson and this is just a small step to getting over him and getting back out there.”
“Holly, you just got out of a relationship.”
“It wasn’t a relationship.” Holly felt another painful pang as she said those words aloud. “It wasn’t a relationship at all.”
***
“I’m really glad you agreed to come to dinner.” Brian smiled over the tea candles clustered in the center of the table. He wore a smart suit without a tie and his grin was stretched a mile wide. “I was almost afraid you wouldn’t come.”
Holly smiled tightly, trying to relax. They sat together in one of nicer restaurants on the island and it almost felt like she was back in her old life before New York. She was even wearing one of her familiar dresses from high school—a pale pink tea dress with white laced trim. Everything about the piano music, candlelight, and black-tie waiters made Holly feel like she was on the perfect date.
If only Jackson was here. Holly shook the thought from her mind and tried to turn her attention back to Brian.
“So…” He searched for something to say. “Glad to be back in Michigan?”
“I’m going to miss New York City, but it is kind of nice to be back home.”
“It’s too bad you missed being here in the summer and came back right in time for winter. You missed a great fall festival too.”
“I was going to come home for Christmas, anyway,” she said absently, rearranging the already perfect silverware.
“Maybe we could do something for the holidays like we used to. Go out and find our own tree to put up back at my place, or maybe go ice skating? You always used to love going ice skating on Christmas Eve.”
Holly did love those little holiday traditions they used to share. But looking over the table at Brian made her feel some level of resentment toward those once cherished traditions. Was she really going to be happy living in the same house, working at the same restaurant, marrying the same man, and living the same life? Sure, it was comfortable, but it was also exactly what she was trying to escape when she left Michigan in the first place.
“So, what do you think?” Brian asked, jarring Holly from her thoughts.
“About what?”
He looked at her strangely. “About going camping with my brother and his wife next weekend. I want to get out to the woods again before it gets too cold.”
Holly blinked several times as she processed his words. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. It almost made her laugh. “Camping? Brian, I thought we were only doing one dinner. That doesn’t mean that I’m ready to go as your date to all family functions.”
“You’re right,” he said, looking down at his clasped hands. “I’m getting way ahead of myself. I’m just really excited. It’s nice to see you, Holly, and I want to at least be friends if you can’t forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made.”
“It’s nice to see you too…even if you were a huge jerk,” she added with a small smile. She could tell he was trying. She couldn’t really hate him.
“I know, I know. I’m working on it though. Taking classes, reading self-help books, eating vegan…”
“You’re such a liar!” Holly laughed aloud, surprising herself.
He looked at her fondly and reached across the table, putting his hand on hers. “It’s really good to hear you laugh again, Holly. I missed it.”
“It feels good to laugh again. It’s been a while and I’ve been finding it hard to find the humor in things.”
Brian straightened in his seat, his face taking on a mask of exaggerated seriousness. “I accept your challenge.”
***
“Holy shit, Holly, I’ve been waiting for you forever!” Kara sat in the dimly lit kitchen, waiting up for her. “Can’t you ever pick up your phone?”
“I told you I was having dinner with Brian and I’m pretty sure I left my phone upstairs in my room.” She kicked off her white pumps and sat on the kitchen counter, facing her sister.
“I know you were out with him, but I’ve been trying to reach you.” She bit her lip and toyed with a strand of hair that had fallen from her ponytail.
Holly knew that look and knew it was one of either guilt or fear. “Is everything okay? Are Mom and Dad all right?”
“Jackson was here,” Kara blurted before clamping her hand over her mouth.
Holly felt her blood drain from her face and a wave of vicious nausea hit her in the stomach like a punch to the gut. She couldn’t believe that Jackson Cantrell had really been in her parents’ house. She tried to collect herself and pretend that the thought of him being in the same state as her didn’t make her dizzy.
“Why?” she asked simply, pretending to inspect a loose stitch on her hem. She couldn’t let her sister see her crumble again. It was becoming far too common.
“He wouldn’t say, just that it was really important that he spoke to you. But it sounded really urgent. He wouldn’t leave without knowing where you were.”
Holly’s stomach dropped. “Did you tell him?”
“Yeah.” She averted her eyes. “I thought maybe if you guys saw each other—”
“What?” Holly asked, suddenly angry with Kara for butting into her broken love life. “What did you think would happen, Kara? You thought our eyes would lock over a crowded room and he’d fall in love with me and carry me out of the restaurant like it was a movie? Is that what you expected?”
Kara looked down sheepishly. “When you put it like that, it sounds so lame.”
“Well, it didn’t happen,” Holly whispered in a cracked voice. “He didn’t come for me. He doesn’t care. He probably just came for his apartment key, or something. I accidentally took my set with me when I left.”
“I’m sorry, Holly.” Kara stood, opening her arms for an embrace. “I thought I was helping.”
Holly stepped into the fold of Kara’s arms and allowed a few tears to fall down her cheeks. “Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault. I thought I was starting to get over him and it’s like nothing I do helps. Now I find out he was here and…and I missed him. But he was only probably here for another booty call.”
“Don’t say that,” Kara soothed. “It’ll all work out. You don’t need that asshole.”
A sharp knock on the door made them both jump. Holly looked at her sister questioningly, but Kara merely shrugged and went over to the door. She peeked through the curtains out onto the darkened porch. She gasped and quickly shut the fabric.
“Who is it?” Holly asked, wiping her tear-streaked face with the back of her hand.
“It’s Jackson. What do I do? I think he saw me.” She slid down to the floor, her voice a hiss.
Holly felt another fresh wave of lightheadedness and the rapid beating of her fragile heart. She felt as if she might faint and leaned against the counter. “I don’t know.”
“I can tell him you’re not home.”
“No, I can’t lie to him.”
“Why? He lied to you and made you think he was this great catch.” Kara crossed her arms. “I can go tell him to screw off.”
“You know this door isn’t exactly soundproof, right?” Jackson called, his voice muffled.
Holly’s face grew hot. “Oh, great. Now there’s no hiding. I guess I’ll just have to see what he wants.”
“Need me to stay?” Kara asked, rising from the floor.
“No, I need to do this alone. Thanks, though.” Holly tried to force a brave smile as Kara left the room.
Her hand shook as she unlocked the kitchen door and turned on the porch light. Jackson stood there wearing a pair of jeans and a leather jacket over a white shirt. He had circles under his eyes and his usually cocky demeanor seemed muted, almost defeated. If she wasn’t so sure it was him, she might’ve thought Jackson had a disheveled twin on the loose.
“What do you want?” Holly kept a tight grip on the door to steady herself.
“We need to talk.”
“No, Mr. Cantrell,” she said in the most businesslike voice she could muster. “We don’t have anything to talk about. I’m not working for you anymore. I’ve moved out all my things, and I’m living back in Michigan. There’s nothing more for either of us to say to each other. You obviously know where I live, so just have your secretary send my last paycheck here.”
“That’s not true. Can I please come in so we can talk?” He looked at her pleadingly, making Holly’s heart hurt.
“My parents and sister are here.”
“Then can we take a walk or something?”
Holly sighed. “Can’t this wait until tomorrow? I’m really not in the mood to talk to you right now.”
“No, Holly, this can’t wait. I’ve already waited almost a week to talk to you and I can’t wait another night. We’re talking now.”
Holly felt anger well up inside of her. The kind of bitter anger that only mutates from a broken heart. “You think you can just show up at my home and demand to talk to me after complete radio silence? I’m not your employee anymore and I don’t appreciate being treated like one. Besides, I’m not even a good employee, remember?”
Jackson visibly flinched at the reminder of their last conversation. “I’m sorry, I know I have no right to come here. I just didn’t know what else to do. Just please take a walk with me.”
“Fine, but I need to get changed first.” Holly closed the door, not bothering to let Jackson inside. She went up to her room and took off the dress, changing into a pair of jeans and a thick sweater that would shield her from the late fall cold. She pulled on a pair of boots on her way out and even inspected her face for any traces of smeared mascara. Just because she’d been crying didn’t mean she needed to look like it. He had moved on quickly and she needed to appear to have done the same.
“Where do you want to walk to?” he asked as Holly pulled the door shut behind her.
“We’ll just go down to the beach or something.” She started down a path into the dense woods, not waiting for him to follow.
“I thought you said we were going to the beach.” He looked at the darkened trees and raised an eyebrow at her.
“We need to go through the woods to get there.”
He nodded and shadowed her in silence. Holly almost wished he would walk with her and take her hand in his like he did when they strolled through Central Park. But then she remembered he had a famous new girlfriend and tucked both hands in her pockets to push away the urge. Neither of them spoke until they reached the rocky shoreline. The full moon lit up the still waters of Lake Michigan, and Holly could spot the last nighttime ferry docking on the small island.
“So, what did you need to talk about?” Holly asked, not bothering to turn and look at him.
“What I said to you that morning after the party. It wasn’t right.”
“You came all the way to Michigan to tell me something I already know?”
Jackson stepped up beside her and out of the corner of her eye, she could tell he was looking at her. “It’s more than that. I’ve done bad things before. I’ve bought out small companies and sold the pieces bit by bit, forcing hundreds of people to lose their jobs. I’ve destroyed my rivals, forcing them into bankruptcy. I’ve used people—innocent people—to get what I wanted without caring about what it would do to them.”
“I’m aware.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“But I never thought in a million years I would treat you like…like….”
“Like an employee? That’s what I was, Jackson. You paid me to do a job. I didn’t do my job well, and you fired me.”
“You were never like an employee to me, Holly.”
“More like a prostitute,” she grumbled, the words tasting bitter on her lips.
Jackson pulled her to face him, his expression pained. “Don’t talk about yourself like that.”
“Then what would you call it? You hired me to be your girlfriend, and as soon as I put out, you told me where to shove it.”
“I know that’s how it all started, but then I really got to know you.” He released her arms and ran his hand through his messy hair. “I saw you tonight with that guy and I almost didn’t come back.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw you at dinner with that guy, holding hands and laughing. I used to be him. I used to be the man who made you smile like that.”
Holly flushed, thankful that the darkness probably made it impossible for him to tell. “What do you care if I had dinner with somebody else?”
“Because I need you, damn it!” he yelled, his voice echoing over the motionless water.
Holly looked up at him, her mouth open in surprise. She wasn’t sure if she’d heard him right. “What did you say?”
“I said I need you. I’ve ruined so many things in my life and I couldn’t stand it if I ruined my chance at a life with you, too.” He reached out and tucked a blonde strand behind her ear. “I need you, Holly.”
“I can’t be in some kind of arrangement with you again. I’m not going to do that to myself,” she said, trying to ignore the electric shock that hit her the moment his fingertips brushed the side of her face.
“I’m not asking you to go back on the payroll, Holly.”
“Then I don’t get why you’re here. I gave you my body and opened up to you fully, and you treated me like trash.” Hot tears welled up in her eyes. “I trusted you.”
“I know, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that. I never meant to make you feel like I thought so little of you. I was just trying to protect my mother and I stupidly hurt you in the process. I was a thoughtless asshole and you didn’t deserve that. I know I shouldn’t expect you to ever forget about what I said to you, but I’m hoping that maybe you could try to forgive me.”
“And then what? You want me to be your Michigan state booty call? I’m not going to be one of those girls I used to pity. You know, the ones whose calls I dodged for you back when I worked in your office. It would kill me to have some assistant lie and tell me you were in Hong Kong.”
He flinched a bit and grimaced. “I know. It would make you feel how I felt when I saw you out with that other guy tonight.”
Holly rolled her eyes, thoroughly angry now. “Are you serious? You threw me away and now you’re mad that I was out to dinner? You can’t be for real. You’ve moved on and now I’m trying to do the same.”
“I wanted to punch your date right in the face.”
“You have no right to be angry at me or judge my decisions. You’re the one who pushed me away.”
“And now I come to find you and you’re out to dinner with some other guy!” Jackson nearly shouted.
“You treated me like trash and I never heard from you again. You have all of my information. My phone numbers, my address, even my goddamn social security number, Mr. Cantrell. I wasn’t exactly in hiding. Now you show up after a week of nothing. Does your girlfriend even know you’re here? I know I’d be pretty pissed if my boyfriend was in another state trying to turn his former employee into a fucking mistress.”
“I don’t want you to be my mistress. Besides, I—” Jackson shut his mouth and looked at her curiously. “Did you say girlfriend?”
Holly rolled her eyes so hard, she was sure she caught a glimpse of her own brain. “Don’t play dumb with me, Jackson. You’re a public figure. I can’t even pass a news stand without seeing you on some cover.”
“Holly, I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Oh, yeah? I know all about her.”
He crossed his arms over the expanse of his chest. “Then tell me what you know, because this mystery girlfriend is news to me.”
“Jennifer Good,” Holly spat, stalking off to sit on the sand at the edge of the water. It was cold, but Holly felt like if she didn’t sit down her knees would collapse under her. She felt emotionally drained.
“Jennifer Good isn’t my girlfriend,” Jackson called out before coming over to her and sitting next to her in the sand. “She’s just a friend.”
“And I was just your assistant.” Holly pulled her legs up to her chest and leaned her chin on her knees.
“You were so much more and you still are. I’m not dating Jennifer. She helps out with one of my charities when I ask her to. She’s a good spokesperson.”
“I saw you together in the magazine.”
“I’m seen with a lot of people in magazines, Holly. It doesn’t always mean I’m dating them.”
Holly wanted so badly to believe him, but she didn’t want to get herself hurt again. She knew she should have left things then and abandoned the conversation, but she felt frozen in place. “You guys looked really close.”
“So did you and that guy at dinner.”
“I guess, but if you stalked me to the end of my date you would have seen how it ended.”
“Okay, enlighten me.”
When she and Brian left dinner, he tried to pull her into a darkened alleyway beside the restaurant. He was apparently hoping for a taste of dessert, but instead Holly delivered a quick knee to his groin before hurrying home. She told Jackson about it.
“Good, he deserved it.”
“Yeah, I knew he was a jerk when I agreed to go to dinner, but I thought he would’ve grown up.”
“I’m really glad there isn’t anything between you two. Now…come home with me, Holly.” His voice was soft and encouraging.
She felt his gaze burning into the side of her face, but she couldn’t give in. “I can’t.”
“Why can’t you? We can leave first thing tomorrow and everything can be just like they were before. I’ll even take some time off and we’ll go somewhere again, just us. You can pick anywhere in the world. France? India? Australia?”
She turned to look at him. His ice blue eyes smoldered and Holly almost wanted to say yes. However, he had shown his true colors and she wouldn’t be able to forget it, no matter how much she wished she could.
“Things can never be how they were before. What you did was terrible and I can’t make myself into your Barbie doll again. I’m not perfect. I’m never going to be comfortable at gala events or be okay with you working long hours at the office. I can’t lie to people for you anymore, or always wonder if you really care about me. I can’t have you throw the contract in my face every time I disagree with you. I deserve better and I’ll wait for better.”
Jackson inhaled sharply. “Don’t be like that. I know I treated you terribly, but I’m here for you asking you for forgiveness.”
Holly dug her fingers into the cold sand and looked back out over the lake. “Took you long enough.”
“I needed to sort some things out first. I needed to make myself a better man and take care of my responsibilities before I tried to be worthy of you again.”
“Well, at least now you can say you tried, after a whole week of soul searching, and you can go back to your girlfriend with a light conscious.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” he said in frustration.
“Just leave me alone, Jackson.”
“Please, Holly, reconsider. I can give you anything you want,” he pleaded with her, placing a heavy hand on her arm. “You can redo the apartment so you’ll feel more at home. Or we’ll buy a new place, wherever you want. You can go to Italy and get the best furniture made. I’ll call all my European contacts and have them bring you the best jewelry. Or, better yet, you can go pick everything out and even take your sister. Just tell me what you want and I’ll have it done.”
“Don’t you get it, Jackson?”
“Get what?” He sounded honestly confused.
Holly stood, pulling her arm free. “You haven’t changed at all. You still think you can buy me.” She turned and began walking up the beach toward the woods.
“Holly, wait!” Jackson yelled, scrambling up.
She stopped and rotated to meet him. “Just stop, Jackson. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want houses or jewelry or trips. I never wanted those things. All I ever wanted was you.” She turned on her heel and made the long walk back to the house alone with fresh tears streaming down her face, leaving him on the shores of Lake Michigan alone.