Knowing that I was keeping this massive secret from everyone was eating me up inside. Gran called me sour the other morning when I snapped at her, and asked me what on earth had been eating at me lately. I couldn’t tell her, so I lied and just said I was really tired.

I would never tell Gran or Cassie what Jack had done, but it was tearing me up inside to simply know about it. I almost wished that he’d never called me and confided in me, but everyone needed help carrying their burdens, and my brother was no exception. He called me because he had no one else to call. If our situations were reversed, I would have done the same thing.

Jack might be one of the strongest guys I knew, but when it came to Cassie, he had the softest heart. As much as his error in judgment pained me, I couldn’t imagine what it must be doing to him. He called me every night, usually after he had just gotten off the phone with Cassie, consumed with guilt. He hated lying to her, but his fear of losing her outweighed everything else.

Our conversations were usually filled with him asking me what I thought he should do, and me remaining silent on the other end of the line. I still had no clue, and I refused to be the one responsible for them breaking up. Hell, I hated the very idea.

There were moments where he broke down, overwhelmed with so much guilt that he would call me practically in tears, begging for a forgiveness that I had no ability to give him. He seemed to go back and forth; one moment he would convince himself everything was fine, and the next he was certain he and Cassie were doomed.

It sucked. And was exhausting.

A week had passed since “the incident,” as I thought of it. Jack was still calling me daily, and was no closer to how he wanted to handle the situation than he had been the first night. I finally told him that if he wasn’t going to tell Cassie, which I had finally realized that he wasn’t, then he needed to try to get past it and move on before it ate him up inside and she figured out something was wrong.

That conversation appeared to reignite a little life within him, and each day that passed after it seemed to be easier. His calls became less frequent but when we did talk, the conversations had improved from him practically falling apart on the phone, to him simply asking how Cassie was and if I’d seen her lately.

I hadn’t. Between the kiss with Melissa and this big secret of Jack’s, I wasn’t thrilled about seeing either of the girls. On weekdays it was easy to avoid them; I just claimed that I was too tired after working all day with Marc and Ryan. The weekends were a bit harder, but I’d still managed to blow them off without drawing any suspicion.

But school would be starting again soon, and any attempts to evade either of those two would be transparent. As hard as it was for me to dance around the truth, being around those girls was seriously going to test me.

Before classes started, Melissa finally sent me a text.

 

Melissa: I don’t want things to be awkward between us.

 

I responded right away, keeping my answer simple.

 

Dean: They won’t be.

 

But I didn’t know. Maybe it would be weird when we finally saw each other, even though that was the last thing I wanted.

When Melissa didn’t respond, I tried not to spend any more time thinking about her, but her stupid text had opened the floodgates in my mind that I’d tried so hard to close. Now all I could think about was her. And those lips. And the way she had moaned in my car when we kissed.

Damn it.

I needed to get this girl off my mind if she wasn’t going to let me into her heart.

• • •

School was back in session, and while the baseball team still had their groupies and fangirls pawing them and hanging on their every word, it was nothing in comparison to last year. No one could draw the kind of attention that my brother had. And all the girls who used to hound the crap out of me no longer had any use for me since Jack was off the market and also out of town.

The third day of classes, Cassie texted me to ask if I would have lunch with her and Melissa. I almost responded no, but I couldn’t avoid them forever. They were girls, and girls were nothing if not amateur detectives in better clothes.

When I walked into the student union, I spotted Melissa before either of them saw me, and I wished for a moment that our kiss hadn’t ended so suddenly. I couldn’t help but wonder if that first kiss was destined to be our last, and I hated the thought.

I tossed my bag on top of the table, and the girls looked up at me with big smiles.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in a thousand years,” Cassie said before scooting her chair over to give me a hug.

“I feel like I just saw you yesterday.” Melissa stuck out her tongue before taking it back. “Just kidding. I’ve missed you.”

Damn. She’s missed me? What the hell did she mean by that?

“I’ve missed you guys too.” It was the truth.

“What have you been doing? Are you still interning now that school started?” Cassie asked as she forked a bite of salad and brought it to her mouth.

“Pretty much just working and helping Gran in the garden,” I said, but that was only partially true. If helping Gran meant lying in a hammock in the backyard, then sure, I helped. “But, yeah, I’m going to stay on with the guys. I really like it.”

“That’s awesome, Dean. I’m so happy for you.” Cassie smiled as if she was proud of me, and it made me feel simultaneously good and awful.

“Isn’t it weird being here without him?” Melissa asked. “Knowing that he isn’t just at an away game and will be back tomorrow?” She waved a hand toward the tables filled with Jack’s old friends and teammates.

“It’s weird being anywhere without him,” Cassie said softly, and I died a little inside.

Melissa pinned her gaze on me. “What about you?”

I shrugged. “I’m getting used to him being away, I guess. It might actually feel weird when he finally comes back home.” I glanced at the other students going about their business in the student union, not wanting to make eye contact with either of the girls for too long for fear they could see right through me.

I hated keeping this secret. Wait, that wasn’t true. Keeping Cassie from pain was something I was okay with doing; I just hated knowing what I knew. Jack needed to get his ass home and fix everything so I could stop stressing out about it.

Cassie sighed. “I can’t wait for him to come home.”

I nodded. There were only a few weeks left in his season. Hopefully they would fly by.

“I actually miss the little shit,” Melissa said.

My heart sank. If they only knew what I did, they wouldn’t feel that way at all.

I had to stop thinking about what my brother had done, but every time I looked at Cassie’s face, I heard his voice in my head begging me to keep his secret. It was relentless.

Screw this.

“I gotta go buy some stuff before class. Sorry. I’ll see you guys later.” I shoved away from the table and hurried out of the student union before either of them could stop me.

Cassie sent me a text asking if I was okay before I’d even cleared the doors. I waited until my next class was over before responding that I was fine, and that I just needed to have some things before my next class and I’d forgotten.

Lucky for me, she seemed to buy my excuse.

• • •

My car purred like the sleek beast it was as I pulled it alongside the curb in front of my house after classes a few days later. My phone rang right as I shut off the engine, and I checked the screen before answering. It was Jack.

“Bro, you’re killing me,” I said, ready to chew his ass about the problems I was having avoiding Cassie and Melissa until he got home.

“Dean.” His voice had reverted to that desperate and horrible tone again.

Oh, hell no. Something wasn’t right.

“What happened?”

“She’s pregnant.”

My head spun. And spun. And continued spinning until I felt like I was going to throw up.

“Who is?” I asked warily, praying he didn’t mean who I thought he meant.

“Chrystle. The chick I slept with. She’s fucking pregnant, Dean, and she’s keeping it.”

My jaw dropped, and I clutched the phone tightly as I tried to process what he’d just said. Before I could wrap my brain around it, he went on, spitting out his news as fast as he could, as if that would make it easier to hear.

“I told her to get rid of it, and now I’m probably going to hell for even suggesting such a thing, but I’m being punished. Because I didn’t tell Cassie what I did, and so this is my punishment, right?” He groaned and gritted out, “How is this happening?”

I was stunned. Not only had my brother slept with some other girl, but he didn’t wear a condom? That was completely unlike him, and against everything he’d ever taught me about when it came to sex and girls. “No glove; no love” was his number one rule; the main thing he’d pounded into my head as soon as I hit high school.

“You tell me, Jack! How is this happening? You didn’t wear protection? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I guess not. I don’t even remember fucking her, Dean.”

I slammed my palm against the steering wheel, wishing like hell this was a lie. Again.

“I can’t believe this,” I admitted, absolutely hating that this was happening to Jack. Either he was monumentally stupid or just the unluckiest son of a bitch in the world.

“You and me both. I just—” He paused, and I heard the now-familiar sound of him pacing. “I tried so hard to move on from my mistake and find a way to live with the guilt, but I’m going to lose her anyway. After everything, I’m still going to lose her.”

He meant Cassie, of course. It always came back to her.

“You have to tell her,” I blurted.

Jack expelled a heavy breath. “No shit, I have to tell her. I can barely stomach the idea of hearing her voice once she knows. Fuck. I’m going to lose everything I ever wanted in my life the second I make that call. She’s going to hate me and never forgive me. And I deserve nothing less.”

“You still have to do it. Just tell her, and then come home. Send the chick money every month and be done with it.”

I couldn’t believe the words that had just spilled from my mouth, considering our childhood. I wasn’t even sure where the words came from, exactly, but probably from a need to protect my brother if I could. He didn’t even know this chick, and now she was pregnant? It didn’t seem fair.

“I can’t leave her,” he said in a low voice.

“You can’t leave who? This Chrystle girl? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Dad left us, and we grew up without a father. And then Mom left us, and we grew up without a mother. I won’t repeat their mistakes, Dean. I know that Gran and Gramps have been the best, but they aren’t our parents. And you know as well as I do how hard it’s been to know that Mom and Dad willingly abandoned us. I can’t—” He sucked in a breath. “No. I won’t do that to my kid. I won’t be like them.”

I sat in my car, my eyes wide with shock at the ramifications of what he’d just said.

“Jack.”

“I can’t do it; it’s not right. That kid would be as screwed up as we are, and it would be all my fault. It’s not the kid’s fault he’s here—it’s mine and Chrystle’s. The least I can do is be a significant part of his life.”

I shook my head, understanding his reasoning, but I didn’t agree. Hell, I couldn’t have disagreed more.

“I don’t think that’s true, Jack. You can still be a part of the kid’s life, but you don’t have to stay there to do it. Wait—” A singular thought hit me. “How do you even know it’s yours?”

Jack sighed, and knowing him the way I did, I could just picture him yanking at his hair in frustration. “She had something from her doctor confirming how far along she is. And I asked all the guys if they’ve seen her out lately, and they hadn’t seen her since the night she was with me. I don’t know, Dean, she has all this paperwork that said the conception date was right around when we hooked up.”

“Still doesn’t mean it’s yours. Just calm down and think this through. Don’t do anything rash,” I warned him, hoping to talk some sense into him. But Jack’s head was a mess, and I didn’t think there was any more room in there for me and my logical suggestions.

“I have to go. I have to call Cassie before I lose my fucking nerve.” He exhaled into the phone. “I can’t believe I have to do this, that I’m about to lose this girl. Can a man live without a heart, little brother? ’Cause we’re about to find out.”

The call ended before I had a chance to respond. My head spinning, I stayed seated in my car, wondering what the hell I should do. I considered texting Melissa or driving straight there, but maybe I would be the last person Cassie wanted to see after getting that phone call. It made me sick for her, and for Jack.

I couldn’t go inside just yet, needing time to pull myself together. Gran and Gramps would eventually find out what Jack had done, but the news couldn’t come from me; it wasn’t mine to tell. So I just sat in the car with my thoughts spinning, taking deep breaths to slow my heart rate and calm the hell down.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed until my phone rang again, waking me up from my self-imposed daze. I assumed it was Jack, but I was wrong.

It was Melissa. Damn. This was one call I definitely didn’t want to take.

My voice was small and tentative as I answered. “Hi?”

“Jesus Christ, Dean! Did you know? Did you?” she yelled, her voice extremely loud for someone so small.

“I just found out,” I said, only referring to the pregnancy part, but I wasn’t going to tell Melissa that.

“I can’t believe this. How could your brother be so stupid?” she shrieked.

“I don’t know, okay? He was drunk.” I didn’t mean to sound like I was defending him, but she apparently took it that way.

“That isn’t an excuse! Being drunk doesn’t make it okay; it just makes you an idiot.”

“I know that. Nothing about this situation is okay, but why the hell are you yelling at me? I didn’t do it!” I shouted back.

She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. When she spoke again, her voice was calmer. “Cassie’s devastated, Dean. I’ve never seen her like this.”

My heart dropped. “What’s she doing? Do you need me to come over?”

“No. I made her turn off her phone and go to bed.”

“You made her go to bed?” I asked with a slight laugh, and not because I found it funny.

“Yes, I made her go to bed. The last thing she needs to do is keep puking her guts out. Her heart’s broken. She’s wrung out and needs sleep.”

Oh hell. Knowing that Cassie was throwing up made me feel even worse. Of course she wasn’t sick; it was simply the devastation that made her whole world turn upside down, including her guts. Literally.

“I feel awful,” I admitted.

“Me too,” she said softly. “How could he do this to her? I thought he really loved her.”

“He does really love her. You have no idea how broken up he is over this. I’ve never in my life heard him as distraught as I did today. If he could turn back time, he would. He’d do anything if he could take it back.”

“But he can’t because he’s ruined everything.”

I sighed. “He knows. Trust me, he knows.”

“This is exactly why you and I weren’t a good idea.”

What the hell? The one time I wasn’t even thinking about me and this girl, she had to bring us up.

“What do you mean exactly?” I demanded, hating the defensive tone in my voice. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing. I gotta go,” Melissa said, and disconnected the call.

I slid my phone in my pocket, wondering if I’d ever understand this girl.

And how on earth were we all going to get through this?