For the next several days Carter mostly left her alone, except at mealtimes. He’d show up with food or text her and joke about luring her to the main house with roasted chicken or something equally delicious.
Lynette prepared most of the food. Hanna had met her when she had ventured over to the house and accidentally met Jackson, as well. Lynette was a woman in her sixties with a touch of a German accent. She sang Carter’s praises and grew quiet at the mention of his father. Hanna loved her priorities.
Jackson provided a different challenge. He had been charming and clearly close to Carter, despite the sarcastic comments. But meeting him made her uncomfortable, thanks to her father’s journal. Most of the entries centered on her father’s workdays and the television programs he liked and didn’t like. But every now and then there would be a more personal entry. Sometimes about Eldrick’s secrets. The man’s sins worried her father. She didn’t know if the cryptic “Jack” references in the journal were actually about Jackson, but she felt compelled to find out...somehow.
But not now. No, tonight she intended to concentrate on Carter. He’d brought pot roast to her cottage on this cool night. It was steaming and savory and she might need to run around the estate’s many acres to work off enough to be able to sleep.
She dumped the dirty dishes on the counter next to the sink and leaned against it to watch him. “I’m starting to think you really do plan on wooing me with food.”
Carter shot her a sexy smile as he continued to wash the serving plate. “Of course not...unless it’s working.”
“My pants no longer fit.”
He chuckled as he dried the dish, then his hands and turned to face her. “Is that code for something?”
“Yeah, the fact I can’t get the zipper up.”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “Sexy.”
Exactly, and that was a bit of a problem for her. Him cleaning. Him bringing her food. Him not assuming he could barge in and always asking permission first. Now that was sexy. The charm combined with that face and those sleek muscles were a sucker punch to her control. The more time she spent with him, the more her anger fizzled out. And she wasn’t sure she was ready to let it go. Not after she’d been so wrapped up and furious for months.
During the day she’d think about him. Memories of that sly smile and deep voice would pop into her head and she’d forget why she disliked him. Those old feelings from childhood of being dazzled by him and blinded to his faults would rise up. She had to work to remember he was the same man who hurt her sister...though that was no longer as clear as it once had been.
Even she couldn’t deny that her sister had embellished her time with Carter. She’d turned the reality of three or so days into what sounded like long-term dating. Now Hanna wasn’t sure what she thought or what any of it meant, so she held on to what she did know—Carter’s father had tried to blackmail her to stay away from Carter. He wasn’t his father, but it wasn’t that easy to separate the two.
Carter hung the now damp towel on the handle to the stove. “Did you want wine or anything?”
“I got the impression you didn’t drink anymore, or maybe you still do and I don’t—”
“Hanna?” With a palm resting on the counter, he leaned in until his mouth hovered just above hers. “You’re on the verge of babbling.”
“I’m trying not to be a jerk.” For some reason the comment came out as a breathy whisper.
“If that happens, I’ll let you know.” His gaze wandered over her face like a gentle caress. It landed on her mouth and stayed there for a few seconds until he blinked and stepped back again. “But no, I’m not drinking. I figured out I value control too much. Also, it’s too easy for me to lean on it.”
“That’s honest.” She couldn’t imagine the younger version of Carter ever admitting to having a problem. All those magazine articles and gossip columns about the brothers and what a catch the bachelors were never mentioned anything except their strengths.
There had been references to their athletic promise and college years, but now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember ever reading a quote by any of the brothers themselves in all those posts. It was all photographs of them dating this woman or that one. About charity events and movie premieres. Nothing about who they really were, nothing like the real-life glimpse she’d been getting since she’d agreed to come to Virginia with Carter.
“I really don’t want to test my ability to form an addiction.” Carter moved around the kitchen, stacking and restacking dishes and cleaning the counters for a second time.
She knew nervous energy when it smacked into her, and that was exactly what was happening right now. “Did someone help you with that?”
His head shot up. “Like who?”
“A therapist? I think most people can’t see they have a problem without assistance.”
“If it had gotten worse, I’d like to think I would have gone to meetings or gotten help.” He rehung the kitchen towel on the bar. “I know who I am without alcohol. I sort of fear who I am with it.”
He created the opening, so she walked right through. “So tell me who you are, Carter Jameson.”
She leaned back against the counter and sized him up. The conclusion was clear: a pretty outward package and a seemingly decent internal one. But she wanted to be sure.
“Irresistible, right?” he asked.
She didn’t bother to lie. “A little.”
That got his attention because he stopped fidgeting. “Oh, really?”
“You can’t be immune to the impact of your charm.” And he had to own a mirror. She refused to believe beautiful people couldn’t tell they looked different from most people.
She could look in the mirror and see someone imperfect but pretty. She wore a solid size twelve, not tiny like her sister. Not someone who could walk around without a bra and be comfortable. A woman locked in a constant battle to keep a sliver of space between her upper thighs for comfort’s sake.
Society might judge her as chubby but she saw a healthy person in the mirror. She loved food, which she balanced with walking and other exercise. Her whole life was about stability, about trying to maintain a middle ground. But Carter kept her totally off balance. The way his appreciative gaze swept over her made her feel beautiful, stunning and powerful.
“You know what I mean.” She continued because he was staring at her right now with this silly, tempting grin. “You go through life looking like that, with money and resources and that voice. I’m betting women line up to meet you.”
He balanced his hands on the counter on either side of his hips, mimicking her stance while standing across from her. “What if I told you a secret?”
Her heart rate kicked up. She could feel the blood race through her. “Do it.”
“The charm, the whole guy-who-can-run-a-party thing, is an act.”
Not what she expected. No, this was far more interesting than any tidbit of family or dating gossip. “You’re faking it?”
“Not with you. I mean, it’s not real out there.” He nodded toward the window and the dark night beyond. “That’s how I found my place in the family. Derrick is practical and grumpy, or he was until Ellie. Spencer is really smart and can always find the right angle to make something work. Me, I’m the one who entertains people. I put on an act so people can’t see that I lack my brothers’ talents. That, except for them, I don’t like being a Jameson very much.”
She searched her memories, all those informal football games the brothers played on the lawn and how they stopped to talk with her father, and she could see it. Carter kept things light. He beamed in like sunshine. To know that it was a facade, some act he created to survive in his family made her stomach churn. “I can’t figure out if that’s sweet or sad.”
He shrugged. “Maybe a bit of both. Don’t get me wrong. I know how lucky I am with the money part. Even after being cut off financially by my father, I had an account from my mom. Derrick insisted on paying me a salary. He still dumps money into it. I just ignore it because I’m fortunate enough to be able to. I don’t have to worry about food or housing because my name is on the trust that owns this house, again thanks to my mom.”
His body language said “no big deal” but something dark and clouded moved through his eyes. She noticed the dimming, the blink of pain, before he talked with that light tone.
“So, you turn on this charm offensive to get through events and—”
“Life.”
A peek behind the curtain. That’s what this felt like. A brief glimpse into the real Carter Jameson, though he made it sound like the real version was buried pretty deep. “You seem pretty genuine right now.”
“I am. With you. I can’t explain why, so don’t ask.” He pushed away from the counter and walked the few steps to stand in front of her. “Maybe it’s because when I first saw you again I thought we were both a little lost. I viewed you as a kindred spirit. Or I did, until you kept kicking me out and walking away.”
Yes. He got it. Behind the stability and the attempts to maintain equilibrium lurked a certain insecurity and a fear that running up against another Jameson would only make her life worse. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s good for me to have to work for it.” He didn’t touch her but he moved until he stood between her outstretched legs.
“You should keep working at it.” This close, her breath caught in her throat. She felt it hitch. Felt her pulse thump in her ears until it sounded like banging.
He nodded. “I plan to.”
Risking everything, forgetting the cons and the past, she lifted her hand and rested it on his chest. The heat from his skin seeped through his shirt into her palm. The touch reassured her, and when he covered her hand with his she felt grounded for the first time in a long time.
“The lost thing? I never thought of it that way, but it’s probably true. I’ve spent my life being the dutiful daughter, the supportive sister, the one everyone could count on. With my whole family being gone, I’m not clear on what my role is anymore.” She had to force every single word out, push them past this hard lump in her throat. She expected to get pummeled with a load of new guilt for having said what she actually felt. Instead, a weight she didn’t even know sat on her chest eased. Not completely, but a bit.
His fingers threaded through hers. “You could try living for you.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
What she really wished was that he’d kiss her. Just swoop in and take away the doubts and give her a few minutes without thinking.
As if he could hear her thoughts, he leaned in until his mouth hovered right over hers. “Yes?”
She nodded as she shifted to meet him. “Please.”
His mouth swept over hers, soft at first, almost searching. Then he lifted his head and stared down at her again. Whatever he saw there must have erased any concern, and it should have because she was all-in on the kissing. When his lips covered hers again there was nothing slow and gentle about it. His mouth captured hers in a scorching kiss. The world fell away. It was just her and him and the heat and the feel of his arms around her and his hands on her back.
He kissed her like he’d never see her again. The intensity of it shook her. Her skin felt warm as she pushed up on tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. This was about wanting and abandon, and she had no intention of fighting it.
Her fingers slipped into his soft hair. She could taste him, smell the peppermint scent of his shampoo. Sensations bombarded her—the feel of his tongue, the press of his hard body against hers. His mouth and that tiny rumbling sound she heard at the back of his throat.
She’d dreamed about kissing him as a girl but her dreams hadn’t felt like this. This was the kiss of a man who wanted a woman. All hot and demanding, smooth and coaxing. It reeled her in.
She wanted more.
That reality hit her like a splash of icy water. It was too much, too soon while the trust between them still stood on shaky ground.
She broke it off and gulped in a huge breath. Let her arms move down to his forearms. “We should...”
He immediately lifted his head and stepped back. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for that kiss.” The heat on her cheeks refused to die down. “It went nuclear faster than I expected.”
“Right.” His chest lifted and fell in heavy breaths. “I’m going to go.”
“Yeah, you should go.” But her fingernails dug deeper into his shirt as she held him there.
“You need to let go of me for me to leave.”
Her brain battled with her body. There were so many secrets sitting between them. So much she wasn’t sure about. Things he might not know that could wreck him. But every time she tried to move away, her hands grabbed on harder. “I don’t really want to.”
“Good.” Then his mouth was on hers again. His tongue slipped over hers as his hand eased just under the hem of her sweater.
He didn’t venture higher. He didn’t need to because the touch of skin against skin, no matter how innocent or light, had her mind spinning and her stomach dropping to her knees.
Forget the girl crush, she wanted him. Here and now.
That simmering attraction had never gone away.
As soon as she thought it, he lifted his head and rested his forehead against hers. She kept her eyes closed for fear he would see the desire she knew she could not bank. But she could feel his gaze. Feel his thumb as it rubbed against her arm in a soothing gesture that made her want to wrap her body around his and demand he stay.
He breathed in and his whole body moved. “Okay, now I need to go.”
“My feelings haven’t changed.”
“Oh, Hanna.” He made a strangled sound. “But you are torn. I can feel it.”
He could see it or sense it, she wasn’t sure. But in that moment, she was relieved he had more strength than she did.
She sighed. “Yeah.”
“Then I have my answer.” He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger before pulling back and looking at her again. “When I stay the night, and I’m hoping that happens soon, it will be because you know you want me to.”
“What about you?” Her fingers played with his top button and the sliver of soft skin she could touch at the base of his neck.
“I want to. Trust me.” He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. “Now, good night.”
This time he separated their bodies and stepped out of the kitchen. She watched him circle the chair and pick up his jacket off the corner of the couch. She didn’t stop him when he took those long confident strides to get to the front door.
“Carter?”
With his hand on the doorknob, he turned around to face her again. “Yeah?”
“Thank you for not being your father.”
“You can always count on that to be true.” He winked at her, then left.
She wanted to call him back, which was why she didn’t. She had decisions to make. Things they needed to talk about.
But one thing was clear: they were going to happen soon.
* * *
The next afternoon, Carter ventured into the D.C. office. He’d planned to meet Spence at a restaurant for lunch, but Spence texted that he was running late and told Carter to come upstairs for a few minutes.
As soon as he walked into Spence’s office, Carter knew he should have seen this coming. Jackson sat there with his feet up on the edge of Spence’s desk. They both held files but they were joking about something that didn’t sound work related.
“You guys are hard at work, I see.” Carter closed the door behind him because these two could say anything.
Spence’s smile was almost feral as he put the file down. “Well, well, well. Look who it is. The guy with the big secrets.”
Exactly what he’d suspected. Jackson finding out proved to be a communication line right back to his brothers. “You told him about Hanna.”
Spence’s smile only grew wider. “Hanna?”
“No, but you just did.” Jackson mumbled under his breath about Carter being a dumbass. “I can’t believe you fell for that.”
Neither could Carter. He must be off his game. He usually stayed ready when it came to his brothers. They were smart and a bit sneaky. If there was information they wanted to know, they were clear that they would use any means to get it out of Carter. In this case, Spence used Jackson.
Spence leaned forward with his hands clasped together. “So, Hanna?”
Jackson nodded. “It’s that Hanna.”
“Hey!” Now he had to fight off both of them. Carter didn’t like his odds.
Jackson held up his hands as if in mock surrender. “You already blew it.”
“You have Hanna Wilde squirreled away at the house in Virginia? Wait until I tell Derrick.” Before Carter could say anything, Spence glanced at Jackson. “Are they having a thing?”
Jackson made that humming sound he always made. “On the verge of it, I’d say.”
Since that struck a little too close to the truth, Carter tried to take back the conversation. He dropped into the chair next to Jackson and across from his brother. “She is staying at the cottage.”
Spence frowned. “That’s a nice nonanswer. Why?”
“Excellent question.” Jackson laughed. “Go ahead, Carter. Try to explain this.”
“What am I missing?” Spence looked back and forth between Carter and Jackson. “Is this related to Dad’s letter?”
“She didn’t want to open it.” This time, Carter thought the explanation sounded strange when he said it out loud. When she’d first said it, he got it. He hated being manipulated by his father to do things he didn’t want to do and he was related to the man. He couldn’t imagine how not interested Hanna would have been in playing Eldrick’s games.
“And?” Spence asked.
“She came to the cottage instead.” She used the excuse about her father’s things, but Carter remembered her mention of a baby. He still didn’t know how or where that piece of information fit in and it nagged at him. He’d checked emails and family bank records and...nothing.
Spence opened his hands and shrugged. “Okay, I admit it. I don’t get it.”
“She needed some time to work out things in her head, things about our dad and hers, and to collect some property. I offered the cottage so she’s there—”
“Working things out. Right.” Spence broke eye contact with Carter and looked back at Jackson again. “But you think they’re having a thing.”
Carter missed a lot about hanging out with these two when he was in California, but not this. The ribbing worked great when he wasn’t the brother in the firing line, but right now he was and he didn’t see that changing any time soon. “I’m standing right here.”
“Fine. Are you having a thing with Hanna?” Spence leaned back in his chair. “I’m not judging. I remember she was cute but quiet, and I really liked her dad.”
Carter wondered when he’d asked for permission. “Lucky me.”
“Hell, I’d like to see you putting down roots, dating, and generally acting like a normal person and not someone who is planning to bolt.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Carter repeated the words without thinking. He’d said them so many times to his brothers over the last few months that he was starting to believe them.
“So, you are in a relationship with Hanna or no?” Spence asked the point-blank question without blinking.
Carter picked at the fraying leather seam on the armrest of the chair. “I don’t know what we are.”
Spence nodded. “So, yes.”
“I think it’s more of an almost thing,” Jackson said.
Carter really wanted to ignore both of them but that wasn’t easy to do. Neither of them tolerated that sort of thing. Not with all the staring and talking over him and generally making up facts to any questions he refused to answer head-on.
“She’s only here on a temporary basis.” And that was true. That’s what they’d agreed on. But now, saying it, Carter didn’t like it. The idea of her picking up and leaving, of not eating meals together. Of not walking the grounds with her, like he did early this morning. His mind rebelled at all of it.
Spence shot Carter a you’re-never-going-to-hear-the-end-of-this smile. “Then you, my dear baby brother, need to use some of that charm to get her to stay.”
“She has some unfinished business with Dad.” Carter couldn’t let himself forget that little fact.
Spence’s smile faded. “Don’t we all.”