Chapter Twenty-Two
For two days, Cord tried to get back into his old routine of work, work, and more work, with a few shared beers with his buddies. Nothing helped. His mind was messed up good. Christ, he was so confused.
He couldn’t remember if he was supposed to be mad at Haley, or if she had the right to be pissed at him.
Probably the latter.
That seemed to be the norm of late.
His inability to trust or give up control had been a source of contention his whole life.
It was after five on Wednesday afternoon and he was in the horse barn, grooming one of the mares. The strokes were soothing to them both. Normally. Not tonight. Not for him.
By the time he finished, he was only mildly aware of a trio of men standing off to the side, watching him with frowns on their faces. Brick wasn’t there, but it didn’t seem to matter.
Fuck.
He stiffened. He knew what it was—an intervention. Hell, he’d participated in two of them on this ranch this past spring. But they were usually held in Stone’s office. There wasn’t a chance they’d corner him there. Hell, he hadn’t been in the house much except to shower and grab clean clothes. No fucking way could he stand to sleep in his bed. Not with memories of Haley and her soft sighs and heated cries haunting him at every turn.
The barn had a quiet loft big enough for his sleeping bag. He’d slept in worse places. He’d also slept in some amazing ones, too.
More images of Haley and her smiling face washed through his brain.
Behind him, the men kept right on gossiping like women.
“He’s not even mumbling to himself.”
“Yeah, not good.”
“Have the girls had any luck with Haley?”
“Not yet. They’re at her place now.”
At that, he stiffened and turned to face them. “Leave her alone.”
“Ah.” A knowing gleam entered Vince’s gaze. “So it was your fault.”
Cord lifted his chin, still too unclear on that point to give an honest answer. “It was a mistake. Leave it at that.”
Stone shook his head. “No can do, buddy.”
“Why the hell not?” he barked.
“Because we liked you better with Haley,” Vince replied. “You were your old self but improved.”
“Yeah,” Stone said. “It was like having Cord back.”
Vince snickered. “The Cord 1.0 version.”
He muttered an oath, not at all in the mood for this shit. Straightening, he untied the mare and led her back to her stall then headed to grab the next one. Only, the guys blocked his path.
Squeezing the bridge of his nose, he blew out a breath. “Is there a version of this where you get to the damn point?”
“At least he’s still using his words,” Vince said cheerfully.
Cord flipped him off.
Stone unfolded his arms and walked closer, grim set to his jaw. “Look, Cord, your sister is worried about you, and frankly, we all are.”
Ah hell. He knew that look. His buddy became an immovable wall when he was set on that course. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit,” Leo said.
“You might as well spill it.” Stone lifted a shoulder. “You know we’re not leaving until you do. And you certainly know how big a fuckup my brother and I were in our relationships, so nothing you can tell us will surprise us. We invented the fuckup club. Charter members.”
He snorted. Jackasses. But they were good friends, and he remembered the boot being on the other foot. They were only trying to help. Thing was, he wasn’t sure if they could. Or if they even should.
Christ, maybe he should take the floor during this Friday’s session. They’d probably need at least two hours he was so messed up.
“Everything was great when we left Sunday night,” Stone said. “So what happened the next day?”
Jesus, would they ever give it a rest?
No, his mind immediately responded. Thing was, even though he was hurt and angry at Haley, he didn’t want the others to regard her with a loss of respect. And then there was the part about Drew and his infidelity. How the hell did he bring that up?
Should he?
Christ, he didn’t want to be the one to burst bubbles and ruin memories.
“Damn it, Cord! What the hell did you do?” Stone’s angry tone echoed through the barn.
“Drew and Haley were getting a divorce,” Cord blurted.
“What?” Vince’s raised tone echoed around them.
Leo frowned. “No way.”
“Is that what’s been eating you?” Stone stepped closer, his gray gaze now dark with turmoil.
“Part of it,” Cord finally admitted, since he let the cat half out of the bag
Stone’s gray gaze was back on him. “What did Drew do?”
Cord shoved his hands in his hair and blew out a breath. “He fucking cheated on her.”
Vince muttered a curse while Leo shook his head sadly.
“I caught him just before that last mission and threatened to tell Haley if he didn’t.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I was pissed and not thinking straight. I put us all in jeopardy.”
“No,” Leo said firmly. “It wasn’t anything Drew did or didn’t do. Trust me. That mission replays in my head all the damn time. It was bad intel. There were more insurgents than reported. Just too damn many.”
Cord’s chest squeezed tight. He knew in his mind and heart Leo was right, but it would never excuse his foolish behavior.
“Let it go, Warlock,” Leo said. “If I’ve learned anything through our sessions, it’s that holding onto the past is unhealthy. Especially something you had no control over.”
Vince nodded. “You carried that guilt around long enough. Let it go.”
He shook his head. “Not gonna happen. I should’ve waited until after the mission to confront him.”
“Maybe, but it wouldn’t have changed the outcome of that day,” Stone said, then sighed. “What was Drew thinking? I can’t believe he cheated on someone like Haley.”
“He did. A lot.” Pete’s voice drifted down the walkway to them.
They all turned to watch Haley’s ranch foreman make his way to them, still sporting crutches, while Brick walked grimly by his side. So that’s where the guy had gone. To Dallas to get Pete.
“Since you were being tight-lipped, I thought we needed to get the scoop from someone who knew what really went on at the ranch,” Brick said, his gaze not in the least apologetic.
Bastard.
“It’s none of our business,” he growled, not comfortable about gossiping.
“You’re wrong.” Brick folded his arms across his chest and dared him to comment. “Haley is our business. You are our business, and since the two of you are fucking up a real shot at happiness, you’re not leaving us a whole lot of choice.”
“I’m not a fan of nattering, but there are things I think you need to know,” Pete said, his gaze serious and mouth grim. “Ever since Haley inherited the ranch, her life has changed. She found a purpose. Found her home. She didn’t want to travel and wander anymore. That’s why she gave up her job with that blog.”
“And Drew wasn’t happy,” Leo said.
Pete shook his head. “No, he wasn’t. He tried to make her sell the place, but she refused, insisting he was gone half the time, anyway. She tried to make their marriage work. She dropped everything when he was home. But Drew was going through the money like water, spending it on one trip after another, until she was in financial trouble.”
Anger rose swift in Cord. That must’ve been when she’d had to sell her horse. And then the rest of the horses.
“Finally, she put her foot down again and stopped going. He didn’t.” The older man sighed and shook his head. “Then the cheating started. So she filed for divorce, but he wouldn’t sign. Kept putting it off, shredding the documents, coming up with excuse after excuse, angry that she didn’t understand. He didn’t want a divorce. He wanted her back, but I think the damage was too severe.”
Trust was broken. Once that happened, it was hard to get it back. Hard as hell to take a chance again…
Pete drew in a breath and shook his head. “I wish I didn’t have to say more, but I love Haley like my own daughter, just as her uncle had, and I don’t want you thinking badly of her.” The man turned his attention on him. “And if she’s fallen for you, Cord, you need to know the whole truth so you can fix whatever you’ve done.”
He nodded as his twisted insides tightened further.
“What’s the rest?” Stone asked.
“After he died, and the death benefit was paid out, she only received half.” Pete’s voice trailed off after dropping that bombshell.
“Who got the other half?” he asked, already knowing he wasn’t going to like the answer. Drew’s parents were dead and he’d had no siblings.
Pete’s gaze snapped to him. “His son.”
Fuck. He tried to draw in a breath, but it was no use. Not with the fist-sized lump lodged in his throat.
“What?”
“He had a son?”
“With who?”
Pete nodded to the men all speaking at once again. “Some girl he met on one of those adventures, I guess.”
Son-of-a-bitch. Cord leaned back against the stall as the world tilted. Now he got it. Now he understood Drew’s last words. Yes, Haley sure as hell had deserved a hell of a lot better. And dammit, he’d gone and hurt the woman, too.
Cord closed his eyes, reeling as all of it fell into place, and he stood out as a number one jackass. Somehow, after all the pain Drew had caused, she’d managed to find it in her to trust him, not only with her body, but with her heart. He’d seen it in her eyes. Felt it in her touch, and he’d blown it by walking out on her—just like Drew.
Damn. He opened his eyes and muttered a curse. What had he done?
“How could he have been such an idiot?” Vince frowned, anger darkening the Italian’s face. A rarity, and something one did not want to mess with if they were smart.
“God only knows,” Pete said. He turned to Cord. “So, now that you know everything, what’s your plan to win her back?”
Turn back time. Because he wasn’t sure he could fix things without removing his words, his stupid distrust from the other day.
“Hey,” Brick said. “Stone and I both thought we’d fucked up too bad to fix things, but we managed. I’m sure you can, too.”
Stone shook his head. “Unfortunately, Haley’s a lot like him. Stubborn.”
Yeah, he knew. He ran a hand through his hair again, trying to figure out a solution.
How do you fix trust?
“Apologize,” Leo said. “It might not fix everything, but it’ll get the conversation started and give you an opening to make her see you’re sorry.”
“And tell her you love her,” Brick added. “You do, don’t you?”
“Yes,” he admitted without hesitation. “I have for years.”
Vince rolled his eyes. “’Bout fucking time you realized that, Warlock.”
He snorted. “Yeah. But it’s too late.”
“No, never too late,” Stone insisted. “So what, exactly, happened?”
With a sigh, Cord gave in and recanted his idiocy.
Brick grimaced. “I hate to admit it, but I would’ve jumped to that conclusion, too.”
“Me, too,” Stone said. “We were Rangers for years, Cord. You don’t just turn that off. Of course our minds would automatically think of our team. That’s how we survived. That said…damn, man, you were an idiot.”
He choked out a laugh at the understatement of the decade. He was an idiot. An idiot who was in love with a sweet woman who deserved better. Who deserved someone who loved her unconditionally. Someone who gave without wanting in return. Someone who would fulfill her every need, dream, fantasy, desire.
For a while there, he had been those things to her. Now, he had to find a way to do it again. To give her everything. To make up for fucking walking out on her.
He stilled as several thoughts occurred.
Everything. That’s what he was going to give her.
He pushed from the wall and turned to face Pete. “I need your help.”