Chapter Ten
No, no, no, no!
Payton ran into the icy outdoors toward the stables. In her periphery she saw Lord Jensen rushing after her, and she hurried her steps. Her emotions were too volatile to face the lying wretch; she was liable to slap his face with all her strength, which would no doubt create a new wave of scandal, since several of Lady Calydon’s guests were strolling on the front lawn and through Sherring Cross’s famous gardens.
Averting her gaze from everyone, Payton did not halt until she reached the stables. The scent of worn leather and horses filled her nostrils, and she headed for another stallion, one that had already been fitted with reins and saddle, no doubt for one of the guests.
Without hesitation, she used the mounting block and seated herself astride, pulling the hem of her day gown to her knee in the most indecent fashion.
“Payton, my darling, please let me explain,” Lord Jensen said, running to stand beside her.
Rage blasted through her. Her hands trembled, and she fisted them on the reins, not wanting to betray the depth of emotions roiling through her. Payton prayed her face was filled with all the distaste she felt as she looked down on him. “You are despicable, and nothing will ever persuade me to wed you.”
The concern and charm shifted, and anger flared in the gray depths of his eyes. “Your father has already given his blessing. And if you think to make this difficult, I promise I will ruin you. How many men do you think will want you after I have made it known I’ve had you? You think you know what it is to face ostracism? All London will speak of is that I took your virtue, and no man will offer for you, whether he be high or low born.”
She gasped, shock pouring through her. “A few months ago all it took for you to shift your affections was a rumor of Lord Anthony and Connie’s bastardy. Now you are so eager to marry me, even if I feel only contempt for you. Why? My dowry and inheritance?”
A grimace twisted his lips. “It is vulgar to speak of money so casually, but I suppose I cannot expect better.” His eyes flicked to her exposed legs and lust heated his gaze. “We will be good together, Payton. Just give me a chance…give us a chance. Now get down so we can discuss this in a becoming manner,” he ended patronizingly.
Smothering a very unladylike curse, she surged away.
He yelled her name, and she ignored him, bursting from the stables. Payton urged the horse she rode to almost breakneck speed. She had to get away. Thunder grumbled in the distance. The gloomy weather seemed to be in perfect tandem with her emotions. Lightning cut across the sky, followed by another blast of thunder. A squall brewed, but she would not return to the main house. She could not face more arguments or tearful pleading from her mother.
I cannot marry him.
She rode hard, blanking her mind from the emotions trying to swamp her. Without realizing it, she had directed the horse to the cabin where she had met Mikhail. She could see it in the distance, and she slowed the horse, bringing him to a canter until they broke through the clearing before the cottage. She swept from the horse and released his reins. It made no sense to tether him with the approaching storm. Nor did she care if he fled and left her there. The longer she was away from everyone the better.
Payton ran up the small cobbled steps and slammed into the cabin, a harsh sob tearing from her. How could her parents believe Lord Jensen over their own daughter? Or did they know he lied, but were willing to accept another noble gentleman into their lives at all cost? They had already doubled her dowry in an evident bid to buy a title.
She no longer held any love for Lord Jensen and could not imagine her life as his wife and viscountess. She tried to remember the wonderful times they had together in the past, hoping to recall the warm thoughts of affection she had felt during his courtship. The only feelings roused in her were the ones of emptiness she had endured when he had stopped calling for days, weeks, when the rumors of Lord Anthony and Connie’s bastardy had roared through society. Payton had even written Lord Jensen and, to her undying embarrassment, her letters had been returned to her unopened with a scathing note from his mother.
Why would Lord Jensen now be so amiable to forming an attachment? It could only be her money, and such a motivation for marriage was wholly acceptable to society and her family. But not to me… What about love and respect?
Inevitability weighed down on her, and she pressed a hard fist to her stomach. What am I to do?
The door to the cottage was thrown open, and she barely stifled a scream. She breathed a soft sigh of relief when Mikhail strolled in, his hair tousled by the winds, his white shirt clinging to his damp chest. He must have been right on her heels, and she had not noticed.
She took an involuntary step in his direction before grinding to a halt. “What are you doing here?”
“You rode away from the estate as if the devil were after you.”
Her gaze flicked to his curious own, and the storm of emotions that had been gathering inside her grew in strength. “Were you the only one to follow me?”
He stepped farther into the cottage, dwarfing the small place with his presence. “As far as I could see.”
A harsh sob tore from her chest, and she wanted to hurl herself into his arms but buried the impulse. The desire was reckless and more than foolhardy. Despite their illicit kiss and the feelings he roused in her, her father would never accept Mikhail’s suit. Not when Lord Jensen had made his wishes so clear to a family only seeking greater elevation into the haute monde.
Lightning flashed across the sky, and seconds later, torrential rain gushed from the heavens, battering the roof of the cottage. The memory of their first meeting simmered through her, and the awareness of how alone they were seeped into the air. What she saw in his eyes was not calm and controlled.
“You should not be here, Mikhail.” It could all be in her head, but his presence in the cottage was dangerous.
“What has happened to see you so distraught?”
She hesitated, and his gaze sharpened.
“You may confide in me, Payton. Are we not friends?”
Friends? Was that what their unusual relationship was…friendship? The need to unburden welled. “I…” She thrust her fingers into her chignon, tumbling the loose coil from its knot.
“You can trust me,” he coaxed, his piercing gaze steady on her.
“My father has accepted the honorable Jensen St. John, heir to the Viscountcy of Kenilworth’s, offer for my hand in marriage,” she confessed softly.
Mikhail stiffened imperceptibly, a smooth mask descending over his face. “I see. And you object.”
“Yes.” Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she wiped at them with a furious swipe. Do not cry.
“Is your only objection because he is a lord?”
There was a curious undertone in his voice she could not decipher. But he seemed decidedly interested in her response.
“No! He is a liar who besmirched me to my parents…and even if he had not acted despicably I would have objected!”
Mikhail flinched. It was subtle but unmistakable. He stepped farther into the cottage, and she instinctively created more space between them. He noticed her shift, and a fleeting smile touched his lips, but he honored the distance.
“Tell me,” Mikhail said, strolling to sit on the only table in the cottage, folding his arms across his chest, legs sprawled in a very ungentlemanly manner.
Something hot and uncomfortable hovered in the air between them, and she was too inexperienced to put a name to it. But whatever it was seethed in his eyes, and it reached from him like a caress, kissing against her skin, seducing her to relax her guard and unwind.
She briefly closed her eyes at her ridiculous fancy and walked to the small window of the cottage, leaning her forehead on the cool glass. “I wanted to marry Lord Jensen a few months ago. In fact, I was quite eager. But even before he cried off, the doubts had started. While we had a grand time at balls, and on our carriage rides, I had started to realize Lord Jensen did not care much for my accomplishments. When I tried to share my passion for crafting fairy tales, he smiled indulgently and informed me as a future viscountess I would not have to lower myself to do such works. Aunt Florence had encouraged me to keep silent about my writing, saying the haute monde would think me silly…that Lord Jensen would find my ambitions unbecoming. I am ashamed to say I repressed much of myself to secure a well-made match.”
She pushed from the window and turned to Mikhail. “He jilted me. And I was hurt and angry. Hurt he would think so little of me, and of the wonderful persons Lord Anthony and Lady Constance are.”
Payton balled her hands into tight fists. “He abandoned me without a word. He drifted away, stopped calling, and was not gentleman enough to face me to end our engagement. Against my aunt’s advice, I visited his home, and I was not even admitted.” Payton ended on a whisper, the humiliating memory twisting her stomach into knots.
The entire situation infuriated her. “I moved past his betrayal, society’s derision, and I even started to feel relief. Happy I had escaped what might have possibly turned out to be a shallow union. And now he is once again pursuing me, and my family pretends he did not shred my heart because he is a lord. I will not wed a man who treated me with such little regard,” she growled.
“Then do not marry him.”
She paced, agitation battering her senses. “You do not understand, Mikhail. If my father says I must, what choice do I have?” She closed her eyes. “I will flee. I have been thinking to return to my grandmother in America. It will be a daunting journey to take by myself, but I fear I must escape my family’s persistent pressure or crumble to their demands and join in an unhappy union.”
His veiled gaze settled on her face. “What happened to prompt this command?”
She fought to control her emotions. It was silly of her to feel betrayed. She had long accepted that Lord Jensen had no honor. She tried to swallow down the raw emotions rising in her throat. “He lied to my father. St. John has insisted he took my chastity when we were engaged. I never gave myself to him! It is convenient for my mother and aunt to believe it, for they will get their hearts’ desire for me to be a viscountess. I will never marry into the haute monde.”
The sob she’d been valiantly holding on to broke free. Oh God.
Mikhail pushed from the table, and in two strides he was there drawing her to him. Strong arms closed around her, and she eagerly burrowed into the warmth and comfort in his reassuring embrace, slipping her hands around his waist and hugging him tight.
He froze, and she heard the thud of his heart against the side of her face pressed into his chest.
“I apologize,” she whispered, dropping her hands from his waist. “I forgot your aversion to touch.”
He cleared his throat. “Think nothing of it; I would welcome your embrace for a few moments if it would ease you.”
The words wrapped around her heart, terrifying and intriguing, because she somehow knew he had never made the offer to another. A new type of warmth unfurled in her chest. She wanted to twine herself around Mikhail, burrow further into his heat until the uncertainty faded. But she could not. Though he offered, he braced himself stoically for her to accept, his eyes shadowing with unnamed but volatile emotions. She shifted in his arms and tilted her head to look at him fully.
His gaze was shuttered, and the tenseness had yet to ease from his frame.
“I am contented, thank you.” Then a horrible thought occurred. What if he hated touching her as well, and because of her inexcusable tears he was forcing himself to hold her, to offer comfort? “Would you like me to step back?”
“No…I would be a foolish man to want to relinquish a beautiful lady from my arms.”
Payton smothered a snort, and he chuckled, the sound dark and full of sensual promise.
“Do you want me to release you?” he asked, his voice low and rough.
Acute awareness of his hands resting against her back, the far-too-intimate nature of their embrace slithered through her. In his touch she felt strength and restraint. His closeness should have intimidated her and made her feel nervous, but he provided a curious sense of comfort. “No. I want you to hold me closer.”
Surprise flared in his eyes, and then he masked it. The need to pierce his armor welled in Payton. She lifted her fingers to his lips. She touched him with a featherlight caress, fleeting and tentative, gliding her fingertip across his jaw.
He tensed, but he did not retreat, and Payton claimed a small victory in a war she did not understand. “I want you to kiss me.”
His breathing fractured. “No.”
She swallowed, and a blush climbed her face. Once again she was being very unladylike, all her aunt’s deportment lessons forgotten. Before she could question him, he dropped his arms from her and stepped away.
“I can see the questions forming in your eyes. Do not doubt the strength of my desire for you, Payton,” he said. “But I cannot accept the invitation in your eyes until I speak with your parents about courting you.”
“You want to court me…for possible marriage?”
“Yes.”
The reason Payton had been happy with the honorable Lord Jensen was because he’d made her feel safe in the uncertain and privileged world of the haute monde. She’d agreed to marry him before, knowing she would never taste the depth of passion her sister, Phillipa, had burned with when she’d spoken of Lord Anthony. Since meeting Mikhail, Payton had felt the potent rush of desire in a manner that was shocking, but was it enough to consent to courtship knowing her family’s objection? Knowing how much she had been hurt before when she had dared?
His blue eyes darkened and blazed with need while he waited for her response.
She was stepping dangerously close to falling for a man she hardly knew. “I have tried harder to be more ladylike.” He reached for her, and she held up a hand, halting him. “I…I feel things with you I have never felt with another…I actively think of kissing you. You do not have expectations of ridiculous ladylike behaviors, and you have afforded me the courtesy of being myself. I would like to get to know you more…but my father would never consent to you calling on me, especially now.”
“Is that your only objection?”
“I…yes…maybe.”
He raised an enquiring brow.
“I never thought I would agree to courtship again so soon.” She had known Lord Jensen for several months, and his actions had still caught her off guard. “I do not want to be hurt, and I do not want to hurt you.”
“I will not hurt you.”
She snorted. “You cannot promise that, and I will not tolerate another gentleman abusing my feelings.”
“Does this mean you will never open yourself again to a man?”
“No…I do eventually want a family.”
“Pain is a part of life,” he said, a dark undercurrent in his tone. “I will do everything in my power not to hurt you.” A guarded look descended over his face. “I cannot promise I will succeed, but I will promise to never willfully cause you pain, and I will promise to give everything of me that I’m able to give. You will not have cause to regret forming an attachment with me, Payton.”
Everything he was able to give? “Will you also allow me to touch you?” Please say yes.
He stiffened, and she moved close enough to him that the hem of her dress curled around his shoes.
“You said you will give me as much as you are able to of yourself. Do you mean you will not allow my touch?”
Shadows shifted in the depth of his eyes. “Yes.”
Never? Questions hovered on the tip of her tongue, but his shuttered mien urged caution. She retreated, gathering her thoughts. She enjoyed being with him, and she was willing to explore the budding feelings sprouting to life. “I will warn you, if you hurt me in a fashion that is deliberate or could have been avoided, me bashing your head in with a poker will be the least of your troubles,” she said lightly.
Amusement quirked his lip, and he prowled close, sleek and graceful, shortening the distance she’d assumed he wanted. “Does this mean you want to know me more, that you will give me a chance?”
“Oh yes.” A flush shivered through her at her much too enthused response.
The amusement fled from his gaze, and the intensity that replaced it had her heart squeezing.
He cupped her cheeks with both hands, tilting her head up, using one of his thumbs to swipe across her lower lip in an erotic caress. “Do not be embarrassed. I possess a similar need to know all of your secrets. I hunger to know your passion, what you dream of, the food you love, what makes you angry, what makes you throw back your head and laugh without a care in the world, what makes your golden eyes darken with need, and what makes you moan in abandonment.”
His assertions burned all her doubts to ash. It was more than foolhardy, for her parents would never allow her happiness with him. “Books,” she whispered.
“What?”
She swayed even closer to him, her breasts brushing delicately against his damp shirt. “When I smell a new book and clasp the leather binding in my arms, I moan…in pure pleasure.”
His low chuckle rolled through the cottage, heated and gravelly, the sound one of ridiculous temptation. Thick, hot tension swirled around them.
“I have more wealth than you believe.”
Her eyes widened. She had not expected him to say that. “I have never speculated on your money; it does not matter to me.”
“I know, but it will matter to your family. And I believe when I make my wealth and stature known, my courtship will be welcomed.”
Pain stabbed at the very heart of her. No, it would not. Her family would see him as beneath their lofty expectations though they were of the same social standing. An association with Calydon would not make Mikhail’s suit welcomed. He worked…and he was wonderfully ordinary. They would not see the honor in this man, his kindness, or the fact that he would treat her as an equal. Payton did not know how to explain that this moment they were sharing might well be the last, once he expressed his interest to her family.
They would do everything in their power to ensure nothing or anyone so unconnected foiled their grand expectations. The pressure to wed Lord Jensen would mount, and she would either crumble or flee. She understood enough of English laws to know she could not run away with Mikhail and marry him without permission. Not even to Scotland and the famous Gretna Green she had read so much about in her romantic novels. If only her twenty-first birthday was not almost a year away. Payton feared the only moment she could have him was now, and she wanted his kisses and to dwell in a moment that was simply for her.
“I desire you to kiss me, Mikhail.” This was her choice. “I want to feel your lips against mine, and I need to savor your taste once more.”
A breath hissed from between his teeth, and carnality shifted across his face and settled like a second skin. “You are dangerous,” he murmured.
Pleasure pulsed through her. “It is kind of you to say so…but I assure you, I am quite ordinary.”
“No other woman has ever made my cock harden and my heart pound with a simple request for a kiss.”
Good heavens. Curiosity beat against decorum…and won. “What is your cock?”
“Hell!” His eyes darkened to the deepest shade of blue, and tension coiled his frame. “You must not touch me…no matter the temptation.”
Her throat dried, and she nodded weakly.
In a lightning fast move, he tugged her to him, and she tumbled into his embrace. He slanted his lips over hers, drawing a moan of pure need from the depth of her being. His taste was flavored with a hint of brandy, chocolate…and shocking eroticism.
She stood on her toes, sinking further into his wild kiss, losing herself and blindly twining her fingers through the hair curling at the nape of his neck.
He froze, his teeth sinking into her lower lips, lashing her with sensuous pain.
She stilled, her heart jerking erratically. “It is hard not to touch you,” she confessed brokenly. “You kiss me, and I lose a piece of myself, unable to remember my promise.”
Mikhail cursed under his breath, pulled from her and with rough movements drew his shirt over his head. Payton’s knees wobbled. His naked chest rippled and twisted with strength. He was wonderfully formed, and she wanted so desperately to glide her fingertips across the expanse of his chest. Without speaking he walked to the wall where a sharp peg jutted and looped his shirt over it, then he grabbed the narrow bed and pushed it under the peg.
Payton couldn’t speak. Anticipation and nerves twisted inside of her in equal measure.
“Come here.”
The stark lines of his face were heightened by desire, the curve of his lips hinted at domineering sensuality, and if she were honest, she was a bit intimidated by his intensity, yet she was pulled to his side by the need trembling between them, and the knowledge she may never get such an opportunity to taste passion with this man again, this man who was her choice.
Payton sat on the cot, her feet barely touching the stone floor, her heart a drumbeat in her ears. The rumble of the thunder and the lash of the rain on the roof of the cottage did nothing to soothe her aroused anxiety. “What now?” Her voice was husky with need and the apprehension she tried to hide.
He moved over and stood in front of her. “Scoot into the center of the bed, raise your arms above your head, and grip my shirt. Do not let go.”
She gasped at the shocking arousal that surged through her veins, and without hesitation, a testament to the trust she placed in him, she complied. The feel of his linen shirt fisted in her hands was an anchor in the midst of the tearing desire shivering through her limbs.
He sat on the bed, and it creaked beneath his weight. “Do you trust me?”
“More than I would have imagined possible,” she breathed.
A slow smile creased his lips, moving him from sensual predator to charming seducer. He lightly encircled her left ankle and pushed to bend her knee, so she sat with her leg drawn up, the sole of her foot flat on the sheets. Her breath hitched when he leaned across, his fathomless eyes holding hers captive, and repeated the action with her other leg.
His eyes flicked to her hands poised above her head, gripping his shirt, before lowering in a heated caress to where she leaned against the small headboard, her bent knees pulling her dress to her shins, her ankles on shocking display.
“Open your legs.”
Her gaze flew to his at the rough command. The deep blue of his eyes glinted with wicked knowledge, and God help her, but Payton complied, parting her legs invitingly.
Approval flared in his eyes. He coasted his fingers up the top of her leg, pushing her dress farther up, letting his thumb drag along the sensitive inside of her left thigh.
She clutched his shirt even tighter as his devilish fingers continued to the apex of her thighs, a frustratingly teasing caress. Without releasing her from his stare, he nudged her legs wider. Need coiled low below her stomach, and a heated throb started at her core. Her eyes widened when he cupped her mons and pressed gently. Pleasure consumed her, shrouding every logical thought.
“Have you ever been touched here?”
A fission of need rippled through her body. “Never.” She pushed the words past her throat. For some reason, when he’d told her to sit on the bed, she had expected kisses. This was wildly inappropriate and simply decadent, but she desperately wanted to hold on to the aching pleasure dampening her drawers. “Touch me,” she moaned, unable to bear the anticipation.
He shifted even closer, and his scent wrapped around her. He pressed a fleeting kiss to her mouth, and she parted her lips and darted her tongue to glide against his, hoping to tempt him into a deeper taste.
Holding her gaze, he shifted her drawers and slid a finger through her curls, down to part her. She was achingly wet and embarrassed.
“Look at me.”
As if she could look elsewhere.
“Do you want me to stop?”
No! “You wouldn’t dare,” she warned.
“You are beautiful in your need. Do not ever be embarrassed to welcome this passion between us.”
She nodded. “I feel as if you are speaking too much, Mikhail.”
He laughed softly, and she leaned forward and stole the air from his mouth. He paused for a fraction, then his tongue stroked past her lips to meet hers in a sensual duel. She whimpered into the kiss when with maddening delicacy, he stroked her wet core with firm pressure, alternating rimming her entrance and flicking against her nub of pleasure. Their kisses grew hungrier, and Payton sobbed against his lips, so intense was the fever burning away all sense of herself. She craved.
He caressed the straining nub at the apex of her thighs over and over. On a sob, she arched up, yearning for the hovering fulfillment.
She squirmed with the need for more, and when he would not comply, she pulled from the kiss, breathing heavily. “I swear if you do not end this torture, I will release your shirt and strangle—”
He pushed two fingers deep into her without warning, sliding through the wetness he had created.
“Mikhail!” Pleasure and erotic pain lashed at her, causing her limbs to tremble.
“Shhh,” he soothed, brushing her lips with light kisses. He held his fingers still, allowing her to adjust to the wonderful strangeness of them buried so deep.
The only window to the cottage rattled, and the coolest of breezes rushed inside, but it did nothing to lessen the fever of need beating in her blood. “Is there more?” she demanded hoarsely.
“Infinitely,” he murmured, wicked carnality suffusing his features. He withdrew his fingers and thrust in deep and slow. Her hips jerked, she pulsed, shivering deliciously.
“You are so wet and responsive.” He inhaled, and his obvious struggle for control delighted her.
“There is nothing I want more than to draw you underneath me and bury my cock deep.”
Temptation rose in her. There was the strongest possibility she would never feel such bliss again. She waited for the guilt to surface at the idea of going to a husband impure. But it was thankfully absent. “Then make me yours.”
“No, my sweet, not until you are mine.”
She heard the possessive way he said mine, and her throat tightened. “Yes,” she agreed, and he smiled.
“But I will have your taste until that time.”
Her taste?
He withdrew from her, and she gasped as he pushed her day gown and chemisette indecently high. He bunched the material at her waist, gripped her knees, and widened her legs.
“You will be tempted to release my shirt…do not.”
Excitement pulsed through her. She watched him with acute curiosity as he tugged off her drawers, lifting one foot and then the other to remove them. She felt wicked and wanton, free and bold, and she never wanted this encounter to end. He slid his hand underneath her bottom, gripped, and pulled her to the edge of the bed.
His shirt tautened, and she tightened her hold, looping the ends around her wrists. He stared at the intimate part of her, and mortification blushed her entire body. Then he dipped his head and kissed her there.
Sweet merciful heaven.
He ran his tongue over her wet core in a toe-curling swipe.
“Mikhail, please, surely this cannot be decent,” she moaned when he repeated the motion before clamping his teeth over her knot of pleasure and sucked…hard.
Her back bowed, and she gripped the shirt so tightly, she was surprised it did not fly off the peg. Her breath came in shuddering gasps, and a sob rose in her throat when he added his fingers to the sweet torment of his lips.
She tried to scoot back on the bed, overwhelmed by the erotic heat cascading through her blood, but he gripped her hips and brought her even more firmly onto his tongue. All of Payton’s thoughts burned to ashes under the devastating pleasure Mikhail’s incredibly wicked tongue and fingers delivered.
She sobbed his name, undulated her hips, whispers and hoarse cries ripping from her throat. The exquisite sensations built steadily, overwhelming her senses. Without thought she released the grip on his shirt, lowered her hands, and frantically clasped his head. She didn’t know if she wanted to push him away or pull him firmer against her core. The lascivious thought had more heat spreading through her body, beading the tips of her nipples into hard points. They stabbed against her chemisette, desperate for a touch.
She sank her fingers into the thick strands of his hair and gripped tight as uncontrolled shivers scythed through her. His decadent tongue took her to the brink of sanity.
He froze, his teeth clenched with gentle but sensuous precision over her knot of pleasure.
Oh God. I am so sorry.
His eyes lifted to her, and the darkness swirling in his gaze was more than arousal.
Holding his eyes, she eased her fingers from his hair to her side where she fisted the sheets.
He scraped his teeth over her nub, then nipped once, twice, before drawing his tongue over her soaked slit, and thrust his two fingers deep and hard.
Payton shattered. Pulsating waves of pleasure coursed through her, and she tumbled into blissful delight. Despite the ecstasy, a fist of discomfort gripped her heart.
Will you ever allow my touch, Mikhail?