The Snow Leopard's Heart (Glacier Leopards Book 4) by Zoe Chant (1)

Two weeks later

Joel had scented the strange leopard again.

This morning, he’d caught its trail when he’d gotten up early to go for a run near his cabin.

Mr. Walton’s cabin, rather. It wasn’t his yet. He’d been fixing it up for a couple of months now, though, and he was starting to think of it as his. He’d gotten the roof all finished just last week, so that it was snug and dry enough to sleep there as often as he wanted.

And since he shared his house with his brother Zach, and Zach’s newly-found mate, Teri...it was often.

Joel wanted to be happy for Zach, and grateful for a new family member in Teri. He wanted to see them together, smiling at each other, kissing in the kitchen, holding hands while they watched a movie, and just smile, too.

But he couldn’t. Their past made it too hard.

Plus, there was the more practical problem. Shifters had extra-sharp senses, and there were plenty of things he’d rather just not know about his brother.

Last night, he’d heard a tell-tale groan drift out from the bedroom, and he’d high-tailed it out of there like his ass was on fire. Apparently being newly mated meant it was hard to control yourself around each other.

But it wasn’t a hardship to spend the night at the cabin now. There wasn’t a bed yet, but he’d brought up some sleeping bags and blankets and pillows. He’d been plenty comfortable. And this morning, he’d shifted and gone for a run through the mountainous territory right outside his door. The cabin was just outside Glacier National Park, where Joel worked.

He’d spent the first several months since he’d been hired learning the Park’s territory like the back of his hand. He had to, in case there was an emergency, like a search for a missing hiker. But he also enjoyed it; after living most of his life in the city, spending all his time out in the wilderness felt like he was finally coming home.

Now he was venturing further, away from the tourist-approved areas of the Park. He needed to get a sense of where he was living, for one thing, and the stark wildness of the mountains drew him out. His human side and his leopard side both relished the endless miles of raw forest and rock that surrounded him. He spent as much time out here as he could.

And it was a good thing, too, because he’d caught the scent of a leopard he didn’t recognize, one that wasn’t part of the loosely-organized Glacier pack. He hadn’t been able to track the leopard down, but the scent trail had stayed well clear of the Park. Joel had to guess that that was on purpose. Someone didn’t want to be found.

Who and why: those were the questions.

Joel didn’t want to get into anyone’s business if all they wanted was to be left alone. He understood wanting to be left alone. As far as Joel was concerned, even his brother Zach could be too much company sometimes.

So if there was a leopard out there who just wanted to live in the mountains and not be bothered, Joel had no problem with that. He could live and let live. Better than most people could, even.

But if someone was out to cause trouble...

In that case, he should warn Cal, the head ranger at Glacier, and the de facto leader of their pack.

But he didn’t want Cal deciding to chase off someone who was just minding their business. Joel respected people who minded their own business and he didn’t want to mess that up for anybody.

Problem was, he didn’t know Cal well enough to guess what he’d choose to do. Which was the downside of minding your own business.

The scent trails were all old today, too old to track the strange leopard down, so eventually Joel gave up and went to work.

Being a ranger at Glacier was Joel’s dream job. Some mornings he woke up and couldn’t believe it was real. Spending his workday outside in the mountains, helping people stay safe and respect the environment, being prepared to handle emergencies and rescues...it was all he could have wanted for his life. And Glacier itself was the ideal environment for a snow leopard.

Which was probably why there were so many of them around.

He met Grey, his usual partner, at the rangers’ headquarters, and Grey jerked his head toward Cal’s office. “Boss wants to speak to you.”

Joel looked at Grey, looked at the office door, looked back. “Any idea what for?”

Grey shrugged. He was a man of few words, which Joel usually appreciated, but it meant that getting information out of him was tough.

So, fine. He’d find out when he went in. Joel squared his shoulders and went to meet the boss.

Cal was an intimidating man, not because he was threatening, cold, or a bully, but because he was so confident and self-assured. He never put a word wrong, never seemed to be concerned about screwing up, never got upset or angry when things didn’t go well. He always gave the impression that no matter what happened, he had a plan and he was prepared to handle it.

Joel, who’d handled things pretty spectacularly badly more than once in his life, found Cal’s endless calm a little unnerving.

He tapped on Cal’s office door, and at the gruff, “Come on in,” stepped inside.

“You wanted to see me?”

“That’s right. Take a seat.” Cal waved a casual hand at the chairs set up opposite his desk. He was reading through some papers, but when Joel sat, he set them aside and looked up. “So. You’ve been here six months now.”

Six months. Maybe this was just a standard job-related check-in. Joel relaxed a little. “That’s right.”

“You’ve got a handle on the territory and the tourists, you’re having no trouble keeping up with the work. You show up on time, you do your job, you’ve never caused any trouble.”

Cal was looking at him expectantly, so Joel said, “Thank you.” He had to suppress the sir that wanted to come out whenever he talked to Cal. Cal hated being called sir, and Joel usually hated calling people sir, so he didn’t know what the hell it was that made the word lurk on the tip of his tongue in meetings like this.

“In fact,” Cal said, “there’s only one thing I could write down in this little Needs Improvement box in the employee form, if filling out the little boxes was a priority for me.”

Joel took a second to try and decode that, and then gave up and just said, “What is it?”

“Sociability with other employees,” Cal said bluntly.

Joel tensed. “I’m kind of a loner, that’s all. I don’t have a problem with any of the staff.”

“No, you don’t, and that’s good, because that’s the kind of thing that would make me toss you out on your ear.” Cal’s voice was conversational, but there was no question he meant it. “There’s nothing wrong with keeping to yourself, either. That’s a fine thing for someone to want.”

“So why are we talking about it?” If it wasn’t a job performance problem, then what business was it of Cal’s?

“Because when you spend a few years in charge of rangers, you learn some things.” Cal leaned forward in his chair, meeting Joel’s eyes. Cal’s eyes were the usual snow leopard’s gray, but they were a solid, uncompromising iron color, rather than the lighter, clear silver that Joel was used to from himself and Zach.

“You learn that men take park ranger jobs because they like being alone in the great outdoors, but they don’t know what years of it will do to them. A man has a family at home, a mate and cubs, or he’s got some solid buddies he spends his days with, that’s one thing. But when someone lives alone in a cabin in the mountains, and works the farthest territories in the Park, I get a little concerned.”

Joel’s fists clenched involuntarily. Cal was his boss, not his father—not even his friend.

He was technically the alpha of the Glacier pack, but Joel had figured out pretty quickly that snow leopards were all pretty independent, and Cal didn’t feel the need to try and run their lives.

So why the hell was he starting with Joel?

Joel forced his anger down, but he knew there was a hint of it in his voice when he said, “I don’t know what to say to that, sir.”

This time, the sir wasn’t a mark of respect, but rather of defiance. Joel knew it, and he was sure Cal knew it, too.

But Cal, of course, didn’t give any sign he was angry, didn’t react at all. If he’d been feeling good-natured, he would’ve shot right back, Don’t call me sir, I work for a living.

“No need to say anything,” he said instead. “I’m not telling you what to do with your private life, Joel. I’m not ordering you to make friends, or saying you can’t move out to that cabin of old Walton’s that you’re fixing up. None of that’s my job or my right.”

Joel’s anger was fading a bit, but it left confusion in its place. “So what are you saying?”

“Just that everything’s easier when you know who you’re relying on, and they know you. You don’t want to look up in ten years and realize you’re standing alone.”

Joel stared at the wall just behind Cal’s left shoulder. “Thank you for the advice, sir.”

Cal looked at him for a long moment, then waved a hand. “All right, you do what you want. Now get out of my office and get to work.”

“Can do.” Joel made for the door.

Out in the hall, he took a couple of deep breaths until his hands relaxed from his fists. He had to pull back from the knee-jerk anger of don’t tell me what to do before he joined up with Grey. The man was quiet, but perceptive.

As he and Grey headed out for the day, though, after he’d calmed down a bit, he thought about what Cal had said. It was strange to be singled out as the loner when he lived and worked with his brother. None of the other rangers were roommates with their family, after all.

But it wasn’t wrong.

Zach was the people person. He always had been. He made friends everywhere. Hell, even Grey, who was technically Joel’s partner, spent more time with Zach than with Joel, because Grey was teaching Zach some carpentry stuff so he could build a deck for their house.

Meanwhile, Joel and Grey rode up in their Jeep in silence, as always, and parted ways to go patrol the campsites separately, as always. Joel preferred it that way and Grey did too.

At least, he thought that Grey did.

Being partnered with Grey had made Joel figure that being a loner was normal for a ranger. Grey didn’t talk much, and like Joel he preferred spending his time way out in the farthest reaches of the Park. Not like Zach, who worked the visitor’s center and actually seemed to enjoy it.

But Grey had a mate at home, Alethia. Joel had met her a few times, and she wasn’t shy or quiet. Grey probably got plenty of conversation at home. And then he still came over to hang out with Zach in his free time.

Joel, on the other hand, spent his free time out in the mountains, or fixing up the cabin—alone. He’d never asked for Grey’s help, or anyone’s. And he liked that just fine. More than anything, he valued his independence.

And he sure as hell didn’t want a mate. Giving up that independence, being tied to another person without his consent, seemed like a nightmare. Maybe it was fine for other people, but it wasn’t for him.

Cal had said, You don’t want to look up in ten years and realize you’re standing alone.

He wondered suddenly if Cal was speaking from experience. As far as Joel knew, Cal didn’t have a mate, and he didn’t have friends among the rangers, because he was always somewhat set apart, as their leader.

Well, Joel thought, if Cal was who he was going to be in ten or fifteen years, that was fine. A person could aspire to a lot worse than being like Cal Westland.

If there was one thing Cal had, after all, it was independence. He didn’t need anyone else; he stood on his own two feet. And that was what Joel wanted, too. Liking other people, even loving them, was just fine, but needing them just made you vulnerable. Best to avoid it, if at all possible.

Anyway, it was past time to start paying attention to his job. Making sure everything was copacetic over all the many, many square miles covered by Glacier National Park took his full-time attention. He didn’t have time to be worrying about made-up futures.

***

Ethel frowned at Nina over her glasses. “You’re almost late.”

Nina pointed at the clock on the wall as proof. “But I’m not.” It was 3:59.

“Well, you better get clocked in and get out there fast, then. You’ve only been here two weeks, you don’t have any leeway to be skating on yet, missy.”

“Getting out there now,” Nina said obediently, clocking in and tying on her apron.

She hadn’t meant to be late. Getting this job waitressing at Oliver’s, the local diner, so soon after arriving in town had been a godsend. If she saved carefully, she’d have enough money soon to get an apartment...instead of curling up in leopard form way out in the woods where no one could find her, and showering at the run-down local gym.

The problem was, she didn’t have a clock out in the woods. She had a little battery-powered alarm she kept stashed with her stuff in a hideaway hole in the rocky mountainside, but that didn’t do any good if she was running wild in the forest.

New rule, she told herself. No shifting so soon before work. She couldn’t afford to lose this job, that was for sure—especially since this was a small enough town that if she was fired for being unreliable, everyone would know, and it would be hard to get another job.

Nina didn’t normally spend much time in small towns, the sort of places where everyone knew each other’s business. With her secret, she couldn’t afford to.

But she’d been right about this place: it was different here. People seemed to value privacy a lot more than most. She hadn’t been asked any probing, uncomfortable questions about where she’d come from, where she spent her time, none of it. No obliquely racist questions about what a black girl was doing up here in rural white-people country, even. And when she deflected casual getting-to-know-you conversation, people took the hint and stopped.

Maybe it just was because Glacier Park was right next door, and everyone was so used to tourists coming by that they were bored of newcomers. Maybe it was just lucky. Whatever, Nina wasn’t going to question it. Not at all.

The diner was still slow at four PM, but Nina got moving fast, taking over Patsy’s tables as she went off-shift. She didn’t want to give Ethel any more reasons to be mad at her.

Things started to pick up as it got on toward dinnertime, and Nina’s tables filled up. She took orders, maneuvered her tray around the other servers, and kept a smile on her face.

That was the hardest part of the job, smiling all the time.

Nina had been working as a waitress since she was sixteen, and she’d always struggled with looking cheerful and friendly. Especially when customers were jerks.

It was hard, standing there with a smile while some asshole yelled at you because his burger was overcooked—like Nina had any control over how the burgers were cooked. In the early days, when she was still a scared teenager, bewildered and angry at the blows the world had dealt her, she’d occasionally snapped back.

But she’d quickly learned that that was an easy way to lose a job, and so she’d gotten control of her temper.

But it sometimes felt like even when she was human, the leopard was still there, deep inside her chest somewhere. And she couldn’t seem to smile when it was growling.

Tonight, there was a table of rowdy guys, there for burgers and beer. A lot of beer. She kept the smile fixed on her face and the leopard shoved way down, but it was extra-difficult. She was getting a lot of leers, a few crude comments. She’d started gaining weight again, and her curves were filling out.

Nina had a naturally curvaceous figure, and whenever she had a regular job and plenty of food, she filled out. Particularly in certain...key areas. It attracted attention, especially when she was waitressing. Most especially when she was the only black girl in the place, because apparently that made her butt much more interesting.

She gritted her teeth as the evening wore on, and her leopard started growling. Shift, the big cat seemed to say to her. Shift, and you could give them something else to talk about. Like your claws and teeth.

Stop it, she told the growling voice. That’s not how the world works. We want to stay in this town. This is a good job, and no one’s asking questions, and there’s all that space to run in the snow. You like running in the snow.

Her leopard had to acknowledge that that was true. But she didn’t stop growling at the beer-drinking guys.

Then the door opened, and the hostess was seating one of Nina’s favorite customers. Her leopard settled down almost immediately.

This was a good antidote to a group of drunk assholes, Nina thought, a smile appearing without her having to force it. It was the woman she privately just called Ms. Stylish, here with her husband.

Ms. Stylish was always nice, usually said something funny while they were ordering, and paid attention to Nina as though she was a person, not just a serving robot. Her husband was much quieter, but always gave Nina a warm smile and never leered, even when his wife wasn’t looking. And they tipped very well.

Today, they were with friends, another couple Nina had seen a few times already, and liked almost as much—a tall friendly guy, and his short blonde fiancée, both always cheerful when they came in.

“Hi, Nina,” said Ms. Stylish when Nina came to the table, smiling. She was wearing a gorgeous red dress with a truly beautiful diamond necklace—way overdressed for a diner, but she never seemed to care. And she definitely didn’t have the snotty attitude that sometimes came with clothes like that. “We might have one more, we’re not sure yet.”

Tall and Friendly rolled his eyes. “He’s going to cancel. Again.”

Short and Blonde punched his arm. “Give him a chance. He might show up.”

“Why change his ways after the last four times?” Tall and Friendly muttered.

“So,” Ms. Stylish said pointedly, “Nina, don’t worry about it—if he shows up, fine, but no need to wait around for him to get here.”

“No problem,” Nina assured her. “Can I start you all off with something to drink?”

They did the thing where they all looked around to each other, until finally Ms. Stylish’s husband said in his quiet voice, “Alethia, why don’t you start.”

Ms. Stylish smiled at him and ordered. Alethia, Nina thought. What a beautiful, exotic name. It fit her perfectly.

She had to admit it, she thought as she went to get their drinks. She was jealous of Ms. Stylish—of Alethia. She always seemed so happy, so nice, and she had that gorgeous husband who was clearly madly in love with her. And she had all these friends. Not just the cheerful couple here tonight, but a woman with an adorable baby and a few others. In just two weeks, Nina had seen her in here all the time with her friends, always smiling and laughing.

And there was something about her—about all of them. Nina didn’t know what it was, exactly. But when she was around them, her leopard just seemed to curl up inside her chest and relax. She wished she could figure out how to make friends with them herself, be part of that happy, laughing group.

But she couldn’t, she reminded herself. She couldn’t make friends. She couldn’t get close to people. That way led to secrets, to lying. Scrambling for explanations for things that didn’t make sense, like where she was living, where she’d come from, why she disappeared into the countryside for hours and hours.

And that was if she was lucky. If she wasn’t, there would be screams of fear, threats of violence or of calling the police.

Nina couldn’t be friends with normal people. She had to remember that. She was better off alone.

Remembering that, she put the fake, friendly smile firmly on her face and went back to bring Alethia’s group their drinks.

As she was setting down the last glass, in front of Mr. Tall and Friendly, his face lit up and he lifted a hand, looking past Nina’s shoulder to the door. “Joel!” he called.

The last member of their group must have shown up after all. Nina turned to welcome him, smile in place—and froze in place for a moment, mouth dropping open.

He was coming straight for the table, and he moved with a sort of a rangy grace that captured her eyes. He seemed to exude leashed power, like he was keeping himself to a casual walk for society’s sake, but at any moment he might explode into motion, and be gone.

He came to a stop next to her, as everyone greeted him and shifted around in the booth, and it was like she could feel the energy crackling off of him. She wanted to reach out and touch him, wrap a hand around that powerful bicep, and see if she got a shock.

Snap out of it, she ordered herself, with a sudden jerk. What was wrong with her? She’d seen plenty of attractive customers before, and she didn’t usually have to stop herself from putting her hands all over them.

He slid into the booth once there was room, and looked up at her. His eyes—

They were a startling silvery-gray color, unlike anything she’d ever seen before. And they caught her, held her motionless, her breath held in her lungs, her heart speeding up in her chest.

Her leopard growled.

She startled out of it, and fumbled for her pad and her pen. “Welcome to Oliver’s, I’m Nina.” Her voice sounded strange in her ears. “Can I get you something to drink?”

A long pause, and then he said, “Just water.”

His voice was deep enough to make her shiver. “One water, coming right up.”

She almost ran away from the table, wondering what the hell had just happened.

She never reacted to men like that. She barely reacted to men at all—or women, or anyone. She’d tried dating guys when she was younger, eighteen or nineteen, but she hadn’t been able to have more than a casual relationship, not with the knowledge of her secret burning inside of her.

She’d only had sex a few times, and found it too—everything. Too close, too uncomfortable, too hot and sticky and strange. She’d avoided the possibility after that. And she never looked at anyone and thought, I’d like to have sex with that person.

When men looked at her like that, she usually felt the urge to run the other way. And most of the time, that was the smartest option.

But the way that man—Joel, Tall and Friendly had called him Joel—the way Joel had looked at her. The way his voice had resonated in the pit of her stomach. She had warm shivers running through her body, and she felt tingles deep inside her at the thought of him. His big hands touching her, his body pressed up against hers...

Stop it!

She took a few minutes in the back to breathe, get herself under control again, before she got the water and went back to the table.

Now that she was prepared, it wouldn’t be as dramatic, right? She’d just been surprised to see someone she’d actually felt attracted to, because it was so unusual for her. That was all.

But as she approached the table, her eyes were drawn to Joel again. And, she realized, he was staring right back at her.

Nina took a breath, set the water down, said, “There’s your water!” as fake-cheerfully as she could possibly manage, and whipped out her pad and pen. “Are we ready to order?” She kept her eyes fixed on the pad.

They all gave their orders, one by one. Nina carefully wrote down everything they said, digging her pen into the paper and concentrating furiously. Joel was last. He ordered a burger, and when he spoke in that deep voice, Nina’s resolve broke, and she looked at him.

He was looking back, again, but this time he was—frowning? He looked like she was something strange and mysterious that he couldn’t figure out.

No, she wanted to tell him. You’ve got it backwards. You’re the mystery.

“How would you like that cooked?”

It was surreal, having a normal back-and-forth about an order, like she did multiple times a day, while something else was simmering in the background. She wrote down medium well and stared at it; she was sure that was what he’d said, but she’d barely heard the words around the deep pulse of his voice.

“I’ll get this started for you all,” Nina told the table, her voice wavering, and escaped again.

She put in the orders and caught her breath. God. What was wrong with her?

Whatever it was, she had to pull herself together, because she was on thin ice with Ethel already tonight, and she had other tables to take care of.

Nina made the rounds, bringing out dishes, checking to see everyone’s food was all right, refilling drinks, all on autopilot. She deliberately didn’t look over at Joel. She hoped no one at that table needed anything, because her eyes weren’t going anywhere near it.

Instead, she stopped by the table of rowdy, beer-drinking men. They might be obnoxious, but at least she wasn’t strangely attracted to any of them.

“Everything all right over here, guys?” she asked with her bright fake-smile.

“Be better if you stayed a while,” one of them said, looking her up and down.

“Afraid I’ve got a job to do.” She kept her smile in place.

“Maybe some other time, huh?” another one said.

“Maybe we could just keep you here anyway,” said a third, and just as Nina was about to make her excuses and leave, he reached out and caught her around the waist, one meaty hand spread over her hip and part of her butt.

Nina froze. Her leopard snarled, Claw him! Bite him! Make him sorry he touched us!

“Sir,” she started, her voice trembling with the need to hold in her leopard’s rage.

She didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence.

“Let her go.”

The voice was quiet, but fury lurked in its depths. Nina knew who was standing behind her without turning around.

“Hey, why don’t you mind your own—uh.” The customer had twisted around in his chair as he talked, and Nina watched his squinty eyes go wide at the sight of whatever was behind her. His arm slowly pulled back.

The whole table was silent. Nina took a deep breath, said, “Glad to hear everything’s all right, gentlemen. You keep enjoying, now,” and turned to leave.

Which, of course, put her face-to-face with her rescuer. Joel.

“Are you okay?” His eyes were intent on her face. Nina was finding it hard to breathe, looking at them. Could that molten silver color really be natural? It sure seemed to be melting her.

No. No, she couldn’t melt. Not for some man with pretty eyes and a deep voice.

She had to be strong, had to be able to stand on her own. If she couldn’t keep herself going alone, she was done for. She’d known that since she was sixteen, and she wasn’t about to forget it now.

So she lifted her chin, looked right into those gorgeous eyes, and said, “I’m fine. I don’t need any help.”

His eyes slid past her to the table of men, but surprisingly, he didn’t try to argue with her. “My mistake.”

“That’s right,” Nina said steadily. “And now I have to get back to work.”

There was a long, long moment where she honestly thought he was going to say, Don’t.

But all at once he let out his breath, and said, “I’ll just be going, then.”

Then the tables were turned. Because her leopard hissed. No, don’t let him go. Keep him here with us!

The desire was strong enough that Nina actually opened her mouth, ready to protest Joel’s leaving. He’d stepped backwards, but he stopped, stock-still, his eyes fixed on her mouth.

She snapped it shut. What was she going to say? “No, don’t go, hang around me while I do my job”? This whole situation was ridiculous already, and her strange freaky instincts were making it even worse.

What is up with you tonight? Nina thought at the growling, apparently man-hungry leopard. I let you out for a run just today! You should be tired and happy!

Happy with him, her leopard insisted.

And that was why the human side of her was in charge, Nina supposed. Joel was turning away, and she kept her mouth shut—and her claws in—and watched him go.

He headed for the door, though, not the table with his friends. Nina frowned after him as he pushed out into the night, wondering what on earth his problem was.

Well, she was one to talk. Hopefully now that he was gone, everything would calm down. She shook herself, got out her pad and pen, and went to greet the table that had just been seated in her section.

The rest of the night was, fortunately, much less eventful.

The most awkward thing that happened was when she returned to Joel's table with all of their orders—including Joel's medium-well burger, which she had to set at an empty place, because he hadn't come back.

"Um," said Tall and Friendly as she set the plate down. Nina looked up. "Listen, I hope Joel didn't bother you at all."

"Bother me?" she repeated stupidly, because her brain was caught up in the sudden whirl of anxiety that always came from being noticed.

It wasn't safe if people noticed her behaving strangely. And something strange had certainly been happening earlier.

"Just, I saw that he went over to you before he left. He can be a little abrupt sometimes, and I wanted to make sure he wasn't rude to you or anything." Tall and Friendly smiled tentatively.

"Oh—oh, no, nothing like that," Nina stumbled to assure him. "It was fine. He was just—concerned."

"Concerned," Tall and Friendly's short blonde fiancée said thoughtfully.

"It was nothing!" Nina insisted, probably too strongly. "Enjoy your meal!" She tripped away, banging her hip on a chair in her hurry.

Great, she thought, on her way back to pick up table seven's order. Now, in addition to everything else, Ms. Stylish—Alethia—was going to think she was a complete idiot.

She was never going to be your friend, Nina reminded herself. You can't have friends.

She repeated that to herself as she went on with her shift. When Alethia and her friends finished eating, Nina dropped off the check with as little eye contact as she could manage.

But then when the table was getting up to leave, and Nina was avoiding looking at them or coming near them, a soft hand landed on her arm. Nina started and spun around.

Alethia held up her hands. "Sorry."

"No—uh—no problem, I was just—" Just what? Just anxious and paranoid for no reason that she could explain? Just fizzing and on-edge from the first man she'd ever really been attracted to?

"I just wanted to say thanks for the great service and sorry about Joel," Alethia said with her usual warm smile. "I was a waitress for—well, a lot of years, and I know it can suck." Her eyes flicked over to the table of rowdy men, who were still in their booth, getting steadily drunker. "Don't let it get you down."

Nina nodded quickly. “Thanks.” She tried to keep herself from saying anything else, like, “Where were you a waitress? Was it here?” or the extra-pathetic “Will you be my friend?”

“See you soon, okay, Nina?" Alethia flashed her bright smile again, and then glanced over her shoulder, where her husband was waiting patiently by the door. "I should get going. Have a good night."

"You too," Nina said automatically, and watched her leave.

She finished up her shift mechanically, without paying much attention to what she was doing. Fortunately there was nothing complicated for her to screw up, and the drunk guys didn’t bother her any further.

She wasn’t sure if that was thanks to Joel’s intervention. She forced herself not to think too hard about it.

Nina closed up alongside Ethel, and ended up the last one there when Ethel had to run home to bring her daughter some things for her latest grandkid.

She stood in the office at eleven-thirty, looking at the desk. She glanced around as though there might be someone lurking in the shadows to see her, but she was totally alone.

Slowly, she pulled out Ethel’s chair and sat down at the desk. There was paper in one of the drawers. She tugged out a piece and picked up a pencil.

Dear Mom, she wrote.

I moved again. I live right near Glacier National Park now. The mountains here are very beautiful. I have a job at a diner. It’s called Oliver’s, but I don’t know if there ever was an Oliver because the owner now is named Ethel.

Nina’s hand clenched on the pencil. She forced her grip to loosen before she snapped it accidentally.

I met a guy today. That never happens. And I met someone I think would be a great friend. I wish I could stay here, and have friends, and see what might happen with the guy, but I can’t. I can never stay anywhere. It sucks.

Nina stared at the page. She was never going to be a writer, that was for sure. But she couldn’t think of any more elegant way to say it. She could never stay anywhere, not for the rest of her life. And it sucked.

I wish I could see you again, she wrote in a sudden, furious scrawl. I wish things were different. Your daughter, Nina.

She set down the pen and read it over. She’d written a lot of these letters to her mom, over the years. Sometimes they made her feel better.

She never sent them. The last memory of her parents was too much. The way her mother had sobbed in fear, her father’s rage and disgust: “Get out of here! You’re some kind of monster! Stay away from me and my wife!”

Her mother’s tearful whisper: “Nina, what are you? What are you?”

In seven years, she’d never sent a letter to her mother. Because what if she wrote back: Stay away, you’re a monster?

Or what if she didn’t write back at all?

She read the letter over again. I wish things were different.

There were envelopes and stamps on the desk.

Nothing was ever going to be different for Nina. She was always going to be who she was. She would always have the terrible secret of her leopard.

Her leopard, who had been her only friend for seven years. Her snarling, purring, protective leopard. Nina had hated her at first, but slowly, she’d grown to love her. Slowly, she’d decided that if she was a monster, she would just be a monster, and if no one could love her for it, she’d be alone.

She didn’t wish her leopard away. She couldn’t.

That was never going to change. But...she wished other things would.

Her mother, at least. Her father—her father had always been strict and uncompromising. He wasn’t the sort of man to change his mind, and he definitely wasn’t the sort of man to accept differences. He’d always been the one who made the decisions, and her mother went along with him every time.

But who knew what might have happened in seven years?

Slowly, she folded the letter. She picked up an envelope. In careful, precise script, she wrote the address of her childhood home on the front of it. She gave the diner as the return address. She took a stamp from the desk—and then, feeling guilty, left fifty cents of her tip money in its place.

She put the stamp on the envelope, put the letter inside without thinking about what it said, or what her mom might think when she read it, if she ever got it. Then she licked the envelope and sealed it.

Nina left the diner with the envelope starting to crumple in her hand with how hard she was clenching it. There was a public mailbox just down the street, and she stood in front of it for a full minute before opening it, throwing the letter inside, and letting it bang shut. The sound seemed to echo in her ears.

She didn’t know what had made today so different. What had made today, instead of any other day, the day that she finally sent a letter.

Nothing’s going to change, she told herself. They’d probably moved. It had been seven years, after all. They probably wouldn’t get it, and if they did, her father would probably take it, shred it, throw it away before her mother even saw it.

And even if she read it, she might not care at all. And even if she cared...

What would she do? Probably nothing.

Nina shivered in the cool night air. She stared up at the black shapes of the mountains, reaching out into the distance.

“Hey there, honey,” said a voice.

Nina jumped a mile and spun around, her leopard growling. She was halfway to shifting before she caught herself—she couldn’t shift in public. The consequences would much worse than whatever might have happened otherwise.

Although...she was staring at the group of rowdy drunks from the diner. And they were looking at her with interest.

Oh, no.

***

Joel’s phone buzzed in his pocket for the fifth time.

Annoyed, he pulled it out, saw Zach’s name repeating itself on the home screen, and turned it off.

He didn’t need to answer to know what his older brother had to say. What was that, why did you leave, the one time you agree to come out with us...!

All perfectly natural questions to ask. The problem was, he didn’t have any answers.

Not any answers that made sense, anyway. Which was why he was out here behind the diner, staring at the mountains and going over the evening in his mind, trying to figure it out.

He didn’t know what had driven him to go help the waitress. Nina, her nametag had said. Something about her—something about her.

When he’d come in, she’d been standing by the table, and he’d almost tripped over his own feet trying to sit down. His eyes had caught on her curves, and then traveled upward to the graceful curve of her neck, the line of her cheek, and finally locked on her gorgeous grey-green eyes, so clear he almost felt like he could see right down to the center of her.

It was ridiculous. Joel had never had any sort of weakness for beautiful women; he’d dated a little here and there, but always with the understanding that there was no commitment involved. And he’d never felt this much of a pull toward any of the women he’d dated.

Feeling it toward a waitress he’d never met, never spoken to? That never happened.

He’d had a hard time hearing the conversation at the table, because he was too aware of the waitress—Nina—moving around the restaurant. Even when she was behind him, he seemed to have a sense of her, of how her body moved through space.

He hadn’t been able to pay attention to the other four talking about the deck Zach was building. Not even when Teri nudged him and asked how the cabin restoration was going.

“We’d love to come out and help you sometime,” she’d said hopefully. “We could make a day of it, everyone pitching in. Bring a picnic, all that.”

“I need a chance to test my skills on something harder than a deck,” Zach had added.

Joel had just said, “Sure,” instead of trying to muster the explanation that the whole reason he was repairing the cabin was to get away from all the happy togetherness.

They all gave off cheerful, loving devotion like some kind of thick, strong perfume—all of them: Zach and Teri, Jeff and Leah, even Grey and Alethia. Grey was always quiet, and was plenty easy to spend time with on his own, but when he was with his mate, he carried this deep, almost palpable contentment, edging on satisfaction.

Joel couldn’t be around any of them for too long before he started to choke on it all.

Mates. It was such a stupid idea. Why was it like this? Why could the hand of God, or shifter genetics, or whatever, just reach down and declare, You and you, and that was it? It didn’t matter if someone’s life was ruined, if people had to leave their home or their family behind.

It especially didn’t matter that it made those people so vulnerable—to each other, to circumstance, to anything. They’d never be able to stand on their own two feet, ever again.

And no one seemed to realize it. Even Teri, who’d been rejected by her entire family for being with Zach, was stuck in this miasma of happy couple-ness, as though there was nothing wrong with it at all. The mate-bond really must be a weird compulsion that overwhelmed your judgment and your self-preservation.

Zach, especially, should’ve known better. Because Joel and Zach’s parents had been mates, and it had been a tragedy from start to finish.

But Zach and Teri were both determined to ignore reality, and Joel wasn’t so much of a jerk that he’d purposefully try to ruin their happiness.

So, he spent a lot of time out at the cabin.

He was going to have to remember to argue Teri out of a happy-family construction outing. He’d been too distracted by that damn waitress to try.

Joel's leopard snarled.

Joel sat up instantly, looking around—was there danger somewhere? Had something happened while he was stuck in his thoughts?

He couldn't see anything. No one was around. The diner was closed. The mountains were the same still, dark presence looming over the empty street.

Danger, his leopard insisted.

Then Joel heard a faint echo of voices. They sounded worked up, the tone annoyed and jeering.

Normally, he would've left well enough alone. He didn't make a habit of interfering in other people's business. But something drove him to stand up and head in the direction of the noise. His leopard hissed approval.

When he got to the main road, he could see the crowd of men a ways down. They were clustered around someone else. Joel started forward, speeding up as he went. Were they harassing someone, getting ready to beat someone up?

When he got close enough, though, he saw who it was.

The waitress. Nina.

She was glaring at all of them, but that didn't hide the fear in her eyes, or the way she kept searching for a way out. She was poised to run, but they hadn't given her an opening.

"Now, honey," the ringleader was saying, "you didn't give us the time of day when we were inside. So we're thinking we'll just take that time of day from you right now."

"Or time of night," another one put in, and they all laughed.

Joel's lip curled. Men who harassed or intimidated women were the worst of the lowlifes to him. It was a sign that the man was a lonely, pathetic coward who couldn't bring himself to face the possibility that a woman wouldn't want him.

And anyone who could see the fear on Nina's face and decide that that was what he wanted—

These men had just sunk down below any human consideration, in Joel's opinion.

"Hey!" he shouted. His voice echoed down the street, and the group spun around as one. Six of them, Joel counted, utterly disgusted. Six of them facing down one lone woman.

The ringleader saw him, and his face twisted. "Oh, look, it's your boyfriend from the diner," he said to Nina. "Is he here to save you?"

"I'm here to give you the thrashing you deserve," Joel bit out. "Unless you're afraid. Can you face a real man, or do you have to get your kicks scaring women with five of your friends?"

The men were coming forward to face him, Joel noted approvingly, turning away from Nina. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her edge backwards. He kept his gaze firmly on the group's leader, not wanting to look directly at her and remind the men that she was there.

"I can take you," the ringleader blustered, although he was eyeing Joel up and down like he suddenly wasn't so sure. He was noticeably shorter and skinnier than Joel was. Joel was pretty sure he'd have been able to take him even without shifter strength and reflexes.

"Alone?" Joel asked, lifting an eyebrow.

The man's eyes shifted nervously. "Aw, come on. You're like twice the size of me."

That was a huge exaggeration, but Joel just nodded seriously. "Okay. You and one of your friends. Pick any of 'em."

All of the friends suddenly found something else to look at. Behind them, Nina paced back a few more steps. A few more.

She was still frightened, Joel could tell. She wasn't taking her eyes off the men, wary of what they might do. Joel made the decision for them.

"Well, if you can't decide," he said, and waded in.

Joel had been a troublesome, rebellious teenager, and it had gotten him in some trouble. He regretted a lot of the choices he'd made back then, but there was one thing he'd learned, and it was how to fight a crowd of guys when you were just one skinny kid with shifter reflexes and a burning determination to win.

This was far easier than any of those fights had been. They were all cowards, just as he'd figured. He laid out the ringleader with one heavy hit to the stomach, and brushed aside a few sorry attempts at punches from the rest. Once two more of them were moaning on the ground, clutching their jaws, the rest scattered.

When he looked up from the fight, Nina had disappeared. He had no idea which direction she'd gone.

That was good. Joel was glad she'd gotten away.

Even though another part of him was wishing she was still here, so he could talk to her. Ask her if she was all right.

Joel shook his head to clear it. What was it about that waitress?

He made himself focus on the present. Casting a critical eye over the remaining assholes, he decided they were out of commission, and weren’t going to get up. It was a shame, almost; he couldn’t hit them when they were down, even if they did deserve it.

He left them behind before the temptation became any greater, and headed for the woods.

Getting out into the wild air of the forest felt good, and shifting felt even better. He always felt lighter in his leopard form. Not in weight, but in himself. Like all of his problems had flown away.

He let that random thought go, and set off at a trot to explore some of the territory to the south of the cabin. The place was well below the tree line, but he might scale a bit higher to spend some time in the rocky, cavernous area above.

Then he caught the scent again.

The strange leopard. Definitely not any of the rangers, or their mates; he’d met them all in shifted form and he knew what they smelled like. This was someone else.

And it was fresh. A strong, rich scent, almost—feminine? Joel didn’t know what about the scent suggested female to him, but there was something.

The leopard was out here right now. Joel sat back on his haunches, thinking about his options. Should he follow the scent? It might be better to wait until he had another leopard or two from the Glacier pack out here with him, in case the strange leopard was aggressive, or violent. Even if the leopard was female, well, Joel had seen Alethia and Teri in their shifted forms, and he had no illusions about how strong and powerful a female snow leopard could be.

If she was friendly, Joel wasn’t the best representative of the Glacier pack for her to meet. He’d been raised in a city away from other shifters, and he was surly and distrustful on top of that. Jeff or Cal would be much better. He suddenly regretted not telling Cal about the leopard during their meeting this morning.

He sniffed again. There was something about the scent...it caught his curiosity. He wanted to know more. His leopard growled inside him. Find her.

Instinct won out, and he surged forward despite his misgivings. This might be a mistake, but Joel needed to find this leopard and see who she was.

The scent was strong, easy to follow, and the further he went, the closer he came. He could almost sense the other snow leopard now. It was like he could feel her moving in the trees ahead of him. His leopard urged him forward.

Finally, he caught sight of a pale form darting away into the dark forest. The sight sent a jolt of adrenaline through him, and he leapt forward, using his powerful hindquarters to propel himself into a jump that turned into a flat-out run.

The strange leopard’s scent was all around, now, but there was no need to use it anymore, because he could see her, running away deeper into the mountains. He raced after her, pelting forward, trying to close the distance between them. He needed to catch up to her, to learn who she was—

Joel was faster, but not by much, and the female leopard clearly knew this particular territory better than he did. She dodged around rocks and leapt over logs without having to think twice about it, while Joel had to keep an eye on the terrain as he ran.

On the other hand, she started to tire out much sooner, slowing bit by bit until he could clearly see her white-and-gray form in the bright moonlight. She was heading up past the tree line, and Joel put on a burst of speed and caught up to her just as she crouched and jumped up to the top of a rocky outcropping.

She stopped, poised on the rock, looking down at him as he reached her. Joel came to a halt, staring up at her.

She’d stopped on purpose. She could’ve run away through the rocks, maybe found a stream and confused her scent, but instead she was waiting for him. She had to be curious about who he was, what he wanted.

Joel shifted. All at once, he was standing on the cold mountainside in his human form, craning his neck to look up at the snow leopard perched on the rock above.

“Hello,” he called up to her. “I’m Joel. Can we talk?”

The moon brightened as he spoke, clouds moving away from it, and the light caught the leopard’s eyes, illuminating them as they stared down at him. Joel’s own eyes widened as he took in their color, a green-tinted grey.

He recognized those eyes.

But before he could say anything else, the leopard crouched, gathering herself, and made a great leap away into the darkness. Joel watched her dart away into the rocks and vanish.

He let her go, despite his leopard’s snarl of disappointment. Because he knew where he was going to eat tomorrow.

***

Nina couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid.

She’d come up here to northern Montana because she’d thought it was perfect. Both the middle of nowhere, surrounded by mountains, and a travel spot for tourists.

It had seemed like the best possible place to hide in plain sight; she’d get an anonymous job and place to stay for her human side, and her leopard side could shift and run as much as she wanted in the mountains.

She hadn’t ever considered that other snow leopard shifters might have made the same decision.

Last night wasn’t the first time Nina had been chased by another shifter. She’d learned the hard way that shapeshifters were insular and suspicious people. They didn’t like strangers invading their territory and they didn’t want new or different shifters around to attract potentially dangerous attention.

When she was still a teenager, the discovery that other shifters existed had filled her with hope. Over the years, that hope had drained away to nothing.

Or almost nothing.

This was the worst part. Hope. The idea that it might be different this time.

That other shifter—it was Joel. The man who’d caught her attention at the diner...and who had saved her from those jerks on the street.

That must have been why he was so weirdly compelling. He was a snow leopard. Like her.

She’d never met another snow leopard shifter before.

And maybe that was why she hadn’t felt afraid when he was chasing her. It was strange: it had almost been like a race, or a game. When she’d run away, she’d felt more of a sense of exhilaration than anything else. She’d almost wanted him to catch her.

She’d stopped and looked back at him without fear. And that, as much as anything, had been what made her run again. It had felt like her survival instincts had stopped working.

And now, part of her was screaming, Maybe this is it. Maybe this is a place I can stay. Maybe these people will welcome me in, and I won’t be alone anymore.

Sure. After chasing her through the night like that. That seemed likely. Even if Nina had felt like it was a game, he probably just wanted to tell her to get out of his territory. Whatever sympathy he’d felt when he thought she was just a random human woman must have disappeared when he realized she was an interloper, a feral shifter on his land.

She was going to have to leave town. Again.

Nina left for work still blinking back furious tears. She couldn’t skip town yet—or she could, but she wanted to at least pick up her first paycheck, which she’d get this afternoon. Once she had that, she could leave. The money would help get her started in a new town.

The thought of picking up again and leaving...of shifting and running all day, curling up somewhere hidden every night, hunting for her food and hoping no one discovered her...it made her want to sit down on the floor of the diner and sob.

But moving from town to town was much, much easier as a snow leopard. Nina didn’t own a car. Even a bus ticket would cut into her available money by too much, as usual. If she shifted and lived outside for several days, running alongside a highway until she came to a promising place to find a job, she didn’t have to pay for transportation or a place to sleep. Or even food.

Nina felt exhausted just thinking about it. The cold and the damp, wasting hours hunting rabbits or birds, only to fetch up in some other hostile little town where she’d desperately search for a crappy job, only to start the cycle all over again when it didn’t work out.

She didn’t want to. But what else was she going to do? This was her life.

With a sudden rush of tension, she remembered the letter she’d sent to her mom last night. It was all a lie now, wasn’t it?

She wondered if the mailman had picked up the mail from that box yet. Maybe she could somehow fish the letter out? But as she passed it on her way to the diner, she read the posted note: pickup was at 9 AM. It was almost noon now, just about time for her shift to start. Her last shift.

She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to never see stylish Alethia again, never have a sarcastic exchange with Ethel again, never run around the very edges of beautiful Glacier National Park again.

But she couldn’t just wait to get chased away. If there was anything worse than purposefully leaving town, it was being run out by a pack of angry shifters. That was something to make her chest ache and her eyes burn as she plodded off to the next town.

Glacier was supposed to be her last stop. The point where she gave up looking for other shifters, stopped trying to find a family, and just accepted that she was alone. She’d wanted to be alone somewhere beautiful, and she’d thought she’d achieved that. She didn’t want to give it up.

Nina let out her breath in a sigh as she went to clock in and put on her apron. She was just going to have to be strong, steel herself, and leave. She’d done it so many times before, she could do it again.

She picked up her tray and started out...and stopped short. Joel was waiting for her in a booth.

He was sitting down, but he still had that sense of kinetic energy about him, like at any moment he might spring into motion. Nina felt caught up in the sight of him, his wild dark hair, the hint of stubble at his jaw, his broad, muscular shoulders...

She snapped herself out of it and stepped out into the dining area. She still had a job to do, and no matter what he wanted, she was going to do it.

When he saw her, he stood up immediately and came over. “You,” he said in that deep voice. “It was you last night.”

“I—don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nina’s voice wavered, though, giving her away. She’d never been a good liar. And something about Joel’s voice, those bright silver eyes, something—it just disarmed her.

“I know it was,” he insisted. “I saw your eyes. It was you.”

Nina scrubbed her hands through her short hair. “Fine. It was me. But you don’t have to worry about me, okay? No need to—to protect me after my shift’s over anymore, or follow me into the woods. I’m leaving town today.”

Now he looked taken aback. Why? That had to have been what he’d wanted to tell her last night. Get out of my territory. That’s what all shifters wanted when they saw a stranger.

But he didn’t say that. Or anything like it. Instead, he took a step closer—Nina could swear she felt his body heat—and said, “You don’t have to leave.”

Nina didn’t know what to say to that. That wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

“Do you have a pack?” she asked, suddenly thinking of a reason he might not object to her hanging around. “Or is it just you?”

Maybe Joel was another lone shifter like her. Maybe it could just be the two of them, living up here at Glacier, and they could get to know each other, and just...leave each other alone, if that was how it ended up working out.

Or...not. If that was how it ended up working out.

But Joel was nodding yes. Nina felt disproportionately crestfallen, as though her wild second of hope had been a detailed plan, a real expectation.

“Yes,” he said. “There’s a pack here.”

“And what?” she snapped, annoyed at herself for being so unrealistic. She took a step back, hoping to clear her head. “It’s one big open happy family? You’re all ready to take in any strays who show up? How does someone join this pack?”

Joel frowned. “My brother and I joined when we got our jobs as rangers at the Park, but—”

“Well, I’m never going to be a park ranger,” Nina told him. “I was lucky to get this job as a damn waitress, okay.”

It made sense. Park rangers. Shifters probably made great park rangers. A whole happy pack of gainfully-employed park rangers and their families. Great.

“You don’t have to be a park ranger to join the pack,” Joel said. “My brother’s mate isn’t. Or, well, she’s training to be one, but the rest of the mates aren’t. Alethia and Leah.”

Alethia was a snow leopard’s mate. What if Nina could stay, and make friends with her—

No, Nina told herself. She knew better than to hope. She knew better than to think things might work out.

Still, she heard herself ask, “So who’s in charge, then?”

Joel brightened. “Cal, the head ranger. He’s—well, he’s not nice, he’s kind of crusty and old-fashioned, but I’m sure he’d take you in. I think he would.”

Nina glared at him. “You think.”

Joel met her eyes. “I do.”

No. No. No, she was not falling for this. She was not letting her heart soften again, only to be hurt even worse when she was kicked in the chest. She didn’t need this pack. And she definitely wasn’t going to be so stupid as to let some not-nice, old-fashioned old man eye her up, decide if she was pretty enough to keep around. Nina shook her head. “I—”

“Look,” Joel interrupted quickly, “at least stick around for another few days. Talk to me some more. You can meet Cal, meet my brother, and you’ll see. They’re good people. Meet the other women—they’ll tell you that this is a good place to be.”

His voice almost vibrated with sincerity. His eyes were pinning her in place. Nina felt the beginnings of panic creeping over her. Stay or go? Stay or go?

She wanted to run.

But if she ran, she’d be alone. Again. And she’d never see Joel again. Or maybe-her-friend-someday Alethia. Or maybe any other snow leopards, at all, ever.

Maybe it would be different, with other snow leopards. Different from all those times with packs of wolves and bears and mountain lions. Nina hated herself for hoping, but...maybe. Maybe.

Joel, at least, seemed like a decent guy. He’d put himself in the way of those assholes last night, and no one had asked him to, or rewarded him for it.

Joel was waiting for her to make a decision, watching her with those silvery-gray eyes. He looked anxious. Worried that she would say no.

Like her decision mattered to him.

“Okay,” she said finally. “Okay. I’ll talk to you. After I get off-shift tonight. No promises about anything else.”

He relaxed all at once. Nina watched the fall of his shoulders, the loosening of his fists, in bemusement. He really had cared what her answer was.

“Good,” he said. “Great. I’ll come here. What time do you get off?”

“Eight.”

“Great. I’ll see you then.”

“Don’t tell anyone else about me,” she warned him. “Or I’m gone.” She was still afraid of this alpha he’d mentioned, this old, traditional man. What would he think about some young pack member inviting random girls to stay? That seemed like asking for trouble.

“I won’t,” Joel promised her. He paused for a long minute, like he was going to say something else, or do something else, and then he shook himself and headed for the door at speed—but still with that rangy grace Nina remembered from the night before.

She stared after him. What was happening? Who was he, that he wanted her around, wanted it badly enough to argue with her about it, when no one else ever had?

Nina could still feel the edge of panic in her body, the desire to run before she got hurt again. But even though she was about sixty percent sure the hurt was coming...she wanted to stay and see if she was wrong.

Forty percent hope was more than she’d had in a long, long time, anyway.

***

Joel felt almost weak with relief. And glad that he’d taken his lunch break to come out to the diner, because it was clear that Nina had been planning to get out of town as soon as possible—maybe she’d only come in to get her paycheck and leave.

He almost hadn’t convinced her. For a minute, he’d been certain that Nina was going to tell him to go screw himself and take off. She’d had a hard, suspicious glint in her eyes, like she’d been hurt before and she had good reason not to trust anyone telling her she was welcome.

He wondered what her story was. He badly wanted to know where she’d come from, how she’d ended up here at Glacier.

And especially why she was all alone, and hiding.

Joel had been lucky that when his parents died, he still had Zach to take care of him. Five years older, Zach had worked like a dog to make sure they had enough money while Joel went to high school, and then he’d come along with Joel to study to be a ranger.

If Joel hadn’t had Zach, his life would have looked very, very different. He’d have ended up in foster care at age thirteen. He wouldn’t have had any family at all. He might never have gotten together the money and the courage to go for his dream, to be a ranger.

He might’ve ended up all alone, with no friends or family, no idea where to find other shifters, and suspicious of the world. Like Nina seemed to be.

Joel looked over his shoulder at the diner one more time. What if she’d been lying, and she skipped out anyway? The thought made his leopard growl, his insides clench with the need to stop it from happening.

But he didn’t think she’d been lying. Something about her suggested truth—her voice, her eyes, her body language, something. She’d meant what she said.

Joel headed back to work, wishing the day was over already.

Of course, it stretched out forever. Joel thought about going to Cal and casually bringing up the idea of someone else joining the pack...but Cal would see through that. And Nina had been insistent about only talking to him, not to anybody else. He couldn’t betray the little bit of trust she was giving him.

So he kept quiet. He was out with Grey surveying campsites again, so there wasn’t much opportunity for chatter in any case.

When he got off work, he went home instead of to the cabin, just for the distraction. Zach and Teri were making dinner.

“He shows his face,” Zach said in mock-surprise when Joel came in.

“Yeah, yeah,” Joel grumbled, poking at a pot on the stove. Spaghetti sauce, it looked like.

Zach set down his spoon and caught Joel’s eye, turning serious. “What was that last night, Joel? You disappeared on us. Grey had to eat your burger.”

What to say? Why had he left? He’d been spooked by how strongly he’d reacted to Nina, but that was a pretty dumb reason for running out on Zach and the rest.

Now that he knew who she was, he could guess that he’d subconsciously recognized her as the strange leopard he’d been scenting, and it had unsettled his inner leopard to see her there in a restaurant serving drinks.

But he couldn’t say that to Zach.

He’d promised Nina, and if he explained, Zach would want to talk to Nina himself, and Teri would definitely want to come too, and they’d both want to tell Cal.

There was a smaller, stranger part of Joel that didn’t want to tell Zach because he wanted to be the one to talk to Nina. To convince her to stay. He didn’t want her to fall into the crowd of Zach-and-Teri, Grey-and-Alethia, and Jeff-and-Leah, while Joel stayed on the outside, surly and alone.

That was probably stupid. It sounded petty even in his own head. But it was true.

“I was about to get into it with one of those drunk assholes,” Joel said instead. “They were harassing the waitress. I got them to stop, but they were being aggressive and disrespectful and I decided to get out of there before I got into a fight.”

Zach frowned. “Joel, you know getting into fights is—”

“Yes, Zach, I know,” Joel interrupted the beginning of the lecture. He made his voice exaggeratedly patient. “That’s why I left. Because fights are bad and I didn’t want one. Okay?” He neglected to mention that he’d ended up fighting the drunks off anyway. What Zach didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. And it was better to keep Nina out of the conversation entirely.

Teri slipped by on her way to get the cheese grater out of a drawer, and poked Zach hard in the side as she passed. Zach held up his hands immediately. “Okay. Sorry. I just wish you’d said something to us before you left—or texted, or anything.”

Joel felt a stab of guilt at that. Zach didn’t deserve to be blanked just because Joel was caught up in something he wanted to keep secret. “I should’ve texted at least. Next time I will.”

“How about next time you hang out and eat your burger with us,” Zach countered. “You staying for dinner tonight?”

Joel looked at the clock. Six-thirty. Still a long time until Nina got off work at eight. “Sure.”

Dinner was...fine. The food was good, but it just reminded him of what he’d been avoiding by spending so much time out at the cabin. Zach and Teri were so in love it was impossible to ignore; it was like Joel could almost reach out and touch the feelings in the air between them. It made him uncomfortable.

It was worse because he did genuinely like Teri. She was smart, down-to-earth, and loved the Park as much as anybody did. And she wanted to get to know Joel, she wanted to spend time with him and talk to him. She wanted them to be a family.

She couldn’t help it that Joel flinched away from the whole idea of mates. She couldn’t help it that when he was around her and Zach, watching them be the most couple-y couple that ever coupled, he started to get claustrophobic.

So he ate as quickly as he politely could, participated in the conversation a little—Zach again brought up the idea of them coming to help work on the cabin, and Teri chimed in, clearly eager. Joel couldn’t just shut her down, because she was trying, he could see her reaching out, wanting to connect on something. So he made noncommittal agreement noises and hoped he could put it all off until the cabin was done.

“I know you like the great outdoors more than anything in the world,” Zach said, making it a joke, “but you could bring some of us with you into the great outdoors sometime. I haven’t even seen your cabin, you know.”

“Sure,” Joel said. “We’ll do it.” Sometime in the far future, after he’d convinced Nina to stick around. He glanced at the clock. Seven-fifteen. Still too early, but he couldn’t wait any longer. “Thanks for dinner. I’ve got to head out, though.”

“Now? Where? Just out to the cabin again?” Zach asked, frowning.

“No, I’ve got some stuff to take care of, but I’ll probably head up there after. See you later.” He escaped from the table before there were any more questions. He’d learned as a teenager that if he wanted to get out without Zach making him stay, speed was key.

This was another reason he needed to get out of the house and live in his own place. Whenever he was irritated about something, whether it was Zach’s fault or not, he could feel them start to transform, becoming the sullen fifteen-year-old kid and the out-of-his-depth twenty-year-old guardian. They were both men now, and they needed to start living like it.

Joel shook off thoughts of Zach as he headed out into the night. He’d shift and run for a bit to kill some time, and then he’d head over to the diner.

***

Nina’s shift had dragged on forever. She’d changed her mind about whether she was going to stay long enough to meet Joel four or five times throughout the day, and she still wasn’t sure she’d settled on the right decision.

Was it dumb to be so wary? Would it be dumber to trust too easily? She’d trusted easily and been proven wrong before.

The only reason she thought Joel was trustworthy was the truly crazy explanation, When I look into his eyes, I believe him.

And God knew, given the other parts of Joel she’d been looking at, it might not be her brain that was making that decision.

But she stuck around anyway. Despite thinking, every time she looked at the door, that maybe she should just cut her losses and get out, she stuck around.

And at seven-fifty, the door to Oliver’s opened and Joel came in. Nina felt his eyes on her as she finished up her last rounds. Her body responded to his gaze like she’d never felt before: tingling and tightening whenever she glanced over to see him looking.

He stayed back, waiting in the front of the restaurant while she finished up, clocked off, took off her apron. He waited while she said goodnight to Ethel, collected her first paycheck, and made her way to the door.

She could feel her body getting closer to his like there was some kind of magnetic pull.

“Hi,” he said when she’d finally reached him.

“Hi.” She felt awkward and unsure, but she took the lead anyway. “You said you wanted to talk. So talk.”

He tilted his head for the door. “Can we go for a walk?”

That should be ringing alarm bells in her head. Where did he want to take her? Who else might be there, waiting? But it didn’t.

For whatever dumb reason, she trusted this man. She kept remembering the night before, when he’d distracted those assholes, put their attention on him, and given her the chance to run away.

He hadn’t brought it up once. No, don’t you think you owe me now? Not even a hint that his actions came with a price. As though he really had just done it because it was the right thing to do.

“All right,” she agreed after a minute.

They stepped out into the cool summer night. Joel was tall enough that Nina only came up to his shoulder, and he seemed to take up more than his physical space when he moved. Nina stayed a few steps away, because she wanted to be closer and she didn’t trust herself.

Joel kept quiet until they were a little ways down the street, heading for the edge of town.

“Can I ask what brought you to Glacier?” he said eventually. “Did you hear about this place from someone? Another shifter?”

Nina shook her head. “No. I mean, I knew about the Park. I thought it sounded like a good place to shift. I like mountains. And there’d be enough people in and out that no one might notice another new face.”

“You’ve been noticed before.” Joel’s tone was quiet, but there was some kind of strong emotion lurking under the surface. “And it hasn’t gone well.”

“That’s right.” Nina felt like this was starting out too one-sided. Her past was too raw to just spill it out on the street like this.

So she turned the tables. “What about you? You ever been noticed?”

There was a pause that somehow felt—painful. Like she’d accidentally hit him somewhere that really hurt.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah, I’ve been noticed.”

There was a story there. She should push, try to get him in a vulnerable spot. But she found that she didn’t want to, not if the memory hurt. It was strange, this feeling of...compassion, for someone she barely knew. “So you get it. Safer to be anonymous.”

Joel nodded slowly. “Yeah. But it’s not safer to be completely alone.”

“Haven’t had much of a choice so far,” Nina said shortly. “There are worse things than being alone.”

Joel laughed, but it didn’t sound very funny. “You got that right.”

Nina wanted to ask what was making him sound like he was hurting. She wanted to know why he felt like he was alone...and maybe offer to keep him company. The idea sent a thrill through her.

But it wasn’t smart to be this sympathetic, this trusting, right off the bat. So instead she just said, “What do you know about it?”

Joel spread his hands. “I work at the Park. I spent most of my time out in the mountains. I’m alone a lot, and it may not be perfect, but there are definitely worse things.” He looked sidelong at her. “You seem to like the mountains. Right?”

The question took Nina by surprise, which was silly, because it was a perfectly normal question. But she never talked to anyone about how much she liked being in the mountains, because it veered dangerously close to her secret.

But Joel already knew her secret.

“I do,” she said, hesitant. “I like being places that hardly anyone has ever gone. Maybe even no one at all. I like...I like to run. And hunt. I like being out with the animals, one of them, not like a human on a hike.”

“So do I.” Joel had come to a stop, and was looking at her with a strange expression on his face. “As a shifter, you can be out there like you belong. Sleep without a tent, run up a mountain, climb trees with your claws.”

Nina nodded. Joel still had that odd expression on his face. She realized abruptly that they were stopped in the street for no reason, and looked away, starting forward again.

Joel cleared his throat and followed. “So do you have a family or anything, somewhere?”

Nina kept quiet, speeding up her pace.

“Okay,” Joel said after a moment of silence, “never mind, maybe that was too personal. I have a brother.”

“You said this morning.”

“He’s a real pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s a really good, decent man. I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am today if it wasn’t for him.”

Did he realize he was twisting a knife? Probably not. “I’m happy for you.” Nina knew her voice was bitter.

Which was selfish and petty. It was good that Joel didn’t have to be alone like she did. She hoped he and his brother took care of each other.

“Wait. Can you wait, just slow down and listen for a minute?” Joel caught her arm, and the contact made her slow her feet down, almost involuntarily.

It felt like sparks were flying under her skin where he touched her. She couldn’t make herself pull away, even though she knew she should.

Joel let her go the second she slowed, though. She tried not to be disappointed.

“Normally, with my brother and with the other leopards here at Glacier, I’m the one who wants to get away, be a loner. I don’t want to be a big happy family.” Joel wiggled his fingers in a look-it’s-magic kind of a gesture. “I’d rather everyone just settle down together and leave me to live in the mountains by myself.”

“So?” Nina said impatiently. “What are you doing with me, then? Trying to get me to come and settle down?” She wiggled her fingers like he had. Look, it’s magic.

Because after seven years, that’s probably what it would take.

“I just—God.” Joel rubbed his forehead. “I remember what it was like, back before Zach and I came here, when we were hiding all the time. We were all alone, and we didn’t know where any other shifters were, so it was just the two of us. And it was a nightmare.”

His voice went ragged at the end, and she could hear the pain in it. So Joel had been hurt like she had. Nina’s heart ached for him despite herself.

“I don’t like everything about being part of a pack,” Joel continued. “I can’t spend too much time close up with other people. But it’s so much better than being really alone. Alone without the choice to ever be something else.”

“I might still not have a choice,” Nina pointed out. She didn’t want to think about this too hard. She didn’t want to hope. “You said you’re a park ranger. Does your pack take in random strangers who drift into town? I don’t have a degree in anything. I never even graduated high school. I can’t get a good job like yours. Will they still accept me?”

That had been a problem in one town. A pack of wolves, long ago. She’d thought they might let her in. After all, they were also big predators, they weren’t afraid of a lone snow leopard. But she hadn’t been able to find a job there—there hadn’t been any waitressing positions open. And the pack alpha had looked down his nose and said, We don’t take feral, ignorant, freeloading cats like you. Get out of town.

So she’d gotten.

Joel had said this morning that everyone in the pack was a ranger or a ranger’s mate. It was easy to see what the pattern was there. Random women without even a high school diploma to their names probably weren’t going to be welcome.

Joel took her hand. She started at the touch, but instinctively closed her hand on his when he tried to pull back. His grip was gentle but firm, and his hand was big and warm. “Nina. Just stick around long enough to talk to Cal. All right? I’ll schedule a meeting with him, I’ll come with you and we can all sit down together and talk about the options. What’ve you got to lose?”

Nina could think of a few things. “In public.”

“What?” Joel frowned.

“The meeting. We’ll have it in public. Somewhere with humans around.” Even if her dumb instincts had decided that Joel was trustworthy, Nina still didn’t trust this Cal as far as she could throw him. Especially if he was surrounded by his own pack, who presumably would have to do whatever he said.

“Absolutely,” Joel said immediately. “How about at Oliver’s? Would you feel safe there?”

Feel safe? “Sure.” It was safe enough, probably. “Tomorrow night.” She wasn’t working tomorrow, and it would be busy on a Saturday night. Plenty of witnesses.

Joel nodded. “Okay. I’ll give him a call and set it up.” He looked down and seemed to realize for the first time that they were still holding hands. He let her go immediately.

Nina hadn’t realized it either. It was weird, actually.

She felt so wary of what might happen with this pack. She was sure she wouldn’t have a chance, sure that this man Cal was going to run her out of town or worse.

But she felt none of that about Joel. Joel made her feel safe.

If only Joel was alone, like she was. If only it could just be the two of them. Nina thought that might work out. She might be able to stay here if it was just him, and they might be able to...

To something. To be together? What would that even look like?

Joel had taken a step back, putting some distance between them. “For tonight,” he was saying, “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a run.”

Nina looked down at herself. “I’m not really wearing workout clothes.”

Joel laughed. “No, I meant shifted. Sort of like last night.”

Nina blinked. Last night had been strangely...fun. She didn’t hate the idea of doing it again.

“If you haven’t gone running with another leopard, you don’t know what you’re missing,” Joel said firmly. “Zach and I used to do it all the time, before...” He trailed off.

“Before what?” Nina wasn’t going to let Joel get away with keeping himself hidden. She felt like he’d stripped away half her secrets already, so turnabout was fair play.

“Before he met his mate,” Joel said. “Teri. She’s great and all, but being in love takes up a lot of his time.” He cleared his throat. “It’s not a big deal, though—like I said, I’m usually happier being a loner.”

He was lying, Nina realized, unquestionably lying. The way he looked away from her, the way his stance shifted a little bit: he hated that his brother didn’t have time for him anymore.

Nina felt a rush of fierce protectiveness. Who did that guy Zach think he was, abandoning his brother for his mate? Nina would’ve given everything she had to have a sibling along with her, one who shared all of her problems, who wanted her to be safe, who stayed with her through the hard times.

Wait.

She had no reason to be protective of Joel. They’d just met. His problems were his problems, and they weren’t any of her business.

“All right,” she said, to distract herself from worrying about a total stranger’s family issues. “Let’s go for a run.”

He smiled, looking truly happy for the first time since she’d met him. It lit up his whole face, made him look so much younger. Nina suddenly wasn’t sure whether he was older than she was or not.

"Come on, then.” He set off at a jog towards the woods, which came right up to the edge of town. They were only a half-mile or so away from where the town began to melt into forest.

Nina followed him, not quite believing what was happening. She'd never—she didn't know how—

Even when she’d been trying to be a part of those other packs, she’d never done anything like this. Played around in the woods, run around with other shifters.

But now Joel was headed into the trees, Nina on his heels, and she only felt excitement.

He stopped when they were far enough into the woods that no one would see them from the streets or houses, and turned to look at her. His face was still lit up with that youthful excitement, and he grinned. "Ready?"

Nina nodded, her voice disappearing. Her throat felt tight. What was wrong with her?

Joel held her eyes as he changed. She watched him blur and shift, his skin becoming fur, his claws extending from his hands—paws—everything turning paler in the dim moonlight. In less than a minute, a snow leopard stood before her on all fours. His eyes were exactly the same, that silvery color that she found so oddly compelling.

Joel padded forward and nudged his head against her thigh. Nina jumped. He looked up at her, and she could feel how insistent he was: Your turn.

She touched the top of his head, the briefest reassurance, and was startled at how soft and warm his fur was. She'd never touched another shifted person, certainly not while she was in human form. She wanted to run her hand down his back, pet him like he was a cat.

She restrained herself. He’d asked to run with her, not curl up and purr at her feet. She shouldn’t take liberties she didn't have permission for.

Instead, she took a step back, closed her eyes, and shifted.

As always, it felt like the leopard inside her simply stepped forward to take control. No matter which way she was shifting, to human or to leopard, the physical changes always felt like a relief more than anything, like her true form was coming out. Paws, tail, fur. Claws and teeth. She opened her eyes to see the world in flatter colors, sharper details. It immediately seemed less dark.

Joel was right next to her. And he smelled like—like—Nina didn't know how to classify it. Other shifters had always smelled strange, foreign. Danger, her nose had told her, when she scented them. Unknown. Watch out.

Joel didn't smell like danger. Maybe that was the reason she hadn't been afraid last night. He smelled...safe.

She'd stepped in close to reassure herself about his scent, and while she was distracted, Joel leaned in and touched his nose to hers. Nina jerked back. He twitched his ears at her playfully, and she lashed her tail back.

You want to surprise me? I'll surprise you.

Nina leapt into motion without warning, running full-out into the woods. Behind her, she could sense Joel's split-second of startlement, before he launched himself into the chase.

She didn't have a good head start tonight like she had last night, and Joel, as a male, was bigger than she was, with longer legs. But she put every ounce of strength and ingenuity into staying ahead, and she kept the lead for long minutes.

It was a losing battle, though, and eventually he caught up. But he didn't pounce, or try to get ahead of her and trip her up, or any kind of play-hunting. Instead, he just came abreast of her and kept running.

Nina snuck a glance at him, a white-and-gray blur of powerful motion. Were they racing?

She tried slowing down. He looked over at her and slowed down, too. Apparently deciding that they were playing a new game now, he slowed even further and fell into a low, crouching stance. Stalking her. Now this was play-hunting.

Nina waited until she could see him tensing to spring—just the faintest tremor in his hindquarters—and leapt to the side as he pounced. He only got rock and underbrush under his paws, and immediately wheeled around, tracking her again.

But this time, she pounced.

She landed right on him—he'd been a hair too slow. Her leopard exulted with an inward growl of triumph. Nina's human side, on the other hand, wasn't sure if he'd done it on purpose or not, it he’d let her get him when he could've gotten away.

If so...what did that mean? What did any of this mean? They weren't trying to accomplish anything, they weren't hunting, they were just playing.

Nina kept her claws in when she landed, but she bit playfully at the scruff of his neck, and Joel batted at her with his paws. They rolled over on the loamy ground, fighting to end up on top. Joel won, and his mouth opened to show his teeth, his tail lashing. Then he pulled back, crouching and waiting for the next round.

Nina picked herself up and shook off the dirt, wondering what they'd do next. Joel eyed her, and then turned his gaze upward, toward the end of the tree line and the mountain rocks.

Nina beat him to it, racing upwards ahead of him.

They made it together, running flat-out. Joel leapt onto the first big, flat rock and collapsed, panting, his tongue lolling out like a dog's. Nina laughed to herself and leapt up next to him. They sprawled together catching their breath.

Nina wondered again what this meant. Was Joel trying to lull her into a false sense of security with all of this playing? No, she had to reject that idea. Joel was so...sincere. When he lied, she could see it on his face.

And anyway, what would his endgame be, if he did have one? This was pretty elaborate for a prank. She couldn't believe he had any really awful motives; he wasn't like that at all, it was clear. He was a—a good person.

So maybe he just wanted to run. To play-fight, and pounce on each other, and race up the mountain.

Nina didn’t play very often. If you were tired, and scared, and working all the hours you could to save up money so that when you had to leave town you'd have enough to keep you going, you didn't feel much like playing. She’d never known this feeling, not since she left home. Running and feeling confident that your partner was behind you. Pouncing on someone who was ready for it, who rolled with you and pounced back. It was fun.

And more than that, it was...joyful. Nina couldn’t remember the last time she’d just been happy like this. Happy with someone, Joel happy alongside her.

She didn’t want to leave this behind.

If she stayed here, they could do this same thing tomorrow, run through the trees together. They could explore the mountains together. Joel could show her the Park, and Nina could show him the wilder territory where she’d been living. The caves, the rocks, the ancient trees.

She didn’t have to ask him if he’d like that.

She turned her head to look at him, resting with his head on his paws and his tail curled around him, eyes half-lidded as he took some time to build his energy back up, and she knew. He’d be excited for that. He’d say, Let’s do it. Can’t wait.

Joel stretched his paws out, his body rippling. He looked like he was getting ready for a nap. What if they did this in the daytime sometime? They could find a warm rock and soak in the sunshine, take an afternoon nap, and then get up and run some more.

They stayed sprawled on the rock together—not open in the sunshine tonight, but hidden in the dark, and Nina let this secret imagining of the future spool out in her head. The idea that there could be something there in the future, something to look forward to, was a hope she thought she’d abandoned for good.

Was it safe to let it back in? Was she setting herself up for disappointment, again?

She didn’t think so. She honestly, truly didn’t think so, and that was making excitement bubble up in her chest.

Yes, her leopard purred. Stay here. Stay with him. That will be good. That will be best.

Her leopard never trusted anyone. Nina was used to having to quiet its growls, calm it down, keep it from clawing at the space inside Nina’s self where it lived. The leopard only ever purred when they were alone.

But it was purring with Joel. Surely that meant something. Surely it was safe to trust him.

They stayed there, invisible in the rocky darkness, for a while. Joel napped, but Nina stayed awake, her thoughts chasing each other back and forth through her mind.

Finally, though, Joel lifted his head and looked over. He leaned in again, and this time Nina didn’t startle, just let him touch his nose to hers. It was a close little moment, a soft brush of a touch. She liked it.

Then he stood up, stretched mightily, and hopped down off the rock. He looked around the wild, rocky slope, then looked back up at her. The message was clear. Play some more?

Nina smiled to herself, stood, and jumped down next to him. Time to play.

***

Joel had never had such a good time with anyone.

Zach wasn’t naturally a risk-taker. He’d run around and play-pounce and wrestle and all of that, but he refused to compete for who could jump the farthest from one rock to another, or climb trees until they threatened to crack until his weight. He was always cautious, always conservative.

Joel, on the other hand, just wanted to break free, do the most and the farthest and the hardest his leopard body could manage.

And Nina was exactly the same.

Her body was honed like the blade of a knife. She was sleekly muscled, graceful, and packed as much power into every ounce as she possibly could. And she was utterly fearless.

She was just like Joel, in a way. Back in town, he’d recognized that innate wariness around people. She was afraid of what could happen if she told someone her secrets. She didn’t like to get too close to someone, because she knew that things could go wrong.

But once she was alone, in the wilderness, she lost that layer of fear like she was taking off a heavy coat and throwing it away.

They spent hours running around the forest, then up in the mountains, racing each other, leaping from rock to rock, playing hide-and-seek—which was especially difficult in snow leopard form, since the leopard coloring blended perfectly into the rocks. Since it was nighttime and all they had was the moonlight, if they stayed still, they were almost invisible.

Eventually they exhausted themselves, and Joel could feel it getting later and later. He didn’t want the evening to end, though; every part of him protested at letting Nina go off to...wherever she’d been staying. He was afraid that if he let her out of his sight, he might never see her again.

So when he finally shifted back to human, and she followed suit, he turned to her. And stopped for a second, because he’d forgotten, somehow, how beautiful she was. Her curly black hair, her wide grey-green eyes, her full lips, her generous curves...

He’d been about to say something. Right. “Do you want to come see the cabin I’ve been fixing up?” he asked her.

She hesitated. Joel wanted to reassure her—don’t worry, it’s not a line, I actually just want to show you my cabin—but he stayed quiet and waited. He didn’t want to put on pressure that she didn’t need.

“All right,” she said finally. “Yes. Show me your cabin.”

Joel bit down on his smile, keeping it small. “It’s this way.”

They shifted again to head down the mountain, but this time they just moved at a walk. It was surprisingly nice, having someone alongside him as he made his way through the woods. Joel was used to doing this alone, and had always thought that that was best: he felt like part of the environment when he was alone. His eyes, ears, and nose were focused only on the natural world around him, and no one was distracting him.

But having Nina by his side didn’t take away from the experience of nature. She was at home out here, at least as much as Joel was. Her paws didn’t make a sound, and her ears twitched at the slightest indication of some other life scurrying or flapping around the night.

And knowing she was there...it gave him a sense of security, somehow. Of solidarity. It wasn’t just Joel facing the wilds on his own, it was the two of them together, watching each other’s backs.

Joel wanted Nina to stay in Glacier. He wanted her to be out here with him every day, just like this.

He was determined that Cal would be all right with it. And if he said no, well, Joel had never sworn any loyalty oaths or anything medieval like that. He was going to make sure Nina had somewhere safe and secure to be no matter what happened.

Maybe he should tell her that. Although, speaking of medieval, he’d probably sound like some kind of overbearing jerk, insisting that he could control what happened to her.

He’d wait. He’d talk to Cal, and see what happened. And no matter what, he’d make sure Nina was all right.

They came over the shallow ridge that hid the cabin from view, and Joel paused, struck with a sudden and strange apprehension. He wanted Nina to appreciate the cabin as much as he did. He wanted her to understand what it meant to him. And he was oddly nervous that she wouldn’t.

Well, he’d never find out if he hesitated at the top of the ridge forever. He started downward at a trot, and Nina followed him. When he reached the cabin’s front door, he shifted, and she followed suit. She came back into human form already looking up at the compact wooden building.

The cabin was almost two stories; there was a lofted area that old Mr. Walton had used for storage, but where Joel planned to put a bed, once he had all the repairs finished. It was made of good western red cedar, both beautiful and sturdy. And local, which made repairs easier.

Overall, it was a solid, snug, decent-sized cabin, nothing fancy or extra-special, but perfect for Joel’s needs. He watched Nina’s face as she studied it.

She looked at the building, lit by the nearly-full moonlight, then around at the mountain forest surrounding it, then at the building again.

“This would be a nice place to live,” she said finally.

Something warm rose in Joel’s chest. “Want to see inside?”

She nodded, looking up at him with a ghost of a smile. He smiled back, stupidly happy that she liked it, and unlocked the door and ushered her inside.

The inside was more in need of repairs. Joel had had to get rid of several different species of small animal that had been nesting, and he still needed to finish repairing the damage done by their occupancy. A couple of the windows were still boarded shut, because he was leaving the issue of glass transportation and installation until the very end. The roof was patched, but not fully fixed yet. The old stove still had to be replaced. Mr. Walton was keeping most of the furniture, so it was pretty bare.

“There’s still some serious work to do,” Joel told Nina as she looked around, biting down on the desire to apologize. He wished he could’ve shown her the cabin as he imagined it when it was finished, complete with cozy furniture in front of the fireplace.

She wasn’t smiling any longer, but the serious look on her face somehow meant more to him than the smile had. “It looks like a future,” she told him. “Like it’s going to be built into something more than it is.”

He let out his breath. “That’s what I think whenever I come here. The house I live in with my brother—that’s his future. He and his mate are going to live there, maybe forever. Maybe have kids there. But this is something I’m making for myself.”

Nina bit her lip. “I understand. Or, I think I do. I don’t like to look ahead. It always seems to go wrong, somehow.”

She said it quietly, the sadness present in the set of her mouth, the fall of her eyelashes. No dramatic emotions, no tears, nothing. And yet, that soft little statement wrenched Joel’s heart.

It spoke of years of disappointments, of hurting, of wanting and not getting. And the way she kept it all locked down suggested to him that it hurt too badly to let it out.

This was going to be the moment where that changed for Nina, Joel vowed. From now on, she was going to be able to look ahead with confidence and excitement. He was going to make sure of it.

“I’m looking forward to having lights in here,” Joel told her. “But for now, all we’ve got is the fireplace, so I’m going to go ahead and get it lit.”

He went to do that, and when he’d gotten a good little flame going, licking over the logs he’d set up, he looked back to see that Nina was exploring around, checking out the kitchen area and curiously examining the boards on the windows.

"Still a work in progress," he said. "As you can see."

"Is it fun to work on?" she asked, turning back to him.

Joel nodded immediately. "I like doing things with results you can see. When I'm working on the cabin, I'm finding problems, fixing them, and then seeing the finished product right away. It's satisfying."

Nina said thoughtfully, "I've never fixed anything up like this. Well, I've never owned a place to live, so I guess I haven't had a chance."

"I don't technically own this place," Joel admitted. "Yet. I'm fixing it up as part of a deal with Mr. Walton—he's letting me occupy the place while I work on it, and once I've saved up enough money, I'm going to buy it. The furniture was all his, which is why there isn’t much.”

Nina nodded toward the nest of sleeping bags, pillows, and blankets he'd created right by the fire, in lieu of an actual bed. “That looks pretty comfortable.”

Joel smiled. “Want to have a seat?”

They arranged themselves amid all of the soft things spread on the floor. Joel gave Nina most of the pillows and stopped himself from asking five or six times if she was comfortable. She sat cross-legged on a pillow and seemed just fine.

Joel kept a few inches between them. Having her so close was reminding him that she smelled intoxicating, like the forest and wildness and woman all mixed up together. Joel watched her face, looking pensive, the firelight illuminating her deep brown skin and making it look like it was lit from within.

“Can I ask you something?” he said softly.

Nina’s eyes flicked up to his. They seemed to look right through him, clear and endless. “All right.”

“You seem like you've had a lot of trouble in your life. You were ready to skip town just because I noticed you. What happened to you?"

Nina was quiet for a long, long moment, long enough that Joel thought he’d gone too far and she was going to run away again.

But finally, she said, "I'm adopted."

"Okay," Joel said slowly. And then it clicked. "By human parents?"

Nina nodded. "They got me when I was a baby. And it was never a problem—they loved me just as much as they would have if I'd been theirs. I never worried about that at all. Until I shifted in front of them for the first time."

Joel felt himself go cold. "How old were you?"

"Sixteen," she whispered. "I'd known I was a shifter for a couple of years already. I'd felt the leopard inside me for my whole life, but until I was thirteen or fourteen, I thought it was just this...growly inner voice."

In spite of himself, Joel smiled faintly. He’d had that growly voice inside him for as long as he could remember, too.

"When I shifted for the first time, I didn’t know what had happened or what I was. I thought I was this insane freak.” Nina wrapped her arms around herself, as though she was cold. “I tried to research shifters on the Internet, figure out if there were others, where they might be...but it was totally impossible to find any real information. There are all these crazy made-up websites out there."

Joel nodded sympathetically. "I did the same thing when I was a kid. Tried to find my people online. It's the worst. There's no way to tell what's real."

Nina's eyes snapped to his. "Did you not have a shifter family? But there was your brother—"

"Our parents were from different packs," Joel said. “And—it’s kind of a long story.”

Nina’s eyes stayed on him. “Tell me.”

Joel wanted to hear what Nina had to say, not rehash his own stupid past. But he couldn’t ask her to tell him about her painful history if he wasn’t willing to do the same.

"My parents were a wolf and a snow leopard, from totally different packs.” He kept it brief, not wanting to get caught up in the memories. “They were mates, but their families couldn’t accept it, so they ran away together. Zach and I grew up in the city, far away from any other shifters. And then they died when I was thirteen. My mom got sick, there weren’t any shifter doctors around, and she just kept getting worse. After she was gone, my dad...couldn’t go on without her. Neither of us knew where they'd come from, because they never told us, so we were stuck there, alone.”

“Thirteen,” Nina said in a low voice. “That’s terrible.”

Despite himself, the memories were flooding in: the anger, the tearing grief, the frustration. “We didn’t know of anywhere we could go. I hated shifters so much for exiling my parents, but I still desperately wanted a pack to belong to.”

Nina’s mouth was an unhappy line. "I wish it was easier. It seems so hard, unless you're born into the right pack."

Joel nodded. “And being alone can be fatal.”

Nina’s mouth twisted. “One more thing to worry about, I guess.”

Joel thought of Nina getting sick like his mother had, and it twisted inside him like a knife. Unable to help himself, he shifted position, moving closer to her. When he paused, not sure of his welcome, she leaned toward him, settling in close.

The feeling of her small body tucked in next to his was like coming home.

Nina might’ve been alone before, but now Joel was there. He was going to make sure she never had to suffer like his parents had. “What happened to you after you figured out what you were?” he asked softly.

After a second, Nina drew in a breath and answered. "I couldn't find any other shifters, and I couldn't keep from shifting at home sometimes, even though I knew it was stupid and risky. It was like...” She waved a hand, as though she was trying to find it right words. “It was like if I didn't, I'd just start screaming and never stop."

Joel took that hand, wrapping her small fingers in his. She gripped him back, and he said, "I know that. I felt that. When you're a kid and there's nowhere safe and you just want to run..."

Nina bit her lip and nodded. "Yes. Yes, exactly. So. I kept it a secret for a long time—I'm surprised how long, looking back. But eventually I got caught. And my parents couldn't handle it. My mom was shocked and afraid, which I can understand—so was I, the first time I shifted.”

She was quiet for a minute. “What about your dad?” Joel said finally, although he was afraid of the answer.

“My dad...sometimes I think that if it had just been my mom, it would’ve been okay. She was afraid, but not angry or disgusted. But my dad called me a monster, a devil-creature. He said I wasn’t his daughter. He kicked me out and told me I could never, ever come back."

Joel closed his eyes. Nina's fingers were cold and shaky in his, despite the fire just a few feet away. He brought her hand to his face, pressed his forehead to the back of her hand, and gripped her hard.

She held his hand just as tight. For a long moment, they sat there together, squeezing each other’s hands and breathing through the pain.

When he opened his eyes, Nina was looking into the fire again. "I think he might've believed that I really wasn’t his daughter anymore, that something had taken me over,” she said. “I don't know. But I left that day, and I never went back."

“How did you survive on your own?” Joel ran his thumb over the back of her hand, stroking the soft skin, the tense knuckles.

“I was lucky,” Nina said frankly. “I was old enough to work, and I got a job waitressing. But I couldn’t stay in the city, because there was nowhere to shift. And I didn’t have enough money, anyway, only working part-time. So I was sleeping outside for a while, which is hard to do in human form.”

Joel’s heart ached for her. She said it so matter-of-factly, it was painful.

“For a while, I thought I’d just turn into a leopard and live out in the forest like that. When I left the city, I tried it. I practiced hunting until I was good at it, found a good place for a den...but it didn’t work.”

“Because you’re human, too,” Joel said softly.

Nina nodded. “It’s the same thing as not shifting into a leopard. If I’m a leopard for too long, it starts feeling like I’m just going to scream. I’m really both, I can’t just be one or the other.”

“We all are, I think,” Joel said. “I’ve never heard of shifters who just live like their animal forms all the time. I don’t know if it’s possible.”

“And it doesn’t work to live as a leopard and shift human only occasionally, because I end up dirty and—well, like an animal.” Nina shuddered; Joel could feel the shiver of motion against his side. “So I had to find a way to live as a human. I started looking for work in rural areas, which was hard because there weren’t always jobs. And I wanted so, so badly to find other shifters, so I’d stick around for a while, see if I could hear anything about whether anyone had heard of shapeshifting people, and then move on.”

“Did you ever find any?” Joel asked.

Nina bit her lip. “A few times. But I never fit in, so I kept going.” She seemed to shake herself. “That’s enough talking about me. Sorry.”

“No,” Joel said, startled by the sudden shutdown. “I want to hear about it. About you.”

But Nina shook her head. “I don’t want to talk anymore. Maybe...later.”

Well. Joel couldn’t argue with that. And she’d told him enough already. Kicked out of her house at sixteen because of who she was? Having to live on the streets, scared of what might happen to her, wondering if she’d ever find her people. And then once she did...I never fit in, so I kept going. Joel bet that there was a lot more hidden behind that.

“What about you?” She squeezed his hand. “It sounds like you had a hard time as a kid, with your parents and all.”

And now the shoe was on the other foot. Joel suddenly understood I don’t want to talk anymore. When he thought about those times, he just wanted to shove them away and never think about them again. Not bring them back up and hash them over.

But he’d asked Nina to be brave, and she had been. The least he could do was the same. “I didn’t handle it well when my parents died.”

“I don’t know how any thirteen-year-old would handle that well.” It was Nina’s turn to talk in a soft voice, to grip his hand hard.

Joel laced their fingers together, looking down at their hands rather than into the depths of her gray-green eyes. “I was sad, and scared, and angry. Really, really angry, and that was what felt safest to let out, so that’s what I did. I was awful to Zach—he’s a freaking saint for putting up with me. I don’t know how he did it. He was eighteen, and his parents had just died too, and he was working two or three jobs all the time to support us, and I was just the worst little asshole the world had ever seen.”

“I understand being angry.” Nina’s voice was serious. “Sometimes, if you want to be able to do anything, you have to be angry. Otherwise, if you let yourself just be sad and afraid, you won’t even be able to move.”

“Yeah,” said Joel. “Yeah.” He was both relieved that Nina understood him, and furious that she understood this at all. That she’d had to go through so much.

“So I was angry,” he continued. “And it was like you said, I couldn’t just stay human. I had to move, I had to get out. So I would sneak away and shift. And I’d do it in stupid places, in dangerous places. I almost got caught a ton of times, I was such an idiot about it.”

“And something happened,” Nina said, with true certainty, like she already knew him well enough to know the answer.

Joel swallowed. “Eventually I did get caught. Not by police, or anyone who’d call the news. Just a bunch of kids. I was in the middle of shifting—it took me longer back then, I’d only started doing it a few weeks before my mom died. So I was half-human, half-leopard, still all blurred together—and they started throwing rocks.”

“Oh, God,” said Nina. Joel looked up. Her eyes were wide and horrified.

“It was okay,” he said quickly. “It was fine. Because Zach was out looking for me, and he found them and chased them off. But there was a moment—I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish shifting. I thought I might just be stuck like that, halfway. Some of the rocks had hit me hard, so I bled, and I couldn’t focus—” He shook his head hard, as if he could knock the memory away.

Not a chance of that: it was burned into his brain forever.

“Anyway, that taught me a lesson. I was smarter after that, and I never got caught again.”

“But you were still angry,” Nina said. Joel blinked at her.

“Yeah, I was. I just held it back in. But it was still there. How’d you know?”

Nina shrugged. “I’ve been angry all my life. And you learn that it doesn’t work, it’s not helpful, you have to put it away. So I can put it away. But it never just vanishes.”

Joel closed his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah. It’s still there. I’m angry at shifters, for exiling my parents like that for such a dumb reason. I’m angry at my parents for not making any kind of arrangements for if something happened to them. I’m angry at that stupid true mate system for forcing them to run away. And I’m still angry at Zach sometimes, for no reason at all. That’s the dumbest thing of all. He’s never done anything but help me.”

Nina pressed closer to him. Joel felt the touch with his whole body.

“That’s one of the reasons I want to move here, you know.” He’d never said this out loud to anyone. He’d barely admitted it to himself. “I’m angry at Zach for having a mate and just settling down and being happy, like none of that awful stuff ever happened to us. And that’s stupid and I know it. But I can’t just watch them be happy as mates, as though they’re not giving into this...controlling force that’s making them be together no matter what. I hate the whole idea of the mate-bond, because it makes them so vulnerable. Anything could happen, and they don’t even seem to realize that.” He shuddered a little.

Teri was the nicest person, but even then, it seemed crazy for Zach to be happy to have her forced so far into his life, to be so...intensely close, without any means of getting away. But he was happy. So it wasn’t Joel’s business to interfere, right? “So I’m taking myself away to let him be happy with Teri, and I’m not sure if it’s brave or cowardly to do it.”

Nina shrugged, a tiny motion that rubbed her shoulder against Joel’s arm. “Does it have to be one or the other? One thing I’ve learned over the years is that nothing is ever simple.”

Joel let out his breath in a sigh. “You’re right. I think it’s both. But I don’t know what that means. Whether it’s the right decision.”

Nina shook her head slowly, curls brushing Joel’s neck. “I don’t know. I never seem to know what the right decisions are.”

Joel gave into his instincts: he lifted his arm and put it around Nina’s shoulders, tugging her into his side. She let her head drop to rest in the hollow of his neck. They were both looking at the fire, but Joel felt more aware of her than he had ever been of another person.

They were two flawed, lost people. They’d both had bad luck in their lives, and they were both struggling to get past it, to start something new, as best they could. It was hard, but they were trying.

Joel’s arm tightened around her. Now, they could try to do it together.

***

Nina felt like she was caught between two extremes.

On the one hand, she’d just shared things with Joel that she’d never told anybody, ever. And she’d heard things from him that were just as private, just as vital to who he was as a person. She felt overwhelmed by tenderness, by this sense of connection to Joel’s experiences, his emotions. The sense that where it counted, they were the same.

On the other hand, her whole body was on fire with longing. She was pressed up against his side, feeling his breaths and his heartbeat and inhaling his heady, masculine scent, and it was filling her with heat and need.

Joel’s hand rested on her left shoulder, and his fingers were idly stroking up and down, making the material of her shirt rub against her skin. Nina could feel sparks rush through her body at every little motion, even though he wasn’t touching her skin.

The sensation built, until all she wanted was for him to slip a hand under her shirt, for him to take her shirt off, for him to—Nina reached up and caught Joel’s hand.

He stopped immediately. “What is it?” he asked softly.

Nina could feel the vibrations of that deep voice, all through his body.

“Speaking of things being complicated,” she said, and then couldn’t seem to figure out how to go on.

“I think some people would say this is simple,” Joel said finally. Nina sat up, keeping hold of Joel’s hand, and shifted in place to look at him.

“There’s something here,” he continued, when they were a few inches apart, watching each other. He motioned between them. “And we could call it simple. But I don’t think it is.”

“What’s simple?” she asked, almost wanting to laugh, but afraid it would hurt. “I want you. Is that simple? Because I want so many other things, and some of them contradict each other. I’m angry at my family, but I also want them back. I want to be with you, but I also wish I didn’t need to be with anyone. That’s not simple at all.”

Joel inhaled sharply at I want to be with you, and Nina realized that was the first time she’d said that out loud, or anything even suggesting it.

“I want to be with you, too,” he said, his voice sounding thick, and he leaned forward and kissed her.

His mouth was hot against hers, and the taste of him went through her like a shock. All thoughts of what was simple and what was complicated went up in smoke. Nina kissed him back fiercely, leaning forward and getting her arms around all of that huge, muscular body. She needed to touch him, suddenly, needed to feel all of him against all of her.

Joel's big hands spread over her hips, then slid up her waist to cup her breasts. Nina moaned against his mouth as trails of heat followed his fingers. Her nipples hardened as his thumbs came up to stroke over them. The touch was vague and blunt through her shirt and her bra, though. She pulled away.

Joel caught his breath. "What?" he asked, but Nina was already tugging her shirt off. Joel's eyes traced hungrily over her skin as she went for her bra.

"You too," she reminded him. He pulled his shirt off without hesitation.

Nina was arrested, her bra hanging unclasped from her shoulders, by the sight of him. The firelight played over his chest, outlining his muscles in light and shadow. She tossed her bra aside and reached out to touch him.

Joel's chest rose and fell under her hands, quick and shallow, while she touched him. He stayed still, watching her hands on his pecs. Her thumbs slid over his nipples this time and drew a silent shudder from him. Nina traced his collarbone, and then leaned in to place a kiss at the hollow of his throat while her hands slid down his chest to explore his abs.

That was apparently too much for him, because Joel caught her up in his arms and kissed her again. When she abandoned her exploration to wrap herself up in him again, he moved to lay her down onto the pillows.

He kissed her breasts, cupping them in his hands, which felt enormous against her. Joel made an appreciative noise as his lips moved over her skin. He bit her once, very very softly, and Nina shivered.

After several long minutes of his mouth dragging damply over the sensitive skin, making Nina's hips shift without her permission, he lifted his head. "Is this okay?" His hands brushed over the waistband of her jeans.

Nina felt too overwhelmed to speak. She nodded, and he slowly undid the button.

This was so different from any other experience she'd had. The delicious warmth permeating her body, the growing wetness between her legs, the ache to be touched...none of that had ever happened to her before.

And the way Joel looked at her. Most of the time when men looked at her, she wanted to hide. But when Joel's eyes traced over her, the firelight catching them and giving the silvery color a molten look...she felt like he was touching her all over again. Like she could feel his gaze, thrilling her body everywhere it landed.

He unbuttoned her jeans, and Nina lifted her hips to let him pull them down. He got stuck down by her ankles, because her shoes were still on.

He flashed her a rueful grin. "Didn't think this through."

"Hurry," Nina told him, because the ache between her legs was starting to sharpen. She could feel her pulse down there, in her clit, and she wanted him to touch her.

She wasn't used to this. She hardly ever paid any attention to sexual feelings, had only ever touched herself a few times, when she was young and exploring, before she'd left her parents' house. It had always seemed like too much trouble after she was on her own, and sex had been so underwhelming that she'd figured she wouldn't get much of a reward out of it.

Now, she was having a hard time keeping her hands out of her own panties, as Joel undid her laces and slipped off her shoes one by one. He closed his hands over her left foot once it was bare, rubbed it hard, his thumb firm against the arch, and Nina's hips came right off the ground at the jolt of pleasure.

"Hurry," she told him again. This time, her voice came out low and ragged.

Joel did. He stripped her jeans and her socks off all at once, and came up again between her legs, eyes fixed on the scrap of white cotton between Nina and nakedness.

But he didn't yank it off immediately. Instead, he reached out a hand and stroked over the damp fabric.

Nina made a surprised noise at the drag of the fabric over her clit. Her muscles were starting to clench in a way she'd never felt before, clench and relax, as her clit jumped. Joel touched her through her panties again, and then started to rub, gently but firmly.

It was insane. The only place he was touching her was just the tips of his fingers against that tiny, tiny spot, and her panties were still in the way. But it was like her entire being was focused on her clit, all of her nerves concentrated just right there, blood rushing to swell it until it was so sensitive she could hardly stand it.

Joel kept up that rubbing motion, catching at her pleasure through the soaked cotton, over and over and over—

Then he leaned down and kissed her inner thigh, and the feeling of his lips, his stubble rasping on the smooth, sensitive skin, sent Nina past some indefinable edge. Her muscles clenched hard, and pleasure ripped through her, leaving her gasping and spasming against Joel's fingers.

"Wow," she breathed. "Wow. That's...that's never happened to me before."

Joel leaned back, startled. "Wait, never? You've never—"

"I've had sex before," she said quickly, not wanting him to think she was totally inexperienced. But honesty compelled her to add, "I've just never...it's never been like this."

Joel's face did something complicated; Nina couldn't quite figure out what the expression meant. But then it smoothed out into something that was definitely resolve. "Well, we're going to fix that," he told her, and then, finally, he yanked her panties off.

And then he went down.

Nina shrieked in surprised when his tongue touched her, a small and high-pitched noise that she couldn't have kept in to save her life. Joel pulled back slightly. "Too much?"

Was it too much? "No," she said, faintly. "No, keep going."

So he did. And somehow, through some kind of Joel-specific magic, he caught the end of the orgasm she'd just had, her first ever orgasm, which was still wringing her out a bit, little twitches and shocks of pleasure. Joel caught one of those with his tongue, and then another, and then suddenly they weren't winding down anymore, but building up.

He brought her off again in no time. It was like, now that her body had figured out how to do this, it was the easiest thing in the world to get it to do it again. Nina’s hips jerked against Joel’s mouth as he sucked lightly on her clit, and she cried out even more loudly when she came again.

The second orgasm was shorter than the first, but more intense, concentrated pleasure that sent her right out of her head for a long minute. When she came back, she was gasping.

Joel had lifted his head. “Need a break?”

In answer, Nina pulled him down for a kiss. He came forward immediately, kissing her hard and with an edge of desperation. He’d been hiding that well, she thought. Keeping his own desire back in favor of focusing on hers.

Well, not anymore. Nina arched up under him, her arms around his back, urging him down. She was strong enough to make it insistent, and he came willingly, his body pressing against her.

“Inside me,” Nina murmured into his mouth. “Come on.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, that ragged edge audible in his voice as well.

“Yes, I’m sure. I want you in me.”

And she did. Somehow, even two orgasms in a row hadn’t left her satisfied. She felt empty, which was another thing that had never happened to her. But there was definitely a sense of being unfulfilled, of needing more. She could feel his erection, long and thick against her thigh, and she wanted to feel it pushing inside her.

Joel pulled back just far enough to position himself. Nina helped, tilting her hips up and spreading her thighs open.