CHAPTER THREE
Allie’d retreated to her room, citing a raging headache that was beginning to lead to a foul mood. After working in the hot kitchen all day, inhaling paint fumes, and using muscles that had been dormant for a while, she wanted to be alone with her phone—her lifeline to her daughter—and the bottle of vodka she’d picked up the day before.
She locked her bedroom door and went into the bathroom, where she opened the bottle and poured some of the clear liquid into the glass. She wished she’d had the presence of mind to have filled the glass with some of Barney’s excellent lemonade before she left the kitchen, but there was no way she was going back down there now. Cara and Barney would probably be sitting around that table for the next two hours, talking and laughing, maybe playing a few hands of cards or a few rounds of Clue or Monopoly. Allie wrinkled her nose at the thought. The last thing she wanted to do right then was to try to match wits with her sisters and her aunt.
She pulled the comfy wing chair close enough to the window to see the woods behind the house, then took her phone from her pocket to reread the text conversation she’d had earlier with Nikki, who’d had a great shopping day with her grandmother Lee. They’d spent the entire day together, having lunch at a fancy place and shopping until they both nearly dropped. Allie was grateful that Clint’s parents doted on Nikki, and that Nikki enjoyed spending time with them. But that her aging grandparents would be the ones taking her to the airport to fly to Scranton still gave Allie pause. So many things could happen to a girl traveling alone. There’d been so much in the news lately about human trafficking that if she thought about it too much, Allie’d go into a panic.
Allie took another sip and stared out the window, wondering what kind of grandmother Nora would have been, then laughed. Nora had been an absolute bust as a mother. Surely she’d have ignored Nikki as much as she’d ignored Allie once she’d realized Allie had no acting ability.
At least, that’s what everyone said.
“Too bad,” she’d heard a producer tell Nora. “That older girl of yours is a knockout, but she can’t act her way out of a paper bag. The younger one’s got all the talent, and she’s cute enough. It’s a shame you couldn’t have combined them into one, Nora. You’d have had yourself a superstar.”
But in Des, Nora did have a star. Des’s TV show ran for seven freaking years, from the time she was nine until she turned sixteen. At Nora’s insistence, they’d given Allie the recurring part of one of the neighborhood girls, so she didn’t have to be in every episode, and she rarely had more than one or two lines. She’d never understood why she was given so much ambition and so little talent, while her sister, who was in such demand, professed to hate the roles she had to play.
“Not funny, universe,” Allie whispered. “Not funny at all.”
Allie couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t resented her younger sister for being a star, but even she had to admit that it wasn’t as if Des’d asked to be blessed with so much talent. But that she had had been a bitter pill for Allie to swallow, made even more bitter by the fact that their mother sometimes seemed to forget she had two daughters.
That wasn’t Des’s fault, either.
For years, Allie’d believed that Des protested too much, that she was just saying she hated the show because it got her more attention from Nora. It was only since Allie and Des had been together in Hidden Falls that Allie began to consider that maybe Des hadn’t been lying. Maybe she really hadn’t wanted to do the show, that she did it only because Nora made her do it, that she hated all the attention. If Des’d really enjoyed the spotlight, would she have retreated to that tiny Montana village to rescue dogs, living so quiet a life that Allie would bet that most of the people in Cross Creek didn’t know Des was a former child phenomenon? Wouldn’t she have stayed in L.A., auditioned for roles she’d undoubtedly have gotten, and continued to be a star?
And yet that underlying sense of resentment lingered. There were times Allie regretted feeling the way she did, but it was so deeply ingrained in her she couldn’t let it go. It was a part of her relationship with her sister, and all wrapped up with her relationship with their mother, and Allie couldn’t seem to untangle it, couldn’t even seem to talk about it. She’d tried, when she went to therapy right after she and Clint separated, but the therapist had told her she needed to face her sister and talk out their childhood issues, and Allie hadn’t gone back.
Back when she was a child, her father had been her hero. He was the one who always took her side, the one who’d take her on a trip whenever Des’s show was nominated for some award. Nora would crow about how talented her younger daughter was to the point where apparently even Fritz couldn’t take it.
“Pack a bag, sugar,” he’d tell Allie. “We’re going on an adventure.”
And they’d go to some fun place, just the two of them. Of course, those trips were fewer and further apart as she grew older and Fritz seemed to spend more and more time away from home. It was only recently that Allie discovered the reason for his long absences. He’d fallen in love with another woman, had another daughter. He’d betrayed not only Nora, but Allie and Des as well.
Yet as hard as Allie tried, she just couldn’t conjure up the resentment for Cara that she felt her half sister deserved. Of course, their father’s choices weren’t Cara’s fault any more than they were Allie’s or Des’s, but still, Allie hadn’t expected to like Cara as much as she did. Cara was one of the most balanced people Allie had ever known. Even when Allie turned her bitch ray on Cara, it had seemed to miss its mark, and Cara laughed it off. But for Allie, the most startling thing about Cara was that she was willing to keep a secret even when it was obvious she didn’t want to.
Like the morning Cara’d found Allie passed out in her bed after having had a few too many drinks the night before. Cara’d been this close to calling 911 when Allie finally came around. She’d made Cara promise not to tell anyone. It’d been very obvious to Allie that Cara had been genuinely worried about her, but she’d given a reluctant promise. She’d made it clear that she wouldn’t hesitate to call an ambulance if it happened again, though, and Allie had no doubt Cara would be true to her word.
Allie resolved to be a little more careful, a little more conscious of how much she was drinking. The last thing she wanted was to have to explain herself to her sisters and her aunt. They’d never understand.
Several times she’d considered asking Cara to join her for a nightcap, though. God knew the woman had reason to tie one on. That jerk of an ex-husband had really done a number on her. Allie hoped Cara understood that she was much better off without him. He clearly didn’t deserve her. She’d find someone better.
Actually, Cara had already found someone better. Allie didn’t know Joe Domanski all that well, but it was clear that he was ten times the man stupid cheating Drew was. Joe’d never cheat on Cara, Allie just knew it.
Allie drank a silent toast to Cara. And another to Joe. And a third to Cara and Joe.
She checked her messages again, hoping to hear from Nikki, but there was no update on the shopping expedition. She pulled the blanket up to her chin, drained the glass, and closed her eyes.
“Des, do you have a minute?” Cara stood in Des’s doorway, her hands behind her back.
“Sure.” Des closed the book she’d been reading and gestured for Cara to come in. “What’s up?”
Cara sat on the edge of the bed, clearly struggling to get the words out.
“Okay, spill it,” Des told her.
“Ah, well.” Cara cleared her throat.
“Cara, what’s wrong?” Des sat next to her. It wasn’t like Cara to be evasive. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, it’s just that . . .” Cara blew out an anxious breath. “I don’t know how to say this, Des . . .”
“Then just say it.”
“I think Dad was fooling around with someone other than your mother.”
“Cara, that’s been established. It’s why you’re here.”
“No, I mean before my mother. Before Dad and your mom were even married, I mean before they left for California, right before they left, Dad was involved with another woman.”
“What? No. That was the time they really were in love. Things may have fallen apart later, but back then, they were solid.”
“Maybe not so solid as you think.” Cara held up a box she’d hidden behind her back. “I found this upstairs in the carriage house, hidden in one of the window seat cushions. I’ve gone around and around with myself, trying to decide whether or not to share this with you.”
She opened the box and handed Des an envelope.
Des removed a packet of papers from the envelope and looked up at Cara, who said, “Go on. Read the first letter.”
A puzzled look on her face, Des unfolded the single sheet of paper and read it aloud:
J. ~
It’s really hard for me to write this letter. I don’t know how else to say it, so I’ll just say that I’m leaving for California on Tuesday morning with Nora. I know you will hate me now and that is the worst thing about this. I know you will think I lied to you, but every word was true. You are the best girl I ever knew. I’m sorry I can’t stay and be with you.
F.
“I don’t understand . . .” Des whispered.
“Read the other one,” Cara said.
Des unfolded the second sheet of paper and read:
F. ~
I’m sending back your letter. I don’t ever want to see you or hear from you again. Not that I would anyway, since you’re leaving Hidden Falls with her. You’re just a liar and a cheat and I will always hate you for what you’ve done to me. I never should have believed you when you said you and she were just friends. It was just another lie, like “You’re the only girl for me.” I should have listened to my sister.
J.
“Who is J?” Des asked after she’d read the letters several more times.
“I have no clue. Maybe Barney knows.”
“How long have you had these?” Des held up the letters.
“A month or so,” Cara admitted. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you, or when, but I couldn’t keep it from you any longer.”
Des nodded. She’d have done the same thing if she’d been Cara. She’d have sat on the truth for as long as she could, but eventually, she’d share what she’d discovered.
“What else is in the box?”
“Gil Wheeler’s obituary from several local papers.”
“So we need to talk to Barney.” Des folded the letters and returned them to the envelope. “I’m assuming you don’t want these back?”
Cara shook her head. “You should have them.”
“Did you tell Allie?”
“No. I wanted to share them with you first.” She handed Des the box. “You might as well keep it all together the way I found it.”
Des stood and opened the door. “Thanks,” she said, hoping Cara would understand she needed a few minutes alone.
“Des, I’m sorry.” Cara gave Des a quick hug before leaving, closing the door behind her.
Des sat back on the bed and reread both letters.
So, Dad, you scoundrel, you had another girl—a girl you claimed to care for more than you cared for Mom—even as you and Mom were getting ready to run off to the West Coast together? Are you kidding me?
The truth burned at Des like a hot poker. She’d understood that over the years, her parents had grown apart, but in her heart she’d believed that back in their early days together, they had been deeply in love.
And now here, in Fritz’s own words, was proof that he’d lied to Nora, cheated on her, right from the very beginning.
Who was J? Des wondered. Had she gotten over him and fallen for someone else, married and lived happily ever after? Was she still in Hidden Falls? Was she someone Des passed on the street?
There was only one way to find out.
Barney looked as if she were about to fan herself with the sheaf of papers in her hand. “Oh my.”
“You know who she is?” Des sat on the stool in front of the sofa in the sitting room where Barney’d been reading.
“Well, as I’ve told you, your father was quite the ladies’ man. There wasn’t a girl in Hidden Falls he didn’t date at some point. I’m sure there was someone whose name began with J. Probably more than a few someones.”
Des watched Barney tap her fingers on the arm of the love seat. “Jane Stevens, Joan Walsh, Joanne Whitney, Jill Nathan. That’s four right there and that’s just off the top of my head. Oh, and Jenny Nathan, Jill’s sister. JoBeth Watson.” Barney sighed. “At one time or another, Fritz probably went out with every one of them, and others besides.”
“But this is someone he would have been seeing at the same time he was seeing Nora.” Des pointed out the obvious. “Like, even as he was planning on leaving for California with Nora.”
Barney nodded. “I get that. But if he was seeing someone else, he never shared that with me.”
“Don’t you think it’s strange that Dad chose to keep these letters when he could so easily have destroyed them? I mean, he was leaving town, turning his back on Hidden Falls and J, whoever she might have been. Why bother to keep the letters if only to hide them?”
“I have no idea, but J must have been important to him. Not important enough to break up with Nora and stay in Hidden Falls, but important enough that he chose to hold on to what may have been his last contact with her.” Barney paused. “Of course, we have no way of knowing if in fact this was the last contact with her. For all we knew . . .”
“I thought of that, too. He could have been seeing her while he was married to Mom and Susa.”
“That brother of mine.” Barney shook her head slowly.
“There were copies of newspaper clippings about Gil’s death in with the letters.” Gil Wheeler, the love of Barney’s life, the man she would have married, had fallen from the rocks above the falls, ending Barney’s dream of happily ever after. What might her aunt’s life have been like had he not died that day?
“May I see them?”
“Of course.” Des handed over the box and watched Barney’s face as she opened it and removed the faded news clippings.
“Funny, but there must have been at least a dozen news articles about Gil and his death and the police investigation, but I don’t think I read any of them. I just couldn’t bear to see any of it. I suppose I thought if I read about it in the newspaper, it meant it was really true.” Barney studied one article, then a second. “Then again, I recall so little of that time after he died. It had been such a shock.” She smiled wryly. “Sometimes I still feel blindsided by his loss.”
When she finished reading, she refolded each clipping carefully, then tucked them back into the box. She closed it softly and handed it to Des.
“Oh, I thought you might want to keep them.”
“Honey, I don’t need a bunch of old newspaper stories to remind me what happened to Gil.” She patted her chest. “I know the story by heart. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it.”
Des bit her tongue. She’d almost said aloud what she’d been thinking. Did anyone really know what happened that day, other than Fritz and Pete, who’d been with Gil at the falls? Of the three, only Pete was still alive. Des sensed there’d been more to the story than what the newspapers had reported: that Gil had been sitting too close to the edge of the rock, that he’d misjudged how close when he stood up, lost his footing, and fell. It seemed odd to her that someone who’d surely spent a lot of time at the falls over the years wouldn’t have had a better sense of where he was. After all, he’d grown up across the street from the Hudsons and had known Barney all his life. Maybe it was the fact that her father hadn’t given a statement, or that he’d left Hidden Falls within days of Gil’s death, not even staying long enough to comfort his sister, that had made Des wonder if there wasn’t more to the story.
“When did Cara find these?” Barney asked.
“She said about a month ago. She’s been keeping this to herself because she didn’t know how we’d feel about Dad being involved with someone else back then. The story we always believed was that Dad and Mom were so crazy in love they left Hidden Falls to seek their fortune in Hollywood together. And then there’s this.” Des held up the letters. “This doesn’t fit the narrative we’ve been told, what we’ve always believed about our parents. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about Dad after finding out that he was cheating on my mother, even back then.”
“That was very sweet of Cara to want to protect your feelings, to preserve your memories.”
“It was. But she did the right thing.” Des shook her head. “He really was a stinker, wasn’t he?”
“You can do better than stinker, honey,” Barney told her.
“I’m doing my best not to be crude. I wish I knew who this J woman was.” Des tapped her fingers on the lid of the box. “You’re sure no one stands out from that time?”
Barney shook her head.
“Would you tell me if you knew?”
“Of course.” Barney thought for a moment, then asked, “Does it really matter who she was?”
Des shrugged. “In a way, no. But I guess knowing might help it make more sense to me. Was she an incredible beauty? A brilliant wit? What about her made her ‘the best girl’ he ever knew?”
“Not to be cavalier, but maybe she really wasn’t all that special to him. Remember, your father was a playboy. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’d used that line on more than one girl. Not to paint an unsavory picture of your father, but he really did like the girls, Des.”
“I guess without knowing who J was, we’ll never know for sure. And I keep going back to the fact that he kept the letters.” Des paused to reflect. “Maybe he hid them so he could reread them whenever he came home.”
“Does Allie know?”
“No. I wanted to talk to you first, to see if you knew anything about this before I told Allie.”
“I would tell you if I knew, Des.”
“I know. I appreciate that. I wish I could say it doesn’t bother me, but it does. Theirs was supposed to be this great love affair. I guess for Dad exclusivity wasn’t necessarily implied.” Leaving the box on the floor next to the stool, Des rose. “I think I’ll take Buttons for a walk.”
She’d thought to keep moving until the burning in her chest subsided, but even after walking the entire perimeter of Hidden Falls, Des still ached. She paused at the entrance to the park, then followed the path to one of the benches. After tying the dog’s leash to the back of the bench, she sat, shoulders slumped, with her head resting against the wooden back.
She’d forgiven her father’s “marriage” to Cara’s mother—in whatever form that had taken—because she’d understood the marriage between her parents had fizzled out before Fritz met Susa. At least, that was the story she told herself. She’d forgiven her father wanting to marry Susa because it was obvious he’d loved her deeply.
That secretly he’d been fooling around with another girl before he’d left Hidden Falls—back when the fairy tale was supposed to have been true—hadn’t been part of the legend.
Fritz’s declaration, “You are the best girl I ever knew. I’m sorry I can’t stay and be with you,” wasn’t part of her parents’ love story.
Nor was J’s response: “I never should have believed you when you said you and she were just friends. It was just another lie, like ‘You’re the only girl for me.’ ”
How long had J carried a torch for the man who’d claimed he’d cared but left her anyway for someone else? Someone he’d said was “just a friend.” Des couldn’t help but feel sorry for J.
The mysterious J was right about one thing: Fritz was a liar and a cheat.
“Hey, is everything all right?” The deep voice seemed to come out of nowhere. Des raised her head just as Seth and Ripley were approaching the bench.
“Is this seat taken?”
Des forced a smile. “It’s all yours.”
Seth sat next to Des, who was unhooking Buttons so the dogs could romp.
“I was asking if you’re okay.”
“Sure.” She tried to nod convincingly. “Why?”
“You looked so sad when I was coming up the path. A million-miles-away kind of sad.”
“Oh. Well, yeah. Maybe I am.” She wasn’t even able to convince herself.
“Anything I can do?”
Des shook her head. “Nothing anyone can do at this point, I guess. I just wish . . .” She let out an exasperated breath.
“You wish what?” He sat leaning forward, his arms on his thighs, his hands clasped between his knees, his eyes on her.
“I wish my father was alive.” She watched Buttons follow Ripley across the grass.
“Oh, hey, I understand. I mean, him dying without you having the chance to say good-bye, not being able to tell him how much he meant to you . . .”
“That isn’t it.” She laughed ruefully. “That’s the furthest thing from my mind right now.”
Des told him about the letters, about the woman who’d only identified herself as J who’d had something going on with Fritz at the same time he was getting ready to leave town with Nora.
When Seth opened his mouth to speak, Des jumped on him. “And don’t say something like ‘Boys will be boys,’ okay? Because that doesn’t ever excuse anything as far as I’m concerned.”
“I was only going to say I’m sorry. I can see how upset you are. I’m just trying to understand why.”
“Why am I upset? Are you kidding me?” Des stood, her eyes still on him. “My parents had a lousy marriage by the time it was over, but back in the beginning, back when they left Hidden Falls together, they were supposed to have had this great love for each other. That was supposed to have been real. Now I don’t know what to think.”
Seth reached out and took her hand, gently easing her back to the seat.
“Look, I didn’t know your parents, and God knows I’m no one to give anyone advice where anyone’s family’s concerned. And don’t take this the wrong way, but that all—whatever was going on—was between them. It had nothing to do with you back then. And it has nothing to do with you now.”
She stared at him blankly.
“What I mean is, that was something that happened long before you were born, right? If your parents married and then they had you and your sister, and you were a family and you were happy, what difference does any of the rest of it make?”
“That’s just it. They weren’t happy. He may have wanted Allie and me, but she never did. I knew that before I was ten years old. So there was no happy family. We were four people who lived under the same roof—sometimes—who pretended to be happy. My mother pretended to be a good and loving mother when there were cameras around, but otherwise, she barely gave us the time of day. My father spent as much time away as he could.” She forced a wry smile. “You can ask Cara about that period of his life, since she apparently knows more about it than I do.”
“If you know all that, then why are you so upset to find out he had another girlfriend when he was dating your mother?” Seth asked.
“Because that was when the fairy tale was supposed to be real.” Her eyes welled with tears, and she forced a patience she didn’t feel. “The only time it was true. If that wasn’t true, then none of the rest of it makes sense to me. Why did they leave Hidden Falls together? Why did they even bother to get married?”
“Maybe because they’d convinced themselves and each other that the fairy tale was real.” He put his arm around her, his hand warm and strong on her skin. “Maybe for them, at that time, for a while, it was.”
“If it had been, he wouldn’t have been messing around with someone else behind her back.”
“Why beat yourself up looking for answers you’ll probably never find? Why does it matter so much?”
“Wouldn’t it bother you to find out that your father wasn’t who you thought he was?”
“Oh, I know exactly who my father was. I’ve always known. No mystery there.”
Something in the tone of his voice caused Des to bite back the retort she’d planned.
“Everyone thought Donald MacLeod was such a great man. The doctor who made house calls in the middle of the night. The one who’d never turn you away if you couldn’t pay for his services.”
“Your dad made house calls?”
“He did. Of course, many of those visits were to his mistress, but it was a great cover for him. And sometimes the women who couldn’t pay him in cash paid him in other ways, if you get my drift.” An embarrassed cloud seemed to pass over his face before he continued. “My dad was said to have been a great mayor, too. All for the common good and all that.” He sucked in a breath, let it out slowly. “But he was a tyrant at home. Terrorized my mother and my sister, and me, too, until I grew up.” He stared into space for a moment. “Was your father a tyrant, Des?”
“No.”
“Did he try to make you be something you weren’t?”
“No, my mother did that. He could have stopped her, though. At least he could have tried.”
“Do you know for certain he didn’t?”
“No.”
“Look, no one ever really knows how things are between two people. What goes on between them.”
“True.”
“So would that be so much of a stretch that he could have been lying to this J woman? Maybe it didn’t mean all that much to him. So maybe it shouldn’t mean all that much to you.”
“To quote Game of Thrones, you know nothing, Seth MacLeod.” She unwrapped Buttons’s leash and snapped her fingers. The dog stopped her play, then ran to Des, who hooked the leash to her harness.
As she walked away, Des heard him mutter something that sounded like, “Not the first time I’ve stuck my foot in it. Probably won’t be the last.”
Des walked swiftly, her annoyance with Seth fueling her stride, the dog struggling to keep up. When they reached the corner, she paused to catch her breath and waited until the traffic signal turned green before breaking into a jog. She rounded the corner onto Hudson Street, then slowed her pace so Buttons could catch up. Once they reached the house, she unsnapped the dog’s collar so Buttons could run to the door. Des took her time, her mind a jumble of emotions.
“What’s up with you?” Cara called from the porch as Des drew closer. “You look like you lost your best friend.”
Des nodded. “I think I just might have.”
She took the chair next to Cara’s and repeated the conversation with Seth.
“Can you believe he actually took Dad’s side in this?”
“You must have skipped that part.” Cara kept rocking.
“I just told you . . .”
“You told me that Seth said whatever happened between your parents was between them and had nothing to do with you, then or now. What part of that is wrong?”
“It’s all wrong. It isn’t the point at all.”
“Then what’s the point?” Cara stopped rocking.
“The point is that all my life I believed in something that wasn’t real.”
“It could have been real. Seth might be right, you don’t know.” Cara leaned forward. “How did you leave it with him?”
“Badly. I was annoyed and stormed off.” Des toed off her sneakers. She looked up at Cara. “Go on, say it.”
“I think he thought he was helping you to put things into perspective.”
“I’m sure he did.”
“Why did you tell him about the letters?”
“Other than you, and occasionally Allie, he’s the only friend I have in Hidden Falls. We spent a lot of time together when I was helping him teach Ripley some manners back when he first took the dog. Seth’s always been easy to talk to; he listens. And I guess I needed to talk it out with someone I thought was neutral.”
“Des, Seth is far from neutral where you’re concerned.”
Des sighed deeply. “I shouldn’t have pounced on him like that.”
“Probably not,” Cara agreed.
“Since the night I met him back in March, he’s been nothing but kind to me.” She covered her face with her hands and groaned. “I owe him an apology.”
“That’s up to you.”
“Everything he said about Dad and Mom and this woman was right.”
“So what do you plan on doing about it?”
“Eat crow, offer an apology, and hope he accepts it.” Des stood and picked up her sneakers. “Because it would really suck if we couldn’t still be friends.”