Zach stayed with me the rest of the day and all through the night. If we weren’t tangled up in each other, we were drinking his wine, eating, and laughing. As serious as he has been and can be, I’ve never laughed with one person as much as I did with him.
I think what surprised me the most was how tender he was with me. Maybe it was because we moved past that initial must-have desperation, or maybe because we weren’t limited on time, but he was different yesterday, and it was noticeable. Not that there is anything wrong with the difference, but I almost wish his movements were still lust filled and less warm, less loving. It all adds to the vision of what I think a life with him might be like, and considering I have one day left here, this makes me long for something that won’t be.
Deciding I need to stop thinking about him and start thinking about leaving, I move from room to room through the cottage, picking up the mess we made last night and setting my things off to the side for packing. At some point, I glance outside, and my breath catches because the black crow is back. The world around me blurs as I narrow my gaze on it and my heart rate picks up. It can’t be coincidental. It must mean something, and dread slips in under my skin. Closing my eyes, I turn away and do my best to forget about it.
Stopping next to the kitchen island, I run my fingers over the lavender flowers and then lean in to smell the plant. Lavender is supposed to have a calming effect, if only it would work on me and my anxious heart.
The problem is, Zach isn’t what I expected, not that I have expectations from him, but there’s this gentleness in the way he looks at me and touches me that I’m not used to. As blissful as my heart feels, it’s because of this that there’s an unwanted nervousness sitting deep within me. A nervousness that seems to be growing the closer we get to the assignment ending. Maybe that’s all it is, I’m anxious about saying goodbye and not knowing what happens next, or maybe there’s a reason for this gut feeling . . . I haven’t figured it out yet.
From across the room, my cell phone starts ringing, and my heart jumps. Thinking that it might be Zach calling, I move across the room, and see that it’s Meg. I let out a sigh of relief, she’s the person who can calm me down.
“Hey!” I answer on the third ring.
“One day left!” Meg squeals. “I’m so excited for you to get back home. I don’t think we’ve ever gone this long being apart.”
I can almost see her bouncing around in the kitchen at OBA, and I can’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. “I miss you, too.”
“So, have you and Zach talked at all about what happens after tomorrow?”
Well, there’s no beating around the bush with her, straight to the point.
“No.” I walk back into the kitchen and sit at the island, hoping that eventually the plant will work its magic on my nerves.
“But you want to see him again, right?”
“I think I do,” I say on a sigh.
“Then why don’t you sound more excited?”
“I don’t know. Everything was great, no it is great, but I woke this morning feeling off. All of this is so quick, so unexpected, I feel—”
“Stop right there. I know you, Shelby. Nothing is off, you’re anxious because you like this guy. I’ve seen you do this before, and it’s like as soon as things move out of your comfort zone, you’re sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Are you listening to me?”
“I am, but Meg, there’s a large black crow sitting on the table outside the French doors and it’s staring at me through the window.” I glance outside and she’s still sitting there.
“So?”
“You know what this means, don’t you?”
“No, enlighten me, Oh Great One,” she says sarcastically.
“Black crows are a sign of a bad omen. I know this feeling I’m having isn’t for nothing.”
“Have you lost your mind? Seriously? A crow? Now you’re looking for trouble when there isn’t any. Are you trying to sabotage this good thing that you have going? I mean really, you’ve cooked food there all week, I’m sure it smelled divine, you eat outside, and the bird is probably looking for a snack.”
“Explain to me why I saw one on my first day here, and now on my last.”
“It isn’t your last day, you have one more, and you didn’t see one because you weren’t looking for one. You do this when things don’t seem to be going your way—you start looking for answers to questions or problems that aren’t there. It’s the control freak in you, and you need to stop this. Seriously, don’t get your feathers ruffled over it. Throw the bird a piece of bread, and watch, it’ll fly away.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
So, I do as she suggested and toss a chunk of break outside onto the back patio. Sure enough, the bird swoops in, grabs the bread, and flies away.
“Is it gone?” she asks.
“Yes,” I say with a sigh. “You were right.”
“I usually am.”
“Maybe I am overthinking this, and maybe it is because I’m leaving tomorrow. What do you think?”
“I think it’s okay to like him. Not every guy out there is a douchecanoe or has a hidden agenda. You’ve worked hard to get where you are. You’re the most beautiful person I know, and I’m certain this guy sees the same amazing qualities that I do.”
“I hope so. I really do like him.”
“I know you do. So, what you need to do is get your cute butt up to the manor and go tell him good morning. The longer you stay in the cottage, the more you’re going to psych yourself out, and time’s a ticking. Don’t waste it.”
“You’re right. I think I’ll invite him to lunch.”
“There’s my girl. What are you going to fix him?”
“I was thinking a smoked sausage and black-eyed pea soup.” I need to use up the few remaining ingredients I picked up at the farmers’ market.
“Sounds perfect. And then after you feed him his lunch he can feed you his—”
“Ahhh, don’t say it.” I laugh at her.
She giggles back, and I feel infinitely better.
“Go get your man and give me a call tomorrow once you get on the road.”
“I will, and thanks, Meg. This was just what I needed.”
“I know, because I know you. See you tomorrow!” She hangs up, leaving me smiling and heading to the bedroom to get ready.
I think a lot about who I am and how far I’ve come. I think I’m kind, giving, and loyal. I love my home and making a home for my friends. I hate it when my friends hurt, and I would do anything for any of them. But, that’s where it stops. I only allow this for my friends; I don’t allow it for myself. Even though it was over ten years ago, I’ve let one person have an affect so profound on my life, and I’ve spent every second possible focused on trying to be successful and proving that I don’t need anyone or anything to get me where I want to be in life. But I’ve realized after coming here that I’m missing some of the best parts of life. The part of life that lets me connect with another person, a person that might just be meant for me.
Is it possible that Zach is that person? Maybe. But I’ll never know if I don’t put myself out there.
Running back into the kitchen, I grab my phone and shove it into my back pocket. Before I can turn, though, there’s a fluttering to my left. The crow is back. I’m met again with the black as night eyes and my stomach plummets. I know Meg has a point that I haven’t been looking for bad signs, but not once over the last two weeks have I had a bird land on the darn table. That I would have remembered. Yes, the timing is odd, and no, it isn’t as if I have been sitting around doing nothing but looking out the door waiting for a bird. Still, I have to push past the dark thoughts and swallow a huge dose of optimism. Turning away from the bird, which is still staring at me, I head for the door and smile. In a few minutes, I’ll get to press my lips to his.