Chapter Ten
On the Tenth Day of Christmas
My True Love Gave to Me
A Bitter Taste of Truth
Adriana couldn’t hold back the sheer awe she felt. This was her dream come alive and yet the niggling suspicion that this was all just a dream of a dream kept trying to intrude on her happiness.
Alexander sat in a child’s chair, his knees nearly up to his shoulders. His dark hair was wild from the excursion, and he clutched delicately at the tiny teacup in his hand, listening most attentively to Georgiana.
He was such a good man. She’d always known that beneath his austere facade was a kind, loving soul. It’s why she had dared write that story and dared give it to him. Georgiana deserved the father that Adriana had never had.
Carefully, she set down her own teacup and stood. “It’s time for your nap, Georgiana.”
For a perilous moment, Georgiana’s nose scrunched up and she looked ready to protest, but then she glanced at her doll. “Josephine is rather tired.”
“Then Josephine must rest, too,” Alexander said. He placed his cup down, then swooped Georgiana up into his arms.
“Don’t forget Josephine,” his daughter said.
“Of course not.” Alexander easily cradled the doll next to his daughter and carried the two of them to her small bed. Remarkably gentle for such a big man, he tucked them both under the counterpane, kissed Josephine first, then just before he brushed his lips over Georgiana’s brow, he whispered, “I love you, little one.”
Georgiana yawned. “I love you, too, Your Grace.”
And in that moment, Adriana had a terrible thought. It hit her with more force than any physical blow. The air whooshed out of her and she started backing out of the room, waiting for him just outside the door.
What was she doing?
She was playing with Georgiana’s and this man’s fate. That was what she was doing. The truth of it sent her reeling. And it hurt. Good God, it hurt.
Alexander slipped out the door, closing it lightly, the sounds of Nanny bustling in Georgiana’s room muffled by the heavy oaken panel. He went to take her hand.
She stepped back.
His eyes narrowed. “What is it?”
The muscles of her throat tightened to the point of agony. She couldn’t speak. The horror of it. She forced herself to look up at him then gritted, “I am a very selfish person.”
Amusement danced in his eyes but apparently, he saw her intensity, and the humor vanished. “What is this?”
She turned and immediately walked down the hall, farther and farther into the shadows away from the center of the house. At last, when she stood, tucked into a small corner, she faced him. “What we’re doing can’t continue.”
Shock tightened his features. “Adriana—”
She whipped up a hand. “Please. I…I thought we could go on like this forever. That I could be a part of your lives, but if I stay, I will be the ruination of you both. When I made that bargain with you, I thought only of my own security.”
“Things have changed since that night. And I do not believe that there is a selfish bone in your body.”
How she wanted to laugh. For years, she’d thought of no one but herself. Every move she had made, every lie she had told, had been to secure her safety. “What will happen if someone else finds out who I am?”
He gave no ready reply.
She shook her head sadly. “You see? You have not even considered the consequences to your daughter.”
“What consequences?” he demanded, his big body taking up so much of the space.
Good Lord, he was so beautiful in his perfectly tailored black coat and ruby cravat. He belonged in a perfect world, not one marred by her past. “If someone were to link Adriana Flint to your daughter, she would be ruined.”
“I think you overestimate—”
“Do I?” Fear had taken root in her heart. Fear of destroying those she loved. Her parents had not given a tinker’s damn for her welfare. She wouldn’t do the same thing to Alexander or Georgiana. If she loved them, she had to put them first.
“You fear things that haven’t and may never come to pass,” he soothed.
She gazed up at the man who had awakened her body and heart, wishing that life could be as beautiful as the Christmas he had given her. But life was cold, hard, and unforgiving. “Are you willing to take that chance? To risk the scandal of my fraudulent behavior?”
His own gaze shuttered, cutting off his thoughts.
“Even you see the danger of it,” she said. She took a step back from him. “I think I should go.”
Before she could say another word, he grabbed her to him, plastering her body to his, winding his hands in her hair. “I won’t let you go.”
“Why?” she demanded, her blood humming in her veins, begging her to take back all that she’d said.
His dark eyes searched her face. “Because I love you, Adriana Flint. You. The author. The girl who survived the streets. The governess who reached out to my daughter. And the woman who seduced my soul.”
Tears stung her eyes. Oh God. It wasn’t fair. Her duke loved her. She’d dreamt of this moment. She’d written it because she’d had to live it in some way, but she’d known it would never happen.
Now, his body was hot against hers. Real. His strength pouring into her. And she couldn’t have him. At least she had the courage to tell him the truth. “I love you, too, Alexander.”
Wonder lit his features. Pure, unadulterated wonder.
It killed her that she was going to take that from him. In her novels, perhaps she would have found a way for them to be together. But this wasn’t a novel. “And I still can’t stay.”
His fingers tightened their grip on her. “Why?”
“Because I refuse to hurt you…or Georgiana.” She had to cling to what was right. She had to protect them as she’d never been protected.
“And leaving doesn’t hurt me?”
“It will hurt for a while,” she said numbly.
“I never took you for a fool, my love,” he said.
She grabbed his hands and worked them away from her body. With each movement, with each separation, she lost a little bit of her soul. “I’d rather be a fool than see you destroyed.”
“I’ve lost then,” he whispered. “Or have I won?” A dry, broken laugh came from him. “This started with me tossing you out into the snow. Now you’re leaving.”
“Oh, Alexander.”
His face twisted. “I never thought winning would come at such a price.”
“I am sorry.” She blinked to keep the tears at bay. If she cried, he might never let her go, her fierce, honorable duke.
“Promise me you will do nothing rash. At least stay for tonight’s Twelfth Night revels?”
She nodded. “I wouldn’t leave without saying good-bye to Georgiana.”
“You’re going to break our hearts,” he said, his arms now stiff at his sides.
She lifted her chin. Determined. “No, I’m going to save them.”