I can’t believe what just happened, that I told Ens the truth. I’ve never told anyone how my mom forced me to make new friends. Not even El or Holden know about it. But Ens needed to know the truth. She needed to understand that not everything is what it seems.

I just wish I had the balls to tell her about her dad and how I’m helping him. Tell her everything. Come clean.

I’ve never felt this guilty in my entire life. So guilty that I can barely breathe.

I never should’ve kissed her. It was crossing a line. And to make things worse, I think it was her first kiss. Deep down, I love that it was, which might make this situation even more fucked up.

Gregor told me to become friends with her, not make out with her in the lake and take her first kiss. But fuck, that kiss … That kiss was everything.

All those girls I’ve been with, they never meant anything to me. I was playing a part. Doing what I was told to do. But Ensley means something to me. I don’t know how that’s possible. We’ve only been on one date for fuck’s sake. No, not even that. We’ve been on half a date. But, then again, I spent so much time watching her… Maybe I was starting to feel something before all of this. Could that be possible? To fall for someone before you even have them?

One thing’s for sure, I’m starting to wonder if, for the first time in my life, I’m not playing a game.

The problem is, technically I am. Which I know doesn’t make much sense, but in a way, it does.

I need to fix this before I lose it. Whatever this is.

Letting out a frustrated exhale, I collect my phone from the console. Then I release another breath before opening a text message to Gregor, my fingers trembling as I type.

Me: I don’t think I can bring Ens to the club tonight. Some stuff happened.

Gregor: What sort of stuff?

Me: Just some stuff.

Gregor: Are you having second thoughts about our deal? I’d advise against that.

Me: I’m not really sure what I want anymore. I need some time to think about all of this.

Gregor: Well, while you think, sit on this: if you back out of this deal, I’m going to have to find someone else to take your place. Is that what you want? Some other guy doing what you’re doing with Ensley?

The words, “take your place,” don’t sit well with me at all.

I still don’t fully understand why Gregor can’t just approach Ens himself, which makes me question if something’s off about this situation.

Me: I’m just friends with her, which is what you told me to do, so yeah, I’m okay with that.

What a fucking lie. I’m more than friends with her, and I don’t want anyone to take my place. I’m not going to let anyone take my place. I think I’m going to tell her the truth.

Gregor: Okay, then how about this? You keep your end of the deal, and I won’t send this file I have in front of me to your father … A file that clearly shows he’s not yours or your sister’s real father.

“What?” I breathe out, my heart jackhammering in my chest.

Is he fucking with me?

Yeah, he has to be fucking with me.

Me: You’re lying.

Gregor: No, I’m not. I may be a lot of things, but I’m not a liar. And I think you know that as well as I do. And I think you know, as well as I do, that your father’s the kind of man who’s not going to take this news very well.

My mind is racing a million miles a minute. Is he telling the truth? Could my dad not be my real father? If the answers are yes, then El and I are fucked. And so is my mom. My father—or, at least the man I believed was my father—isn’t the sort of man who’s going to let this go easily. He’ll ruin my mom first, and then El and I.

Feeling like I’m suffocating, I crack the window.

I need to get out of this car. I need to think. Figure this out.

“Hey, Ens? You dressed yet?”

A slamming heartbeat of a second ticks by, and then she says, “Yeah, I’m good.”

Exhaling, I open the door and climb out. She’s standing in the headlights with her dress, knee-high socks, and boots are back on. Her hair is damp and hangs across her shoulders in waves. Not a drop of makeup touches her face, showing her freckles.

I take back what I said earlier.

She’s not pretty.

She’s not sexy.

She’s fucking beautiful.

I want to kiss her so damn badly.

But I need to clear my head, need to stop panicking and figure this out.

Still checking her out, I take a step toward her. “I think my watch fell off somewhere. Do you want to get in the car and lock the doors while I go look for it?”

She gives me a funny look. “Lock the doors? That seems a bit extreme, don’t you think?”

I shake my head, closing the distance between us. “Do you know how many horror stories start with a guy and a girl alone by a lake? Then the guy leaves the girl for just a few minutes to either get gas or take a piss or something, and when he comes back, the girl’s gone.”

She tenses, her eyes scanning the field around us. “Okay, I wasn’t creeped out before, but now I am.” Her eyes land back on me, and she juts out her bottom lip. “Thanks for that.”

God, she’s so adorable. I can’t stand it.

“I’ll hurry,” I promise her. Then, unable to stop myself, I lean in and kiss her, partly out of desire and partly out of desperation that all of this is going to end before we even get a chance to really start it.

I mean to keep it a brief kiss, but when my heart races like a goddamn lunatic from the connection, I seriously lose my mind. Suddenly, I’m backing her up against the car while crushing my lips against hers. My hands are traveling all over her body, along her sides, before residing on her hips. My fingers dip downward, and then I lift her up onto the hood.

When she gasps against my mouth, I pull back, worried I’ve pushed her too far.

She stares up at me, her eyes wide, her chest moving frantically up and down with each ravenous breath she takes. Her lips are swollen from the intense kiss, and her eyes are glazed over with desire. I’ve wanted to see that look in her eyes since sophomore year when I started becoming obsessed with her.

God, she’s so fucking beautiful.

I’m seriously so fucking hard right now.

I want to spread her legs open and devour her.

But when she nervously wets her lips with her tongue, I’m reminded how inexperienced she is, and how I took her first kiss just moments ago. The last thing she needs me to do is try to take her virginity on the same night, especially when I’ve been lying to her.

I need to keep this strictly kissing.

God, there’s another first.

I swallow hard. “Is this okay? I can stop if you want me to.”

She hesitates, her dazed eyes flicking to my lips. “It’s fine.”

“I’m just going to kiss you,” I promise, lining my body over hers and pressing my lips to hers again.

She groans from the connection, her body arching into mine as she wraps her legs around my waist.

Fuck, my self-control is being tested.

I need to stop.

I can’t seem to get control over my body, though.

I kiss her deeply, tangling my tongue with hers. I bite on her bottom lip while gripping her waist, trying to stay in control. Trying not to lose it. But when she grinds her hips against mine, I damn near explode.

I pull back, gasping for air, before I end up ripping off her clothes.

She blinks up at me dazedly. “Is everything okay?”

I sketch a path down her cheek with my fingertip. “Yeah, I just need to cool off for a few minutes before I end up doing something I shouldn’t.”

She frowns, perplexed, but doesn’t say anything.

I thread my fingers through hers and help her to her feet. Then I steal one last kiss before backing away.

“I’m going to go find my watch. I’ll be right back. Get in the car and lock the door,” I tell her, then hurry toward the path before I do something stupid.

After hiking down the path for about a minute, I sink to my knees. Then I lose my shit.

All these years of living with my father, all the violence, all the yelling, all the control, all the brainwashing, and it was all for nothing.

Part of me feels crushed by the revelation. The other part of me feels relieved. Relieved that the horrible man who raised me doesn’t share my blood.

But if what Gregor said is true, then who is my real father? And how did my mom keep this a secret for so long?