Us. There, he’d said it. But that was only the first step in making Angelica his. Noah knew he had a lot to make up for, but he would gladly spend the rest of his life trying if she’d let him. Now, he just needed to convince her that he was worth the risk.

“First,” he said, setting his glass to the side, “I owe you a massive apology.”

Angelica opened her mouth to interrupt him, but he shook his head. “Please, let me finish.”

When she gritted her teeth and sat back in the booth, Noah reached across the table and set his hand atop hers. Squeezing it gently, he continued, “I haven’t always been fair to you. I know now that it had nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with who I am. Who I’d become without even realizing it.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, pushing her plate aside and smiling at the bus boy who’d stopped by to clear their table.

Noah dragged his eyes away and stared out over the busy restaurant for a few moments. Dimly, he was aware of the sound of Max’s laughter, the clinking of glasses, and the chatter of happy patrons, but all he really could hear was the sound of his own heart beating a whir in his head. Thump, thump, thump.

While it had been difficult to discuss all of this with his therapist, doing so with the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with was even harder. Especially since the things he’d discovered about himself, and the reasons why he’d been so awful to Angelica in the first place, weren’t exactly points in his favor. Still, all he could do was be honest and hope for the best.

But before Noah could answer, their waiter approached. “Would you care for dessert this evening? It’s not on the menu, but we’ve got a triple chocolate brownie for two, paired with a coffee ice cream made with espresso from The Beanery.” Max was nothing if not encouragingly unsubtle.

Noah raised his eyebrows to Angelica, who patted her stomach. “Sorry, none for me. Max outdid himself with those carnitas.”

The waiter eyed Noah. “None for me, thanks. Just the check when you get a chance.”

The waiter pulled a small folio from his apron and set it on the table, letting them know he’d be back shortly.

Noah placed enough cash inside to cover the bill and a generous tip for the staff, and then canted his head toward the door. “It’s a beautiful night. Want to take a walk around the square with me?”

Angelica slid across the leather banquette and shrugged into her jacket. When she’d finished wrapping the paisley scarf around her neck, Noah set his hand on the small of her back and led her from the restaurant, waving to Max as they went.

As they strolled down the sidewalk hand-in-hand, the storefronts lining the square glowing from within, they made more small talk. Noah described an interview he’d done for a national profile on winemakers under forty, while Angelica brought him up to speed on the latest with the inn’s renovations. When they reached the end of the square, he pulled her off the sidewalk and into the park, toward the center gazebo. The delicate structure had been decorated with gourds in every shape, size, and color in anticipation of the coming Harvest Fair.

They took a seat on one of the iron benches that wrapped the edges of the gazebo and Noah wrapped an arm around Angelica’s shoulder, savoring the feel of her against him. There’d been a few dark moments when he thought he might never get to touch her again. Might never deserve to touch her again. Then again, he thought, this might only be a temporary reprieve. His heart kicked in his chest, and his belly churned with uncertainty. He’d unraveled so much in a short time working on making himself better, and he still sometimes felt as though he might tangle up again. Especially when he was trying to prove himself.

Almost as if Angelica could sense his anxiety over the coming discussion, she scooted out from his embrace and said, “Not that I’m not enjoying this, but you mentioned something about a realization you’d had?”

Noah twisted on the bench and rested his arm on its back. “I’ve always considered myself a feminist. I’m a hard advocate for equal pay for everyone I employ, I participate in the March for Women every year, and I pay attention to the issues surrounding women’s rights. I know I do.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. Saying that had been easy; this was the harder part. “The problem is, I … uh … apparently harbor some antiquated notions of what I’m looking for in a relationship.”

“I’m not sure I’m following,” Angelica said, her head tilting to the side as she studied him, her eyes reflecting the glittering white fairy lights that had just flashed on in the square.

I could get lost in those eyes, Noah thought briefly before explaining himself. “You met my mother. I’m sure you didn’t miss the fact that she’s not the warmest person in the room.”

Angelica opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it and shook her head. “Nope, not going there.”

He chuckled. “I love my mom, really. But I always wanted her to be a different type of mother. The one who would kiss my knee when I fell down, or who would bring sliced oranges to my baseball games.”

“Sounds like my mom. Of course, she also got thrown out of a few of my games for yelling at the ref. You take the good with the bad, I suppose,” she said, her luscious mouth splitting in an impish grin.

Unable to return it, Noah dropped his eyes and stared at the black veining in the marble floor. “My mom never went to my games, no matter how many times I asked her to.”

“I’m sorry,” Angelica replied, her voice filled with sympathy, as she set her hand on his shoulder. “That must have been difficult for you.”

He nodded once, briskly. And then he pulled a deep breath into his lungs. Better to get this over with, he thought. “The thing is—and I know it’s old fashioned and backward—but I need to know the woman I’m with will always put our kids first.”

Angelica’s brows furrowed into a deep vee, and then she pulled her hand away and leaned back, putting a few extra inches between them. “And you don’t think I’m that sort of woman.”

It wasn’t a question so much as a statement of fact. Which was why Noah owed her an apology and explanation. “It’s not that. I actually think you’d be a great mom,” he said, raising his eyes to hers. The problem was, he wanted her to be his kids’ mom, but was afraid their timing was all off. That no matter how much he might love her their lives weren’t compatible.

“I hear a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”

Noah scanned the square briefly and then dragged his eyes back to Angelica. “I’m making a mess of this.”

Angelica sat up, her back ramrod straight, and folded her hands in her lap. “I have to admit, this isn’t how I envisioned this conversation going.”

“I know,” he sighed, and reached for her hand. At first, she resisted, but eventually gave in. He rubbed his thumb in circles over her palm. “I asked you for time to figure out my shit, and even though I’ve been a complete asshole, you gave it to me. The thing is, I want it all with you—the big house, the dog, the kids, and I want it sooner rather than later.”

Angelica sucked in a startled gasp and her eyes flew to his. Flicking between them, she whispered, “What are you saying?”

Noah wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her flush against his side. Once she was safely wrapped in the warm cocoon of his embrace, he explained, “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you, Angelica. But I’m almost thirty-five, and I want to start a family. I want so much for those kids to be yours, but—”

Angelica pushed against his chest and leaned back, their eyes locking. She licked her lips. “Did you just say you want to marry me?” she croaked.

Noah’s lips hitched up. “Don’t worry,” he chuckled nervously. “I don’t mean tomorrow. But yes, eventually. Sooner, rather than later preferably. But—”

“There you are!” Ethan Lee interrupted, rushing into the gazebo and sliding to a stop in front of them. His cheeks were flushed, his coat was buttoned incorrectly, and his hair stuck up in several different directions. Noah had heard the footsteps thundering along the grass, but he’d been so wrapped up in Angelica he hadn’t looked up, assuming it was a jogger. Instead, it was his least favorite person in River Hill. Ethan beamed his goofy smile directly at Angelica. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You’re never going to believe the offer I have from RenoTV!”

“Hey, Ethan.” Angelica scooted further away from Noah and smoothed her long blonde locks into a thick waterfall over her left shoulder. He watched her take a deep breath before she asked, “What’s up?” Her tone wasn’t exactly friendly, but she wasn’t using words like ‘buzz off’ or ‘not now, dammit,’ either.

Noah couldn’t help but feel her retreat signaled the beginning of their end. Damn. He’d screwed it up again. Hadn’t been able to muddle through his explanations well enough, hadn’t explained that he wanted her happiness above everything. Fuck, he hadn’t even managed to tell her that he loved her.

Call it a premonition, but the physical space that existed between them now might as well have been the Grand Canyon for as far away as she felt in that moment. He’d said he wanted them to build a life together, and instead of telling Ethan to give them a minute, she’d turned her attention from Noah to discuss work.

Stupid fucking Ethan, Noah thought as he shoved his hands into his coat pocket. Always ruining everything.

Indifferent to the tense mood radiating in waves off the gazebo’s other inhabitants, Ethan forged on. “I just got off the phone with the bigwigs over there, and they loved the early footage we sent them. Salivating. They said you’re a natural.”

Angelica smiled thinly. “That’s terrific.”

He nodded, his big head bobbing with excitement on his pencil-thin neck. “It is! But that’s not all.”

Noah’s heart sank. He didn’t know how he knew it, but he was certain the next words out of Howdy Doody’s mouth would change everything.

“They want to give us a whole series!” Ethan bellowed, his eyes flashing with victory. “They’re ready to sign you to a three-year deal today. They want to set you up with a different project in a different location each season. Season one will obviously be the inn here in River Hill, and I was thinking next season we can go to—”

“That’s great, Ethan,” Angelica interrupted, rising from the bench to stop the flow of words and brushing her hands down the front of her jeans. “The thing is, I’m kind of in the middle of something here, so ....”

She glanced toward Noah, her eyes filled with contrition … and something else he couldn’t quite identify. Then, looking back to her producer, she continued, “Can you send me the details over email so I can go through them tonight, and we can talk about it tomorrow?”

“Um, sure.” His eyes flew to Noah’s, hard and glinting, before his face resumed its normal, good-natured countenance. Blowing into his hands to warm them, he said, “I have to say though, I figured you would have been a bit more excited by this opportunity. Breaks like this don’t come along every day.”

Angelica nodded. “I am excited. Thank you for telling me. We’ll chat tomorrow, okay?” She looked pointedly at him, and when it became clear she wasn’t going to bend on this, Ethan sighed and tossed her a tight-lipped nod.

“Fine, tomorrow then. How about we discuss the offer over coffee at The Beanery. Say 8 a.m.?”

“Make it ten and you’ve got yourself a date.”

“Fine. Ten it is then,” Ethan bit out, his eyes flashing with malice before he stomped away.

Noah wasn’t surprised by Ethan’s reaction. The producer had tried to mask his darker side the few times their paths had crossed after that first encounter at Frankie’s—and Noah’s terse, emailed rejection—but in the end, he’d shown his true colors. Ethan despised Noah for not agreeing to participate in the show or let them license his family’s name, and now he blamed Noah for Angelica’s restrained reaction, too.

At least their dislike was mutual.

Noah had considered telling Angelica how Ethan had gone ballistic during their one-on-one, but then things had become strained between them, and he’d decided not to interfere in her business decisions.

Now though …well, now things had changed.

He had changed.

Even if Angelica decided not to build a life with him, Noah cared deeply about her, and he wanted her to be aware of exactly what kind of person Ethan was, so she’d understand just who she’d be partnering with if she moved forward with this new opportunity. But because of how fractious he’d been in the past where the show was concerned, Noah knew he’d have to tread carefully. Especially since he was trying to prove to her he was a changed man, one who didn’t fly off the handle at the first sign of provocation.

“Sorry about that,” she said, drawing circles in the fallen leaves with the toe of her boot. She raised her eyes to Noah. “For what it’s worth, I wasn’t expecting that.” With wary eyes, she chewed on her lip, and her shoulders tensed, like she was just waiting for him to blow up at her any second.

Noah’s gut churned. Damn. He hated that he was the cause of that look on her face. This new opportunity was a huge break, and she should be happy they wanted to expand her show. But rather than being excited, she was worried about his reaction. So as much as he wanted Angelica to stay in River Hill with him, he put on his big boy pants and did the right thing.

“I know.” Noah tugged Angelica into his embrace. With his arms wrapped around her waist, and his chin resting on the top of her head, he said, “Congratulations, sweetheart. I’m proud of you.” He dropped a kiss to her hair and leaned back. “You deserve every good thing that comes your way, Angelica.”

She searched his face for a few brief seconds, and then shook her head and huffed out a laugh. “I honestly don’t know what to say. I thought for sure you’d be angry.”

Noah led her back to their bench, and taking her hands in his, explained, “I don’t love the idea of you leaving, but I … I love you … and I want you to be happy. I know this show makes you happy.” When her eyes shone with gladness, Noah knew he’d said the right thing, even if his chest hurt and his belly churned with acid. Thank God he’d managed to get it out. He wanted her to hear it, no matter what happened. She deserved it.

“Oh, Noah,” she whispered, and launched herself into his arms. Angelica kissed him hard, and laughed a happy, tinkling sound he’d dream about for as long as he lived. He wasn’t sure there was a better sound in all the world than Angelica’s magical laughter. “You certainly know how to keep a girl on her toes.”

His lips hitched up in a rueful grin. “I certainly try.”

Noah put on a brave face, even though he could feel his heart breaking with each word he was about to speak. But this is the right thing to do, he reminded himself. He loved this woman, and that meant supporting her dreams—even if they didn’t align with his own. He hadn’t always understood that, but now he did. He just wished things had turned out differently.

Angelica rested her palm on Noah’s cheek, and he leaned into it. “I meant what I said to Ethan. I need to see the details before I make any decisions,” she said.

“You should do it.”

“Even if the pay is shit and they want to work me to the bone?” she joked.

Noah smiled. “No, not then.”

“And …” her eyes dropped to her lap, and her hand slid along his scruff until Noah’s face was cold for the loss of her heat. “There’s us to consider as well.”

Us.

There it was. That word again.

“Look at me,” Noah said, his voice coming out like gravel. This was possibly the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he needed to get the words out.

When she raised her eyes to his, he continued, “I love you, Angelica. And loving you means wanting you to succeed. So, if this is what you want, I’ll support you. I don’t know what a long-distance relationship would look like, but if you’re game, I’d be willing to try.” Her dreams—her success—meant everything. He could wait awhile, if it meant she would stay with him. And if she wouldn’t, he’d probably still wait.

She chewed her lip again. “You would?”

Noah nodded. “Yeah, I would.”

“But what about all that other stuff you said earlier. About wanting to start a family?”

Noah lifted his shoulder in what he hoped looked like a nonchalant shrug. “Sure. I’m old, but not decrepit. As long as I can still carry you upstairs to my bed, I think I’ll be okay.”

Her eyes flicked between his. “We’ll figure something out.” It was a vague promise, and they both knew it. He’d take it anyway.

He stood and reached for her hand. “In the meantime, let’s get you home. It’s getting cold.”

Angelica placed her hand in his, and together they walked out of the park.

When they reached her car, Noah pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and his hands skated down her neck. “Can I kiss you?”

She laughed, a happy girlish sound. “If you don’t, I’m going to kiss you.”

Noah leaned forward and pressed his mouth against hers. She sighed, and he sucked her breath into his lungs, making Angelica a part of him. He parted her lips, and she let him lick his way inside, their tongues tangling in a dance as old as time. Angelica’s hands knotted in Noah’s hair, and she tugged at the roots, pulling a groan from him.

God, he missed this.

“Come home with me,” he implored. “I need you.”

Angelica eased away from him and smiled. “As much as I want that too, I think I should head home. To my home. I have some important things to think about, and when I see you naked, I am incapable of coherent speech, let alone logical thought. Can I get a raincheck?”

Noah swallowed. “Of course. If you change your mind, I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

Angelica rose up on her tiptoes and placed a quick, feather-light kiss on Noah’s lips before climbing into her car. She hesitated for a moment before closing the door, but then she did with a shake of her head.

A few seconds later, Noah stood on the curb and watched Angelica pull out of her parking space, his hands fisted in his pockets. She turned to him and waved.

Noah forced a smile to his lips and waved back as he watched her drive down the road. And, he feared, straight out of his life.