Chapter Eighteen
“I’M DELAYING THE trip,” Ty said Monday morning as he and Aiyla sat in Jon’s office waiting for him to see them.
The pain in Aiyla’s leg hadn’t eased, and though she’d thought the fatigue in her injured leg would go away after the race, it still tired quicker than her right leg. She’d made the mistake of mentioning it to Ty.
“No, you’re not. We agreed that neither of us would miss out on anything, and I’ll be damned if I’ll be the one to break that agreement. You’re going on that trip. I’ll go on the next one with you.” Her stomach knotted. How could she convince Ty not to give up his trip for her? She didn’t want to become the girlfriend—fiancée—who held him back. It would only make him resent her in the long run.
“Graham and I have done this trip before. It’s not like I’m missing out on anything new.”
Frustrated, she exhaled loudly. “I love you for caring enough to give it up, but please don’t.”
“Good morning,” Jon said as he walked in. “How’s one of my favorite engaged couples?” His words were joyful, but his expression was serious as he sat behind his desk.
Ty reached for Aiyla’s hand. “We’re great, thanks.”
“That’s good,” he said with a smile that seemed forced. “I’ve got the results of the imaging.” His gaze moved between her and Ty. “Aiyla, there is a suspicious mass in your tibia, and I’d like to do further testing.”
“Suspicious…?” Aiyla asked. “Like, arthritis or something?”
Ty squeezed her hand. “Arthritis isn’t suspicious. Jon?”
Jon looked directly at Ty, then at Aiyla and said, “There is a lesion about the size of a strawberry in your proximal tibia. I don’t think we can rule out sarcoma.”
Sarcoma. The word swelled and ricocheted in her head.
“What is that?” Ty asked.
Cancer. She couldn’t say it. Couldn’t force the word from her lips, because if she did, it would make it real. She ground her teeth together, fighting tears. She felt like she was underwater, trying to find the surface in the middle of the night, with nothing to guide her. It’s not cancer. It’s not cancer. Her body trembled and shook. Goddamn it, she wasn’t going to let a fucking word scare her into silence.
“Cancer” flew from her lungs, full of venom at the same time Jon said, “Bone cancer.”
“Bone cancer?” Ty reached for her, the disbelief and fear in his voice as real as his hand holding her tight. “How can that be? She’s not sick. That doesn’t make sense.”
She tried to concentrate on Ty squeezing her shoulder, the smell of him, his leg pushing against hers—anything other than the voice in her head repeating, No. God, please no.
“I’m sorry,” Jon said. “Sarcomas are not a common group of cancers. They arise in the bone and connective tissues, and in most cases they’re found by accident, when looking for other causes of aches and pains. I’d like to do bloodwork and a biopsy so we know exactly what we’re dealing with.”
“A biopsy?” Ty asked, tightening his hold on Aiyla. “What does that involve?”
As Jon explained the outpatient procedure, Aiyla caught only a few words: numb the area…needle…ten-minute procedure…guided by fluoroscopy…Her heart hammered against her ribs, and fear swamped her so badly she could barely breathe. “Can we do it now? The biopsy? Right now?”
“Aiyla, don’t you want time to think it over?” Ty asked.
“No. He just said I need a biopsy. You trust him, right?” Tears welled in her eyes, and she was shaking all over, but she refused to let her tears fall. Jon was wrong. She was sure of it. She ran, and swam, and biked, and skied. She didn’t have cancer.
“Of course,” Ty said, “but—”
“Then I want to get it over with.” The sadness and fear in Ty’s eyes nearly did her in, but she had to focus. Had to get through this so they could prove it wasn’t cancer. Cancer? Her mind was spinning, making her feel sick and terrified. She wanted to run as far and as fast as she could. To escape the fear and make it all go away. She pressed her left foot into the floor, hating the pain it caused. Her body had betrayed her. You can’t outrun fate.
A tear slid down her cheek and she turned away from Ty, swiping it away as Jon pushed a box of tissues across the desk. She ignored them, refused to give in and be weak, and willed the rest of her tears to remain at bay.
“I want to do it right away, please,” she said, steeling herself against the fear consuming her.
“I thought you might want to do that,” Jon said. “I’ve cleared my morning schedule. Our surgery center is right downstairs, and we can do it there. As I mentioned, it’s an outpatient procedure. You’ll be sore afterward, but over-the-counter medications will alleviate the pain.”
“Surgery?” Ty asked.
“We’re not doing surgery. It’s a core-needle biopsy, and I’ll need the CT scan to guide me to make sure I biopsy the right area. Otherwise I could do it here in my office.”
“And the results?” she asked. “How fast can we get them?”
“I’ll talk to pathology and put a rush on it,” Jon assured her. “Hopefully we’ll have the results by the end of the day.”
Aiyla didn’t hear a word of the instructions Jon gave to Ty about the procedure and aftercare. She left the office on autopilot, guided by Ty to the surgical center. She felt detached from the situation, like it was happening to someone else, out of her control. She mechanically filled out the paperwork, answered the necessary questions, and changed into a patient gown. The patient gown she had hated now seemed like the least of her problems. She was aware Ty was saying reassuring things the whole time, but she couldn’t process a single sentence. She was mentally gone, the same way she’d been when her mother was at death’s door. It was the only way to survive the all-consuming fear that lay in wait, like a villain ready to swallow her whole.
Nurses came in and told Ty they had to take her now. Take her. It sounded so ominous.
She struggled to remain strong, for Ty, for herself. For Cherise. Oh God, Cherise.
She couldn’t have cancer. Her sister couldn’t lose her, too. Ty hugged her, kissed her, and as he left the room, she felt like her heart was being ripped out.
“Ty—” flew desperately from her lips. In her next breath, he was holding her tight.
“I’m right here, baby.” Tears welled in his eyes, and he gritted his teeth, blinking them away. “You’re going to be fine. I’m right here. We don’t have to do this now if you’re not ready. We can ask Jon to give you a few days.”
She clung to him, refusing to let her own tears fall. “No. I have to do it right now. I just need this.” She wrapped her arms around him, soaking in the feel of his heart beating sure and steady against her own.
“I’m sorry, Aiyla,” the nurse said, “but we have to go to the procedure room now.”
Ty pressed his warm hands to her cheeks and gazed at her with an expression of strength and love. “We’ll get through this, baby cakes. There’s nothing we can’t handle.”
“It’s not cancer,” she said emphatically, silently praying she was right. As she watched him walk out of the room, a flood of tears streamed down her cheeks.
TY PACED THE waiting room, hurt and anger waging a full-on war inside him. He wanted to be in that room with Aiyla, to take the fear and the pain away, to switch places with her. To make this whole nightmare go away. He sank down to a chair, elbows on knees, and clutched the sides of his head, bent over in frustration, filled with too much fear to see straight. He felt a hand on his back and lifted his eyes, tears welling again at the sight of his eldest brother, Cole.
“Goddamn it,” Ty ground out as he rose to his feet and his brother embraced him.
“What’s going on? I was looking for you after your appointment and Brandy said I could find you here.” Cole’s dark eyes searched his, and he knew his brother saw all the hurt and fear in them.
“Aiyla’s having a biopsy on her leg.” Hurt clawed its way up his chest. “The MRI showed a suspicious mass. Jon said he can’t rule out cancer.”
“Jesus, Ty.” Cole embraced him again. “I’m sorry.”
They sat down, and Ty filled him in on the information Jon had shared: the size of the mass, what Aiyla could expect after the procedure. “He said he’d push to get results today, but I just don’t know what to do.” He stared at the doors to the procedure areas. “I want to be in there with her. I want to be the one on the fucking table. I’m sitting here praying the MRI was wrong, that this is all some big mistake, and I know that’s an impossibility. Cole, she’s my whole world. What can I do to help her?”
“Exactly what you’re doing,” Cole said empathetically. “Be here for her.”
“It would take a fucking act of God to pry me away from her.”
“I know,” Cole said. “How is she holding up?”
Too anxious to sit still, Ty pushed to his feet again. “She’s so damn strong, but she lost her mother to cancer—she has to be scared out of her mind. I will be there every second for her. I will be her rock. I’ll be her fucking mountain. But goddamn it…” His throat thickened, swallowing his voice.
“Dr. Braden?” the receptionist called out, and Cole looked over. “Brandy is on the phone. She said you have two patients waiting.”
“Thank you. I’ll go right up.” Cole put his hands on Ty’s shoulders, like their father had done a million times, his compassionate gaze as reassuring as it was worrying. “Listen to me. If it is bone cancer, you’re in the best hands you could be. Jon’s a specialist, an orthopedic oncologist. Once he gets the results, then we’ll know what we’re dealing with. I know we’re family, but we maintain doctor-patient confidentiality. You need to tell Jon he can fill me in so I can be there for you both, but only if Aiyla wants that. I’ll come by Mom’s after work, but if you or Aiyla need me, text and I’ll be there, got it?”
“I appreciate it, but hold off on coming to Mom’s until I talk to Aiyla. I don’t know if she’ll be up to seeing family, or talking, or…fuck, Cole. Cancer? That wasn’t even on my radar screen.”
“It never is.” Cole embraced him again. “You’re not alone in this, Ty, and neither is Aiyla. Not by a long shot. Give her my love, and let me know what Jon says.”
As Cole left and the sense of being alone settled in, despite knowing his brother would be there for them, he knew the fear Aiyla was feeling had to be even worse.
After the longest wait of Ty’s life, Jon finally came through the double doors. Ty rushed over to him, trying to read his face, but he wore the expression of a cautious professional who did this type of thing every day.
“She did great,” Jon assured him. “She’s changing her clothes, and then you can take her home. She’s going to be sore for a day or two, and although we didn’t give her any sedatives, she’ll probably be exhausted from the emotional drain of the situation.”
“Right, okay. I know. But can you tell me anything more?” Like she doesn’t have cancer?
Jon shook his head. “Not yet. But hopefully I will know more later today.”
“Thank you for getting her in so quickly, and for rushing the results. Can I see her?”
“Yes. I have to go see my other patients, but the nurse can show you where she is. I’ll call Aiyla as soon as I know something. And, Ty, I’m really sorry she’s going through this. She’s a sweetheart, and she was a trooper in there.”
“Thanks.” Ty bolted through the doors, and the nurse brought him back to see Aiyla.
He found her sitting on an exam table, her fingers curled tightly around the edge. She was dressed in her own clothes, with a bandage on her leg. Her shoulders were slumped, and as she lifted a terrified gaze to his, spears of pain sliced through his chest. He went to her, carefully stepping between her legs, and gathered her in his arms.
“I’m here my beautiful, brave girl. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
He wanted to wrap her up and sweep her away from the pain and the worry and never let anything bad touch her again.
She rested her cheek in the crook of his neck, and her tears slid over his skin, telling him everything she couldn’t manage to say. He held her tighter, one hand on her back, the other holding her head, in an endless embrace.