BONUS Epilogue

Drake

Eighteen Months Later…

“Baby girl, you’ve done me proud!” Leonard gushed, hugging Belle. “You’re so smart and now you’ve got that diploma to prove it.”

Mrs. Johnson was just as effusive as we settled into the presidential suite at the nicest hotel in Kanagawa. Part of me would appreciate a bit more help with unloading the bags. After all, who worked for who around here? However, I could tell that Mrs. Johnson and Leonard had been holding back for a while. UC San Diego hadn’t allowed Belle to invite anyone who wasn’t immediate family to a crowded graduation. As if blood really mattered. In fact, judging by my parents, that didn’t make much of a difference after all. However, even with every string I’d tried to pull and, okay, threaten out of the board of trustees, Leonard and Mrs. Johnson had to settle for the DVD of the ceremony.

Now that we had some time to rest and relax on our Japanese vacation, they had time to also tell Belle how proud they were of her, to treat her like the puffed-up momma hens they basically were for her.

“I’m serious, Belle,” Mrs. Johnson continued, sitting down next to my fiancée on the sofa and patting her knee. “I only got through junior college. I can’t imagine how hard all the math involved had to be. Algebra was my limit.”

Leonard nodded as he sat down in a nearby chair. “What are your plans now? Do you have a job lined up?”

She blushed. “Actually, I was going to take a year off at least. I want to see more of the world and grad school burned me out. When I’m rested up, I’ll plunge into the job hunt, but I figured it was stupid to be so invested in conservation when I hadn’t even seen enough of the world to know what I wanted to conserve.” She nodded over to me, her sapphire eyes sparkling. “Eventually, I’d love to help run the center in the Bahamas. I did an internship there.”

“And it was hard to get,” I added, pouring myself some sake. “I hear the guy who owns that joint can be a real bastard.”

Mrs. Johnson and Leonard winked at each other before turning and chuckling in my direction. “Agreed!” they said in unison.

Belle giggled into her hands, struggling to hide her face, but failing. Great, even my own fiancée was against me. She’d completely become the third musketeer alongside Penelope and Leonard. Of course, that was a good thing for me. It was best to have a team of people who could and would call you on your shit. Besides, Leonard and Penelope were like the parents I wish I actually had and Belle was my whole world. I’d learned a lot over the last almost three years, and the biggest thing was that the world didn’t matter if you didn’t have a family you loved to share it with you.

No matter how many billions you had.

“Okay, so I walked right into that one,” I said.

Belle grinned and nodded. “Maybe set yourself up a little for that, honey. This is what I want to be doing. I’d love to see the Great Barrier Reef and the Amazon, the whales down in Patagonia and the Dead Sea. It’s like for the first time in a long time I can see any part of the world I want and I want to see all of it. Japan’s just the beginning!”

Mrs. Johnson grinned. “You should think about seeing Nottingham. I was born there years ago. It’s one of the most beautiful cities in England. If you love Robin Hood, you have to go.”

“And men in tights,” I said, draining my drink. “Princess, while you’re planning your world tour, should I have a pen and paper so we make sure that you have every city marked off the list correctly?”

“Well, I liked to dress up for Halloween and pretend to be Maid Marion,” she replied coyly. “That’s definitely a place to add.”

Leonard brought a hand to his chest. “If you want tropical wildlife and variety, don’t be skippin’ Haiti either!”

“All right, then we’ll visit every country Penelope and Leonard have a connection to, check,” I said, winking at them.

“Ooh, say Paris, too!” Mrs. Johnson said. “I haven’t been there since I was in my twenties. I think we should all go there.”

I shook my head. “So, just so I’m clear, we crossed that line from you’re traveling as my servants to just touristing it up with me, right?”

Leonard, Mrs. Johnson, and Belle all shared a look before breaking into wide grins and echoing back at me, “Of course!”

Damn, good thing I had years of military training because I was clearly outnumbered.

***

“I’m so sorry that we had to leave early,” Belle said, leaning over the toilet back at our suite.

I shook my head and handed her a cool glass of water and placed an ice pack on the back of her neck. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” she said between gasps of air. “I’m ruining our vacation. We’ve only been here a week, and I’m puking my guts out.”

“Only the last two days,” I offered, setting down the ice pack and massaging her back. “It’s probably some bad sushi or squid. You’ve been pretty adventurous with the street food.”

She nodded and leaned against the cool tile of the bathroom wall. “Still, I messed up our sightseeing today. We were eating at that robot-themed restaurant and then I’m suddenly rushing for the porcelain throne. It was so embarrassing. I’m sorry I ruined it.”

I chuckled. “A loud, raucous place with a ton of little kids running around and creepy talking robots. Belle, no one could ruin that place. It’s like something out of Asimov’s nightmares.”

“Well, it sounded cute on the brochure.”

“I think we left about three hours before the little robots overthrew their overlords. Actually, we probably made out well. I don’t look forward to being a robot’s slave. Do you?”

She giggled and a little bit of color started to come back in to her pale cheeks. I pulled her into my arms and stroked her hair. I also took the opportunity to touch the back of my hand to her forehead, to make sure that she didn’t have the flu instead. Her forehead was cool to the touch so it clearly had to be something else. That yakatori had been questionable. Who ate chicken livers off a skewer from a street vendor anyway?

“If they’re cute robots like BB-8 or R2-D2, then it might not be so bad.”

I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. “You’re adorable.”

“I’m gross.”

“No, you’re always gorgeous, princess,” I said, kissing her cheek. Sweeping her up into my arms, I carried her out of the bathroom and down the hall to the bed in our suite. “Do you need me to send Mrs. Johnson and Leonard out for anything?”

Belle’s eyes went wide, and I wasn’t sure exactly what she was thinking. Her features went back to a more normal expression before she nodded. “I know there’s that tour of the Kawasaki Daishi Heikenji Temple we were going to do. I know you’d been looking forward to that since we got to Kanagawa. You should go. I… can you just call up Mrs. Johnson? I want to talk to her about some things, figure out what medicines I can send her out for, you know?”

I stroked her hair back from her face. “I can always go tomorrow or the day after. It’s not a big deal.”

“You had the temple closed for that time so it’d be quiet and private. You should go. I’ll be okay, really.”

Pausing, I studied her. She was breathing easier and the color was better in her cheeks. Besides, if she were sick, maybe she felt like she needed space, not that I cared if she vomited or not. I just was worried about her health. Honestly, I thought we were past that part of the modesty in our relationship.

“Only if you want me to. Mrs. Johnson will be right up before I go, and Leonard will be waiting down in the complex’s lobby if you need anything. I’ll have my cell with me and on vibrate so you can call, too. I just don’t feel like I should leave you.”

“Drake,” she said, taking my hand. “I know this means a lot to you. Go and see what you want. I feel like I have so much to talk to Mrs. Johnson about and a laundry list to send her out for. It won’t be a big deal.”

Reluctantly, I nodded and kissed her forehead. “All right, baby, but if you need anything…”

She leaned up and kissed my cheek. “I know, honey. Now go.”

***

The temple rose before me, a massive wooden structure with a flared roof, sliding doors, and massive stone steps leading up to its inner sanctum. I didn’t usually lead with my money, but if I hadn’t reserved the space, it would be bustling with tourists buying candy and daruma dolls to enjoy and use as offerings to the Buddha. As it was, while the tourists were gone, the merchants’ wares were still out and I passed rows of rice candy vendors, brilliantly painted paper lanterns, and blown glass orbs decorated with fish and other vibrant animals. It was quiet here, that site of reverence it had to be at night when it was just the monks alone tending their inner sanctum.

I needed that.

Belle hadn’t convinced me yet to try therapy. I’d had what felt like my fill in the VA, and it had all seemed namby pamby bullshit to me. I’d hated the support group the most, couldn’t find any comfort from the other veterans. We were often a bitter, haunted group, and there was nothing that helped me from dwelling in the past. I didn’t want to think about it, but sometimes, even now, even with Belle by my side, the darkness would slip out and try and drag me down with it.

So, about a year ago, I had picked up some martial arts, a bit of karate to try and center myself. I’d learned American-style hand-to-hand in training, but I’d never gone into anything Eastern. But one night after an exceptionally bad nightmare, after seeing Belle’s tormented eyes staring down at me, I knew I needed some kind of a change. She couldn’t be the only thing keeping me anchored. It wasn’t fair to her, and it led her to beat herself up when she couldn’t always help me. She did more for me than anything else had, but I owed it to myself and to her to be better, too, to find whatever helped me be a better person. The karate was good exercise, something I enjoyed interspersed with my regular routine, but it was the meditation and mindfulness I was working hardest to incorporate into my life. Now, I woke up an hour early to go through my daily meditation, and I found it was helping, keeping the beast more at bay.

I wasn’t foolish or dumb enough to think that animal side of me would ever be gone. I’d been through too much trauma for that, but it was getting better, and I had to hold onto that.

Passing into the inner shrine of the temple, I bowed low to the one monk actively praying. Wishing him good health and luck in my best Japanese, I had to smile when he grinned back at me. It was the least I could do, to acknowledge his culture and his mother tongue when I was the one renting out and using his space, so to speak, at least for today.

Finding my own space on the floor, I knelt in position and took long, deep breaths. Before I’d met Belle, I’d hated closing my eyes. It was too easy to be drawn back there, to be thrown mentally back to Iraq and all of the hell I’d endured. Even after our relationship blossomed, I still had trouble. With the mediation it was easier, and I could almost trust I wouldn’t flashback to the jeep, to the desert where I’d lost part of my life and my soul.

Almost.

Today, I’d have to face it, needed to in order to take the next steps in finally moving on.

After half an hour in contemplative prayer, I pulled out a small handkerchief from my pocket. Unfurling the cloth, I eyed the medal in my hand. It wasn’t as big as you’d think. Didn’t weigh anything really. But it had felt heavy, like a chain around my neck that pulled me under, that drove me to insanity.

Sighing, I set my purple heart down on the floor of the temple and finally spoke out loud, even if it was still only at whisper level.

“Martinez… Jones, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry that I made the call I did that day. I’m sorry that I followed up on that lead. I was trusting my gut and the intel both, but they were wrong. I’d give anything if it had been me that day and not you. I’d give anything if I could take it all back, but we know that’s not how that happened.”

I took in a deep breath and rubbed at the back of my neck, trying to steady myself. The next part would be harder and this hadn’t exactly been a picnic to start with.

“Jimmy, brother, you were the best friend a guy could have wished for. You saved my ass so many times out there in the field, and when it mattered, I let you down. I couldn’t…” I choked up a little and forced my voice to stay level. I wasn’t going to lose it here. I was not. “I couldn’t save you the one time it really mattered. I’m so sorry I didn’t go to your funeral. I could have, but it didn’t seem possible. I didn’t want to drape a flag over an empty coffin because there weren’t enough pieces to bury. I didn’t want to give your family platitudes.”

The one monk in the temple eyed me but more with curiosity than anything else. I hoped I wasn’t being too loud and disturbing him. Then again, part of me was wondering if he spoke English, too, if he could follow my confessions.

Didn’t matter. Had to be said.

“But I’m making it right or trying to where I can. I promise you that your mom and dad are taken care of forever. Your sister is going to be able to go to any college she wants when it’s time. I’m taking care of them because I know you would be if you could, man.”

Standing up, I left the medal lying on the floor as I turned and strode back out to the vendors. I didn’t need it anymore.

***

“Not to go all 1950s on you,” I said, as I let myself into the presidential suite. “But ‘honey, I’m home.’”

I almost dropped the small glass orb I’d bought Belle as a souvenir. Before me was something I hadn’t expected to see, not in a million years. It was Belle, my princess, and she had to be feeling a lot better because she was laid out before me stark naked on a table. Well, she wasn’t exactly naked, but she wasn’t wearing clothes either. Banana leaves were stretched out over her body, as were a few stray lotus blossoms. On top of each unfurling green leaf were pieces of fresh sushi.

“This is different,” I said, even as the blood pounded through my body and straight to my cock.

No matter how long we were together, Belle never failed to either amaze or arouse me. I could get hard just seeing the girl smile. With her literally laid out as a buffet for me, I was hard as fucking granite.

“This is Nyotaimori. It’s the ancient art of, well, I guess you could call it artfully eating sushi.”

“Oh, I’ll be eating something,” I said.

Belle blushed, and I loved that about her, too. She was an eager student and had learned so much about BDSM. She’d grown by far into the best lover I’d ever had. Yet, for all the things she’d done and was willing to do, there was still a modest side to my princess that was downright quaint. She wasn’t naïve, but she still blushed like a fucking school girl, and that was sexy as hell.

“First, at least try some of the sushi. It’s been sitting here for about thirty minutes and it’s getting cold under here!”

Chuckling, I pulled myself a seat up to the table at Ché Belle. Licking my lips, I picked up a piece of salmon sashimi and brought it to my lips. The succulent flesh of the fish went down even better when I could see that it had previously been perched right above her right nipple. Lucky fish indeed.

“Mmm,” I said. Okay, perhaps more like groaned. “That was delicious.”

“That’s what I get for turning myself into tuna tartar?” she asked. “It was just delicious?”

I shrugged and winked at her. “What can I say? I’ve never been a huge sushi person.”

“Drake!” she shouted, the horror clear in her voice. “Come on. I was feeling better, wanted to make everything up to you, and then I came up with this idea. You don’t like it?”

I stood up and leaned over her while using one hand to remove the sushi and the leaves from her breasts. Dropping my head lower, I ran my tongue over one pert nipple, relishing the taste of her, a bit fruity from the leaves and rich with her own sweat.

“I don’t like fish, Belle, but I love the taste of you.” My hands roamed lower, flicking the pieces of fish and lotus flowers from her body. “The only thing I could ever want is you. No gimmicks needed. No special fish, nothing.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I freeze my butt off and smell like cat food!”

I chuckled and picked her up in my arms. What pieces of sushi that were still left on her fell off as I carried her down the hall and the ample shower in the suite. It was a double deal, big enough for probably four people, with jets placed everywhere. I turned it on and let the jets hit us both with full force, not even caring about my cotton t-shirt and jeans. She shuddered in my grasp. Fumbling over to the soap dish, I pulled out a bar of rose-scented soap and started lathering her up.

To be honest, I’m seriously not a fan of fish smell.

She moaned under my grip as I lathered up her body. “This is how I love you. This is how I want to worship you. I don’t need to eat anything off you.” I leaned closer to her ear. “The only thing I’d want to eat is you.”

Belle nodded and kissed my lips. “But I was trying to make it better. I was so sorry to flake out.”

“You could never flake out,” I corrected.

“But I’ve been sick and this is a wonderful vacation and…”

I kissed her hard then and assumed my commanding tone, that master’s voice that helped ground Belle as surely as her touch anchored me. “Turn around, princess.”

She arched an eyebrow at me and then nodded, accepting the start of our scene. “Of course, Master.”

I ran my hands lovingly over her body, feeling the sudsy soap slip between them as I massaged and worshiped the curves of her ass. Then I gave one cheek a sharp smack, loving the way it jiggled under my touch. “You couldn’t ever ruin anything, princess, but I do need you to do something for me.”

“Anything,” she said, her voice a breathy alto that made my cock strain hard against my soaked jeans.

Reaching down, I pulled the damn things down to my ankles with a bit of effort. Next time, Casanova, get both of you naked first. Then I stroked my dick. My balls were heavy with need, and my cock was straining straight up. I’d been ready for her the second I’d caught sight of her in the kitchen, and I was going to have her now, as I always did.

“Good, princess,” I said, rubbing her ass one more time. “Spread for me, baby.”

She complied, so beautifully disciplined by our time together, so willing and receptive to everything I could think to ask. “Always, Master.”

I rubbed my dick up against her ass and then against the slick slit of her pussy. Then I plunged deeply into her, taking her for myself, taking her up to my fucking hilt. She groaned and burrowed her ass up against me as her tightness practically massaged me, her body all heat and smooth muscle.

Thrusting came naturally, pumping my hips into her for all I was worth. With one hand, I reached up to play with her nipples, fingering one and then the other as they rose into rigid peaks. My other hand found its mark and rubbed up against her clit. When I made contact with it, she moaned so loud I thought all of Kanagawa would hear us. Good, goddamn let them. It’d be worth it if cops barged in. I wasn’t stopping for anything. Fucking Godzilla could stomp down the streets, and I wasn’t going to stop pounding into my princess, showing her what she meant to me.

How she was mine.

We worked into a frenzy together, the heat of the jets turning cool as we fucked like animals, all wild scrabbling and need. I came eventually, flooding into her and she spasmed around me, calling my name and cursing. My Belle was developing quite the mouth. I loved that I brought that out in her. Belle almost collapsed, but I held her to my body even as the afterglow swept over us. I was growing semi-soft inside of her, but I didn’t want to pull out. All I wanted was to stand here, connected like this forever.

The two of us against the world.

***

Later that evening, after I’d fixed her some tempura veggies and chicken, we curled up on the sofa. I was nuzzling her neck, when she put a hand over mine, her blue eyes growing solemn. My heart slowed, and I worried that something was going wrong with George’s appeal, that the lunatic might be out on a technicality. Shit, was it Carol? Surely that crazy bitch couldn’t be up for release from the hospital. I knew Belle and her parents didn’t feel that way about her, that they were still convinced the girl they had to have known over Christmases and birthdays was still there, deep inside.

I was far less charitable.

After all, I’d been the one to stop her from shooting Belle in cold blood. I’d seen that look in her eye, and it hadn’t been madness. Fuck if I didn’t know being crazy when I saw it. No, that gleam in her eye had been deliberate and calculating. That bitch wasn’t getting near Belle. I’d never let her.

I curled my arms tighter around her and braced for the news. “Is it Carol or George? Your mom’s still okay, right?”

She frowned. “Wait, why do you automatically think it’s something bad?”

“Because you’re being very serious out of nowhere. I figured you were delivering bad news.”

Belle’s eyes seemed to shine with tears. “I don’t think it’s bad, not at all, but I guess it has to depend on your perspective. Have you ever thought about our future?”

“I thought we settled that one. We’re going to Haiti and Nottingham and off to South America on a grand world tour. That seems pretty straight forward, at least for the next six months.”

“I meant after,” she said, snuggling up into my arms. “I was wondering if you had plans for after that. You have the PR company to run and I really do want to split time between helping Dad with the charity and also overseeing the center in the Bahamas. My career stuff isn’t even that hard to figure out.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“Because I wanted to know how you felt about kids.”

I raked a hand through my hair and pulled away from her. I didn’t want to, but I needed some space, needed to pace out my frustrations. That was something I hadn’t thought about. I mean, was there a reason to? She was on the pill so it wasn’t even a question for right now. Besides, we were having fun, hadn’t even gotten married yet, since she’d wanted to wait until after she graduated to deal with wedding plans.

“Honestly?”

“Yes,” she said, letting one hand come to rest over her stomach, almost as if she were cradling it. “I do want to talk about that.”

“Belle, I don’t think I’d be a good father. I mean, fuck that, I know I wouldn’t be an adequate one.”

“If this is about the BDSM, well, it’s not like we’re going to show the kids a playroom, and it’s always locked anyway.”

“No, that’s fine. Kink’s not the problem. I mean that I am,” I said, pacing so much that I felt like I was wearing a hole in the carpet. “I haven’t had a phone call with my parents longer than five minutes in over a decade. I can count on one hand the amount of hugs I’ve had from Dad. I just don’t even know what good parenting looks like.”

“You’ve seen my mom and dad with me. Besides, you’re the most nurturing, protective person I know. I think you’d be a natural.”

“It’s not like riding a bicycle,” I said. “You don’t just magically get it out of the blue. I think you’re either programmed to be a dad or you’re not, and I’m definitely not.”

Belle began to cry then. “Please don’t say that.”

I felt like shit seeing her like that, but I didn’t know what else to say. Striding over to the couch, I placed a hand on her shoulder but didn’t sit down next to her or scoop her in my arms. I just couldn’t.

“Belle, I work really hard to fight through the PTSD, but I still have my moments. I can be dangerous.”

“I don’t really believe that. You’re completely different from the man I met and really got to know on the island.”

“I don’t think beasts get to have children,” I joked, even though neither of us laughed.

“I guess I see where you stand,” she said, hopping up and running to our bedroom.

Confused, I rushed after her, pounding on the door when I couldn’t turn the knob. “Belle, princess, we need to talk about this.”

“I don’t want to talk. Go away, just… just go away.”

What the fuck have I done now?

***

Easing myself up to the hotel bar, I ordered two huge servings of sake and started double-fisting them. Somehow, we’d gone from having a dream vacation—okay with a few bumps—to having the biggest fight we’d had in years over a completely hypothetical question. She’d asked me something honest, and I’d tried to be sincere back. I was fucked up, damaged goods with a horrible family life. Yes, I’d love a little girl or a son, but I was scared I’d be no good for the kiddo, that I’d be as shitty as my dad was to me.

Draining my second glass of sake, I waved to the bartender for two more. It was going to be a long night. “Domo arigato,” I said, rubbing at my temples. A headache was moving in already.

A soft hand was on my shoulder and, for a moment, hope flickered through my chest before it died out again. It wasn’t Belle, just Mrs. Johnson. “We need to talk.”

“I need to drink,” I said, guzzling down the third and fourth glasses that the barkeep set down beside me. “Two more and a couple for the lady. If you’re going to stay, you need to have some sake, too, Penelope.”

She nodded and sipped an offered glass. “You just stormed out on Belle.”

“Correction,” I said, my words slurring just a little. It was probably the fifth sake I’d started nursing. “She freaked out for some reason, couldn’t handle the truth about me, and then she locked me out of my bedroom. I knocked on it for a while and she still wouldn’t let me in. What was I supposed to do?”

“I think that getting drunk was hardly the right idea,” she said, shaking her head. “No, you need to take a few moments out from your pity party and put the pieces together.”

I frowned back at her. “I don’t get it.”

“Of course, you don’t, Drake,” she said. “You might be a marketing wizard in L.A., but you can make so many mistakes otherwise. I swear if you didn’t have me and Leonard to look after you, I don’t know where you’d be.”

That made two of us.

“True, but I don’t get it. She’s been a little sick, sure, but she’s on the pill and…”

“She missed a few while under graduation craziness. When she got sick for the third day in a row and sent you out, Belle called me. We got two different kinds of pregnancy tests. Both were positive. She even had the hotel make a doctor’s appointment for her tomorrow in the city to be sure. She’s pregnant, Drake, and you’re going to be a father.”

I blinked, unable to process the words. I couldn’t be a father. I was the last person on Earth who should have the job. No, wait. Second to last person who should have the job. I was going to nominate my own dad for the top spot.

My hand shook as I set down the sake glass. I needed to be sober to try and wrap my head around it. “She’s what?”

“Pregnant. With child. Expecting,” Penelope supplied, gesturing to the waiter and ordering two club sodas. She waited to talk until they arrived again and shoved one over to me. “I think you need this very badly. Drake, do you understand what I’m telling you? You’re going to be a father.”

“No, I think it’s finally starting to sink in,” I said, gulping down my water greedily. The cool liquid did little to calm the fire bubbling up inside of me. “I’m not good enough for Belle. It’s one thing to be her husband, but you know she deserves more for the father of her children. I honestly thought this would never happen, that she’d be perfectly happy for it to be just us forever.”

“Can I ask why you think you’re not cut out to be a father, and we both know your dad’s a class A jerk,” Penelope added, winking back at me.

“That was a big one.”

“But if you think it’s because of having been in a war… Tons of soldiers come home and start families. You have heard of the ‘baby boom,’ right?”

“Yes, but I just… the last thing I want to do is take a little life and ruin it. I’d try my hardest, but what if I did have a flashback? What if I had a moment where I just couldn’t keep that part of me tamped down? I don’t want to expose some innocent little kid to that.”

Penelope nodded and sipped her drink. “You know what I wouldn’t want?”

“What?”

“I wouldn’t want to have a beautiful little girl of Belle’s grow up without the best man I’ve ever met protecting her, the way he has her mother. That would be the biggest crime you could ever commit, Drake, to walk away from this. This child is a gift, and they’ll need you. The best thing you can do is step up for them.”

“How do I do that?”

She pulled up a quilt work bag to the bar and set it down. Fishing inside, she pulled out a card. “Tomorrow, noon, at the Nakimi Tower. We’ll be there to see how far along she is. You start by being there, sir, and the rest will take care of itself.”

I took the card from her and realized it felt heavier in my hand than my purple heart ever had. Penelope always seemed so sure of herself, so calm in her inner wisdom. But I didn’t have that, and I could never be truly sure.

And the last thing I knew was if anything could take care of itself.

***

Belle

Mrs. Johnson held my hand when they drew the blood at the doctor’s office. I wished Drake was here with me. I wanted him to be. I’d waited for twenty extra minutes this morning at our hotel, thinking that he’d finally come back from drinking or wherever he’d spent the night. It certainly hadn’t been with me. I didn’t think that it was with another woman. We’d been together close to three years and exclusive that entire time. Besides, part of me would rather he’d been out even fucking another woman than that he was still going to deliberately stand up this appointment, that he was going to leave me and his child.

I knew Drake had his hang-ups. I loved him through them, but I didn’t ever think that his issues could keep us from forming a family together.

There were things in my past, too, that I wasn’t sure of, but I was ready to take this next step, to be the best mother I could for the child. Why couldn’t he do the same?

After a blood test had confirmed that I was pregnant, the doctor had arranged for me to get an ultrasound in her office. Penelope helped me get undressed and slip into a blue polka-dotted hospital gown. Maybe I should have noticed even earlier about the pregnancy. I’d gained almost ten pounds in the last two months, but I thought it was part of graduation stress and overeating while defending my thesis. It honestly hadn’t occurred to me while on the pill that I’d accidentally let my guard down a bit, that I could be pregnant. In hindsight, though, everything fit together, made perfect sense.

Penelope had stepped out to check in with the nurses, since I’d been left lying there for a while, waiting for anyone to come check in on me. I was starting to get cold. When the door creaked open, I turned my head, expecting it to be her. Instead, my heart hammered hard in my chest when I saw it was Drake. He was disheveled, had five o’clock stubble, and his collar was mussed. But he’d come bearing “I’m sorry gifts.” In one hand, he held a bouquet of balloons, and in the other, he was carrying a giant, overstuffed toy raccoon. It was the silliest and the weirdest stuffed animal I’d ever seen.

I loved it immediately.

I tried to sit up, but he held up his hands and then set the gifts on the floor.

“Don’t.”

“I’m about maybe twelve weeks along, not a beach ball,” I said, leaping off the bed and into his arms. He spun me around and kissed me long and hard, his tongue dancing with my own, tempting me in a way that so was not appropriate in a hospital suite. “You really came!”

He nodded and sat beside me as I resumed my seat on the exam table. Taking my hand, he said, “You can thank Penelope for that. She gave me the most epic ass kicking of a lifetime, everything I deserved.”

“I bet!”

“I was scared, Belle. I know that I shouldn’t be, that I’m this tough guy and ex-soldier. Beating people up…” He paused before continuing, “Even killing people, you can get used to.”

Swallowing hard, I nodded. I had no illusions about his past. “I know.”

“But I don’t want to mess up someone’s life, let alone a kid I love and made. I want them to have everything, and part of me still thinks—will always think—that there’s some guy out there who will be a million times better for you and the baby than I am.”

“I don’t think that could ever be true,” I said, leaning forward and kissing him.

“Maybe.”

“Definitely.”

“But,” he continued. “Penelope talked with me and told me straight and she’s right. As scared as I am that I might mess this up, the last thing I want is to live in a world where I never see a little girl with your blue eyes growing up. I couldn’t bear to mess her up, but I couldn’t bear to be without her or you either.”

I squeezed his forearm, appreciating the sleeve of tattoos peeking out from his t-shirt’s sleeve. My soldier, my Marine, that was Drake. “The only way you could mess this up is if you weren’t here. We’d both never make it without you.”

“I hope so,” he said, kissing me back. “But if anything ever happens… if I’m not good at this… I’ll understand.”

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, and I wiped at them. “I think you’re off to a good start. Is that a raccoon?”

“What?” he said, breaking away from me long enough to pick up the stuffed toy. “They’re a popular pet in Japan and mascot. I thought the stuffed kind was probably way more baby friendly than a pet.”

“We are not giving our daughter a pet raccoon.”

“Yet,” he said, winking at me.

I was about to continue the argument when the doctor came in with the ultrasound cart trailing behind her. She gave each of us a brisk nod and then gestured to her nurse. The younger girl went to work rubbing the gel over the wand and then prepping me for the procedure. When it was all prepared, the nurses nodded back to the doctor and said something fast in Japanese.

The doctor looked between us and smiled. “You’re the father then.”

Drake paused for a second, looking at me. I took his hand and squeezed it, and then he smiled at the doc. “I am.”

“Good, then we’re sorry we started without you.”

“That’s okay. I’m all about making up for lost time,” he replied, squeezing my hand back.

“This might be a bit cold, Ms. Fontaine.”

“Mrs. McManus,” Drake corrected. “We’re getting married as soon as we’re home from the vacation.”

The doctor smiled a little more broadly. “Fine, Mrs. McManus, this might be a bit chilly but I assure you that’s normal.”

She slid the wand over me and I turned to the 3D ultrasound. Watching it floored me and left me in tears. The baby’s face popped into view first, then the body and legs. She was even sucking on her little thumb. Then the wand passed lower and I frowned, not sure what I was seeing.

“Doctor?” I asked.

“You look to be almost thirteen weeks, Mrs. McManus. Congratulations to both of you,” the doctor said, looking between us. “You have a son.”

Drake’s face brightened, and he swept me up in a hug. Then he grimaced, realizing now he had gel on him, too. “Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to do that.”

The doc laughed. “I’ve seen that one before, too. Megumi and I will get the photos printed out and update your chart. Take all the time you need.” With that, both women hurried out the door.

Drake’s expression was wide and open, so filled with wonder, and easily the most at peace I’d ever seen it. He helped me to my feet and, it seemed, reluctantly helped me dress as well. When I was more or less ready to follow him back to the reception desk, he pulled me into an embrace and kissed me, a move that curled my toes.

“We have a son.”

I nodded and bit my lower lip. “This doesn’t change your plans, does it?”

He blinked at me, genuinely confused. “Huh?”

“Well, Dad, I know you were thinking of a beautiful little girl with bright blue eyes. Instead, I think we might be getting a handful of a son with black wavy curls who will be beating the girls away with a stick.”

Drake groaned. “Oh, shit, I hope that karma’s not real. I was hell on my parents as a teenager.”

I laughed and kissed him again. “Good thing we have fifteen years to prepare.”

“And the rest of our lives to enjoy it.”