IT WAS OFTEN the case that normal life could seem dull in the aftermath of an overseas holiday or a challenging adventure.
And Georgia Bennett had combined both of those into the few days of the Rally Rakovi international medical rescue competition. It had been the most extraordinary few days of her life and it was no surprise that she felt flat for a while after getting home.
But surely this heavy cloud of fatigue laced with waves of something that bordered on misery at frequent intervals should have worn off by now?
It had been weeks...
Enough time for the glory of arriving home as a winner and impressing all her colleagues at the Edinburgh Emergency Response Centre to have worn off.
Enough time to have had evidence that she been right to assume she had been in a safe part of her cycle when she’d slept with Matteo. That, even if she’d gone further down that unwise path of hoping to get pregnant by someone she would never have to see again, a one-off encounter would have been a disappointing failure.
And it was a huge relief. Of course it was.
She wasn’t disappointed because she hadn’t expected anything different. She had, in fact, been waiting for her period to start with an acute anticipation of the relief that it would bring.
It would be a line being drawn under that very brief chapter in her life. It would make it so much easier to put it all behind her, neatly packaged in a memory box that could be labelled ‘The Rally’. Or, probably more accurately, ‘Matteo’.
Georgia would, at last, be able to embrace life and the job she was so passionate about with all the enthusiasm and determination that was so much a part of who she was.
But there had been a note of, not disappointment, but sadness to be found amidst that wash of relief. She had taken a risk after all, and so there’d been that small chance that she could have conceived. Her brain might be telling her in no uncertain terms that it was a good thing she wasn’t but her body—and her heart—were whispering a reminder of how much she wanted to become a mother. That, if it had happened, it would have been a genuine accident so she could have avoided the guilt of knowing she had done something she knew would have been so wrong.
As a final kicker, it almost felt as if someone or something in the cosmos was mocking the fact that she had stepped back, however briefly, into that fantasy planet of true love and happy-ever-afters. Of holding her own baby in her arms for the first time and feeling like her heart would burst from the joy of it.
She was putting a brave face on it, of course, and she was confident that nobody had guessed the internal struggle she was grappling with.
Certainly not her crew partner, Sean, whose face brightened with the priority call that was coming through on their pagers.
‘Yes...a cardiac arrest. Finally—we get to save a life today. Come on, champ.’
It had been her new nickname on station ever since she had come back with the trophy that was now proudly on display in the staffroom. Every paramedic who worked here and even the doctors and other medical professionals she encountered during her working hours had wanted details about the competition. A description of how it all worked, of what the scenarios had involved and about the level of skill other competitors had displayed.
She’d told them everything they’d wanted to know. Encouraged them to think about entering themselves for a ‘once in a lifetime’ experience. The one thing she never mentioned, however, was what had left the most lasting personal impression.
Matteo Martini.
Georgia followed Sean at a run, slamming the passenger door of the ambulance and reaching for her safety belt as the garage doors came up and Sean put his foot down on the accelerator, flicking on the lights and siren the moment they exited the station gates.
Thank goodness the interest in the competition had finally worn off. She’d spent far more time than was healthy reliving every moment she had had with Matteo anyway. Every conversation, every glance, every touch. Being reminded of him every time she had talked about the rally to people who had no idea how much of an impact it had had on her had been a form of emotional torture.
It was still all bottled up inside her and she had no idea how to deal with it.
She couldn’t even tell Kate about it, which had always been her go-to therapy for any emotional woes because Kate was more than a little starry-eyed about reconnecting with her friend from medical school and Luke was Matteo’s best friend and it was all...complicated. Just a bit of mess, really.
Thrown into her seatbelt as Sean braked behind a slow car that seemed unaware of the noise of the siren and flashing lights was a helpful distraction. The blast he gave on the air horn to order the car to pull over and let them through the traffic was enough to tickle her adrenaline levels and she actually laughed as the ambulance swerved and even mounted the kerb briefly to get past the obstruction.
Sean sent a grin sideways.
Her favourite crew partner was enjoying this as much as she was. Relatively new to their station, Sean had become instantly popular. Tall, good looking and with a very cute Irish accent, he was particularly popular with his female colleagues and a month or two ago Georgia might have been interested herself, despite having sworn off the search for a long-term relationship in the wake of that crushing break-up with Rick.
But not now.
She liked him. And she loved working with him but as far as anything more was concerned, she couldn’t summon even a flicker of interest.
Because he wasn’t Matteo Martini?
Yeah... The bar had been reset at an impossibly high level, hadn’t it? Which was a good thing, Georgia told herself, because she didn’t want to go there. She didn’t want to get lured back into a situation where the odds of it ending well, as in not ending at all, were sadly virtually non-existent in her experience. And she was at risk because she fell in love too easily.
Perhaps the most astonishing thing she’d learned about herself during those intense few days of the competition was that she was actually capable of falling in love at first sight...
‘Next on the right,’ she called. ‘And then second on the left. ETA two minutes.’
‘Roger. Hold onto your hat. And it’s your turn to lead.’
With a nod, Georgia focussed on what lay immediately ahead. It would be a long shot, saving someone who had been found in cardiac arrest, given that it had been an unwitnessed collapse so they didn’t know when it had happened, or whether effective bystander CPR was currently being performed, but she would give the effort everything she had.
Probably a little bit more, even, because this was her life and she wanted to love it again with the same passion she’d had before she’d gone to that damn competition.
* * *
The battle hadn’t been won.
The resuscitation effort had been protracted, messy and, in the end, very sad. The victim had only been in his early fifties and his first grandchild was due to be born next week. His wife had been distraught and then his pregnant daughter had arrived at the house as they had been clearing away their gear and waiting for the doctor to come and sign the death certificate.
Georgia was not going to allow herself to dwell on this case, however. If she did, she knew she would sink even further into a space she knew was there but didn’t recognise.
A dark space where the hovering cloud of bone-deep fatigue with those shards of misery would come down and block out any remaining light in her life. Where she might start to feel so sorry for herself that it would become too hard to pick herself up and make things better.
It wasn’t going to happen.
Georgia Bennett had faced worse things than this in her life and she had learned that she could not only beat them, she could become stronger.
Her share of the best things in life were just around the corner.
Maybe she couldn’t see exactly where that corner was just yet but if she didn’t stop moving forward, she would never find it.
So she put the distressing end to her shift firmly into the part of her brain reserved for work hours and made every effort to enjoy being home. She loved this little stone cottage that she shared with Kate, with its pretty garden and cosy kitchen and the steep, narrow staircase that led to their attic bedrooms.
She loved Kate’s company, too. And her cooking. It was no hardship to tackle the dishes after eating the dinner that her flatmate had prepared tonight and their conversation offered an opportunity to think of someone other than herself for a while.
It was way past time that Kate and Luke got together—the way they had promised they would when they were both back in Scotland. How good would it be if she could look back on that competition and realise that it had been the catalyst for something amazing instead of the dark cloud that was making life so much less bright for herself? If something wonderful came from the interest she knew that Kate had in Luke?
‘Make it happen,’ she urged Kate. ‘You never know—it could change your life.’
When they went into the sitting room to finish their evening by relaxing in front of the television and Kate discovered a text from Luke on her phone, Georgia was dismayed to find herself feeling...envious?
How would she feel if she found a text from Matteo on her phone?
It wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility, was it? He could easily get access to her phone number by asking Luke to get it from Kate.
She could get his number by reversing the route.
And say what? Admit that there was no boyfriend that had been waiting for her back in Scotland so she hadn’t been cheating on anyone?
By doing that, she would be admitting that she’d lied to him. Only by omission, but Georgia knew instinctively that a boundary like that would mean nothing to Matteo. Playing by the rules and, above all, being honest was an unshakeable foundation for the character that made him who he was.
Someone genuine. Trustworthy.
Luke was genuine, too, but Kate was shaking her head over a proposed date that wasn’t going to fit with her hospital shifts. Saying that maybe it was never meant to happen.
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Georgia was in danger of losing patience. ‘What were the odds of you two meeting up again on a mountaintop in the Czech Republic? It was totally meant to happen.’
Kate’s smile was endearingly shy. ‘It was certainly unexpected.’
And then her smile widened. ‘And it was you who had the mad idea of hooking up with someone while we were there. It was the last thing I was planning on doing.’
Oh... God...talking about that crazy plan she’d had for the competition was the last thing Georgia wanted to do. Trying to dismiss this conversational track, Georgia shrugged and turned away.
‘I’m not the only one who’s been a bit quiet since we got back. What aren’t you talking about?’
‘Nothing.’ She thought she’d managed a tone light enough to squash any suspicions but it didn’t seem to work. She could feel Kate staring at her back.
‘You never did tell me where you disappeared to for so long during that party.’
Georgia froze.
‘Oh, my God,’ Kate said. ‘You did hook up with somebody. And you never told me?’
‘Wasn’t much to tell.’ Georgia’s forced the words out. ‘I’d rather forget about it.’
But Kate didn’t take the hint. ‘It can’t have been Matteo,’ she said, ‘because I saw him and asked if he knew where you were and he said he had no idea.’
Oh, help... Kate must have seen him shortly after he’d slammed the door and stormed off after making love to her. Had Kate been aware of how angry he’d been? Had Matteo said anything to Luke that might make this whole mess even messier in the near future?
There was no point crossing that bridge until it became unavoidable but that meant that Georgia had to kill this conversation. Now. She glared at her friend.
‘Why would it have been Matteo?’
‘Oh, I don’t know... Because he was gorgeous maybe? Or because you two seemed to be getting on incredibly well?’
Georgia put considerable effort into a dismissive shrug. ‘I guess some people aren’t okay with casual sex. I don’t think I am any more either. It wasn’t my best idea, was it?’ She reached for the television remote. ‘Let’s see if there’s something worth watching, shall we?’
The silence between them was odd. Georgia hated that she was deceiving Kate but she couldn’t tell her the truth, could she?
If Kate had any inkling how she felt about Matteo, she would try and fix things, wouldn’t she? Like Georgia had been trying to fix things between Kate and Luke by encouraging her to text him?
Kate might think she was doing the right thing by enlisting Luke’s assistance. And then Matteo would find out and it would just make everything messier. Because he wouldn’t want to know.
He wouldn’t want her name to even pass his lips because she had lied to him.
Besides...she wanted to stop thinking about it. To stop the ongoing battle between her head and her heart about whether it could be worth taking the kind of risk that another relationship represented.
To move on from thinking that she’d made a mistake that could never be fixed.
And she was so tired...
Kate finally seemed to pick up the vibe. She sat on the couch beside Georgia and gave her a quick hug.
‘It’s in the past now,’ she said. ‘And, yeah...it wasn’t your best idea but you’ll know not to do it again.’
Wasn’t that the truth?
She’d never have the chance to do it again.
‘Are you okay? Really?’
Georgia nodded, hugging her back. ‘I’m fine. Really.’
‘Want a coffee?’
The wave of nausea the idea of coffee produced was weird. She must be a lot more tired than she’d realised.
‘No.’ Georgia shook her head, closing her eyes and swallowing hard in the hope that her stomach would settle quickly. ‘Let’s just chill out and watch some telly.’
* * *
After an adrenaline-filled day of big-city emergency response, there was nothing better than chilling with an old mate and an icy-cold beer.
And today had been one to remember. A huge pile-up on one of the motorways just outside Milan with critically injured people who’d needed to get to a major trauma facility in less time than any ambulance was capable of. They’d had to land their helicopter on the motorway, more than once, in a tight space that the police had managed to create in the middle of a traffic jam that would be making national headlines tomorrow.
Matteo Martini leaned back into the body-shaped dent on his favourite couch, his laptop on his knees, thoroughly enjoying one of his regular catch-ups via Skype with Luke. They’d just had a very interesting conversation about 4D magnetic resonance imaging and the implications that such an advance in technology could give the world of medicine.
And then the conversation got more personal.
‘What’s happening in your life?’ Luke asked.
Matteo shrugged. ‘Nothing exciting. Same old.’
‘How did the date work out last week? With...um...what was her name again? That nurse?’
‘Marcella.’ Matteo wasn’t proud of the fact that it was an effort to remember. ‘It was okay. I think she only wanted my body.’
Luke laughed. ‘Lucky you.’
Yeah... It had been a welcome release after several weeks of abstinence.
But it had also been disappointing because that was all it had been.
Because she hadn’t been Georgia Bennett?
No... He wasn’t going to think about her. He had dismissed her from his life in the instant he’d learned that she’d been cheating on someone to be with him.
He was still angry.
Still felt cheated on himself, in fact.
No. It was more than that.
He had given away a piece of his heart.
And he wanted it back, dammit.
He was only half listening to Luke telling him how good things were between him and Kate now. About the new adventures they were sharing. He was happy for his friend, he really was. It was just unfortunate that the new woman in his life was such close friends with the woman Matteo was determined to forget.
A bubble of something he couldn’t control put her name on his lips. Maybe it was the mention of having gone out dancing because it dragged him back to that time on the dance floor in Rakovi. To the time when he’d been so sure that he’d found the only woman in the world who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
‘Did Georgia go too?’ He had to fight to keep any hint of bitterness from his tone. ‘And her...her boyfriend? Are you double dating?’
Thinking about the man who was lucky enough to have Georgia in his life created a tightness in his chest that made it noticeably more difficult to suck in a new breath.
When some of that initial anger had burned off, he’d actually thought of trying to contact Georgia. Of getting her number from Luke, via Kate.
But then what?
Would he knowingly set out to break an existing relationship?
Would he want to be with a woman who would leave someone else for him?
Of course not. You’d spend the rest of your life with the suspicion that the person you were devoting your life to was capable of cheating on and abandoning you if a better prospect came along.
‘No.’ Luke was sounding a little puzzled. ‘I haven’t seen Georgia since Kate and I have been together. We meet somewhere. Or Kate comes to my place.’
‘Why don’t you go to hers?’
‘I don’t know.’ Luke frowned. ‘I guess because she hasn’t suggested it yet.’
‘Maybe Georgia disapproves.’
‘Why would she do that?’
‘Dunno.’ Matteo shrugged again. ‘She’s got some funny ideas, that one.’
‘I thought you liked her.’ Luke was still frowning.
Like...
What an insipid word. It wasn’t even on the same verbal planet as something that could begin to describe the feelings Georgia had evoked.
Even love didn’t quite encompass the sense of promise and potential fulfilment that that connection had provided.
That connection that should never have happened because it had resulted in someone being cheated on.
‘I thought I did, too,’ he muttered. ‘Shows how wrong you can be about some people, I guess.’ He needed to stop talking about Georgia. It certainly wasn’t helping his determined effort to stop even thinking about her. ‘Hey, man. I’d better go. Early shift tomorrow.’
‘No worries. Let’s do it again next week.’
Matteo grinned back. ‘We might be doing it for real before long. Don’t forget you can’t get married unless I’m your best man.’
He stared at a blank screen for a long moment when the call had ended.
Marriage...
Children. A family of his very own. He’d always known that was going to be the very best part of his future. It had been no more than a pleasant daydream all through his twenties because he’d known he had plenty of time to play. To do all the things that a devoted father and family man would never dream of doing.
Besides, he’d needed to play the field to make sure he found the perfect woman to share his life with. Because there would only ever be one woman he would marry and she wasn’t just going to be his wife. She was going to be the mother of his children.
How had all those years slipped past so quickly? He’d begun to feel the clock ticking as he’d hit his early thirties and he had begun to take his relationships more seriously—when his hectic work hours had allowed, that was. He’d known that his dream of being a father instead of merely an uncle wasn’t going to happen all by itself. He had to make it happen.
And he had truly believed, just for the tiny blink of time that that competition had provided, that he had found the person he could make it happen with.
But now that dream seemed further away than it had ever been and the reality check was laced with doubts. Sadness even. Maybe it wouldn’t even be as good as he’d believed it would be.
Because the woman he married was not going to be Georgia Bennett.
* * *
‘It’s just a bug or something, Sean. I’m fine. Unlock the door and let’s get back to station. I want to go home.’
‘Nope.’ Georgia’s partner leaned against the back of the ambulance. ‘I’m not going anywhere until you go and get checked out. You’ve been off colour for way too long. You’re tired all the time and you turned your nose up at one of Nico’s kebabs today. You have to be sick not to want the best kebab ever.’
‘I wasn’t hungry, that’s all.’
‘You’re off colour. You’ve been off colour for weeks. Get back into ED and find a nice doctor. It’s quiet. Get a blood test or something.’
‘That would take ages. We’re off duty. It’s time to go home.’
‘Exactly. We’ve got all the time in the world. I’m going to let them know we’ll be delayed getting the truck back to station and then I’m going to get coffee and chat up some nurses. Page me when you’re done.’
And Sean walked off, the keys to the ambulance still in his pocket.
Fifteen minutes later and Georgia was sitting in the office of Kathryn—one of the emergency department consultants who’d been only too happy to talk to her.
‘The bloods won’t be back for a few minutes yet, Georgie.’ Her gaze was thoughtful. ‘Are you sure there’s no possibility of you being pregnant?’
‘I’m sure.’ But Georgia bit her lip. ‘I mean, theoretically there is. I did have unprotected sex a while back but I haven’t missed a period.’
‘And your periods have been normal?’
The overwhelming memory was the anticipated relief at the first sign of that period, with that disturbing aftertaste of sadness, but what had the next day been like? Georgia thought harder.
‘Lighter than normal, I guess. Especially the last one.’
Kathryn nodded. ‘I think we might go and borrow the portable ultrasound while we’re waiting for those bloods.’
Georgia couldn’t identify the emotion that seemed to be gathering somewhere deep inside her gut.
Horror...or hope?
‘You’ve heard of decidual bleeding, haven’t you?’ The consultant was leading her into a cubicle and whisking the curtain shut behind them. She carried on speaking as Georgia got onto the bed and unbuttoned her uniform trousers. ‘Twenty to thirty percent of women will have some type of bleeding in the first trimester. It’s not uncommon for spotting or light bleeding to carry on into the second or even third trimesters.’
‘Yeah... I’ve heard of it.’ The gel was cold against the skin of her abdomen.
‘It’s due to hormones being a bit out of whack. More common in the early days, before the lining of the uterus has completely attached to the placenta. In most cases, it’s not thought to be a threat to the baby.’ Kathryn was staring at the screen of the ultrasound machine as she angled the probe.
There was silence for a long moment. Too long for Georgia to keep holding her breath.
‘Oh, my God...’ she whispered. ‘You can see something, can’t you? I am pregnant?’
The sideways glance she received was cautious. ‘How would you feel about that?’
‘Um...’
Unidentifiable emotions were roiling now. Fear and excitement. Memories of how strong that desire to have a baby had been. Strong enough to have made her come up with the plan that the international competition was the perfect place to find the father of her longed-for baby.
An intense flashback to how it had felt being with Matteo. Being touched by his hands and lips.
That twist of sadness that fate hadn’t stepped in to override her decision that she couldn’t possibly go through with the plan.
‘I think... I think I would be very happy about that.’
‘Hmm...’ Kathryn angled the screen so that Georgia could see the image. Not that she could recognise the blobs amongst the grainy black and white shapes but she could see something moving rhythmically. The beat of a tiny heart...
No...wait...
Time seemed to be standing still as her startled gaze caught the doctor’s steady one.
‘So...’ Kathryn’s question was somewhat tentative. ‘You’re going to be twice as happy to know that you’re pregnant with twins?’