When I woke up, Micah’s apartment was silent. I got up and walked over to the kitchen island. Micah had written me a note telling me to pick Ross up at eleven. The dismissive tone of the note annoyed me, was I really just a glorified manny? At least Micah left food for breakfast, that was sort of considerate. I sighed and put on some sweatpants and a T-shirt, and got ready to pick up Ross.

Antoni’s daughter greeted me smiling, with Ross in her arms when I rang the doorbell. She was wearing a breezy sundress and she’d dressed Ross in a tank top and shorts.

“Hey Ben! How was last night?” she asked, grinning.

I sucked in air through my teeth, how much did this kid want to know? “It was, interesting. There’s certainly no place like Hollywood. Ross, did you have fun last night?”

He smiled and kissed Amelia on the cheek. “Me and Mia play in pool!”

“Oh wow, a beach day and pool time? You’re so lucky,” I said, grabbing Ross and the rest of his things.

“Ya gotta take advantage of the nice weather in Cali,” Amelia said.

“Yeah I guess so, thanks again.”

Amelia grinned. “Any time. See ya later alligator!” Ross waved.

Back at Micah’s apartment, I fed Ross breakfast and made myself some oatmeal. “What do you want to do today, buddy?” I asked.

“Micah,” Ross declared, looking around the apartment.

“Micah’s at work, bud. But he’ll be home later. In the meantime, do you want to go explore California?” I asked, trying to make it sound exciting.

We walked around Micah’s neighborhood for a bit, Ross loved looking at the palm trees and stopping to pet any dog that we encountered. I stopped to get a coffee at a little shop nearby, and I grabbed Ross a rice krispy treat for being so good at Antoni’s last night. We sat outside, and I sipped my coffee while Ross tore off chunks of the treat and eagerly stuffed them into his mouth.

“Don’t eat it all in one bite,” I advised. Suddenly, I heard the click of a shutter behind Ross. I looked up and there was a paparazzi seated a couple of tables away, adjusting his lens and clearly trying to take a picture of Ross.

“Hey! What the hell! You can’t just take pictures of someone’s kid,” I yelled.

The paparazzi shrugged. “Actually, I can.”

I got up, practically knocking over the table, and considered giving him a good pounding. Then I remembered that I had a toddler in tow, and sighed, sitting back down. What the hell was wrong with Hollywood? This was why Ross needed to go back home where he belonged, to somewhere stable where he could be surrounded by sane people who actually considered the welfare of children instead of shamelessly exploiting them for some grocery store tabloid.

Micah got home later that afternoon. He was wearing a V-neck T-shirt and a grey blazer and nice pants. He looked stressed, or at least contemplative.

“Micah!!” Ross cried, running directly into his legs and wrapping his arms around them so he couldn’t move.

“Hey buddy! How was your day? Did you have fun? Did you have fun with Amelia? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, did you get taller?” Micah joked picking up Ross and sitting down on the couch.

“I went swimming! Watched Totoro with Mia! Got krispy treats!” Ross rattled off the list of activities that he did in the last twenty-four hours. Micah smiled.

“That sounds a lot better than my day, I’m so jealous! I wanna watch Totoro and eat carbs, wtf?” he joked.

I shot him a questioning look. “Who the hell is Totoro? He hasn’t stopped talking about it all day.”

“Wait, you know! The Miyazaki movie with the magical bunny/squirrel who can fly and uses a leaf for an umbrella,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I continued to look at him, confused.

“It’s an anime from the eighties, super cute and kid-friendly. I really gotta hand it to Mia,” he said.

“Yeah, Mia’s great. But, where were you?” I asked, trying to not sound defensive.

“I had a meeting with Antoni, and then I finally sat down with the director for Hot Law and hashed some things out about my contract. I met the head of the network, too. Hence the blazer, Antoni had it dry-cleaned for me.” He sounded exhausted but I was still mad at him for leaving so abruptly.

“How did your meeting go?”

“Okay, I guess. You can never tell with these sorts of things, it’s like the world’s worst job interview,” he said.

We made dinner together in silence while Ross watched T.V. I wasn’t going to bring up that I was disappointed with him, but I also wasn’t going to just let him slide by.

“What’s up with you? Hungover?” he asked, pouring himself a glass of wine.

“No, a paparazzi tried to take a picture of Ross today,” I said, deflecting.

“Oh ugh, of course that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Antoni found pictures of us on Us Weekly, apparently someone took them last night.” Micah rolled his eyes.

“Wow, they really don’t leave you alone.”

“It’s just part of the job,” he said to himself.

We continued to cook and eat in silence, save for the sound of Ross chattering. We put him to bed and cleaned up after dinner in silence as well. I refused to crack. Finally, as he was wiping down the counter, Micah turned to me.

“What’s up with you? And don’t give me any bullshit about how you hate L.A. or whatever,” he said.

I sighed and turned towards him. “You can’t just up and leave.”

“What do mean? I’m here now.”

“This morning, you just left without saying a word and then you left me a note like I’m your hired help or something,” I snapped, bristling. “You can’t just do that to people, I don’t care if last night was a hookup, you still need to communicate. We still need to communicate, if not for us, for Ross.

“Well, if I’m going to have to communicate, then so are you. You can’t just ice me out whenever I do something that you don’t like. I can’t read your mind. Being with you and parenting Ross is all still very new to me. We literally decided that we were going to make this a thing last night. I’m going to make mistakes, and you’re going to have to allow for some sort of learning curve.”

He had a point, I had a tendency to get mad at people and then automatically expect that they knew what they did wrong.

“Okay, if I let you know what’s bothering me, will you at least let me know where you are? Not like, all the time, just like if you’re at work or something, since you don’t have a consistent work schedule?” I suggested.

Micah nodded. For the first time, I trusted him that he was really going to try and make this work for longer than a weekend away.

It was mine and Ross’s final day in L.A. Already I was itching to get back to reality and back to my crew. Ross didn’t seem to share that sentiment, our flight was going to leave in three hours and he was still at the beach with Micah.

“Are you sure you want to rip this kid away from the ocean?” Micah asked carrying Ross into his apartment.

I nodded. “Vacation can’t last forever. Are you coming with us?” Micah never booked a return trip, but he mentioned earlier on Friday that he was considering coming back with us.

“Micah, go home!” Ross said.

“This is my home, bud. This is where I live,” he explained.

Ross immediately looked dejected. “No.”

“No? I don’t live here? You want me to live with you and Ben?” he asked. Ross nodded. Micah put him down.

“Ross, go change out of your swim trunks, we have to be at the airport by five tonight, get some comfy clothes on for the plane ride,” I said. Ross walked back to the guest room despondently.

“Way to ruin our fun,” Micah said. He pulled his phone out of his beach bag. “By the way, did you see this? Antoni sent it to me.”

It was a link to a photo essay from some smarmy tabloid about ‘Hot Law’s Micah Carson goes on romantic zoo date with mystery hunk and love child?!.’ The slideshow was full of pictures of me, Ross, and Micah at various points during our day at the zoo: eating snowcones, watching elephants, even stopping to pay the parking ticket. It was creepy. Most of all it made me feel concerned for Ross. If he was going to live with Micah at any point, did that also mean that he had to resign himself to being constantly photographed and gawked at just because his bio dad was on T.V.? That didn’t seem fair. Micah was the one who signed up to be in the public eye, not Ross. What kind of quality of life would he have if he moved out here? Would Micah even be able to stick around long enough to actually parent him?

“Is that really what you want for your kid?” I asked. “For him to be photographed all the time, even when he’s just trying to live his life?”

“The paparazzi will back off once they find another toddler of a celebrity, it’s no big deal. It’s nothing to worry about, if anything its solid publicity. Besides, I really think Ross would like living here. We could get him to go to swimming lessons or learn how to surf. I know some great pre-schools with a creatively integrated curriculum where I could for sure get him an interview, if not already enrolled. He could take classes and maybe learn a language or an instrument. How young is too young to start learning French?” Micah was talking fast now, clearly excited at the prospect of bringing Ross into his world, and this excitement wasn’t allowing him to think rationally.

“That’s all a good idea, Micah, but would you actually follow through on any of these things? Or would you just hand Ross off to whatever nanny you could think of? What happens when your show starts filming?” I asked him pointedly.

Micah looked irritated. “You need to stop acting like I’m going to forget about everything once I start filming. I have a short-term memory, I’m not a goldfish, and tons of actors bring their kids to work. Tons of kids are actors! If I were to ever bring Ross on set he probably wouldn’t be the only kid.”

“But you can’t force Ross to adhere to your schedule! He comes first, and that’s what you continually don’t get.”

“No Ben, I’m trying to understand here. What you don’t get is that there’s this thing called compromise, and that it’s possible for Ross to spend time with both of us! He can spend summers with either one of us. Things don’t have to be so black-and-white, we can provide for him, together. I know we can, and I don’t know what I have to do to prove it to you, I feel like we just keep having the same argument over and over and it’s getting us nowhere, so just show me what you want.”

“I know you can give Ross a good life, but I want you to commit. I want you to stop being so scared all the time, and stop flaking.” Micah opened his mouth to object, but I kept talking. “You need to show me that you can do this with your actions instead of your words. Trust is something that needs to be earned, and yeah, you’re starting to earn it but you need to prove it.” Micah looked at me forlornly.

“Seriously Micah, think about it? How can you build a family, a relationship, anything really — without trust?”

At that exact moment, Micah’s phone buzzed. “It’s Antoni, I have to take this,” he snapped.

Later that day as I was folding up my shirts and double-checking the contents of my carry-on bag, I heard Micah’s front door open. Micah stood there, with an armful of bags, groceries probably, if he was going to stay in L. A., he would need to subsist on something other than wine and cheese.

“All packed?” he asked.

“We’re getting there. Can you help Ross, though? At least help him gather up his things, and make sure he doesn’t forget anything,” I said absentmindedly.

Micah started collecting the toys that Ross had littered around the apartment. “Hey Ross, where do you want your books and your trucks?” Ross ran out excitedly and hugged him. “Have you been packing all of your clothes and toys?” Ross shook his head no. “Well, let’s fix that.” They worked side by side, occasionally stopping to play and I couldn’t help but smile.

Suddenly Micah’s brow furrowed. “Ross, where’s your backpack?”

Ross refused to go anywhere without his backpack and I knew that navigating the airport without it, and his trusty stash of coloring books and snacks, would be hell.

“It’s over there,” Ross said, pointing to a kitchen chair where sure enough, his backpack sat.

“Oh really, I thought you would like this one.” Micah walked over to the bags on the counter and rummaged through one until he pulled out what looked like a stuffed animal that was a combination of a large bunny and a raccoon with a leaf on its head. It was soft and fuzzy, with straps on the back, and the mouth opened up so it could act as a backpack.

Ross stood in the middle of the apartment stunned then he shrieked at the top of his lungs, “Totoro! Totoro! Totoro!!!”

“What?” I mouthed to Micah. He just grinned.

“Do you like it?” Micah asked. Ross sprinted over to him and snatched up his new toy clutching it to his chest, his face was beet red with complete glee.

“Yes!!!” Ross squealed on the verge of tears.

“Okay, ‘cause if you don’t like it, I can just use it,” Micah said nonchalantly. “But wait, you gotta open it. Here come sit.” He gestured towards the couch and Ross climbed up beside him.

“You gotta unzip it like this,” he demonstrated. Inside whatever weird bag/stuffed animal combo Micah had found there was: a coloring book, a pack of crayons, matchbox cars, a new blanket, snacks, and one plane ticket for the 6:00 P.M. flight out of LAX.

“Ross already has his ticket, Micah, I have it on my phone.”

Micah grinned. “I know, this one’s for me. Don’t say I never committed to anything.”

When we got back from the airport, everyone was exhausted. Micah was carrying a barely conscious Ross in his arms while I grabbed our luggage and called a cab.

“Where are you going? Did you book another week at your hotel?” I asked.

“Nah, I’m actually … staying with my mom this time,” he said sheepishly. “What about you, are you heading back to your bachelor pad? We should pick a day next week to go through Lindsey’s stuff again.”

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

We sat through the rest of the cab ride in a tired silence. When we pulled up to my house, I shook Ross gently on the shoulder.

“Ross, wake up, it’s time to go to bed. We’re home,” I explained.

“Micah,” Ross mumbled sleepily.

“Yeah, I know we’re hanging with Micah now but we’ll see him this week, it’s time to go to bed,” I explained, prying him away from Micah. He whined and that whine developed into a full-blown shriek within a matter of seconds.

“Ross, I know you’re tired, but we have to go,” I explained.

“Go with Micah,” Ross retorted, surprisingly forcefully.

“Yeah, we can see him next week.”

“No, Micah!” Ross demanded.

Micah looked triumphant. “Ben, I think he wants to crash with me.”

“Ross, is that what you want? Do you want to stay with Micah and his mom tonight?” I asked.

Ross nodded his head yes, vigorously. He had gotten used to staying with various friends and relatives over the past few weeks, but he had never requested to stay with any of them by name, nor had he ever mentioned wanting Micah over me.

“Okay,” I said, giving the cab driver Micah’s address.

When we got to Micah’s house, I got out of the cab and grabbed Micah’s suitcase from the trunk since he was still holding Ross and all of his things.

“You know, maybe he could stay with me a few days a week, or we could at least work on starting to combine living arrangements?” Micah suggested. I smiled, this was a good sign.

“Yeah, we can talk about it more this week. You just text me when he wants to come home, I’ll let him hang here for a bit. Tell your mom I said hi.”

“I will, maybe she’ll drag you over here for dinner one day,” Micah said.

“Is that a threat?”

“Only if you want it to be.”

I smiled and waved at Ross as the duo made their way up the driveway.

I was happy to be back home, so I decided to swing by the tavern to shoot some pool and have a celebratory beer.

Clyde greeted me with a smile. “Hey big shot, how was your vacation? Did ya get Charlize Theron’s autograph for me?” he asked, pouring me a beer.

“Nah, she was busy,” I said, grabbing the glass and taking a long sip, relishing in the cold, crisp taste of beer.

“Now you keep it together tonight, okay?” Clyde shot me a concerned look.

“I always do,” I retorted.

“I beg to differ,” Clyde said with a chuckle.

I ran into some of my crew members at the tavern, and they decided to buy me a round in celebration of my return from L.A. We shot some pool and one celebratory round turned into four. I wasn’t drunk, I was just relaxed and warm. It was perfect. Suddenly, my phone buzzed. It was Micah, I immediately panicked but decided that picking up the phone was better than just letting it go to voicemail and letting Micah’s imagination run freely.

“Hello,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Hey, how’s being home?” Micah asked cheerily.

“I—it’s okay,” I said. Behind me my crew members bellowed as Clyde brought them another round. “H-how are you guys?”

“We’re pretty good. Ross is just about to go to bed and he wanted to say goodnight.”

“Uuu—okay,” I said, trying to sound as sober as possible. Micah passed the phone off to Ben.

“Night night uncle Ben!” Ross screamed, he didn’t quite understand how phones worked yet. I winced.

“Good night Ross, uuhhh, sweet dreams. Can I uh, talk to Micah now?” I asked.

Ross blabbered incoherently, I heard Micah grab the phone back from him.

“Sorry if he burst your eardrums,” Micah said.

“I-i-it’s fine,” I said. Someone dropped their glass on the floor and exclaimed, “Shit!”

“Ben, where are you?” Micah asked.

“Nowhere, ummm, home, I’m uh, watching a movie,” I said quickly.

“What the hell? Someone get a goddamn dustpan,” Clyde grumbled.

“No you’re not. Wait, is that Clyde? Are you at the tavern?” Micah asked.

“Maybe,” I said.

“Have you been drinking?” Micah asked, floored.

“Barely,” I said defensively.

“Not barely. You’re drunk, aren’t you? You’re slurring and,” his voice turned into an agitated whisper, “you said goodnight to Ross like this? Benjamin, what the hell? He’s not stupid. I can’t believe you.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” I said.

“What about trying to drink less?”

“I did drink less, I barely had four beers!”

“I can’t deal with you right now. Have fun with your hangover,” Micah snapped, hanging up abruptly.