“It felt like a dagger pierced my heart,” Ana says, tears falling down her face. “Marissa and Declan took me home. I called you over and over. I even went and banged on your door the next day, determined to know what happened, why you’d left me like that. It took me a long time, years, probably, to realize that something awful must’ve happened. I was embarrassed, maybe self-centered the way only teenagers can be, especially with all the drama and teasing about that night at school. But eventually I realized, maybe hoped, that something bad must’ve happened just so that it could all make sense.” She shrugs. “I don’t mean that I hoped something bad happened to you, but just that you’d been so excited about the whole prom thing . . . but when you ran out, you looked like you’d seen a ghost.”

Seeing her pain up close, I hate myself. I could have at least mitigated this with a phone call, a letter. Fuck, an e-mail, maybe. I’d even written her several times, but she deserved more, and I’d burned them instead of sending them. I left her in agony, and who knows how long it lasted?

I only hope once she hears my side, she’ll understand. I take my thumb and wipe away her tears, looking into her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper, feeling wetness on my own cheeks. “I shouldn’t have done it, but it all happened so fast and at the time, I had to leave.”

“Why?”

I sigh. “That’s gotten harder to answer in the time you’ve been here. Ana, I have to ask. When you saw me here, what did you think?”

Ana snorts, wiping her nose. “That I wanted to kick your ass. And that you were hot as hell.”

It’s my turn to snort, nodding. “Yeah . . . I knew that much. When I first realized who you were, that it was really you, I thought it was a sign that maybe it was time to, I don’t know, reset everything? I’ve been in pain for a long time, running from a lot of shit. And yeah, the past week has been good, but I want more than that. It’s why I keep hoping that we could be more again and why I’m afraid that you’re never going to forgive me. Because it’s taken me years to even look myself in the eye, and I’m not even sure if I forgive myself.”

Ana licks her lips, sighing. “Those first few days, I wasn’t interested in anything you really had to say. Honestly, I was torn between being angry and turned on. But we need this truth. I need to hear it and you need to say it. I remember checking up on you. You never came back to school, you never enrolled at Oregon, you just . . . disappeared. I checked for over a year, and then it just hurt too much to keep tearing the scab off my heart.”

I take a deep breath, my heart feeling even heavier as I think about the events that set me on the path to this cabin and all the mistakes I’ve made. “Walk with me?”

“Where?”

“You’ll see,” I say, taking her hand. Rex tries to follow, but I stop him at the door. “Not this time, boy. Stay.”

Rex goes over to his old Army blanket, lying down and looking at me. I’ll make it up to him later.

Even with my limp, we make good time. I know the trail by heart, and my flashlight illuminates any rocks as we go around the twists and turns, following the stream once we hit it until, like we’re emerging into a fantasy scene, we’re at the clearing.

“Told you it was close,” I say softly as Ana stops. “It was always here, but I couldn’t bring you back here until now.”

We walk quietly for a moment as we let the sounds of nature surround and envelope us. We reach the edge of the clear pool, and I look, seeing the same edging of ice that we’d found years ago. I spread a blanket and sit, guiding Ana to sit beside me. I hug my knees as I let the memories finally come out. “That night, I got a phone call. It nearly shattered me. It damn sure shattered my family.”

“What happened?” Ana asks. “And why didn’t you tell me?”

I swallow, my voice thick as I try to control myself. “I wish I had, then or after. But I was in shock and I had to get home.”

I glance over and see that Ana still doesn’t understand. Her face is like stone. It’s like the weight that’s been hanging around my neck for years, and I know if I’m ever going to get rid of it, it has to be tonight.

“So when you were up there, my phone rang.”