Luke

The alarm on my phone goes off for the third time this morning, and I stretch with a groan. I’ve got to get my ass in gear. I usually have no problem getting up and ready for work, even on Saturdays, but not today. No, this Saturday, I’d much rather call in sick and avoid work altogether, but I know I can’t do that. I have too many people depending on me, and to be honest, I depend on them just as much.

I love my job. I’m damn good at it, too. I shouldn’t let her or anyone else make me feel like I’m not good at what I do. Besides, I seriously doubt she’ll even show up today. I wouldn’t if I were her.

Images and thoughts of Harper flash through my mind, and I try to force them out, but they won’t stop. Her sweet smile and caramel-colored eyes are what drew me in first, and the way they seemed to grow wider every time she looked at me kept me going back for more. Before the other night, she looked at me like I hung the moon. Now, I know she only wanted to be with the man behind the window.

That stupid fucking window.

I brought it all on myself. I know that. Here, there are two types of people: those who close the curtains and those who don’t. Those who leave their windows uncovered know they’re most likely going to be watched by someone somewhere. I’m not stupid or naïve; I know I put on a good show with the women I bring home. None of them have had reservations about fucking the way we do, so up until now, I’ve never cared if anyone watched. But knowing that Harper has watched is different.

She’s too good, too precious to be treated that way...put up on display and used for a moment’s pleasure. She should be worshipped, cherished, made love to, but I’m not the one who can do that for her.

The crazy thing is, she acted like she wanted what I did with the other women. How could she want that? I know she was raised by a shit of a mother, but surely, she knows how a man is supposed to treat a lady.

That’s not to say I treat my women poorly. Quite the opposite, in fact. The women I choose from the agency are well-compensated. Plus, they’re guaranteed a hell of an orgasm, if not two. When I occasionally decide to bring someone outside of the escort service home, like Sarah from work, I make sure they understand we’re going to my living room to fuck and fuck hard. That’s it. No small talk, no bedroom, and no cuddling.

As attracted as I am to Harper, I could never do that to her.

After my shower, I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep, and my usual morning stubble is thicker because it’s two days’ worth. I figure another day won’t hurt and decide to skip shaving today as well.

I have no plans to visit the coffee shop after my session with Sadie, so I decide to go now while on my way to work. Stepping into my favorite shop only reminds me of Harper now, but I’m hopeful that will change over time. While waiting for my order to be filled, I look over at our table. I’m hit with incredible sadness, knowing it won’t be ours any longer. That sadness turns back into anger as I realize the entire time we were talking, she knew some of the most personal and private things about me but didn’t tell me.

I really enjoyed our conversations and getting to know her better. It wasn’t ever my intention to counsel her like I do at the facility, but there’s no denying how Harper has changed over the last few weeks. The way she told Sadie off last week was brilliant and something she’d never been able to do before. I wasn’t lying when I said I was proud of her. I’m still proud of her for that.

Coffee now in hand, I cross the street to the facility and head straight to my office to prepare for Sadie’s session. Harper’s mother has proven to be quite the pain in the ass during her recovery, and sometimes I wonder if she’d be better off with a different therapist. I’m going to have to get creative if I want her to start taking this seriously. She only has a few weeks left before she can go to a halfway home, and I worry she’ll start using as soon as she’s out of here. She has to want this, and I’m not sure she does.

Another good reason for Harper and me to part ways is my professional ethics. It’s wrong to see a relative of a patient outside of the facility, and yet I’ve done just that with Harper many times over the last few weeks. I really tried to keep my relationship with Harper professional, but the more I was around her, the harder it was to do. So many times, I wanted to kiss her or hold her, and I was fairly certain she wouldn’t have turned me away, but deep down, I knew it was wrong.

I doubt I have to worry about that any longer.

Looking at my office clock, I see that I have ten minutes before Sadie’s session. My stomach immediately starts to twist and cramp a bit as anxiety flows through my veins.

Fuck, I hope Harper’s not here today.

I walk slowly to the family room, nodding hello to co-workers and patients as I go. My body freezes when I step into the room. There on one side is Sadie, looking as angry as ever, and on the opposite side is Harper.

Shit.

How in the hell am I supposed to concentrate on Sadie’s needs while wondering what Harper is thinking the entire time?

I thought I’d trained myself not to feel much of anything anymore, but the anger, hurt, and desire I feel toward Harper is confusing the hell out of me.

Greeting both women without looking at them, I sit in my usual chair and clear my throat.

“I know last week’s session didn’t end very well. I’m wondering if either of you has anything to say about what happened before we move on.”

I force my eyes to look at Sadie first, and she looks exactly the way she does every week. No eye contact, picking at her nails, silent. When she and I have our private counseling sessions or when I see her walking around the building, she’s much different. She smiles and seems friendly. It’s obvious the change is due to Harper’s presence, but is it out of hatred or guilt? Unfortunately, I still don’t know.

Bracing myself, I finally look over at Harper. Shit, she looks just as bad as I do, if not worse. We share the same red eyes, and she looks like she literally just fell out of bed.

Do not feel guilty, Luke. She’s in the wrong. Not you.

I clear my throat before asking her if there’s something she wants to share.

Her eyes fill with tears, and I’m overcome with the need to catch those that fall, but I refrain. I watch as she straightens her back and looks directly at Sadie. “Mom,” she says. “I’m sorry for yelling at you last week. I stand behind everything I said, but I know I was disrespectful in my delivery, and for that, I apologize.”

She’s amazing. She has no idea how strong she is.

Sadie doesn’t say anything, but she does stop fidgeting.

“Sadie, what was your relationship with Harper like before rehab?”

“Which time?” She laughs, her voice scratchy from too many cigarettes.

“This time.”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. We didn’t talk much, maybe once every two weeks or so. Harper would call and check on me. She’d ask me how I was feeling and if I needed anything, like clothes or food.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“It felt good. Everybody likes to feel taken care of, right? It was nice to get that from her after all I’d done for her.”

A gasp escapes from Harper. “What exactly did you do for me?”

“I gave up my life for you, sacrificed everything for you, Harper. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

“Stop trying to be the martyr here, Mom. No one’s buying it.”

I’m silent as the two ladies argue, hoping it will be more beneficial than harmful for them to voice their feelings to each other.

“You’re just like your dad,” Sadie spits out.

“Well, that makes sense, seeing that he was the one to raise me.”

Sadie starts to stand up, but I quickly decide to intervene and redirect. “Sadie, your relationship with Harper is currently on rocky ground, to say the least. You want to make it better, right?” I ask, pausing for a second. “Do you foresee a time when the two of you will be closer? More civil, at least?”

Plopping back down in her chair, she lets out a humorless laugh. “How can we? She loathes me and wants to keep me locked up in here forever. I can never trust her. She’ll be watching over me, just waiting for me to mess up so she can bring me back here.”

Harper turns and looks at me, grief-stricken. “What do I do with that? I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. There’s no winning with her.”

My heart breaks for her because I know she’s trying so hard. She’s always tried so hard, but she’s at her breaking point now, and I can’t stand to see her so hopeless.

“Sadie, maybe we should put these family sessions on hold for a bit...take a couple of weeks off. You and Harper don’t seem to be making any progress, and I’d hate for it to impede your recovery or put greater strains on your relationship with your daughter. Your only daughter,” I emphasize, hoping it sinks in. If she doesn’t have Harper, she doesn’t have anyone, and she’s going to need someone in order to stay sober after she leaves.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Sadie stands and heads for the door. “I could definitely use a break from this shit.”

The door slams shut, and Harper and I are left in complete silence. That is, until the sound of sobbing catches my attention. Harper is shaking, crying so hard she can barely catch her breath. I don’t think. I just go to her.

She’s doubled over, hugging herself while she cries, and there’s no way we can both fit in her chair. I wrap my arms around her and pick her up, pulling her onto my lap when I sit on the floor. I hold her and stroke her hair, and fuck me, this feels too good...too right. I push my complicated feelings aside and simply console her. It’s been ages since I’ve held a woman like this, but I don’t allow myself to think about that either.

After a few more minutes of crying, Harper calms down. I feel her body relax and melt into mine, and I allow my arms to tighten around her. Just a little while longer, and then I’ll have to let her go. I don’t want to, but I have to.

Harper sits up and looks at me. I take the opportunity to wipe the tears from her cheeks, marveling at how soft her skin is.

“I’m so sorry, Luke.” Her words are whispered and soothing, and I want to forgive her. Maybe I already have. It still doesn’t change things, though.

I shake my head at her. “Don’t worry about that right now. You have enough on your plate. You should go home and rest.”

“Will you walk me home?” she asks, her eyes pleading.

What is she trying to do to me? My resolve can only last so long. Fuck.

Before I can answer, her mouth is on mine. I think we’re both surprised by her boldness, but she quickly acclimates and increases the pressure of her kiss. My mind and body are at war, one wanting to run away, while the other wants to lay her down right here and take her, make her mine. The feel of her tongue brushing against my lips makes my resolve crumble, and I open for her, my tongue welcoming hers greedily.

Harper quickly straddles my lap, and I grab her ass to pull her roughly against my growing erection. Her moan drives me wild with lust, and I know I’m heading into dangerous territory.

With willpower I didn’t know I had, I begin to slow down, eventually pulling away from her. Her mouth is swollen and red and perfect, and the hooded look she gives me makes my cock impossibly harder.

I close my eyes because if I keep looking at her, I’ll end up fucking her here on this floor, and she deserves so much more than that.

“We have to stop, Harper.”

“Why?”

“This can’t happen for us. We can’t be together.”

A look of heartbreak crosses her face, but it quickly turns to anger. “What, am I not good enough to be one of your window-fucks, Luke?”

I recoil as if she just slapped me. “It’s not about that. There are many reasons this can’t happen, a very big one being that it’s unethical.”

“I don’t buy it. If you were so worried about ethics, you wouldn’t have asked me out in the first place.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you out. I shouldn’t have even had coffee with you. I thought I could keep things simple and platonic...I tried, but we’ve let things get out of control. You think you know me and want to be with me, but you don’t. You can’t. I’m no good for you, Harper. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.”

“No, I don’t want to accept that.” Her hands grip my shoulders as she shakes her head. “You feel it too. I know you do. You’re just scared to admit it. I don’t care about the other women. You’ve changed. I see it. You went from screwing women four or five times a week to nothing since we met. You can’t tell me that doesn’t mean anything.”

Anger courses through me as I’m hit with the realization of just how much Harper has watched me. I scoot her off me and stand up. I need air. I need to get the hell out of here.

“Luke, please let me explain. I’ll tell you everything, I swear.” She stands and throws herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck so she can kiss me again. Before I can push her away, the door opens, and Sarah walks in.

“What’s going on here?” she asks, her cold tone filling the room. Her equally cold eyes scan over us, taking in the way Harper’s wrapped around me. “Mr. Walker, I think it’s best you stop and think about the repercussions of your actions before this goes any further.”

Sarah and I only get along when we’re fucking, but I know this is her way of helping. If any other colleague had walked in and caught Harper and me together, this would’ve played out differently, most likely with me being fired immediately.

I take a step back and wipe my mouth. “Don’t worry. I’m done.”

I grab my clipboard and walk out the door and then out of the building. I don’t look back.