Chapter Fourteen
“Tell me why you left London.”
For such a very long time, Alex had wanted an explanation, to hear from Benedict in his own words why he’d left her. Now, as she sat nestled on a settee before the hearth, her head resting comfortably against his shoulder, she calmly voiced the question that had once seemed a not-quite-healed wound.
This time with Benedict seemed so natural. So right. The sense that they belonged together filled her with emotions she’d thought long dead. She’d hesitated to speak the words for fear of shattering their tenderness. But she had to know. She had to understand.
Even more than she yearned for his kiss, she needed the truth.
He brushed a kiss over her brow. “You might have loved an impoverished viscount. I do believe you would have. But I…I could not live my life indebted to others.”
“Indebted? I’m afraid I do not understand. Your father’s estate was substantial,” she whispered, snuggling closer. The feel of hard, sleek muscle beneath her fingertips kindled a gentle fire within her.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he said, his tone gentle. “My father was a habitual gambler, an irresponsible sot. He never earned a penny in his life, having lived off a stipend from my grandfather’s estate. Father never expected to come into the title. My uncle Leo had been the heir. But he was killed, and Grandfather had no choice but to look upon my father as his successor to the title.”
“I would not have cared that you weren’t wealthy. You know me better than that.”
“Of course I do.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “But my mother—she was a different story. She despised the way my father had lost their fortune. Only one thing frightened her. Above all else, she was terrified by the prospect of losing her status in Society. She was never willing to curtail her spending. Why, my mother would have happily sliced off a digit rather than do without the latest styles coming out of the Continent.”
His mouth tightened, then relaxed as she swept her fingertips along the stubble coating his jaw, gently easing the tension that filled him.
“The friction between my parents devoured any happiness they’d had together. While my father was alive, I stayed away as much as possible, immersed in my studies. And thoroughly besotted with you, might I add.”
“Thoroughly besotted,” she said lightly. “I rather like the sound of that.”
“It’s the truth, Alex. I couldn’t get enough of you. Ever.”
“Then how did we get to this point?” she asked, speaking the words from the heart. “How did we lose each other?”
He heaved a sigh. “I would like to blame my youth for the choices I made, but I will not make excuses. After my father died, I inherited not only the title, but debt. And responsibilities. The obligations of the estate fell on my shoulders, a burden I felt acutely. My father’s creditors were many, all demanding payment. Our home was in dire need of repair, and there were few assets that might provide for my mother’s necessities, let alone her wants. And there is the matter of the household staff, good and loyal employees who have relied on our funds to provide for their families. I needed funds, and I needed them quickly.”
“So, you took to making money through the market for rare antiquities?”
“I had two choices. Marriage to some daft heiress whose father wanted to buy his daughter a title or go into the tombs and use my skills to profit from my endeavors.”
Two choices. She had not even been one of his alternatives. The realization doused her ardor like a dip in a cold stream.
“I cannot help but notice that staying with me was not even considered among your options.”
“Devil take it, Alex, that was not the meaning I intended. You, of all people, should know that.” He plowed a hand through his sandy brown strands. “Of course I considered remaining in London…with you. God knows I wanted to. But I had nothing to offer you, no assets beyond a worthless title.”
“That would not have mattered to me. How could you believe it would?”
“I was a fool.” He cast his gaze down, as if he could not face his own truth. “I wanted you desperately, more than you can imagine. But I did not deserve you. I believed if I accumulated the funds to settle the debts and give a wife a proper home, perhaps then, I would have been worthy…but by then, the chasm between us seemed insurmountable.”
“Your greed led you to cast aside your ethics. Should I have ignored the bargains you’ve made, deals with the devil you sealed, enriching your own coffers at the expense of history?”
“You weren’t capable of looking the other way. A woman like you would want no part of the money I’d made.”
“I never wanted wealth, Benedict. We would have found a way to a rewarding life together. How sad that you did not consider that.”
His expression took on a darkness that seemed unfamiliar. Suddenly, he did not seem like the same man who’d kissed her and loved her so tenderly.
“Blast it, Alex, how can you believe I did not give that possibility any thought? I wanted you with me. Every day. Every night. But I could not expose you to the danger that surrounded my endeavors. You were so young when I left. Your father would have forbidden our marriage.”
“I would have gone with you. In your heart, you knew that.”
“I don’t doubt that you would’ve put yourself in harm’s way. The places I’ve gone are not fit for a woman, much less a gentle woman like yourself.”
She cocked a brow. “A gentle woman? Perhaps I should take up residence in some fairy-tale castle, to hear you describe me.”
“It’s not like that, and you know it.” The faintest of smiles brightened his face. “For a time, I entertained the notion that I would make my fortune and return to find you waiting for me with open arms. But it didn’t take long to see that would not be the case. The life I had chosen for myself is a hard one. There is little honor among those who’ve sought my services.”
“Quite so,” she agreed. “Now, the question is, what will we do about this impasse between us?”
She watched emotion flicker over his features. He reached for her, his hold firm and gentle.
“This,” he said as he claimed her mouth in a kiss that spoke of healing and tenderness, of seduction and surrender.
“My, you do present a most convincing argument,” she whispered when he eased away.
Releasing her, he framed her face in his hands. “I was hoping you’d see it that way. Fate has decided to bring us together again.”
A sliver of doubt pierced her heart. She longed to savor this close contact, but it all seemed to be happening so quickly. Danger had heightened their emotions. Was this little more than a tempting mirage? Could she be allowing herself to feel too much, too soon?
“I suppose the question is, Why are we here? What will come of this?”
An insistent knock upon the door interrupted her thoughts. Inspector Eddington’s muffled voice carried through the wood.
“Miss Quinn, you have a visitor,” he said. “Mr. Colton has arrived.”
“Colton? Are you certain?”
“I’ve no doubt,” the inspector said.
“Please, show him in,” she said, opening the door. Turning to Benedict, she lowered her voice, speaking for his ears rather than the inspector’s. “What in blazes has brought the man here at this hour?”
Benedict cocked a brow. “Perhaps he got wind of my late-night visit and has charged to the rescue. Guarding your virtue and all that rot.”
“I’d say he’s far more concerned with my life than my innocence. I am firmly on the shelf, in case, you’ve forgotten.” Alex managed a little smile. “In any case, this cannot be good news. Only dire news would tear him away from Jennie at this hour.”
Dressed in an overcoat and black Homburg hat, Colton marched inside her study. His eyes narrowed as his gaze lit on Benedict.
Benedict’s eyes flashed a scowl. “What the bloody hell is going on? Isn’t there some hoodlum you should be interrogating?”
“Eddington informed me of your presence upon my arrival. Believe me when I say I have more important concerns than following you about the city.” He slanted Alex a glance. “In any case, I am confident Alexandra knows better than to involve herself with scoundrels.”
Benedict’s gaze hardened. “Why, precisely, are you here?”
Alex settled her attention on Colton. “I am certain you would not take it upon yourself to spy on me, now would you?” she said. “There is no need to cast aspersions. Please, tell us what has brought you here. I am quite sure you’d rather be at home at this atrocious hour.”
“Indeed,” Matthew said. “As Marlsbrook is here, you’ve saved me the time and effort of proceeding to his residence with the notification. There has been a development—there has been another death.”
“Dear God— Who?”
“Alfred Rooney. The man hanged himself in his cell.”