* * *

She took a sip of the cold drink before taking her seat again. “So, how did she seduce you?”

“Believe what you will it’s the truth nonetheless. Lucia and I are not lovers…not yet anyway.”

I wasn’t about to discuss my time with Lucia with her or anyone else. It was none of their business. I realized for the first time just how protective I am of her, of us, our… whatever you call what we have.

“Pull the other one Ethan, everyone knows your proclivities when it comes to the opposite sex.”

“That’s precisely why I never touched her. I have too much respect for her.” Wrong fucking thing to say Ethan. I saw the truth of that written plainly across her face. I’d hurt her when I hadn’t meant to. Fuck!

“Oh I see, so when you took me to bed it was only to show your lack of respect for me?” She stood to leave the room and I could’ve kicked my own ass for my careless words. What’s with me and doing that shit anyway? For someone who’s accustomed to handling sensitive shit I sure do stick my foot in it a lot when it comes to these women.

“Helen I didn’t mean that. You know I would never treat you so shabbily. I just meant to say that… it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I can’t marry you. I can’t marry anyone else but her.” There was no point in telling her that when it came to Lucia I wanted only what was best for her. That taking her to my bed while I was still entangled with someone else would’ve gone against everything I am.

“I suppose you can have her as your mistress for a time. But there’s no reason to call everything off because you have a silly attraction for the girl.” She took another sip of her cocktail and I wondered if I’d fallen down the rabbit hole. I wouldn’t even address that shit she’d just said. All I could think was thank fuck I’d dodged that bullet.

She went on to give me all the reasons why we should go through with the farce of a wedding and I let her have her say because I believed I owed her at least that much.

But her every word only convinced me that I had made the right choice. After knowing Lucia, I wanted no part of the cold, loveless existence she was now describing. And to think I’d almost lost it because I was worried about hurting her. She seemed only to care about position and my added wealth, which makes hers look like a pauper’s.

“Look, you’re fighting a losing battle here. The truth is neither one of us made this choice. Our mothers cooked up this idea before we were old enough to choose for ourselves.” She turned back to the room and I felt like less of a bastard.

“But we’ve known that this is what has been expected of us. Our whole lives it’s always been known that you and I would marry. Think of what you’re doing. There’s more to this union than just us two, the companies. What will become of all those plans if we don’t go through with it?”

“We only believed that this was necessary because we were raised to believe that it is what’s best. I didn’t care one way or the other when we were younger. Life didn’t hold that much meaning for me I’ll admit. Why do you think I volunteered for all those dangerous missions? When the chance of my coming out alive was slim to none? Because I didn’t care.”

I had her full attention now but as much as she was listening, she didn’t seem convinced. How could we have all been so blind? How can I get her to hear me now? I’d tried to spare her, but there was no way that was possible now. If I didn’t do this, the woman I love will suffer, I can’t allow that. So I’ll have to hurt someone who’d done me no harm. It wasn’t my finest moment.

“I didn’t care about you or my inheritance, or any of the rest of it, I’m sorry, nothing personal. But now my life has new meaning, she has given it new meaning. It’s for her that I’m willing to go against everything I know everything I’ve been taught.” There, I’d finally crossed the point of no return. No way could any self respecting woman wish to be married to a man who felt that way about her.

“How romantic, you’ve given your heart to the little tart. But tell me, what’s your mother going to say about all this?” It’s like talking to two different people. I kept looking for glimpses of the girl I thought she was, the one I’d grown up with that had always seemed so reserved, so soft-spoken and genteel. I didn’t know this person standing before me.

Her smirk told me she thought she’d won. Heaven knows my mother has always gotten her way in the past. But that was before I gave a damn. “Your mother will never stand for having a classless slut for a daughter in law.

“I’ll thank you not to call my future wife such vile names. She’s an innocent young girl who I happen to be in love with. None of this is her fault. If you want to blame anyone then blame me, but leave her out of it, she’s off fucking limits.” Her body stiffened but she held her tongue. It was the first time she’d ever seen my displeasure aimed at her.

“As for my mother, she’ll accept my decision or not that’s up to her. But either way it will change nothing. I am going to marry her.”

“She’ll never be accepted, never be one of us. You’ve really scraped the bottom of the barrel there.” I have to say her attitude towards Lucia was making this a whole lot easier. I no longer felt that discomfort in the pit of my gut.

I didn’t expect her to readily accept the woman that would in essence be taking her place, but she had no right to speak about her like that.

The truth is that my ‘intended’ as well as some of the ‘us’ she mentioned, weren’t as innocent as they’d have everyone else believe. Something else I hadn’t cared enough about in the past. But if she or anyone else were going to throw stones, I’d just have to remind them of a few things.

“Those are the very reasons I love her. The fact that she’s not ‘one of us’. She’s sweet and smart with a heart as big as the ocean. She’s not cold and distant, with no more compassion than it takes to write a check. For her, charity is actually getting out there and doing something, and not for the cameras.”

That last one was a low blow but she was grating on my nerves with her assessment of someone she knew nothing about. The girl whose character she was so blatantly disparaging had more honor and decency in her little finger than many of my acquaintances.

“As I said, I never meant to hurt you, but you and I both know that I owe you nothing. I can tell the others if you’d like, or we can just let things die. There was never a formal engagement, no plans have been made. So it should be easy enough to move on from this. If you need to give an excuse, feel free to tell anyone who’d ask that the fault is mine.”

“You mean I should sit back and say nothing as the whole world watches you shame me by marrying that… that.... She’s the maid’s daughter. Do you realize how that will make me look? That you’d prefer her to me? Is she to be the lady of your house? And what about her parents, will you be moving them from the caretaker’s cottage into the mansion?”

I’m sure she thought her insults would somehow get me to see the error of my ways, but little does she know that I care nothing about any of that. All I care about is Lucia and how soon I can get her into my damn bed.

“What I do has nothing to do with you. I’m only here as a courtesy but I see I’m wasting my time. Remember, save your venom for me, because if you do anything to hurt her I will forget our past friendship.” I’m sure she understood the threat as I got to my feet and left.

That had not gone at all as I’d expected but at least it was done. I actually felt better now that that was over, and with very little drama or hysterics. I’d expected tears and accusations and was very pleased that they’d been absent, but I have to say I was more than a little bit surprised at her nastiness. I never knew she had it in her.

I didn’t even know she knew Lucia existed since she never mentioned her. I’d heard plenty about her from Lucia though, who always seemed to notice every time Helen was a guest for dinner or whatever purpose she had for visiting.

I’m glad that I had seen this side of her now rather than later. There would be no need for us to continue in friendship now, something I was sure my little hellcat would’ve been against anyway. I’m also glad my little princess had saved me from myself, from going through with a loveless marriage that would’ve been worse than doing a stint in hell.

Having seen this side of Helen, I know now that I would’ve never been able to find an ounce of happiness with her. It would’ve been like marrying my mother. Both women had the same inbred prejudices and hang-ups that I could no longer stomach. And I’d had enough of that cold detachment from my mother to last me a lifetime.

No, I want only the joy and infectious laughter I’d found these last few months with the little dark haired sprite with the sparking grey eyes that pulled at me without even trying. I felt lighter than I had in years, not since I was a kid in fact.

As I drove through the busy afternoon streets, passing places I’d frequented as a child, I found a new excitement in the town I’d stopped even noticing since I became an adult and went off to university, before joining up. Now as I passed old landmarks I couldn’t wait to take her to some of them with me. To share that side of my life with her. Things I hadn’t given a thought to in years suddenly had new meaning.

The old movie theatre I used to take girls to in high school so that I could spend the whole length of the show trying to get into their pants. I wanted to take her there. Or the nice Italian restaurant that had always been one of my favorites.

I had the radio on blast, and hummed along, something I hadn’t done in damn near ten years. She was so good for me, and it was only now that the other bullshit had been cleared away that I could truly see it. I do believe I can be a better man with her at my side.

She makes me hope for things that I never cared much about, but now wanted them all for her, with her. I want to walk down by the old promenade, eating an ice cream cone, while holding her hand in mine. Dammit, I hadn’t planned on becoming a complete sap, but here I am planning our first date as man and woman.