We’re supposed to love hard.
That’s why we’re here.
Love like you were born for it
CORA WALKED AN already-leash-trained Jezzy around Rachel and Maybe’s neighborhood with her friends at her side. She wanted to tell them her good news in person so it had been agony to wait the three days to see them.
“Who is the bestest girl?” she called to Jezzy, who pranced just a little bit more.
“I can’t believe someone would just toss her out. She’s such a sweet dog! Who does that?” Maybe said.
“Garbage people, that’s who. She’s potty trained, great on a leash, sweet and obedient. Though she tries to steal my man. Can’t really blame her though,” Cora joked. “So. I’m moving into his place. Oh, and he told me he loved me.”
“Wow! Wow, wow.” Rachel turned to hug Cora and Maybe threw her arms around them both.
She told them the story while Jezzy sniffed things, peed when necessary to leave a calling card.
“I’m assuming you’re happy or you’d have told us differently. Congratulations. I think this is a very good step for you both,” Maybe said. “I’m thrilled. Or all three of you since you have Her Majesty now.”
“Have you told your parents yet? Your siblings?” Rachel asked as they resumed their walk.
“Not yet. I will but you know how it goes. I want to present it right while letting them know it’s my choice and I already made it as an adult. Everyone will be all right, but as usual, Walda is the wild card. I think she likes Beau. And I know she’s happy to see me happy even if she has difficulty expressing it. I told Beau if she didn’t like him, everyone would know and that’s the truth. But that doesn’t mean she won’t make it into a big deal if the idea appeals to her.”
“If you need a big mom type reaction with hugs and excitement, tell Irena. She’ll be happy for you,” Rachel said of her mother-in-law-to-be.
“I’m holding that in reserve for that very reason,” Cora told them both with a laugh. After a bit of silence she added, “Things are wonderful right now I’m trying not to worry about the other shoe dropping.”
Rachel took her free hand a moment and squeezed. “I understand. It’s okay to be wary. This is your future and your heart and obviously Maybe and I are just fine with your being careful with them. But you deserve this man looking at you like you hung the moon. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and also like you’re hotter than fire. That’s Beau. Let yourself be happy but remember not to lose your head.”
“Pregnancy has made her wiser than usual,” Maybe said. “But she’s right. If he fucks up, we’ll descend on him like furies. I think he gets that. I think you get that. Love is good, right? Let yourself have it.”
“His house is really safe,” Rachel told her. “I checked the grounds out and his security system. The gate around the front access point is very wise. I don’t like it that the letter to him showed up at your town house. You’re far more exposed there. Another plus to moving in with Beau. Do you need help with getting stuff moved?”
“Why? If I do, are you, the woman getting married in just a few days who also happens to be knocked up, going to heft boxes? I’m sure Vic will be just fine with that idea.” Cora rolled her eyes at her friend’s reaction to his pregnant wife being part of any moving crew at that point.
“Maybe and I know a lot of wild bearded Russians. I was volunteering them,” Rachel explained. “Vic barely lets me out of his sight at this point, so no, I don’t think I’ll be helping you take your bed apart or hefting all your books.”
Beau’s stuff was a lot nicer than hers so she wasn’t that worried about her furniture. But she’d never leave her books behind. In fact, she was thinking about floor-to-ceiling built-in bookcases in what had been a formal living room near the master at the back of the house. They didn’t need a formal living room. But a library would be perfect.
“I think I might rent my town house. See if the renters want a lot of the furniture left there. Then I can finish paying my mortgage and have it for my old age. Or if and when I have a kid who needs to go to college. It’s not like Beau will take money from me. I offered and he just looked at me before saying, Why would you do that? I’m rich. I don’t need it. He then sexed me up so hard I forgot to argue with him.” Cora smiled at that memory.
“Ugh. You are such a filthy whore,” Maybe said with a snicker.
“I’m a flawed individual, absolutely,” Cora agreed. “The power of good dick I guess.”
After they’d all stopped laughing, Cora added, “I’m so grateful for you two. To have you to share all the good stuff—and the bad stuff too—has been such a great part of my life. I don’t know what I’d have done without your support and love.”
Rachel’s laughter shot into tears and sniffles. “Damn this pregnancy hormone stuff! I cry at everything now. Cotton commercials? Check. The bartender at Whiskey Sharp brought me water with lemon slices because that helps with my nausea and I legit burst into tears. If I’m like this and the wee sprocket is still a tenant in my uterus, what am I going to be like once he or she is born?”
Jezzy turned to cock her head at Rachel before she trotted over to her. Rachel picked her up and they all walked back to Alexsei and Maybe’s house.
“For what it’s worth, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to get past this stage at some point,” Cora said, hoping it was true. “There’ll be a new stage. And come on, let’s be real, it’s also okay if you do end up being more emotional once you have a kid. I sing songs in the shower while Jezzy howls along on the other side of the enclosure because I don’t want her to get lonely. And then I get sniffly when I think what if she doesn’t want me to get lonely either and that’s why she’s singing with me? You’re supposed to love hard. That’s why we’re here.”
After hanging out awhile longer, she headed to her town house to grab some clothes and a few boxes of things she needed for the house. Jezzy followed her around, sniffing things when Cora held them out.
“This is what I envisioned when I thought about having a dog,” she told Jezzy. “You and me hanging out and shiz. Singing in the shower. Eating stuff and looking adoringly at Beau. It’s like we’re twins.”
Cora got kisses in response and that goofy dog smile. Jezzy’s tail got to wagging so hard her whole back end was moving and it made her laugh.
“I have a lot of clothes and shoes,” she confessed immediately when she and Jezzy got home an hour or so later.
Home.
“You have a closet twice the size of my first apartment in New York but if you need more room, the house is big enough for you to find it.” He bent to scratch Jezzy’s ears before straightening and kissing Cora. “I take it you have boxes in the car you need help with?”
“A few, though they’re mostly light. I did bring some of my books though.”
The closet he’d given her—no, it was her closet in their house—was indeed massive and far larger than she actually needed, but it was hers and theirs and she felt nothing but excitement about the future with him.
She hung her things up. Slid things into the built-in drawers. Lined up some shoes and bags and sighed, satisfied. Jezzy had scampered off to the living room, where Beau let her watch dog television which was an actual real thing. And Jez loved it. They even left it on for her if they went out.
“I told Maybe and Rachel about us moving in together,” she said as she dropped onto the couch at Beau’s side. “We had one of those squealing happy girl hug moments right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Then Rachel cried about some stuff, and then we all cried about some stuff, and then laughed about crying. Jez was all up in our faces giving kisses though. She’s so handy that way. If I wasn’t watching her so closely I think one of those Dolan women would steal my dog, and then I’d have to hunt them down.”
“Your dog? Our dog. I’m glad they were happy for you. I told Ian and Gregori this afternoon so you’ll want to tell Wren soon.”
“Oh crap, that’s right. Hang on.” She called Wren. “Hi there!” she said when her friend answered. “I wanted to tell you when we were face-to-face but Gregori knows now because he had lunch with Beau and Ian so I figured I’d call. To tell you Beau and I are moving in together.”
“That’s awesome,” Wren told her. “I can’t wait to hear all the details when we see you at the wedding on Saturday.”
They chatted a minute or two more before she disconnected and turned her attention back to Beau. “Done. How was your day other than lunch with Gregori and Ian?”
“Pretty excellent. After lunch I returned a call to my agent. I don’t even have to go to New York for the show pitch. The notes I sent, along with the cookbook-connected stuff was enough. I have a new series starting filming in the spring. It’ll hit the air about three months after that and coincide with the cookbook release. This will be my third so I’ve got the process down pretty well. I’ll spend about a week cooking and photographing all the dishes, and then send it all to my cookbook team and they’ll organize it into something awesome.”
“Holy shit, that’s amazing!” She launched herself into his lap and rained kisses all over his face. “I’m so proud of you.” And happy to know he’d be working in Seattle instead of elsewhere. In their home, which would maybe be weird but he said it really wasn’t that bad so she’d trust him.
“It’s a level of success I really appreciate, that’s for sure. I was thinking you should try your hand at doing the photography. I mean if you wanted to. I like your eye. More than that, you have a very what I like to think of as a Northwest perspective. I want that flavor to ring through on every level with this cookbook so I think you’d really capture that through your lens.”
“Wow,” Cora said as she settled next to him again. Jezzy gave her the are you finished look and got back into her place in between them. “I’m wildly flattered but I hate to think of screwing up and tanking your sales. Shouldn’t you hire a professional?”
“I want you. You understand what I mean by the feel of the entire project from an artistic standpoint. I’ve seen your work. It’s hard not to when I walk past it all the time.” He indicated one of the framed pieces she’d given him. His hands at work, one a blur as he tipped sliced vegetables into a bowl. She’d taken it while kneeling so the perspective was on the implied motion. The elegance of this basic thing he elevated with his own kind of magic.
“You’re here with me. You take pictures all the time anyway, why not use them in the book? If they’re terrible I’ll hire someone else to fix it. Does that make you feel better?”
“You really get me,” she said. It did. He wouldn’t let his feelings for her mess up his career. He’d fix it rather than be afraid to hurt her feelings and let the mistake go forward.
“Sometimes. Not that I don’t find you a total surprise on a regular basis. But you want to do well and you want me to do well. Okay. We can agree that if I feel like your work isn’t right I won’t use it. Though I will compensate you so don’t argue.” Beau put a hand up and got his stern face on.
“Then let me pay rent,” she countered.
“Why would I do that? I don’t have a mortgage so I don’t need rent. This is your house too. You don’t need to spend money like that.”
“People are going to think I’m using you for your money,” she said with a frown.
“People who would clearly not know either one of us might. But everyone who matters would know the truth. I don’t need you to pay rent. If I did, you would, and that’s what’s important.”
* * *
“FINE,” SHE SAID in that way that meant it wasn’t fine at all. Beau, having known a few women in his day, watched her with wariness.
He wanted her to accept this. Because he wanted to take care of her. Protect her and give her things. A good, safe life where she was adored and spoiled like she should be. He had it and after some years spending it like it was nothing, he realized no amount of retail therapy and bottle service would erase the privations of his childhood.
Now he spent it in ways that pleased him in healthy ways. Cora Silvera was his finest thing. The best gift he’d ever received and he would treat her as such.
“You said fine but you meant you were up to something and said it to fool me into relaxing while you plan my imminent demise.”
That made her laugh and Jezzy started to wriggle when she wagged her entire butt at the sound.
“You say it doesn’t matter and you might be right. But it feels like it matters when people make those assumptions about me. You have money, yes, but so do I. I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m freeloading. And I don’t want Ian to think it either. Or your manager.”
In the past there had been men and women he’d dallied with who’d been dazzled by his money and celebrity. Who’d hinted about or outright requested jewelry or other expensive gifts. It hadn’t mattered to him because to be honest they hadn’t really mattered to him. So what was a bracelet or a designer dress? He got his sex on, played with his partners and moved on to the next one.
“Ian doesn’t think that. He’s seen us together. Even if he didn’t know you and like you, he knows me. I don’t need to pay for pussy, for god’s sake. You aren’t some starfucker.”
She threw up her hands, startling the dog in the process.
“But there are starfuckers!”
“Why are you mad about what you aren’t? At what no one thinks you are?” He truly didn’t understand why it mattered to her. But it clearly did. She was pissed off and defensive and that was no way to leave this between them. “Explain to me if you can,” he asked in a softer tone.
“I haven’t had a real long-term relationship before. I had a thing a few years ago like I told you about, but really, it has nothing on this.” Cora waved a hand between them. “Growing up the way I did, with a famous mom and parents with money, people always blew me off. Like, oh she must have this job because of her family influence. I have had to prove myself over and over and, gah, I don’t know. But it pushes my buttons to have anyone think I don’t pull my weight. And you buy this umpty-jillion-dollar house and suddenly me and my dog are living here and not paying rent and it looks weird.”
“There’s no rent to pay. You’re not my roommate. You don’t need to pay an entry fee to my life, Cora. What you add isn’t something easily quantified. It’s everything. It’s priceless.”
“You’re more than your bank account or your face, gorgeous as it is. More than your cooking and your celebrity. I don’t think it’s an entry fee, I just don’t want to be perceived as harming you. Or taking advantage. Because you matter to me.”
He took her face in his hands long enough to kiss her. “Baby. I am in love with you. I know your heart and there’s not a single part of you that would use me. Don’t you think I see that? I understand that you see all of me, not just the outside but my heart. It’s the reason you’re my everything. If you want to fill the house with art, you do all the work finding it. And all the wonderful life and color you carry with you, that’s all I require. Love me back. We’re actually saying the same things, you know. We just come at them a little differently.”
She let out a shaky breath but then she smiled. “Okay, so how about this? Let me pay for whatever job you hire my dad to do. Believe me, he’s a great value no matter what he charges. Then I’ll feel a little more like this is my house too instead of me living in your house. And when I say I want to chip in for something I want you to accept it.”
He thought about it and finally agreed because it was fair and he got her point, though he certainly considered this to be her house too.
“Did we just make up?” he asked.
“Were we fighting?”
“A little. I was pissed that you wouldn’t just let me do something nice for you and that you placed any importance on what some random person who didn’t know you thought. I wasn’t seeing why you were being so defensive. I have my own issues I guess,” he confessed.
“I’m sorry people treat you like you’re just a pretty face. It is a pretty face. But you’re so damn much more. I never thought I’d have a happily-ever-after like you.”
Naturally, Jezzy chose that moment to fart, sending them both scrambling off the couch with their stinky, flatulent dog running after them, barking her delight.