Despite her protests, it hadn’t taken Nina very long at all to pack for the weekend. She’d done a quick bit of research on the place Ewan wanted to take her, and she wasn’t going to need more than a few flowing maxi dresses and some sandals. The resort had individual cabins private enough for nude swimming, if they decided to get in the water—which was sure to be chilly.

When she told him so, Ewan chuckled. “There’s a hot tub.”

“A hot tub isn’t like swimming in the lake.” Nina settled against the transpo’s synthleather seats and looked out the window as the vehicle prepared to exit the highway it had taken to get to the magrail system. When it had settled into the tracks, waiting for the space in the constantly monitored traffic to allow them entrance, she relaxed.

“You want to swim in Lake Erie, we’ll get you into the water. Whatever you want, baby.”

“I’m not saying I want to. I’m just . . . saying. It wasn’t so long ago that nobody would have dipped a toe into that water, much less built a fancy, exclusive vacation resort on it. I mean, it’s no garbage beach,” she added, referencing the California coastline, which had been ravaged in the last decade by new current patterns that kept dragging waste onto the shores. “But it’s still a pretty new thing. Feels like my grandparents talked about spending summers visiting Lake Erie. It was closer to them than the ocean. We’re going to be passing very close to where I grew up.”

Ewan ran his arm along the back of the seat to tickle her shoulder with his fingertips. “Do you want to stop there?”

“I don’t think we can get a transpo back. We’d be stranded.” She pursed her lips, still looking out the window, trying to decide if she wanted to laugh or cry.

“I can always call private transportation, Nina. If you wanted to go home . . .” Ewan cleared his throat, and she looked at him. His face was serious, his expression genuine. He brushed her hair with his fingertips. “I’ll make sure you get there.”

She shook her head. The twisting surge of her emotions still threatened, the way the sea will pull far, far back from the shore before the rush of the tsunami. She knew it was coming, whatever it was—a swirl of anger that could leave her shaking, a plunge into despair, a soaring flight of giddy, frantic joy. For now, though, she was able to simply twist her fingers together in her lap and keep her gaze on the scenery outside.

Ewan pressed a kiss to her shoulder, but moved along the seat to give her some space. He pulled out his personal comm and tapped away on it. Occasionally, a blip of music or dialogue told her that he was looking at the viddy news streams. She caught the sound of what she thought was her own name, and that turned her from the window.

“Did we make the gossip pages again?”

He held up the comm. “You did. That interview you did on kitten heels went viral.”

“Oh, for . . .” Nina rolled her eyes. She knew the ridiculousness could only help their cause, in the long run, but that didn’t stop any of it from feeling stupid.

“Traffic alert. Rerouting.” The transpo’s neutral voice spoke.

Nina looked out the window again. The magrail system was elevated here, and she glimpsed the lineup of other transpos as they filtered from eight lanes into one. The other vehicles headed in different directions. Theirs was going down in the next minute, reaching a lower portion of the tracks that ran alongside regular highways instead of above. According to the digital display showing their estimated arrival time, the delay added only a couple minutes to their journey, but Nina couldn’t recall ever being on a transpo that was taking the lower route before.

Fascinated, she watched as the vehicle passed the backs of what looked like old strip malls, then houses. She glanced at Ewan, who was still engrossed in his comm. “Are we on old railroad tracks?”

He looked out his own window. “Looks like it.”

“Wow.” She put her fingers to the glass.

They passed through the residential section at a speed much slower than normal, probably for the safety of the residents. Nina saw a pack of school-aged children on the street, standing well back from the crossing gate that came down to prevent anyone from being run over by the transpo. They pointed, small faces delighted and surprised.

“It’s like they’ve never seen one before,” she said.

Ewan leaned over until he could also see out the window. “Maybe they haven’t. These rails are kept up for use in emergencies and for rerouting, but it’s unlikely they see much traffic. And those kids . . .”

“Are poor,” Nina finished when he seemed reluctant to. “They probably have never ridden in a transpo.”

“Probably not.”

“I never did, not until I got out of the army.” Nina waved at the kids as they passed and was happy to see them wave back. “I guess I hadn’t thought about that in a long time. Maybe I forgot, until just now. It feels like I’ve forgotten a lot about what it’s like to not have money.”

“It’s my goal to make sure you never remember that,” Ewan said.

* * *

He was making good on his word, and even though Nina knew it was better to remember that not everyone in the world had their advantages, these reminders made her more determined than before to make sure the differences she made in this life were the good kind. Not bad. For now, she was letting him pamper her.

The resort, as promised, was remote, private, and luxurious. The only way to reach their assigned cabin was by a special over-water transpo. The cabin itself was built on sturdy pilings, the floor, transparent in places, only a few feet from the lake’s oddly still waters.

“What happens if the baffles break down?” she said, but off-handedly, since she knew it was unlikely the equipment that kept this part of the lake from having waves would fail. Too many rich people came here for it not to be safe.

Ewan stretched as he looked around the small living space. “We swim?”

“Very funny.” Nina peeked into the fridge and let out a small coo of delight. “Oh . . . yum.”

“I had it stocked before we got here. You can cook for me . . .” Ewan grinned at her expression. “Or, I can cook for you. There was an option for catered meals, but I figured you’d want more privacy. Just the two of us.”

She crossed the tiny but decadently appointed kitchen to fit herself into his arms. “I like that. Yes. The two of us, out here in the middle of a giant lake, feeding each other. Watching the sunset. Dipping in the hot tub . . .”

“Making love,” Ewan added.

She laughed, letting her head fall back a moment before she offered him her mouth for a kiss, into which she murmured, “Yes. That too. Now, please.”

How was it possible that no matter how often their bodies connected this way, it only got better and better? Nina had been with Ewan a hundred times, and she learned something new about him with every encounter. She took as much pleasure from pleasing him as she did from allowing him to bring her to climax—and while Nina would never have considered herself to be a selfish lover, she certainly had been happier, in the past, to get her own without worrying overmuch about someone else.

“Wait,” she told him now when he moved to slide between her legs with his mouth. “Wait, let me . . . I want to see you.”

Ewan’s brow furrowed, but he stood up straight at the edge of the bed. They’d shed their clothes hastily, the way they almost always did, and the sight of his naked body was one of the most beautiful Nina had ever seen. Long, lean, muscled. His belly had the slightest hint of a curve—too many charity dinners she knew he’d say, self-conscious, but this, the tiniest of physical flaws, only endeared him to her all the more, because it proved to her that Ewan Donahue was real. A man.

Her man.

Nina got to her knees on the bed’s vast, plush expanse and moved in front of him. Before he could move or protest, she took his shaft in her fist, holding him steady while she slowly drew the head of his erection into her mouth. She moaned at his flavor, savoring it. He groaned at the suction she gave; he put his hands on her head, but gently, until she reached to take his fingers and twist them into her curls.

She’d never been the sort of woman to get off on a man directing her orally, but she let out another low moan when Ewan used her hair to set the pace. Slow, slow, then a little faster, Nina used her mouth to pleasure him, until his cock had gone so thick and hard she could barely take it all in.

“I want . . . inside you . . .” Ewan muttered, tugging at her hair to get her to pull away from him. He looked down at her, his breath coming fast. Eyes blazing. “Baby, I want to be inside you. I want you to feel good, too.”

She did, close already, as aroused as if he’d been the one using his mouth on her instead of the other way around. Nina shifted onto her back, reveling in the way his gaze dropped to the gift of her body she was offering. She parted her legs in silent invitation.

Ewan crawled up the bed, his erection hot against her skin as he settled between her legs. He kissed her, hard and long. One hand pressed between them, his thumb finding her clit, then sliding lower to delve inside her slickness. He let out a small, surprised cry, probably at how wet she already was.

Nina shifted, urging him to fill her. He did, but hesitantly, until she gripped his shoulders and hooked her heels over the backs of his thighs. Then he pushed inside her with a long, stuttering groan, and buried his face against the side of her neck. She dug her fingernails into his back and turned her face to whisper into his ear.

“Hard,” she told him.

He did. Hard, fast, brutal—and she loved it. Her orgasm rose, fierce and brightly shining, a shooting star. Nina came with a mouthful of Ewan’s flesh between her teeth. He joined her moments later with a gasp. She soothed the pain with her tongue, then kissed the spots she’d bitten.

They were quiet, after that. He nuzzled against her, his weight a welcome warmth in the sudden shift of breeze coming in off the water. Nina knew she ought to move him before they both fell asleep, but the comfort of their tangled limbs and the aftermath of her climax left her unmotivated to do more than stroke her fingertips down his back, over and over again.

* * *

Ewan hadn’t meant to fall asleep, so when he woke with a startled twitch, he rolled at once onto his side to sweep the bed next to him for Nina. She wasn’t there, although the shape of her silhouette in the window was a welcome sign she hadn’t disappeared. Ewan sat, watching her silently, drinking in her beauty.

After a half a minute, he got out of bed, naked, and went to her. “You’re cold.”

“My skin is cold. I’m not,” she corrected, but let him pull her back against his chest.

His arms went around her. He laid his cheek next to hers and looked out to the water. Dark in the night, lit here and there by spatters of moonlight on the still surface, the lake rippled. The scent of it wafted to them on a gust of breeze that pushed at the window’s gauzy curtains.

“You’re shivering,” Ewan said.

Nina drew in a breath. She began to speak, but her voice broke. Alarmed, Ewan turned her.

“Nina, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I love you,” she told him.

Ewan swiped his thumbs beneath her eyes to catch the tears streaking down her cheeks. He hadn’t grown used to Nina’s emotional turmoil, but he had come to better expect it. “You’re crying because you love me?”

He meant it lightly, as a way to tease her into smiling. Nina didn’t smile or laugh. Instead, she crumpled against him, clutching. Shaking. Her fingers dug into his skin, hurting. Scared, Ewan scooped her into his arms and cradled her in his lap on the window seat.

He wasn’t sure how to soothe her. He’d been accused of being incapable of emotional connection by enough lovers that he believed it was true. He loved Nina, and he’d never loved any of those others, but even so, he was used to her strength. Her weakness ripped at him, not because he didn’t respect her for showing it, but because it left him feeling totally inadequate and incapable of taking care of her.

“Talk to me. Please,” he urged. “Is it the tech? Are you in pain?”

Ewan was already calculating how long it would take a med team to get out here, and cursing himself for being so stupid as to take her so far away from anything, especially when he knew Nina was having glitches with physical reactions. She’d buried her face against his chest, so he couldn’t see her face, but he could feel her hitching breaths and the heat of her tears on his skin.

Without warning, Nina boiled out of his grasp with a slap of her fists against his chest and arms. He was more shocked by the fact she’d hit him than by any pain the blows had caused. Ewan cried out, holding up his hands in defense, his mind working with images of all the damage Nina was capable of doing to him.

She wouldn’t, Ewan told himself as Nina gave a low, agonized cry and kicked over an ottoman hard enough to send it flying across the room. She wouldn’t hurt him, not like that. When she whirled on him, he braced himself.

Instead of rushing him, Nina dropped to her knees with an agonized sob. She clutched at her head, then curled on her side. Her teeth chattered.

Ewan was at her side in a minute, gathering her to him. He rocked her as best he could. She shuddered as though she were freezing, but her skin was as warm as always. He pressed his face to her hair, closing his eyes, wishing desperately he could fix this.

Although it felt like forever before she calmed, it could only have been another minute or so. Then it was quiet all at once. She went still. Her breathing slowed. She eased herself from his grasp and sat on the floor, still touching him with her knees but with her hands linked in her lap.

She looked harrowed.

Ewan’s heart hurt at the sight of her pain. “What’s happening, baby? Do you need a doc?”

“No.” Nina shook her head slowly. She unlinked her fingers and swiped at her face with a long, deep sigh.

Her eyes hadn’t gone threaded with blood, so that gave him some relief. Ewan reached for her hands, and she allowed him to take them. He kissed the knuckles.

“I’m afraid it’s not real,” Nina said.

Ewan didn’t know what she meant. “We’ll get you a doc. Tests. We’ll figure this out.”

Nina yanked her hands from his grip and stood over him. Her features twisted. She shook her head again. “You’re not listening to me.”

“I am,” he said, unsure of what else to say, only knowing he was failing her.

“I don’t know if this is real.” She waved a hand at him, then around the room, then pointed at herself. “You. Me. This. Us.”

Ewan stood, too, but kept his distance from her. “I don’t understand. Talk to me.”

Nina sighed and ran a hand over her hair, pushing it from her face. With another set of irritated gestures, she twisted it into a knot at the base of her neck and tied it. “When I met you, I hadn’t been able to feel anything for years. No deep emotions, I mean. Nothing, just blank.”

“I know,” he said.

More tears welled in her eyes, although this time they didn’t spill out. “Then, suddenly, I could.”

“If I say I hope it’s because you fell in love with me, is that the wrong reply?” Ewan held out his hands, feeling helpless.

“Yes.”

He frowned. “Sorry.”

They faced each other without speaking for another few seconds before she turned and stalked to the bed, where she tossed herself into the nest of pillows and blankets with another of those heartrending sighs. After a hesitation, Ewan followed. She didn’t protest when he fits himself behind her, one hand flat on her belly just below her breasts.

“What if I love you because of something else,” Nina muttered at last without turning toward him. “What if whatever triggered this sudden ignition of my emotions is tricking me? Because I feel everything now, Ewan. So hard. Too hard. What if I love you because I’m convinced this joy I feel with you is real, but it’s really artificial?”

A hundred replies came to his lips, but he bit them quickly back. He nuzzled the back of her neck instead. Their breathing synced. He thought perhaps she might have fallen asleep, until she spoke, again in the same low, dejected voice.

“It’s like I can’t trust myself,” she said.

Ewan kissed her shoulder. “Can you trust me?”

The instant he asked the question, he wished he hadn’t. Of course Nina couldn’t trust him. He’d lied to her for months before she’d found out the truth about his involvement with the original tech. He was lying to her now, if only by omission, and while he had his reasons, he knew that wouldn’t matter if she found out.

Nina twisted to face him. She slid a leg between his. Her hand cupped his face. Her gaze was hard, her expression serious.

“How do I know,” she asked him, “if it’s real?”

Ewan kissed her. “How does anyone ever know?”

It was a crap answer, but it seemed to be the right one, at least. Nina nodded and tucked herself against him, her hair tickling the underside of his chin. Her breathing slowed, and after a time, she slept.

He stayed awake a long time after, listening to her breathing. Loving her. Wishing he knew how to fix whatever was wrong.