CHAPTER FOUR
Anna sat stiffly, afraid to relax against Reed, incredibly aware of his body only inches from hers, his arms around her. It was impossible, with the movements of the horse, to keep from brushing against him, and every time she did so, her skin flamed at the touch. She gritted her teeth, telling herself she was being ridiculous. His closeness should not affect her so much. Yet no matter how much she told herself that, her words could make little headway against the sensations rampaging through her.
They said nothing, the silence between them almost as awkward as their proximity. The twins chattered away about their adventure, and Rafe threw in a comment or a question now and then, leaving Anna and Reed alone on their island of silence. Anna closed her eyes, trying desperately to think of something to say, anything to distract her from the only thing that was in her mind, which was the feel of his iron-hard arm against her back or the occasional brush of his thigh against hers as the horse moved.
It was a distinct relief when at last they reached Winterset and Reed swung down from the horse, reaching up to lift her from the saddle. Their faces were only inches apart for a moment as he swung her down, and their eyes locked. His were a dark, mysterious gray in the dim light of dusk, and Anna felt, for a strange, weak moment, as if she could simply sink into their depths and be lost forever.
Then she was on her feet again, and she took a quick step backward, trying to suppress her inward trembling. Tongue-tied, she turned away, and at that moment the front door was flung open and a tall, red-haired woman swept out into the small courtyard.
“There you are!” Her strong voice held a mixture of relief, exasperation and amusement, and she shook her head as she strode toward them. “You two will be the death of me!”
She wrapped an arm around each of the twins and hugged them to her, then stood and scowled down at them. “Where have you been? You don’t even know the countryside!”
The woman looked up, her gaze sweeping across the others, and for the first time she noticed Anna, standing beside Reed.
“Oh! I am sorry. I did not know anyone else was here.” She started toward Anna.
“This is my sister, Lady Kyria,” Reed told Anna. “Kyria, allow me to introduce Miss Anna Holcomb, who, I am happy to say, was looking out for Con and Alex.”
“My lady,” Anna greeted her.
Lady Kyria reached out and took her hand, smiling. “You have, no doubt, rescued Con and Alex from some frightful thing—for that is always the way with them,” she went on, tucking her arm through Anna’s and steering her toward the front door. “Do come in and have supper with us and let me thank you properly.”
“Oh, no, I couldn’t—” Anna began. “I am sure that my brother is expecting me, and—”
“Your brother is that charming young man who was here earlier?” Kyria asked. “Such a nice gentleman. We’ll send one of the footmen over with a note explaining that you are going to dine with us. I am sure he will understand.”
“But I—I am not dressed for dinner,” Anna pointed out, blushing a little, as she gestured down at her plain dress, which she now noticed was not only dirty and stained, but had also somehow acquired a tear near the hem, so that a piece of it trailed behind her, filthy and ragged.
“We do not care about formality here,” Kyria assured her, ignoring her own elegant black off-the-shoulder gown and the glitter of a diamond necklace and earrings. “Our family is shockingly careless about such things, as anyone will be happy to tell you.”
“You might as well give in, Miss Holcomb,” Rafe McIntyre told her, coming up beside them. His eyes rested lovingly on his wife’s face. “I can assure you that for every objection you bring up, Kyria will have a dozen reasons to override them. Once she sets her mind to something, I’ve learned, you might as well give in.”
Kyria favored her husband with a dazzling smile, then turned it back to Anna. “There, you see? It’s all settled. Do come in and meet our houseguest, Miss Farrington.”
She led Anna down the hall into the drawing room, managing at the same time to signal to one of the footmen to inform the kitchen that they were ready and also to send another one for paper for Anna to write a note to her brother, as well as pay attention to her younger brothers, who had launched into an account of their afternoon.
A dainty blond woman was sitting in the drawing room, and she rose at their entrance, smiling.
“Rosemary!” Kyria said, pulling Anna forward. “I want you to meet our neighbor, Miss Anna Holcomb. Her brother is that handsome young man who called on us, Sir Christopher.”
Introductions were quickly made, and before she knew it, Anna found herself ensconced in a chair, pen and paper in hand, jotting a note to her brother, while Con and Alex described to their sister the torn and mangled dog they had discovered. Kyria responded with appropriate horror, though she did notice that her guest, Miss Farrington, was turning a pale shade of green, and she suggested that the boys not inform them of the wounds in quite such detail.
Before supper was served, Kyria whisked Anna upstairs, where she could clean up a little, and even insisted on lending her one of her own dresses, which, while too long for Anna, was such an improvement over Anna’s own bedraggled frock that she was quite grateful to wear it.
At the meal, Anna found herself seated at Reed’s left hand, with Lady Kyria across the table from her and Rafe on her other side. It was fortunate, she thought, that Kyria and her husband seemed well able to carry the conversation by themselves, as neither Anna nor Reed contributed much. The boys, after their afternoon’s adventure, had been shuttled off to their rooms for baths and a quick meal before going to bed, and Miss Farrington was apparently a rather quiet woman.
Anna knew that she should contribute more to the conversation, and she was normally able to make polite chitchat, but she found Reed’s presence beside her too unnerving for her to think of much to say. She wished that she had more poise. She wished that she did not want to know so badly what Reed thought of her in this much-more-attractive blue dress, with her hair brushed and pinned into subjugation.
She realized suddenly that everyone was looking at her expectantly and that she had let her mind wander, losing the thread of the conversation. “What? I am sorry. I’m afraid I was woolgathering,” she said, coloring in embarrassment.
Kyria smiled. “I was just saying that I am planning to have a small gathering Friday evening—nothing grand, just a small party to thank everyone for welcoming us so graciously to Lower Fenley. I am hoping that you and your brother will be able to attend.”
“This Friday?” Anna cast about frantically for some excuse not to attend, but none came to her. It would be absurd to say that they had other plans, for if Lady Kyria was throwing a party, it was certain that everyone around here would be attending it. And, besides, she was certain that Kit would like to go, and she could scarcely refuse her brother the chance to attend. “Yes, of course. That sounds lovely. We would very much like to come.”
She would simply have to come down with a headache or something, so that she would not have to go. Anna cast a quick, covert glance at Reed and found him watching her, his eyes unreadable. She wondered if he wished she had refused to attend—or if her presence there made no difference to him either way. Perhaps he was only interested in Miss Farrington’s attendance. What few remarks Reed had made this evening had been primarily addressed to that young lady. Anna wondered, as she had when Kit told her about Miss Farrington, whether she had been included in this party because Reed had a particular interest in her. Anna had not seen anything loverlike in his face when he addressed Miss Farrington, but, then, he was not the sort of man who would expose a young woman to gossip by singling her out for his attention.
Anna realized that her eyes had been fixed on Reed’s face for several moments now, and she hastily turned away. Her gaze fell instead on Kyria, who was watching her with a certain amount of speculation in her eyes. Anna could feel a blush beginning to rise up her throat, and she was relieved when Kyria turned casually away and addressed a remark to her husband.
When the meal was over, the company did not split up into male and female groups, as was the custom, with the men going off to smoke and have a glass of brandy. The Morelands were, as Anna had always heard, “different,” so Anna was unable to quietly take leave of just her hostess, as she had hoped. When she told Kyria that she must be getting back home now, Reed jumped in and told her that he would escort her back to Holcomb Manor in the carriage.
“Oh, no, there is no need—” Anna assured him hastily, her stomach jumping nervously at the thought of being enclosed in the small confines of a carriage with Reed.
“I insist,” Reed said with quiet firmness. “After the way you helped my brothers, it is the least I can do.”
“But there is no need for you to put yourself out so,” Anna protested faintly. “I will be perfectly fine by myself in the carriage. I have traveled the road hundreds of times.”
“Please, Miss Holcomb, allow me the opportunity to play the gentleman. My sisters rarely do, so I must inflict myself on our guests.”
Kyria rolled her eyes affectionately at her brother and said, “You might as well give in. Reed is like a dog with a bone—especially when it comes to one’s safety. He is terribly overprotective, but, then, I suppose that is much better than the alternative, is it not? Besides, he really is quite a pleasant companion.”
“I am sure—I did not mean—” Anna stopped, embarrassed. Had her reluctance been so obvious? The last thing she wanted was to stir up any suspicion in Reed’s sister, and she had already seen curiosity in the woman’s gaze earlier at the table. As Rafe had pointed out earlier, Reed was not the only member of the family who was like a dog with a bone when his or her interest was aroused.
So she wound up a few minutes later back in her old walking dress—though Kyria’s efficient maid had sewn up the torn ruffle at the hem and also made a stab at removing the dirt and stains from it—and sitting in the carriage across from Reed. It was a sporty open-air victoria—brand-new, from the shiny looks of it—and the expandable top was pushed to the back, opening it up to the mild summer night.
The moon was full, casting a soft romantic glow over the evening scene. The trees arched over them as they went down the driveway, so that the moon and stars flickered through the branches, and a gentle breeze stirred the leaves, caressing Anna’s cheeks.
She looked across the small carriage at Reed. Though they were quite close, his face was only partially visible in the dim light, his eyes dark and unknown, the ridges of his cheekbones highlighted. She could not help but think what a sweet, romantic ride it would have been if he had been sitting beside her…if she had not refused him…if life had turned out differently….
Anna gave herself a mental shake and said brightly, “This is a beautiful carriage.”
“It’s Kyria’s. Rafe gave it to her when they returned to England a few weeks ago. Beautiful and a little impractical—very much like Kyria.” A smile took the sting from his words.
“I can see that you are very fond of your sister.”
Reed nodded. “I am fond of all my family.” He paused. “I want to thank you for what you did for the twins today.”
“How could I not?”
His mouth quirked. “There are a number of women, I think, who would not have helped them carry a wounded dog to a healer. Of course, they really had no business being on your property.”
Anna shrugged. “That is no problem. Kit and I are happy for them to explore.” She frowned, then added quickly, “Of course, they probably should not go farther into the woods—up Craydon Tor, you know. I fear they could easily get lost.”
“They generally take their compass. I imagine they could have found their way back today if you had not come along. But I will speak to them about Craydon Tor—though I fear that, with those two, any word of warning seems to make them only more eager to do something.”
“Typical boys, I think.” Anna smiled. “Kit was always most eager to do whatever had been forbidden. But I do hope you will impress on them not to go alone into those woods. They could fall or—well, there must be some sort of animal, perhaps a wild dog, that inflicted that damage on the dog they found. I have no idea what it was, but the dog’s wounds were severe. I do not like to think of Con and Alex coming upon that fierce a creature.” She brightened. “If they will but come to the Manor, I will send our gamekeeper, Rankin, out with them to explore the woods. He is a very good sort. They will enjoy their outing with him, I assure you.”
“That is very kind. Was the dog as badly injured as the boys said?”
Anna nodded. “Yes. Nick Perkins is a wonderful healer, but I hope Con and Alex will not count too much on his curing the animal.”
Reed studied her for a moment. “You truly liked them, didn’t you? Alex and Con.”
“Why, of course.” Anna cast a startled look at him. “How could I not? They are delightful boys.”
“There are many who do not find them so,” Reed commented wryly.
Anna wrinkled her nose. “Then they must be very stodgy sorts.”
Reed chuckled. “They are, many of them. However, it does seem as though wherever the twins go, things just seem to…happen.”
“Things?”
“Oh, frogs in a tutor’s bed, for instance, or an escaped parrot…or boa constrictor…or rabbit. Then there was the fire in the nursery—that was when they were pretending to be frontiersmen in America, I believe, and using a tinderbox. Or the time they went down an abandoned well after a kitten. Or—”
Anna chuckled, raising a hand in a stopping gesture. “All right, I believe you.”
They smiled at each other across the short space separating them, and suddenly Anna was struck with a shaft of longing—not physical desire, but a yearning for the closeness they had once shared, however briefly, a mental and emotional intimacy, the spark of fun and humor and excitement that had underlain the more urgent physical desire. They had liked each other, had simply enjoyed each other’s company, and Anna realized with a pang how much she had missed that closeness. She wanted to ask him if they could continue like this, if there was any chance that they could be friends after what had happened, but even as the thought was born in her head, she dismissed it.
It was foolish to even think of it, she knew. After what had happened between them, they surely could not be friends. If she had handled things differently from the beginning, perhaps. Or if she had known…But, she had not, and it had happened as it had happened, and she could really hope for nothing except to keep a certain polite distance between them.
Anna dropped her eyes to her lap, and a sudden, awkward silence fell upon them.
“Anna,” he said urgently, leaning forward, closing the short space between them.
Anna looked up at him warily. He was much too close, and it was suddenly difficult for her to breathe.
“What happened to us three years ago?” he asked, his voice a harsh whisper. “Was I so wrong in what I thought? Did you never feel for me what I believed you did?”
“Please…” Anna whispered back, her voice choked. “No, do not ask….”
“I loved you, and I thought you loved me. Was I so blind? So wrapped in conceit that I could not see what was right before my eyes?”
“I beg of you, do not press me.” Anna’s eyes glittered with tears, and she looked away from him, certain that if she continued to look into his face, she would start to cry. “Why did you come back? Why did you insist on riding with me tonight? Can you not leave well enough alone?”
“Because it isn’t well enough,” he grated back. “It was never so for me.” He reached out, wrapping his hand around her wrist, and Anna looked at him, her eyes wide and frightened, her heart pounding. “When you sent me away before, I was too hurt to question it. Too heartsore to do anything but crawl back to London and lick my wounds. But now…I return and find that you are still here, unmarried. A beautiful young woman, in the prime of your life, and no other man has captured your heart. Why is that?”
“I choose not to marry,” Anna said, drawing herself up with dignity and pulling her arm out of his grasp. For an instant he retained his grip; then he let her go and sat back. “A woman does not have to marry, does she? I enjoy my life as it is.”
“Your brother will marry someday. It is the way of things. And you will no longer be the mistress of Holcomb Manor. It is not a position many women would like. Most women would choose to have their own home, a husband and children….”
“Clearly I am not most women,” Anna said lightly. “I hardly think I need to explain myself to you.”
“No, I suppose you do not. Yet I cannot help but wonder, if you did not love me, that you have found no one else.”
“Must one love a man?” Anna retorted. “There must be women who do not. And, may I remind you, if it is so strange that I have not married, then it is equally strange that you have not.”
“Ah, but I was the one whose heart was broken. It takes time to be able to once again place one’s heart in the hands of a woman. You, on the other hand, were heart-whole.”
There was a flash of pain in Anna’s eyes, quickly covered by her glance away, out into the dark night. “Perhaps I am heart-whole because I do not have it within me to love. Surely you must have thought of that.”
“Yes, I have thought of it,” he agreed. “There was many a night when I was convinced of that very idea. But looking at you today with Con and Alex, I found it harder to believe. The warmth and compassion that was so evident in you…the kindness and gentleness. I cannot believe that you do not want children.”
“Of course I want children!” Anna flashed back, her eyes snapping. She stopped, drawing a deep breath and pushing down the tumult of emotions that bubbled up in her at his words, thinking quickly of how to cover her slip. She went on in a calmer voice. “That does not mean that I will marry just to have them, any more than I would marry to have money or position.”
“And that, I take it, is a slap in the face to me,” Reed said, settling back into the cushioned seat behind him. “Money and position being the only reasons you would have had for marrying me.”
“I do not know why you insist on pursuing this,” Anna went on in a stifled voice. She hated the coldness that had come over his face and voice. “I never wanted to cause you pain. I still do not. Please, can you not just let it be?”
“I guess I am as stubborn and contrary-minded as my brothers,” Reed replied dryly. “I am told it is a Moreland trait.”
Anna knotted her hands in her lap, looking down at them. “I could not marry you,” she flatly. “I did not have the feeling for you that a wife should have for her husband.” She lifted her head to look straight into his eyes, keeping her own eyes steady and cool. “I have never regretted my decision, nor would I change it if I could.”
She swallowed, feeling faintly sick to her stomach.
“I see. Well, I suppose I could hardly ask for anything clearer than that.”
Anna looked away. To her relief, she saw the lights of Holcomb Manor in front of them. This unbearable trip would be over in just a few minutes.
Silence reigned in the carriage until it pulled to a stop in front of Holcomb Manor. Anna stood up and scrambled out before Reed could put out a hand to help her down.
“Thank you,” she said breathlessly, and hurried toward the front door without waiting to hear Reed’s response. She was grateful when the front door was opened wide, casting a rectangle of golden light into the night, and one of the footmen stepped out, bowing, to greet her.
Anna hurried up the steps into the house, and the footman closed the door behind her with a solid thud. She stood for a moment, waiting for the trembling in her limbs to stop.
“Miss Anna? Are you all right?”
She turned toward the footman. “Oh, yes, John. I am perfectly all right.” She forced a smile, then turned and hurried down the hall and up the stairs to the sanctuary of her bedroom.
* * *
Her maid Penny was waiting for her, and Anna was glad that she was there to help her out of her clothes and into her nightgown, for frankly, at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into her bed, pull the covers up and give way to a bout of tears. In her own state of distress, it took her a moment to realize that Penny’s face was splotchy and red, and her eyes were so puffy they were nearly swollen shut.
“Penny!” Anna took a second look at her. “What’s the matter?”
“Oh, miss!” Penny’s face crumpled, and she began to cry. “I’m so sorry! Please don’t let Mrs. Michaels turn me out!”
“Turn you out?” Anna repeated, dumbfounded. “What on earth are you talking about?”
“She said I should be turned out. She called me an ungrateful wretch, and said I had be-betrayed the family’s trust. And I never meant to, miss, I swear I didn’t. You know I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you or bring dishonor to the Holcombs.”
“Of course not,” Anna assured her, bewildered, and took the maid by the hand, leading her over to her easy chair. She sat down in the chair, pulling Penny down onto the hassock in front of it. Taking the girl’s hands in her own, she looked into her face. “Now. Calm down and tell me, step by step, what it is you are talking about.”
“I didn’t mean to do anything wrong,” Penny said, drawing a long, quavering breath. “I was only trying to not get Stell into trouble. That’s all. That’s why I didn’t say anything earlier.”
“Stell?”
“Estelle, miss. The upstairs maid. She sleeps in the same room with me, you see. She asked me not to tell, ’cause Mrs. Michaels’d turn her out without a reference, and that she would have, too, miss. And Estelle’s me friend. We have our little fusses now and then—who doesn’t, I ask you? But we help each other out, you see.”
“Of course. But why is Mrs. Michaels angry at you? What happened?”
“It’s Estelle, miss. She’s gone.”
“Gone? I don’t understand—she’s gone where?”
“I don’t know, miss.” Penny looked at her with rounded eyes. “That’s the thing—Estelle has disappeared.”