CHAPTER NINE

IT was a night without sleep. She stayed up. Saw both sunset and sunrise as she sat alone in the water garden, feet bare, hair loose, tucked away in a place that no one would think of looking, apart from Mal, and he hadn’t bothered.

I will be there tomorrow, ready to marry you.

But how could she do that now that she knew he had to get married? It explained everything. The speed with which he’d put that ring on her finger; the fact that he’d asked her so quickly after his relationship with Kalila had collapsed. It wasn’t to do with the depth of his love for her. It was all to do with his uncle’s will.

He hadn’t been honest.

Avery turned her head. Inside the Palace, lights burned as an army of staff busied themselves with final preparations for the wedding of the Crown Prince and Miss Avery Scott. Miss Avery Scott, the woman who’d been raised to believe that a woman was stronger without a man, that a life was happier, and more secure, if it were lived alone. That the only guarantees and promises worth believing were the ones you made to yourself.

No, he hadn’t been honest with her. But she hadn’t been honest with him either, had she?

As if on cue, her phone beeped and she found a text from her mother. They hadn’t spoken for months. She opened it—there was only one line

Heard rumour you’re getting married. Don’t do anything stupid.

Don’t do anything stupid …

Her eyes filled. It was exactly what she needed to see. What had she been thinking? What had she been doing? There was no way she could put herself through that pain again.

Avery stared at that message for a long time. Then she slipped on her shoes. Even the tranquil sound of the fountains in the water garden couldn’t soothe her.

Her mother was right.

It was really important not to do something stupid.

She found Mal sprawled on the balcony of his bedroom, apparently oblivious to the buzz of excitement that gripped the rest of the Palace. But that was because only the two of them understood that this wedding might not happen.

He took one look at her, his dark gaze sweeping over her, taking in her jeans and the casual shirt she was wearing and his sensual mouth hardened. ‘So that is your decision. Thank you for not waiting until I was standing in front of a thousand guests to break the news to me.’

‘I’m not here about the wedding. I’m not here to talk about us. This is about me. There’s something I have to tell you about me.’ She took in the roughness of his jaw and the shadows beneath his eyes. ‘You didn’t sleep last night either.’

‘Did you really think I would? Just say what you have to say, Avery.’ The chill in his voice was less than encouraging but somehow she forced the words out.

‘I have to tell you about my father. I should have told you before, but it’s not something I’ve ever discussed with anyone.’ And it felt terrifying to discuss it now but he was already sitting up. Paying attention.

‘What about your father?’

She could hear the splash of water from the fountain that formed the centrepiece in the courtyard beneath them. ‘He didn’t leave, Mal. He didn’t walk out on me or abandon me. He wasn’t a high-powered businessman frequently out of town, which is what I used to tell my school friends.’ One by one she sliced through the lies she’d created over the years and watched them fall, leaving only the truth. ‘I’m not afraid of marriage because my own parents’ marriage failed. That isn’t what happened.’ She’d come this far but, even so, saying those last words felt hard. She waited for him to say something. To prompt her in some way, but he didn’t.

He just watched and waited and in the end she turned away slightly because saying this was hard enough without saying it while looking at him.

‘The man who fathered me was never part of my life. Or part of my mother’s life.’

‘He was a one-night stand? Your mother became pregnant by accident?’

‘It wasn’t an accident.’ Did she sound bitter? She was amazed that, after so many years, she could have an emotion left on the topic. ‘My mother doesn’t have accidents. Everything she does in life is calculated. She plans everything. She controls everything. Her relationship with my father played out exactly the way she wanted it to play out.’

‘And he was fine with that? He made her pregnant and wasn’t interested in being part of your life?’

‘That’s right.’ The condemnation in his voice made her nervous about telling him the rest. She paused, trying to find words that didn’t make it seem quite so cold and clinical. ‘But it wasn’t the way you’re imagining it. My mother didn’t have a relationship with anyone. I don’t know my father’s name.’

‘He was a stranger?’

‘In a manner of speaking. I may not know his name, but I do know his clinic code.’

‘Clinic code?’ He looked confused and she couldn’t blame him for that. It was hardly the first thing that came to mind when discussing someone’s parentage.

‘My mother used donated sperm.’ It was easier to say than she’d thought it would be, given that she’d never said it before.

‘Donor sperm? She had infertility issues?’

‘No. No infertility issues. Just man issues. She wanted to cut the “man” part out of the deal.’ She glanced at him, looking for shock, disgust, any of the emotions she’d anticipated seeing, but there was nothing.

‘She struggled to trust men so when she chose to have a child of her own, she chose to have one alone?’

If only. Avery felt her throat thicken. ‘That wasn’t it, either. I truly wish it were. At least then I would have known I was loved by at least one of my parents. But the truth is I was another of my mother’s social statements. She wanted to prove that a woman doesn’t need a man for anything, not even to produce a baby, although obviously that wasn’t what she told them in the clinic. She was determined to prove that she could do it all by herself, and she did. The trouble was, she forgot that her experiment was permanent. Once she’d proved her point, she was stuck with me. Not that she let that interfere with her lifestyle, you understand.’

As Mal rose to his feet, she backed away with a quick shake of her head.

‘Don’t speak. I n-need to finish this now or I won’t ever say it,’ she stammered. ‘I’ve never said it before and it’s …

hard because I’m used to being a confident person and I am confident in my work, just not about this.’

‘Avery—’

‘My childhood was nothing like yours. It was nothing like anyone’s. Your family was close and tight-knit. You had two parents, cousins, uncles and aunts. Even when you disagreed, you were a unit. And yes, I’m sure there were huge pressures, but you shared those pressures. I’m sure that being a Prince must occasionally have been lonely but even when you were lonely you knew there were people around you who loved you. You knew who you were and what was expected of you. You belonged.’

He opened his mouth, but then caught her desperate look and closed it again.

Avery’s mouth was dry. ‘I didn’t have that. On the outside my family looked fine. Single mother. No biggie. Loads of people have that, right? I hid the truth about my father because I thought it was so shaming that my mother couldn’t sustain a relationship for long enough even for a single bout of sex, but what really affected me wasn’t the fact that I didn’t have a father, but the fact that I didn’t have a mother, either. All I had was a woman who taught me how to be a version of her.’

‘Avery—’

‘Most of the time I hated her.’ It was the first time she’d ever admitted that. ‘There was no affection because she saw that as weakness. No involvement in my life. We spent mealtimes together, during which she talked about her work and about how lucky we were to have avoided that complex relationship trauma. And I vowed I wasn’t going to be like that. I vowed that my relationships would be normal, but she’d done her job well and the only thing that was ever in my head at the start of a relationship was, How will this end? She taught me how to live alone. She didn’t tell me how to live with other people. And it never really mattered. Until I met you.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’ His tone was raw and this time when he pulled her into his arms she didn’t resist. ‘All that time we spent together—all the times I brought up the subject of your father and you never once mentioned it.’

‘Because I’ve kept it a secret for so long from everyone. And you mattered to me more than anyone I’d ever met. It wasn’t just that I was ashamed. I was afraid that if you knew, it would kill what we had.’ Admitting it was agony. ‘I was afraid that if you knew the truth about me, you wouldn’t want me any more. You know who you are. Your ancestors are Sultans and Princes. You can trace your family back for centuries. And I’m—’ Her voice cracked and she gave a despairing shrug. ‘I don’t even know who I am. I’m a … I’m the result of my mother’s unofficial social experiment.’

He took her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers, his gaze holding her steady. ‘You’re the woman I love. The only woman I want.’

She hadn’t dared hope that she would hear that. ‘Even now you know?’ She discovered that her cheeks were wet and she brushed her palm over her face self-consciously. ‘I’m crying. I never cry.’ Her voice was unsteady and his was equally unsteady.

‘I’m not marrying you for where you came from. I’m marrying you for who you are and who you are going to be. You are a bright, talented, very sexy woman who will make a perfect Princess. I don’t care about your past, except for the degree to which it affects our future. Can you shut out everything she ever taught you and believe in us, no matter what? Or are you going to walk away?’

‘Last night she sent me a text. She’d heard I was getting married and she told me not to do anything stupid. And I realised that she was right. It is important not to do something stupid—’ she felt him tense and, because she saw pain flicker into his eyes, she carried on quickly ‘—and it would be stupid not to marry you. It would be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.’

He breathed in sharply. ‘Avery—’

‘I love you. That’s why I took a risk with you the first time, because I cared for you so much. And it’s why I’m here now. I was upset when I found out that you had to get married by a certain date, that’s true, but I only needed a few minutes alone to realise that everything you told me made sense. And it’s partly my fault that you didn’t tell me because I’m so screwed up. I do believe you love me but when you’ve believed yourself unlovable for so long, it’s hard not to doubt that. I love you—’ the words caught in her throat ‘—I really love you. And if you still want me, then I want to marry you.’

‘If I still want you?’ He hauled her against him and held her so tightly she could hardly breathe. ‘There is no “if”. There never has been an “if” in my mind. I have always been sure. Too sure, which was why I messed it up so badly the first time. And I did mess it up.’ He eased her away from him and smoothed away her tears with his thumbs. ‘I understand that now. You accused me of arrogance and perhaps I was guilty of that but most of all I was guilty of being too sure of us. I knew we were perfect together.’

‘I’m pleased to hear you think I’m perfect.’ She laughed up at him and he smiled back, but it was a shaky smile. The smile of someone who had come close to losing everything that mattered.

‘You know your problem? You’re arrogant.’

‘A moment ago I was perfect.’

‘You’re perfect for me.’

A warm feeling spread through her. ‘I’ve never had that.’ Her voice faltered as he kissed her. ‘I don’t honestly think anyone has ever loved me before. Apart from Jen. And most of the time I drive her mad.’

‘Not so mad that she didn’t agree to fly out for our wedding.’

Avery stared at him. ‘She—?’

‘My plane lands in the next hour. She is on it. She can help you get ready and she has strict instructions to call me if one word of doubt crosses your lips.’

‘It won’t.’

‘What if your mother texts you again?’

‘She can’t. I dropped my phone in the fountain.’ Her voice faltered. ‘But I am afraid of messing everything up. I don’t know anything about making a relationship work. Nothing.’

‘There is only one thing you need to know about making a relationship work and that is that you don’t give up.’ His fingers slid into her hair, strong and possessive. ‘Whatever you feel, you tell me. You shout, you yell, anything, but you never walk away. Never.’

It should have felt terrifying but instead it felt blissfully good. ‘My mother told me that marriage was a sacrifice, but it feels so much more like a gift.’

His eyes gleamed. ‘I look forward to unwrapping you, habibti. And in the meantime, do you think you could change into something that will make the unwrapping more fun? Everyone would be disappointed to see the elegant Avery Scott wearing jeans on her wedding day.’

She curled her hand into his shirt and pulled him towards her. ‘You want the dance of the seven veils?’

‘That sounds like the perfect way to begin a marriage.’

‘Where exactly are we going? Could someone please tell me what’s going on?’ Avery was so nervous she felt sick. ‘Jen?’

Her friend shook her head. ‘This is one event you’re not organizing, Avery. Just relax.’

‘I’m not a relaxed sort of person.’ Despite the air conditioning in the limousine, her palms felt damp and her stomach was a knot of nerves. ‘I’m supposed to be marrying Mal so it would be great if someone could tell me why we’re driving in this car away from the Palace and with blacked-out windows so I can’t even see where I’m going.’

‘It’s a surprise. You’re controlling, you do know that, don’t you?’

‘I’m efficient, not controlling. I get things done. And it’s hard to get a wedding done when the groom is in one place and the bride is in another.’ Just saying those words made her heart race. Bride. Groom. She was getting married. ‘And you, by the way, are supposed to be on my side.’

‘I’m on your side. You’re scared, Avery.’ Jenny reached across and took her hand. ‘Don’t be. It’s the right thing. I never saw two people as right for each other as you and Mal. And I’ve seen a few.’

‘I haven’t.’ Avery’s teeth were chattering. ‘I haven’t seen any.’

‘You can borrow some of mine. OK, so there’s Peggy and Jim—they’re clocking up sixty years. True, neither of them has their own teeth left but that hasn’t been a barrier to lasting happiness. Then there’s David and Pamela—’ Jenny ticked them off on her fingers ‘—a happier couple you never did meet. And Rose and Michael—they just celebrated sixty years.’

Avery stared at her, confused. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’m listing all the people I know whose marriages have lasted more than sixty years so that you don’t sit there with a list of your mother’s divorce cases in your head.’

Avery moved the hem of her wedding dress so that it didn’t catch in her heel. ‘You know all those people?’

‘My Aunt Peggy does. They all live in her retirement home.’

‘But—’ Avery looked at her in exasperation. ‘What does this have to do with my wedding to Mal?’

‘I was distracting you before you exploded with fear.’

‘I’m not afraid!’

‘Yes, you are. But you’re facing your fear and that makes me so, so proud of you. And I really want to hug you right now but I daren’t ruin your hair and make-up because you look stunning.’ Jenny’s eyes glistened and she sniffed and flapped her hand in front of her face. ‘Oh look at me! I’m going to ruin my own make-up and everyone will think your best friend is a panda. You are a lucky woman, Avery Scott. Mal is gorgeous. He was the one who insisted on all this. The whole Palace has been in an uproar, changing everything on his orders.’

‘Changing everything? Changing what?’ Completely confused, Avery realised that the car had stopped. ‘Where are we?’

The door opened and Rafiq stood there. ‘Welcome. Can I help you with your dress, Your Highness?’

‘I’m not Your Highness yet, Rafiq, but thank you.’ With Jenny helping, Avery stepped out of the air-conditioned limo and gasped. ‘The desert?’ She blinked in the blaze of the sun. For a moment she just stood, overwhelmed by the savage beauty of the golden landscape. She never grew tired of looking at it. Never. ‘But the wedding was going to take place at the Palace.’

‘But you love the desert,’ Rafiq said quietly. ‘Although this has to be a public affair, His Highness was insistent that it should also be personal. The wedding itself is for the people, but this part—this is for you. ‘

Avery heard Jenny sniff but she ignored her. ‘But … oh … isn’t everyone angry that they had to come to the desert and stand in the heat?’

‘Angry that their future Queen loves their country as they do?’ Rafiq gave an indulgent smile. ‘I hardly think so. And now everyone is waiting for you. Are you ready?’

Avery stared at the sea of faces. She was used to large gatherings, but never one where the attention was focused on her. She felt a sudden rush of nerves. ‘Where’s Mal?’

‘I’m right here.’ He was standing behind her, stunningly handsome in flowing robes, his eyes gleaming dark and the smile on his face intended only for her.

Even the unflappable Rafiq was shocked. ‘Your Highness! Convention states that—’

‘I don’t care about convention, I care about my bride.’ Mal took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips, his eyes holding hers. ‘Are you afraid, habibti?’

She should be.

She was giving him everything. Her love, her trust and her heart. But the moment she’d seen him standing there, she’d been sure and the feeling filled her and warmed her. ‘I’m not afraid. I can’t believe you did this for me.’

‘I couldn’t change the date, but I could change the place.’ The words were for her and her alone. He managed to create intimacy despite the crowd watching and waiting. ‘Are you pleased that we’re marrying in the desert?’

‘Yes. You know I love it. I had our picture on the computer. It was the first thing I saw in the morning.’

‘I did the same. And every time I saw that picture I dreamed of this moment.’

Her eyes filled and she gave a strangled laugh. ‘Don’t make me cry!’

‘Never.’ As he lowered his head towards her, she closed her eyes and lifted her mouth to his but Jenny gave a shriek and intervened.

‘What are you doing? You can’t kiss her! You’ll mess up her make-up and she’ll look terrible in the photographs. Stop it, the pair of you. Rafiq, do something.’

‘Sadly, it seems I am powerless, madam. A fact I have long suspected.’ But there was humour in his voice as he bowed to Jenny. ‘May I escort you to your seat? The others are already waiting.’

‘Others?’ Avery glanced at Mal. ‘Who? I don’t have family.’

‘But you have friends.’ He spoke softly, his eyes gentle. ‘Many, many friends, all of whom want to wish you well and would not miss this, the most important party of your life.’

She glanced through the crowd of people, now silent and curious, and saw faces she knew. So many faces. All smiling at her.

‘You have some seriously cool friends, I’ll give you that,’ Jenny muttered under her breath. ‘Chloe is probably going to pass out.’

Mal smiled. ‘Chloe has already passed out. Twice. I have someone looking out for her.’

Jenny glanced at Avery in despair. ‘She passed out last week at the Senator’s party. Which was a great success, by the way. The doves were sweet. I hope you’re having doves.’

‘We will have doves for our fiftieth anniversary,’ Mal breathed, ‘and now, if no one objects, I’d like to marry the woman I love in the company of the people who love her.’

‘Can we walk up there together?’ Avery slipped her hand in his and he smiled down at her.

‘I would have it no other way, habibti.’

Rafiq looked desperate. ‘But Your Highness, tradition states that the bride should be brought to the groom. That is how the marriage begins.’

‘Not this marriage.’ His voice was deep and sure. ‘This marriage begins the way it will continue. With the bride and groom side by side as equals. Are you ready?’

Avery smiled. ‘I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.’