Duke
What the fuck!
If I had any sense, I’d storm out of this hospital room and never look back, but when the reality settles into Charlotte’s eyes, I know I can’t allow her to go through this alone. I silently plead for Stacey to shut the hell up. Bargaining with a woman is useless. When broads are determined to do something, they do it and as remorseful as Stacey has been, she’s dying to spill the news.
“Jacob, would you like to take this one?” Stacey’s clenched fists pinch into her hips. A small bump presses against her tank top. Fuck.
“Now isn’t the time, Stacey.” I stand, ready to shield Charlotte from the inevitable.
“You did just tell me you fucked my ex-girlfriend, so why not expose the rest of this shit show, huh?” Jacob sneers. “Stacey, meet Charlotte Novak, my ex-girlfriend. Charlotte, meet Stacey St. James, the girl who’s carrying my baby.”
Charlotte chokes on the air. Her hand covers the tanned patch of skin below her neck. “Excuse me?” she squeaks, tugging on her earlobe. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.” Her sharp laugh, is not the cute giggle I’ve fallen in love with. No, this one is dangerous and capable of turning buildings into rubble. Charlotte’s glare wanders down to Stacey’s stomach. Her eyes widen, and as if she’s had a revelation, her face clears of all emotion. “You’re pregnant?”
Stacey leans against the bed, her eyes on her feet. “If it softens the blow, I didn’t know about you when we started...”
Charlotte lifts a trembling hand. “Trust me, it doesn’t.” She brushes her fingers under her eyes, clearing away the wetness.
I take a second to let the last three minutes soak into my brain.
Charlotte is crying, but I can’t quite figure out if it’s because she’s hurt by Jacob’s infidelity, or if this moment is too much for her, and nothing could hold in those large tears streaking down her cheeks.
“Charlotte,” Jacob whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s funny, because I was afraid of coming in here and telling you about Duke and me. This whole time, I’ve been worried about your feelings, and how you’d react. So much so, I didn’t even tell Duke. Even when I fell for him, I let him think he had betrayed you.” Charlotte paces. “And you’ve had some hussy walking around with your baby inside of her.”
“Hussy?” Stacey lunges at Charlotte. I grab her and pull her back, shaking my head in warning.
Charlotte’s stare is sinister. “Let’s be real. That’s what you are.”
A part of me wants to laugh when she rolls her eyes, but with the animosity in the room, I stifle my amusement.
“Charlotte, I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Jacob leans forward, reaching out to Charlotte who retreats from him.
“Yeah, well, I meant for this to happen, so I guess we’re even.” She thumbs the space between us. Ouch. Callous Charlotte is one not to be reckoned with. “Kudos to us for being monumental assholes.” She shifts her full, icy stare to me and Stacey. “Did you know about this?” Her eyes inspect where my hand rests on Stacey’s arm and then shift up to my face. I don’t need a mirror to know I have a dumbstruck expression.
This is the moment. It’s do or die. The old Duke would lie because it’s easier, but when Charlotte’s distant, scared eyes beg for the truth, even though she doesn’t truly want it, I can’t.
“I did.” I step towards her. “But let me explain.”
“You don’t need to.” She holds her hands in front of her and backs towards the door, nearly careening into Stacey. She apologizes, frantically glancing down at Stacey’s belly, and dries her eyes.
Charlotte’s looking for her escape and I can’t blame her. I’d give anything in this moment to disappear from this moment, act as if it never happened, and continue my life before she bulldozed through my heart and mind. It was easy back then, less complicated. Even with the knowledge, when her eyes skim over me, the exact parts of myself I’m always trying to keep hidden away, spill out towards her.
“You aren’t allowed to be mad at me when you failed to tell me you and Jacob broke up. You let me walk around thinking I’d destroyed your relationship, Charlotte. If anyone has the right to be mad, it’s me.”
“You’re right.” Charlotte shrugs, defeat in her eyes.
“Charlotte, please don’t go,” Jacob shouts. Once she runs from the room, he turns to me. “You never told her?” he questions. “Why not?”
Good fucking question.
“I’ve been cleaning up your mess since the accident, Jacob.” I sweep my arm at him lying helplessly in bed. “The pregnancy. The fallout from Ari. Everything, and for what?”
“What do you mean for what?”
“I’ve been protecting your ass from what the fallout could’ve been.” My voice thunders through the room, my anger finally coming to a boil. “You don’t love her, Jacob. If you did, you would’ve bolted from that damn hospital bed and killed me the second you heard about her and me, but you didn’t. You guys aren’t even together anymore.”
“You weren’t protecting me. You were protecting her.” His eyes shoot past me, where Charlotte escaped seconds ago. “Be honest with yourself. Don’t place the blame on me. She probably looked up at you with her beautiful blue eyes, and you had this innate instinct to protect her. Am I right, brother?”
“Fuck that. Don’t give me the brother bullshit. I did everything in my power to keep Charlotte out of this. You know he threatened her, right? Because of your decisions, I had to go fight, literally, to keep her safe. She has no idea about the other side of this mess.” I shoot angry glances between Jacob and Stacey.
Stacey watches our intense exchange, her hand on her stomach. She clears her throat, and the subtle sound reminds Jacob we aren’t alone.
“What’s going on?” Wes steps into the room. “Charlotte just told me to go fuck myself.” His eyes shift to each of us, but land on Stacey last. He assesses the situation with an angry grimace snarled on his face. “Let me guess, you got this chick knocked up, Duke, and ruined Charlotte’s plan to dump my brother and ride off into the sunset with you?”
“Surprisingly, I may not be the biggest asshole in the room. I know that’s hard to believe, Wes.” I challenge his unfound hatred. “Maybe you should talk to these two to get the truth and stop blaming me for whatever story you’ve cooked up in your head.” I push past Wes, shouldering him on my way out.
“Charlotte,” I call out.
Nurses and visitors stick their heads from rooms, looking for whoever is causing the commotion. I skirt around the corner to her frantically clicking the elevator down button.
My hand rests on her forearm, and I spin her around. Her tear-soaked cheeks break what little bit of me I have left after this exhausting day. My mouth opens to say something, but no words escape. Forming one coherent sentence seems impossible. I’ve hurt her.
But she hurt me, too.
“Charlotte, please,” I quake breathlessly, afraid it’s too late.
“How could you know about this and not tell me?” Her words are quiet but clear. I’ve disappointed her. The anguish on her face rips at my chest. “You know what?” Charlotte shakes her head. “Nothing you say can fix this, Duke. You lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie,” I state. “I just didn’t tell you, but you lied to me.”
“You could have saved me from this. I think that’s the worst part.” She swallows, lifts her chin, and boldly meets my gaze. “From the beginning, you had me convinced you were different. I fell for you, and the worst part is I don’t even know when it happened, Duke.” She sighs, scanning the space between us.
She flinches away from me. “I am different.” At least with you, I’m different.
“I may not know when it happened, but I know it did, because...” Her words fade, imprisoned in her throat. “I have to go,” she whispers.
She’s gone. Just like that. The elevator doors close on what may have been.
I race down three flights of stairs and bust through the door to an empty hallway. This isn’t how our story ends, not if I have anything to say about it. She was desperate to say something. It was right in front of me, in her eyes.
“Motherfucker.” I slam my fist into the lobby vending machine.
At this single moment in time, I have one option. Follow her. Like a tornado crashing through a field, looking for something to destroy, I’m not willing to turn my back and wait for the outcome. I’ll be the dumbass tree, swaying in the wind, crossing my limbs, and praying to stay rooted. She roots me.
I speed through the streets, violating every traffic law. Desperation claws at me to explain why we’re in this situation, and how I intend to fix the colossal mess we’ve made.
The tires squeal when I slam on the brakes and slip into an open parking spot. I leave the engine running and jump from the driver’s seat, racing up the sidewalk. A group of girls hold the door open for me. One locks eyes with me. My frantic demeanor has her eyes widening.
“Thank you,” I say, passing by her.
I’m eager and frenzied, ready to be in front of Charlotte and admit to fucking up. This game we’ve been playing has been flawed since the start. This isn’t a one-sided event. She fucked up too, though. She has her own explaining to do.
“Open up, Charlotte,” I shout through the door. “Please.” I bang a closed fist against the metal. “I can explain everything.” No answer. With an ear to the door, I listen. There is no sign of life. “I saw your ridiculous, sensible car parked out front. I know you’re here.” I take a deep breath before I thump my hand against the door one last time. “Please, Charlotte.”
Still no answer.
I sink to the floor, the wall my pillow. Sometime after I find a comfortable spot, my phone vibrates. Caller ID shows my parents’ number. It could be Dee. She’d know what to do, but I don’t have energy for anyone other than the impossible girl hiding behind the door. I click ignore and shove it back into my pocket.
Sometime after midnight, footsteps settle beside me. A body lowers to the floor. Without turning my head, I know it’s not Charlotte. The perfume is all wrong.
“How long you plan on sitting out here?” Rachel asks. Her legs extend in front of her.
“How long do you think she’ll stay in there? Days? Weeks?” I question. Rachel nods with understanding.
“We’re talking about Charlotte. She’s rational and poised.” Her admiration is evident in her smile. “Charlotte’s also resourceful, so it’s possible she could be in there for weeks.” We both laugh at her joke, knowing it’s true.
I duck my head against my knees. “I fucked up.”
“Let’s make something clear. You fucked up a long time ago,” she says. “She also fucked up by not telling you about her and Jacob.”
“How do I fix this?” Stress pulls at the muscles of my neck. Rachel’s eyes soften. “I mean, can we fix this?”
“I think I can help.” Her hand stretches for mine, and she pulls me to my feet. When I go to step inside the unlocked apartment, her palm on my chest halts my steps. “No, I won’t let you in. Say what you need to say. She can hear you. She’s on the couch. She’ll make her own decisions if she’s ready to say her own peace.”
I’m not sure why Rachel is throwing me this bone, but this may be my only chance to clear the weight from my chest.
“Charlotte,” I call out. “I don’t know if you can hear me. God, I hope you can hear me.” I rest my head against the frame. “I’m sorry. I am. I should’ve told you. I knew how bad it would hurt you.” I couldn’t stand to see her in pain and now all I have left is guilt for keeping it from her. “But you should’ve told me too. Most of this heartache could have been prevented.” I step away and pace in front of the doorway.
Rachel’s eyebrows sink together. “Is that all you are going to say?”
“What else am I going to say?” I sigh. There is so much more I could say. Do I lay it all out right now? Or save myself from embarrassment and keep it locked away. Go big or go home, I guess. “Should I say she’s gotten under my skin? Burrowed so deep I can’t stop thinking about her? She challenges me and tests me, and usually that simple fact would drive me away, but instead, I find myself wanting to scoot closer. Soak up every word she says. Is that what you want me to say?”
“If it’s the truth, then yes.” Rachel’s head dips a quick nod.
“Every. Damn. Word.”
“Did you hear all of that?” Rachel opens the door fully, and I jerk my glance to meet Charlotte’s eyes as they penetrate me through the darkened apartment.
“I did,” she whispers through a deep breath. “Now, Rachel, please make him leave.”
I shift, needing one last glimpse at Charlotte before the door slams in my face. Rachel avoids eye contact until the last second. Even through one eye, it says it all. This shit is over with.
The clink of the deadbolt sounds like my own personal jail cell locking me behind the bars. No blame is placed on anyone but Charlotte and me.
I’m almost to the exit when I hear bare feet padding on carpeted floor.
“Duke,” Charlotte calls out, and eagerly, I turn to see her jogging towards me. Maybe all isn’t lost. Her arms wrap around me, and like a habit, mine blanket her shoulders. We hold onto each other like we are afraid the other will vanish into thin air. My hand rests on the top of her head, my thumb circling along her loose strands of hair. “I’m sorry, too.”
Charlotte pushes away from me and jets back into the apartment. Her words have a finality to them. When her warmth wears off, for the first time, I know what it feels like to lose something I’ve never had before.