CHAPTER 76
TIGHTENED MY HOLD on their pants. Siler and White both stepped forward and pulled me along with them. Teamwork all the way.
Dumped the rolling purse well to the side so it wouldn’t fall out and I wouldn’t lose it and took a look around. What I was seeing wasn’t what I’d expected.
There were five rounded domes that, frankly, looked like honeycombs. There were five Themnir slowly walking around the room pooping out large pellets. And there were a heck of a lot of people in gas masks fighting each other. One set in gas masks had Jeff and Chuckie—who were in what looked like airplane breathing masks—and one set was trying to get Jeff and Chuckie away from the other set. All of them were in black and there were too many to count quickly. Fantastic.
“Everyone else first,” White shouted as Mahin’s dust devil flew into the room and encircled everything. “Remember the goal.”
Went to the nearest dome and knocked as “Hello Kitty” by Avril Lavigne came on. Algar was batting a thousand in terms of “hilarious” musical choices. “Hello? Good guys are here to do a rescue.” Nothing. Knocked harder. “First Lady of the United States here. Are you guys alive in there or do I have to break this down?”
A hole opened at what looked to be about head height. Waved. Nothing. “I’m in a gas mask so I don’t die.”
“Prove who you are,” a voice called. Was pretty sure that voice belonged to Raj.
“You joined our team during Operation Sherlock. If that’s you, Raj. And if it’s not, we’re trying to rescue all of you and you’re not exactly cooperating. Mahin’s creating a dust devil to hide our escape and Abby’s going to shield everyone.” I hoped.
The dome lifted. It was indeed Raj. “Kitty?”
“In the gas-masked flesh. Stop talking, we need to get you all out of here.”
Raj looked around. “The Themnir are handling the gas.” He winced against the flying dirt. “How are you getting us out of here? The way is blocked and the elevators are shut down.”
“We have a gate.” I sincerely hoped.
“Great. Where?”
“Um, on the window washing rig that’s hanging right outside. We came in through the window.”
Raj nodded and turned around to face the people huddled near to a Lyssara. “It’s definitely her, ladies and gentlemen. Follow me, please, quickly, but no pushing or shoving.”
“They’re landing in Dulce.” I really and sincerely hoped.
Saw a shield shimmer around us, creating a tunnel that the dust went around, so it was easy to make it through. Decided no one was dying and I was hot in the gas mask. Took it off and clipped it to my belt. Saw Raj relax, as much as one could under the circumstances. Took the arm of the first person who came forward, who happened to be the old ayatollah who’d essentially helped me sell World Unity to everyone. “Glad you’re okay, sir.”
“I as well. May Allah and whoever else shower blessings on you.”
Helped him to the window. Could see the floater gate shimmering at the back part of the rig. The girls were standing as close to the window side as they could. And they couldn’t help him on, because they were concentrating and holding on themselves.
“Draw the Line” by Aerosmith came on. Knew what I had to do, and it was less scary with my boys in my ears. Did my best to plant my left foot and put my right onto the rig. Raj ran over and did the same on the other side of the doorway. We helped the old ayatollah to do the jump.
“Walk straight ahead,” I told him. “Don’t hesitate, head for the back railing.”
“But there is nothing there.”
Said the only thing I figured would work. “Have faith in God.”
He nodded, then stepped forward as requested. He did the slow fade. Looked to help the next person, but everyone was hanging back. “Chop, chop, folks,” I shouted. “Time’s a wastin’. Movin’, movin’, movin’, let’s keep all you doggies moving. Like right now. Move ’em out, head ’em up, cut ’em out, ride ’em in, Rawhide. Keep the line moving quickly, people, you’re the first set we’re getting out. There are hundreds of people waiting. Move ’em out, Rawhide.”
The Rawhide theme seemed to resonate for whatever reason. It earned a few chuckles, which somehow turned to laughter. Suddenly we were a fun party experience instead of a Terror Trip to Death. Whatever worked.
Was thankful Raj was here to help, because it was hard to keep my balance. The rig moved every time someone stepped on it and both Raj and I had to regroup more than once. Algar did me a solid and kept up a stream of Aerosmith, treating me to “Walking the Dog,” “Walk This Way,” “Get the Lead Out,” and the “Dulcimer Stomp/The Other Side” combo. But finally all from that dome were through the floater, including the Lyssara.
White had gotten through to his group, which included Mr. Joel Oliver. “Good to see you, Madame First Lady,” he said as he led his group over and White took my place.
“Good to be seen, MJO. I’d ask what the hell’s going on, but I figure we don’t have the time.”
“Indeed.” He smiled at me and then stepped through the gate. The rest of his dome fell into line. Noted that there were what looked like restaurant staff in this group, too. My music changed to David Bowie’s “All The Young Dudes” and I got the hint. Time to move it.
Put my gas mask back on. “Remember, everyone out, even A-Cs. No one gets to hang out and try to help at this time. Abby, I need out of the shield!” Left Raj and White as soon as I saw an opening in the shield. Ran through and went to find another dome.
Found the one with Siler outside of it. “No one will open up to me,” he said, sounding understandably pissed.
“Yeah, they’re freaked. Go see if you can figure out who’s who and get Jeff and Chuckie to safety.” He nodded and went off and I knocked on the dome. “This is the First Lady. Open up, we’re trying to rescue you and it’s hard to do if you won’t let us.” Nothing. Knocked again. “Gang, seriously, time’s wasting.” Nada.
Had to figure there wasn’t someone on my team in this dome. Decided they could wait for later, especially when “Next In Line” by Meese came on my airwaves. Left to search for another dome.
Found one after too much staggering around in the dust and far too much Themnir Poop Avoidance. Had to give the dust storm idea this—if Cliff or his team were watching, they wouldn’t be able to see what was going on.
Knocked on this dome as “Slow Motion” by Lifehouse lit up my musical life while simultaneously sharing that Algar wanted us all to speed up. Managed not to mention aloud that I was moving as fast as I could, I wasn’t the holdup, and if he was that impatient he could come down here and help. “First Lady Rescue Services. Open up, we’re really behind schedule on this rescue mission.”
Another peephole opened up. The Lyssara had some cool skills. “Identify yourself.”
Excellent. Knew this voice, too. “Manfred, it’s me, saving you yet again from a container you find yourself in.”
The dome lifted. “Kitty?”
The shield tunnel surrounded us. Took off the gas mask. “Yes. Let’s hoof it, gang. This is taking too long and I still have a lot of people left to rescue.”
Manfred and I hustled everyone over to the window. His group seemed far happier to be moving quickly. Manfred spelled Raj with the Extreme Sports Straddling Competition, White gave Raj his gas mask, and the two of us headed off for the dome that wouldn’t open up for me, Elton John’s “Whenever You’re Ready (We’ll Go Steady Again)” providing this section of my theme music and proving that Algar, like ACE, was definitely willing to listen to my thoughts along with my words.
Raj managed to convince them he wasn’t a bad guy, presumably because the Lyssara who was creating the dome recognized him, since the dome lifted without a peephole experience. Had Raj lead them and jumped away just before the shield tunnel started.
Found the last dome and did the knock and identify thing as “Agent Green” by Megadeth came on. The peephole opened and, thanks to the music, I was prepared for who was behind the dome this time—Evalyne, whose last name was Green and who asked for identification. “Aren’t you glad that I don’t ever listen to you guys? I mean, right now, not all the time.”
“It’s her,” Evalyne said. The dome lifted and she grabbed me. “Jeff and Charles are in danger.”
“Everyone’s in danger.” The shield tunnel arrived, I took off the gas mask, and we headed everyone toward the window.
“No, I mean they were singled out specifically to not die here with the rest of us. Some people in gas masks just like yours came in with guns. They killed the camera crew and took their equipment. Then they demanded Jeff and Charles, who went with them to avoid more bloodshed. But before they could leave, more people in gas masks came in and they all started fighting.”
“Fantastic.” Hadn’t noted nor stumbled upon the dead camera team. More dead people caught in Cliff’s crossfire. Realized I hadn’t been really angry yet, just focused, but the murder of innocents seemed to get the old Rage embers sparking. We stopped near to the window and ushered everyone ahead of us. Phoebe nodded to us and took over leading the others.
“While that was happening, we got a voiceover from Cliff Goodman, sharing that we were all idiots and going to die a horrific death so that he could take over the world. He even cackled. Several times. He released phosgene, which is the deadliest gas in existence.”
“Good lord.”
“Yeah. We’d all be dead if not for the Themnir and Lyssara.”
“Um, as to that—can you explain why we have Themnir poop all over?”
“Yes. They can absorb any gas through their skins and then excrete it into pellets that are coated so they contain the gas and are nontoxic as long as they aren’t breached.”
“So, no stepping on Themnir poop, I was already doing that, well done me. I’m going to assume that Siler is as careful because he’s never struck me as a step-in-poop-indiscriminately kind of guy. How do the Themnir not suck up oxygen?”
“Well, it’s how they breathe as well, so they bring in the good gasses and bad gasses at the same time, then their bodies separate the good, which goes to their lungs or whatever, and the bad, which goes to their alimentary tract or whatever they have. Their planet is very gaseous as well as lush.”
“Amazing. And thank God Jeff chose to bring them along to this. Does Cliff know what’s going on?”
“I think so—the dust didn’t start until you arrived. And he was yelling at us for hiding from him. The Lyssara create those honeycomb shelters to protect themselves and their young from various predatory attacks and natural disasters. So, even if we hadn’t had the Themnir, the Lyssara felt their combs would have kept the poisons out.”
“Wow, go Team New Aliens.”
“Yes. The combs don’t protect against the Aicirtap.” Evalyne shuddered. “There are three more spaceship Combs on the way. And those contain the last of the Lyssara.”
“Fantastic. Well, at least, after this, I think they’ll be welcomed here. You know, if we survive the Aicirtap and all that jazz. By the way, is it just me, or do you think Cliff is getting all his career advice from watching Pinky and the Brain, too? I mean that seriously—his plans are baroque and, quite frankly, seem to have been created by a crazed laboratory mouse.”
Algar apparently agreed with my take on Cliff, as he treated me to the Pinky and the Brain theme song. Wondered if he was going to give me more theme songs. Wasn’t like I had all of them ever written. Just the ones I liked. Which were a lot, as I thought of it. Chose to focus on the moment. Seemed like a wiser choice for my own personal sanity.
Evalyne laughed and hugged me. “I love working for you, even though most of the time you do my job for me.”
“Yeah? Let’s see how you feel about it when you get to make the window washing rig leap.” It was Evalyne’s turn to go.
“Remember that he’ll have a backup plan,” she said as she took Manfred’s hand. “I have no idea what it is, Cliff didn’t say anything about it, but if he wants Jeff and Charles, then he has something else planned.” She swallowed. “We couldn’t protect the President. He wouldn’t let us.”
“I know. Go back to calling him Jeff. Not because you’re fired or anything, but because that’s the better way to think of him. Because there’s never going to be a time when he’s going to say that his life is more important than yours. I won’t say that, either.”
She kissed my cheek. “That’s why we’re all willing to take the bullets for you two, though. Not just because it’s our jobs. But because we all know you both mean that.” White took her other hand and they sent her through the gate.
“We have the five Themnir still to rescue, so to speak, dead civilians somewhere whose bodies I want to get out of here, and I think we still have a fight going on that centers on Jeff and Chuckie. Mahin, I think you can stop the dust storm, but Abby, be ready with the shield. Manfred, Raj, Mister White, with me. Avoid stepping on Themnir poop, it’s storing all the bad gas.”
With that I turned and headed back to get my men, with the theme song from The A-Team playing.