“I’m telling you, she’s barely said a word to me and it’s been two days.” Reeve sighed and put his head in his hands. He was in the med center for a mandatory check up ordered by Commander Sylvan, who wanted to be certain his prolonged absence from his own body hadn’t had any detrimental effects. But it was Olivia he was talking to as she took his vitals. Somehow she was easier to confide in than Commander Sylvan, no matter how understanding the other male was.
Olivia tsked sympathetically.
“Didn’t you say she thinks she killed her husband? That’s a lot to get over, Reeve. She probably needs some counseling.”
“I do think she needs some kind of medical attention,” Reeve admitted in a low voice. “I’m afraid that bastard Harryx hurt her somehow before I could get back to her. But she won’t tell me anything about it.”
“You think he raped her again?” Olivia asked in a low voice.
“I don’t know.” Reeve ran a hand over his face and winced at the twinge in his shoulder. The little Tolleg surgeon they had aboard the Mother Ship had done an excellent job patching him up but his arm was still going to be sore for some time where Harryx had stabbed him. “I don’t know,” he repeated. “She won’t tell me anything.”
“Maybe she would talk to another woman,” Olivia suggested. “Do you want to bring her by the med center and let me have a try?”
“Would you?” Reeve asked. “I just feel like…” He shook his head. “Like she’s shutting me out because she’s afraid of me. So maybe she would talk to you.”
“You Kindred are big guys,” Olivia said, frowning. “That can be really intimidating—especially since she just got out of an abusive relationship.”
“It’s just…we were so close right before I got kicked out of Harryx’s body.” Reeve ran a hand through his hair. “She…she told me she loved me. And I wanted so damn badly to tell her who I really was—that is wasn’t her bastard of a husband who was loving her. That it was me.”
“It’s just going to take her some time to get used to you in your own body. And in the meantime, she needs to talk to someone who looks a little more non-threatening.” Olivia tucked away the equipment she’d been using to measure his vitals and nodded at the door. “Go get her and bring her here, Reeve. Let’s see if she’ll talk to me.”
“All right.” He slid off the table and put his shirt back on. “It might take me a while to convince her to come see you,” he said cautiously.
Olivia shrugged. “My shift isn’t up for another four hours—take your time. I’ll be here.”
“I’ll bring her. Olivia, I…” Reeve wished he could show her somehow how very much he appreciated her help and understanding. He would have hugged her but it wasn’t really proper to hug anther warrior’s wife in that way and she smelled strongly of Baird’s bonding scent, which acted as a natural deterrent to close physical contact anyway. At last he offered her his arm for a warrior’s clasp.
Grinning a little, Olivia took it.
“What’s this for?”
“I just wanted to thank you,” Reeve said gravely. “For not judging me for what I am…for listening to me talk about Nallah. And for being willing to help the woman I love. Thank you, Olivia—you are an excellent nurse and a wonderful person.”
“Oh, now…” Suddenly her eyes were bright with tears. “Look what you made me do!” she exclaimed, sniffing and swiping at her eyes.
Reeve was concerned. “Did I upset you in some way?”
“No—these are tears of happiness. What you said just…just really touched me.” Olivia smiled through her tears. “Go on—go get Nallah and let’s see if we can help her.”
“I will.” Reeve hesitated a moment, wanting to make certain she was all right but she smiled and made a shooing motion with one hand.
Her tears seemed so natural—so spontaneous. It made him think of how Nallah had not been allowed even to cry around a man on Hascion Five, even if she was in pain. What a contrast with Olivia who had been raised to be comfortable showing her emotions!
I want Nallah to feel that around me, he thought, taking his leave of the med center and making his way back to the guest suite he was sharing with Nallah. They slept in separate bedrooms but at least he was able to keep her close that way. I want her to be able to be herself and feel free to show her emotions without fear.
But would they ever get there? She still seemed so frightened and secretive, Reeve had begun wondering if she would ever warm to him. Still, maybe Olivia could help her and he’d been wanting to get Nallah checked out by a medical professional for some time anyway.
The trick would be getting her to agree to go to the med center. With a silent prayer to the Goddess that he could convince her to go, he let himself into their suite.
* * * * *
Nallah looked at herself in the 3-D viewer and tried not to cry. The cuts Harryx had made on her cheeks with the shrive hadn’t been very deep—they were almost completely healed by now. But they had scarred horribly, leaving three parallel ridges of raised, reddish-purple scar tissue on either side of her face.
I’m so ugly now. Her eyes filled with tears though she tried to hold them back. What was she going to do when Reeve found out her looks had been ruined? He’d been letting her keep to herself for the past several days but that couldn’t last forever. A man didn’t get himself a new wife and never want to use her sexually. Eventually he would want to see her without her veil and then—
“Nallah, sweetheart? You in here?”
His voice scared her so badly she let out a gasp. Her veil? Where was her veil? She hadn’t even closed the necessary room door! Reeve had said he would be gone for a while so she had assumed she would have some extended time to herself.
Frantically she looked around herself but she couldn’t find the veil anywhere! What was she going to do?
“Nallah?” It was Reeve, poking his head through the doorway of the necessary room. Probably he thought it was all right to come in since she’d stupidly left the door open.
Her gaze met his and she saw his midnight black eyes widen.
Oh, no!
Quickly, Nallah reached for a fold of her robe and pulled it across her face, trying to hide her ruined features. But Reeve was already striding into the room, his own face like a thundercloud.
“I knew it!” he exclaimed. “I knew he hurt you!”
Nallah shrank back, away from him, still holding the fold of fabric over the lower half of her face. Oh, if only she hadn’t mislaid her veil! If only she’d thought to close and lock the necessary room door!
“Please,” she whispered. “Oh, please…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He was looming over her now, a scowl on his dark face. “Nallah, why didn’t you say something when I asked if that bastard had hurt you?”
“I…I’m sorry,” she faltered. Tears of fear and exhaustion rose in her eyes but somehow she managed not to shed them. She was so tired of hiding this awful secret and now it was out. What would he do to her? “I…I know I’m ugly now,” she whispered. “I didn’t want you to know.”
“Ugly? Is that what you think?” Reeve looked genuinely surprised and upset. Gently, he tugged at her hand, getting her to let go of the fold of cloth that covered her ruined face. “You’re not ugly, baby.” His voice was low and harsh, charged with emotion. “Never think that. Never.”
“But it’s true.” Nallah raised her eyes to his again and then dropped her gaze, unable to look into those dark eyes she’d once thought were her husband’s. “I suppose you’ll want to get rid of me now—send me back to Hascion Five,” she said in a low voice. “Or maybe…maybe punish me.” Her eyes flicked up to his. “The way…the way Harryx used to.”
His response was immediate and emphatic.
“Never! I’ll never do that to you, baby. I know what ‘punishment’ means on your damn planet—it’s nothing but rape. How could you think I’d do that to you?”
“Rape?” She looked up at him, uncomprehending. “What…what does that mean?”
“Taking someone sexually against their will. I saw…” He swallowed, his throat moving convulsively. “I saw what Harryx used to do to you—saw it in his memories. That was rape, Nallah. You weren’t asked and you sure as hell weren’t treated gently or with any respect or care. How could you think I’d do that to you?”
“Because…that is how a man treats a woman who disobeys him,” Nallah whispered. “Who lies to him as I lied to you when I told you I was all right…undamaged.”
“I’ll never treat you like that,” Reeve swore, his voice low and passionate. “And I wasn’t asking if you were hurt because I wanted to be sure I was getting some perfect package when I took you off Hascion Five. I was asking because I was worried about you.”
“I…I am sorry if I misunderstood you my…Reeve,” she ended weakly, uncertain as always what to call him.
He had said she could use his name and he hadn’t specifically taken her as his wife yet so she couldn’t really call him “husband.” But it seemed wrong not to have a title to call him—a term of respect she could apply to the new man in her life. If he stayed in her life and let her stay in his, now that he had found out her secret.
“So…you say you will not take me back to Hascion Five or…or punish me,” she said haltingly. “What…what will you do with me, Reeve?”
He took a step closer and cupped her scarred cheeks in his hands. Looking down into her eyes, he murmured,
“I’ll heal you, baby—if I can. And if not, I’ll love you anyway. Because you’re beautiful, always beautiful to me.”
Nallah felt tears rising in her eyes again—a different kind of tears from the ones of fear and pain she’d blinked back earlier. She tried not to let them fall but she couldn’t help it…they spilled over her cheeks…over his fingers as he held her so tenderly.
“I…I’m sorry,” she whispered brokenly. “I don’t mean to…to be crying.”
“It’s all right, sweetheart.” He gathered her to him and stroked her trembling shoulders. “Cry if you need to. Let it out. Just let it all out.”
Just as she had back on Hascion Five, Nallah found herself sobbing against his broad chest. Reeve didn’t seem to mind. He stroked her trembling shoulders and murmured in her ear that it was all right, that everything was going to be okay…
It was so different from when he had held her while he was in the body of Harryx…and yet it was wonderful. This was the first time she’d allowed herself to be close to Reeve in his true form—the first time she’d felt his long, strong arms wrapped around her and it felt good…felt right.
Pressing her face to his chest, Nallah breathed him in. He had a spicy, dark masculine scent that seemed to fill her senses and calm her. As good as it had felt to have him hold her while he was still in Harryx’s body, he had never had that scent before—probably because Harryx hadn’t had it. Her husband had always smelled rather bland to Nallah—the few times she’d gotten close enough to smell him. He had mostly kept her at an arm’s length for their entire marriage.
Reeve, on the other hand, seemed to want to keep her close. He stroked her hair and shoulders and held her securely, telling her without words that he was there for her, that he would keep her safe.
At last, Nallah began to feel calmer. She swiped at her eyes and looked up at the stranger who was no longer a stranger, holding her in his arms.
“I’m sorry my…Reeve,” she whispered. “I should have known you would be different from Harryx. You always were when you were in his body. It’s just…you treat me as no other man has ever treated me. As I have never seen any other man treat a woman.”
“I just want to treat you with love and respect, baby.” He leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead. “I just want to be here for you and help you heal.”
“Do…” Nallah looked at him, almost afraid to hope. “Do you think you can heal me? Of…of these?” She motioned to her cheeks hesitantly.
Reeve looked at her seriously.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But we can try. And I want you to know, I won’t feel any differently about you even if we can’t. Do you want to come to the med center with me?”
“Yes.” Nallah nodded and bit her lip. “But…can I put on my veil first? I cannot help feeling that I am one of the Disgraced and I don’t want anyone to see my shame.”
“You can do whatever makes you feel comfortable,” Reeve said gently. “Just let me know when you’re ready. My friend, Olivia, is waiting to have a look at you.”
Nallah’s eyes widened. “You have female doctors here?”
“Women can pretty much hold any position they want aboard the Mother Ship,” Reeve told her. “But as it happens, Olivia is a nurse. A good one—I think you’ll like her.”
“All right.” Nallah nodded. “I’ll go with you to see her. And Reeve…” She looked up at him shyly. “Thank you for not…for not being like Harryx. Or any other man on Hascion Five, for that matter.”
He didn’t answer with words. Instead, he kissed her gently on one scarred cheek and looked into her eyes. For a long moment Nallah found herself lost in that midnight gaze. Her breathing began to grow short and she felt her heart hammering. Why was she feeling like this? It reminded her of the way she’d felt at the Temple of the God-King after the Ritual. At first she had been so nervous and anxious and unhappy but by the end, Reeve had made her feel completely different.
He made me aroused, she thought, biting her lip. He made me want him.
Was she wanting him now? He looked so different from the men of her home world with his bronze skin and dark hair and eyes. But his face was handsome, despite the scar over the bridge of his nose or maybe because of it. Handsome and serious and full of love for her.
Now isn’t the time, Nallah told herself, still feeling breathless. But she wondered if the time would come soon—the time to think about what she and Reeve might be to each other now that she knew him in his own body.
“Well, I am afraid these scars are very bad. Yes they are, yes they are.” Yipper, the Tolleg surgeon whom Olivia said looked like a cross between a monkey and a hound dog shook his head gravely until his long ears flopped from side to side. ,
“Oh dear. I was afraid of that.” Olivia looked worried. After doing a physical exam on Nallah, she had taken a look at the scars and declared that they needed a surgical consult. The little Tolleg had been brought in to examine Nallah, who was watching him with wide eyes, having never seen anyone like him before.
“Is there anything you can do?” Reeve asked quietly. “Nallah is beautiful to me no matter what but these scars…they bother her. A lot.”
Nallah’s eyes flicked up to his and down again but in their golden depths Reeve had seen a lot of emotion. He sent a fierce, silent prayer to the Goddess that the Tolleg surgeon could help them.
Please don’t let that bastard Harryx have the last word—don’t let his last act scar Nallah for life. She deserves so much more than that! Even though she’ll always be beautiful to me, she deserves to feel beautiful for herself too.
He heard no answer but then he had to switch his attention to Yipper, who was talking again.
“I could, of course, replace the skin of her cheeks with vat-grown skin and do a graft. Yes I could, yes I could,” the little Tolleg said thoughtfully. “But she might lose some sensitivity and feeling if I do that.”
“Vat-grown skin?” Nallah sounded faintly horrified.
“Yes indeed, yes indeed.” Yipper nodded vigorously, making his ears flop again. “It would look nice and smooth but it might not feel nice.”
“Is there any other option we could try?” Reeve asked. Plainly Nallah didn’t like the idea of artificial skin-grafts and he didn’t blame her.
“Well…” Yipper frowned and looked at Reeve. “Have you had the healing compound, Commander Reeve?”
“The what?” Reeve frowned.
“Oh, the healing compound!” Olivia snapped her fingers. “Of course—why didn’t I think of that?” She turned to Reeve. “It’s a compound developed here aboard the Mother Ship that’s kind of based on a Blood Kindred’s natural ability to heal his mate from small wounds.”
“Small wounds?” Reeve didn’t want to say it but the scars on Nallah’s face were anything but small. Harryx had been doing as much damage as he could when he drew that damn shrive across her face.
“We have had some success with healing scars too. Yes we have, yes we have!” Yipper said eagerly. “Would you like to try it?”
Reeve looked at Nallah who still appeared confused.
“I…don’t understand,” she said haltingly. She had taken a dose of the translation bacteria when she first came aboard but she had confessed to Reeve that she still found some terms and phrasing of English confusing.
“What do you not understand, hon?” Olivia was instantly attentive. “Just tell us and we’ll try to explain.”
“This…compound.” Nallah shook her head. “Does it…do you rub it on my skin or—”
“Oh, no, no!” Yipper exclaimed. “The compound is not for you—no it isn’t, no it isn’t. It’s for him.” He pointed at Reeve. “He will drink it and then his body will make chemicals that can heal yours. Yes it will, yes it will.”
“But…how?” Nallah shook her head. “How will Reeve heal me?”
“By licking,” Olivia said. “The healing compound will allow his body to make chemicals to heal yours which will appear in his saliva and other body fluids. He’ll lick your cheeks and hopefully…” She made a little gesture with her palms up. “Hopefully it will heal your scars.”
Reeve could tell that Nallah was skeptical about the whole thing—he felt more than a little skeptical himself. After all, he’d never heard of any other kind of Kindred other than Blood Kindred who could heal their mates and that was only because they made essence—a liquid which came from their fangs and was injected into a mate when they bit her during sex.
But at this point, he was willing to try anything.
“I’ll take it,” he said to Yipper and then looked at Nallah. “If…you want me to.”
“Do you want to, oh my…Reeve,” she asked. “Do you mind…trying to heal me?”
“Of course not.” Reeve took one of her small hands in his and looked earnestly into her eyes. “I want to help you, baby—want to heal you if I can.”
Nallah’s face went pink and she bit her lip shyly.
“Then…I would like very much to be healed by you, Reeve.”
“Excellent! I will get you a dose of the compound. Yes I will, yes I will,” Yipper said excitedly. As he scampered off to his lab, Reeve smiled at Olivia.
“Thank you for bringing in Yipper to consult with Nallah and me.”
She smiled. “I just hope the compound works for you.”
“I hope so too,” Nallah said softly, looking at Reeve. Seeing the trust in her golden eyes, he felt his heart swell.
Goddess, he prayed. Let the compound work. Let me be able to heal the woman I love.