I didn’t fight or try to understand exactly what was happening this time when I emerged from the darkness to feel the sensations of time travel. I didn’t care. Whether or not he meant to, Carter had destroyed me with the last trip through time. The Old West softened me up, and the Mongol Empire smashed my heart into a million fragments.

My thoughts were on Batu, on the raw pain of learning who he was and the knowledge I’d never see him again. My only solace – knowing he had a shot at a normal life. Hopefully. At the very least, he was going to live. Carter had sworn as much.

The final boom hit, and the intolerable heat reached its peak. The sense of floating began to subside.

I waited for the cool touch of the outside world of wherever Carter had sent me to begin to dispel the heat. I wasn’t anxious at all to open my eyes and see where I was. In fact, I was half tempted to just lay there and see what –

Freezing water swallowed me, jarring my senses. I freaked out. My eyes opened, but all I could see was darkness, and water flooded my mouth and into my nose. Panicking, I kicked my legs and clawed at the liquid around me. My fingertips were numb already and coldness touched my bones.

I broke free of the water and coughed, sucking in deep breaths of air laced with sea spray. It was salt water, and fear shot through me.

If Carter dropped me into an ocean …

“Over there!”

Thank god. I bobbed, at the mercy of tall waves that tugged me under, released me, then smacked the back of my head. Stars were bright in the velvety night sky above, and I struggled as my limbs quickly grew numb. I was shaking and cold.

A lantern attached to the bow of a small boat morphed out of the darkness, headed towards me. “I’m … here!” I shouted. The waves pulled me under, and I barely had the strength to kick back to the surface.

Someone grabbed me by the back of my neck and dragged me roughly over the edge of the rowboat and dropped me into the bottom. I strained to catch my breath and blinked away water to determine what I could about where I was.

“You are far out for a night swim,” a male voice said.

The other two men in the rowboat laughed.

The face of the speaker leaned over me. He was a large man with pale skin, long, dark hair and blue eyes that glinted silver in the moon. He wore little more than a fur-lined vest and leather pants despite the cold night and flung a blanket of fur over my shaking body.

I was going to freeze to death. I just knew it.

“Jorgensen, who swims so far out at this time of night?” someone shouted from nearby.

“A brave soul!” The dark-haired man named Jorgensen said in approval. “One of our women, no doubt to impress her man.”

Whatever. Even if I could respond, I wouldn’t. As it was, I was far too cold to attempt to speak through my chattering teeth. I tasted blood and assumed I’d bitten my tongue but couldn’t feel it.

The bow of a massive, wooden ship came into sight above my head, and I struggled to sit, taking in the dress of the blond and brown haired men peering over the edges and the size and make of the ship.

Vikings. It was yet another era I knew nothing about, and I stared at it, cursing Carter for not sending me somewhere civilized and warm, like Greece or Rome or something.

“You are a brave girl,” Jorgensen said. “But you should not swim so far if you cannot make it back.”

“Tell me, woman, who is your man? Where is he this night?” another called from the ship.

They were staring at me, waiting for my response. I huddled into the fur-lined blanket irritated and cold. “I don’t need a man,” I proclaimed. “I’m perfectly capable of swimming wherever I want and rescuing myself.”

And in that moment, I knew I meant it. I was done being reliant upon anyone for survival, and I would never, ever again risk my heart, my sanity or my health for anyone else.

“You have no man,” Jorgensen assessed. “But you are old enough you should have been wedded at least once. Are you a widow?”

Ugh. I didn’t think it was any of his business, and I didn’t like the reminder that yes, I was a widow – twice over.

“Yes,” I replied. “I am.”

“You seek to impress Odin this night?” someone else joked.

I didn’t want to impress anyone. I wanted to be left alone forever to wallow in my misery.

But self-pity wasn’t in my personality, and I was already looking around out of curiosity at my new surroundings. The rowboat bumped against the warship while Jorgensen and a blond man on the ship spoke. I wiped my face, desperate to get out of the soaking clothing to warm up but not about to strip around a group of strange men who probably didn’t have twenty first century morals about naked women in their midst.

I was going into this experience with a completely different mindset, one as cold as the waters of wherever I was. No attachments, no love, no happiness, no hope for a happy ending.

I hurt too much to take a chance on anyone ever again. A familiar sense hit me, one I hadn’t yet experienced traveling back in time.

Scooting over, I leaned over the side of the boat and threw up. I wasn’t able to see if it was black like my vomit was when I went forward in time. I had the headache of traveling to the past but had yet to throw up. My stomach was empty, and I dry heaved for a few minutes.

Jorgensen grunted as he sat on the bench nearest me. “Olaf, take us back to the village. Our wayward swimmer needs warmth.” His gaze fell to me.

I pushed myself up from the edge of the boat.

“Do you have your own hearth or are you in need of one?” he asked.

“In need of one.”

“You are recently widowed then.” He was studying me. “I know a man who will want to speak to you.”

Oh, god. Here we go. I sighed and turned my gaze to the sky. Bring it, Carter and the universe. I had no choice but to find a way to deal with whatever mess I’d been dropped into.

I missed Batu already. Fighting back tears, I did what he had taught me and practiced grounding my senses in the present. Lanterns glowed in the windows of wooden homes with thatched roofs lining the bay of a small port. The sea air smelled of fish and salt, and the gentle rocking of waves bumping the boat helped ease some of my fear. Carter swore he’d put me somewhere safe. I didn’t quite know for certain where I was or how I was going to be safe around Vikings known for pillaging and burning down whole villages, but I had learned a few things about surviving over the past two adventures.

I was going to make it through this, if not with Carter’s help, then because if I had learned anything, it was that I was strong enough to do it. Although … I’d trade everything I’d done and everything I was to return to the steppes and spend my life with Batu.

Whenever you are, I love you, Batu. Raw and hurting once more, I willed the words into the universe and hoped they’d find him.

The men rowed to a dock, and I prepared myself mentally for my next challenge as much as I could. No matter what, I had to survive. I had to discover what Carter’s end game was.

It was all that mattered now that he had taken everyone else from me.

That and finding a way to beat him at this twisted game.