I refused to wait in Caspian’s room. I was too hurt, angry, and scared to do what anyone wanted me to do. I needed to leave, yet I wasn’t even sure how that could be possible. More than likely I’d get caught and killed. Before I faced that fate I needed to see him one more time. But it wouldn’t be in his room. I’d do it on my own terms. And I’d pretend everything was okay just long enough to meet with Dr. Graham one more time and see what kind of chance I had.

I headed directly to the observatory. No one stopped me. Maybe they all knew my fate better than I did. I walked right inside and settled down on a chaise sofa near the windows.

The two moons were back, resuming their nightly dance in the sky. They were like lovers, entwined until separated either by choice or circumstance. Depending on my mood I’d imagine it were one or another. Tonight it was by choice.

I wasn’t sure how much more my mind could handle. Earth was still there. Caspian had lied to me. The Emperor was going to have me killed. Yet somehow I hadn’t broken down into pieces on the floor. I watched the moons for over an hour, until I somehow fell into sleep.

“Rachel?” Caspian’s voice came from right next to me. I slowly opened my eyes, blinking a few times. It took me a moment to remember where I was.

“What are you doing up here?” He moved my legs onto his lap to sit down beside me.

“I came up here to enjoy the view.”

“And you brought linens with you?” He patted my pillow.

“Is there a problem with that?” I couldn’t keep the edge from my voice.

“In theory no, but I was disappointed. I came home expecting to find you waiting for me in bed.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.” I wasn’t sorry. Not in the slightest.

“Ok. What did I do?” He ran his hands over the blanket covering my legs.

“I don’t see why I had to give up my room.” I needed to come up with some excuse, and that did annoy me, especially since he hadn’t warned me.

“Sorry about that. My father’s decision.”

“And do you always let him make the decisions?” The words came out before thinking. I wondered how much he knew. Did he know about his father’s plans? Was Kelby right, and he had no idea what was coming?

“He is the Emperor.” He leaned back. “Is this really about the room?”

“This is about everything.” Technically true, but most specifically him lying about Earth.

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

“Tell me about the planets you’ve visited.”

“Which ones? I’ve been to dozens.”

“All of them.”

He laughed. “Are you serious? We’ll be here for hours.”

“I’m okay with that.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“You woke me up.”

“But you need sleep. I’ll carry you to bed.” He started to lift me.

“Can’t I stay here?”

“Why?”

“The view. I want to watch the moons.” I wouldn’t spend a night in a windowless room with him. I’d never make it.

“There’s a reason we don’t have windows in our bedrooms.” He ran his hands through my hair.

“Because it can impact sleep. But not my sleep. I was sleeping fine.”

“You really expect me to leave you up here?”

“Am I going to bother someone if I do?” I normally didn’t ask for reasons, but tonight I would. I needed him to speak truths to me.

“You shouldn’t sleep near windows.”

“Why not? I’m from Earth. On Earth people might sleep near windows all the time.”

“Might. You can’t know that. And the people of Earth aren’t ones I’d try to emulate. Look at where they are now.”

“Yes, look at them.” I sat up straighter. “And remember I am one of those people from Earth.” So there it was. He was going to continue to lie to me.

He shook his head. “You left so long ago. You aren’t anymore.”

“I wish I could go back.”

“You can’t. You know that.” He pulled me into his side. “Did Dr. Graham say something?”

“Huh?”

“The timing of this conversation is odd.” His voice deepened.

“Odd? The only thing Dr. Graham told me was I should be careful with modifiers. Our bodies may metabolize them differently. What else would he have said?” I tried to sound as innocent as possible, but I was giving Caspian another chance to come clean.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you really want to sleep here?”

And of course he didn’t. He’d never tell me the truth willingly. “I do.”

“Then I’ll stay with you.” He pulled a second chaise over to mine.

“Near a window?”

“Yes. If you’re going to do it, so am I.”

I wasn’t sure if he was doing it out of concern, because he cared, or he was on to me, but I knew I couldn’t really argue with him. I’d managed to stay out of his bed, and I was going to take that as a win given the circumstances.

I settled back in and covered myself with the blanket.

“Since I gave in and agreed to sleep up here, could you give me something too?”

“I didn’t make you stay…” In fact I’d have preferred to be alone.

“You didn’t have to make me. I wanted to stay with you.” He took my hand.

“What is it you want?”

“Tell me what I can do to make you happy again.” His eyes were intense.

“I am happy.”

“We need to be open and honest with each other.” He rested our entwined hands on top of the blanket.

I gasped. I didn’t mean to, but it happened.

“What?” He startled.

“Nothing.”

“That’s not a nothing.” He scooted his chair closer to mine.

“It’s nothing.”

“And you are holding back from me again.”

“I’m going to get some sleep.” I closed my eyes. There were so many things I wanted to say, but how could I possibly say them? It didn’t matter if he’d only known for a year. A year was far too long. I didn’t need or want to know how much longer he’d been aware or at least suspicious.

“Come on. Don’t shut down on me.” He ran his fingers up and down the inside of my arm from wrist to elbow. “I would worry you are upset about becoming my life mate, but you’ve made your feelings known on the matter before. You love me.”

I said nothing because he was right. I did love him. But now I had to view those feelings through a whole different lens. All I wanted to do was run and hide.

“I will talk to Dr. Graham. Maybe he’s right about the modifiers, but we have other methods.”

A horrible thought struck me. The fog clearing. My lost memories suddenly coming back. “Have you tried them on me without my knowing?”

“Rachel!” He gulped. “How could you suggest that?”

“Maybe not you but your father.”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Caspian put his head in his hands. “I wouldn’t allow it. How could you think that about us?”

Once again I said nothing.

“Does it feel that way?” He rested his elbows on his knees. “As though you’ve been modified and now aren’t?” There was fear in his voice.

“I have no idea. I don’t know anything about how my body or mind works.”

“We have Dr. Graham here. He can help.”

“He delivers babies.” I rested my head back.

“He told you that?”

“Yes.” I didn’t see how admitting that detail could hurt anything.

“I’m not pressuring you to…”

“Your father is.” I thought over Kelby’s words—or what he’d implied.

“This isn’t his decision.”

“I’m going to go to sleep now.” I was going to start crying if I wasn’t careful.

“We’ll fix everything in the morning.”

“Caspian?”

“Yes.” He cupped my face with my hand.

“Never mind.” I couldn’t ask the things I needed to ask.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. Sleep well.” He released my chin, but he kept my hand in his. I waited for his breathing to even out before pulling my hand from his. I took one last look at his sleeping form before slipping out of the observatory and down the stairs. I hoped Dr. Graham was still awake.

---

I ran right into Alda as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairwell. She put a finger to my lips to keep me from saying anything. Despite everything I needed to trust her. Otherwise I had no one. She knew where I wanted to go. We hurried down the corridor and into a lift. I didn’t see any guards around, and I assumed that was thanks to Alda too.

She pulled me past Dr. Graham’s lab.

“Stop,” I whispered.

“No, this way.” She pulled me along. She turned a corner and stopped in front of a double set of doors. I looked at her questioningly.

“You have to go quickly. He’ll explain everything.”

“The doctor?” I assumed she had to mean him, but I wasn’t going to rely on an assumption when it could be my life at stake.

“Yes. Go.” She gestured to the doors.

“What about you? Why aren’t you coming in?”

“I need to be your look-out right now.” Her eyes rimmed with tears.

“I wish you could come with me.” I grabbed her hand.

“You need to do this without me.” She squeezed my hand. “You can handle whatever is coming your way.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“You know I’m going to miss you more than anything.” She pulled me into a hug. “But we don’t have time for sentimentalities.”

I nodded even though I didn’t want to. How did one say goodbye to the woman who’d pretty much raised her? Like this. “Thank you for everything.”

She nodded. “Don’t give up no matter how hard it is. It’s time for you to go home.” She hugged me tighter before letting go.

The doors opened, and she pushed me forward. I looked back just in time to watch the doors snap close behind me.

“It’s okay, Rachel.” Dr. Graham called from somewhere far off.

I walked into the mostly dark room, hoping I hadn’t walked into a terrible trap.

“How did you know I’d be back?” I found him standing in front of a large, iron door. It looked like an outdated launch door. But as far as I knew the launch pads were all on the other side of the palace.

“You knew Earth existed. There was no way you were going to stay here.” He pulled a small tablet out of his coat pocket.

“You found a way for me to go back?” I eyed the iron door warily.

“I have. I can’t say it’s the latest Lexa technology, but it’s far beyond anything we have on Earth.”

“Are you coming too?” I didn’t want to leave him to take the fall for my decision. Blaming me for breaking into the system was one thing. Tracking down an old launch room? That was stretching it. Technically I could have found it on old blueprints, but would I have?

He shook his head. “No. I can’t. If I go back and break my promise, they can come back for my son.”

“Aren’t you worried they’ll do that anyway? For helping me?” He needed to think this through. I wasn’t more important than his child.

“The deal is specific. I have to believe the Emperor will keep his word. Besides, he won’t know I did this.”

“You really think they’ll believe it was all me?”

“Yes. Your signature is going to be all over it.” He smiled.

“What do you mean?”

He pointed up to a higher level above us. “Take a look.”

I walked up a few stairs and saw what he was looking at. “My androids?”

“Yes. Your androids are going to be running the launch. They also helped prepare every detail of the launch. After you leave they will be adding in your signature to every entry and exit from the room.”

“Still. The coincidence that I do this right when I meet you?”

“Is that really any more of a coincidence than you doing this right after receiving that.” He pointed at my necklace.

“You’re right.” I steeled myself, remembering the Emperor’s threats and a flash of my brother’s face. “I need to do this.”

“Your androids know what they’re doing. Pretty impressive work.” There was a gleam in his eye.

“I’ve had a lot of time.” When you can’t go outside you find things to entertain yourself. I’d spent endless hours working on my androids and programing their CPUs.

“I bet you have.” He smiled. “Your capsule is all ready to go.”

“And where is it going to take me? Earth is a large planet.”

“It’s a capsule that arrived here thirteen years ago from Earth. I trust it’s one you’ve been in before.” Dr. Graham handed me the tablet. “It will take you back to the spot from where you left. Be safe, Rachel. And remember, even if you can’t find your family at first, you need to stay. You belong on Earth. You are young. You should be able to breathe the air. To listen to the birds.”

He nodded his head before heading over to the double doors I’d entered through.

“You’re leaving?”

“You can do this. I wish you the best of luck.”

The doors clicked closed behind him, and I snapped into action mode.