Chapter Sixteen
Halwell dressed without his usual care. He sought only to leave the house, to put distance between himself and his mother. He cared for his mother a great deal, but Miss Hickstrom, and perhaps Miss Lee, had made him aware he and his mother were far too much in each other’s company.
She had returned from Alvord Castle the previous day to apprise him, with apparent relief, that he was indeed invited to the ball—against his explicit wishes that she make that inquiry on his behalf.
“George, you know I do not care to go alone. If you will not inquire, then I must.”
“No, Mother. If you wish to attend, you must go alone, or perhaps find another lady who might accompany you.”
“There are no other unaccompanied ladies! With the exception of Miss Hickstrom, and I already sent a note around to the inn. She is not a guest there! I do not have her direction and do not know if I shall see her before the ball. No, George, you must escort me.”
“I am not free to do so, Mother. I am sorry. The situation between myself and St. John is untenable. It is quite out of the question. I am sorry it came to this. I truly am. I am largely at fault, but I have made my apologies.”
“I still do not understand what occurred or why it occurred, George. A brawl? At Alvord Castle? Whatever were you thinking?”
“I was not thinking, Mother. Nor was St. John.”
“When my maid told me you had been in a scuffle with St. John, I did not know what to think.”
“It is over, and I really would rather not discuss it again. I know you will understand, Mother.”
“I do not, George.”
“I think I will retire to the library,” he had said.
“What is this new interest in reading, George? You seem to spend all your time in there these days.”
“I feel fortunate that there is a lull in the usual round of social activities, Mother, and I can renew my acquaintanceship with the library. I saw it anew under Miss Lee’s eyes.”
“Miss Lee indeed,” his mother had groused. “Such an odd little creature.”
“Not at all, Mother. If by odd, you mean extraordinary, then I would agree.”
“I had hoped she had returned to America, but she remains at Alvord Castle.”
Halwell whirled around to stare at his mother.
“She remains at Alvord Castle?” he asked.
“Indeed. A shopkeeper. I simply cannot fathom what Lady St. John is thinking.”
Halwell’s heart had lightened momentarily, but he shook his head. The lady despised him, as well she might. He had been callous in his treatment of her.
“I will see you at dinner,” he’d said. He had spent the rest of the day in the library, not reading the open book on his lap but studying the pages of cataloguing Miss Lee had begun, wondering at the odd penmanship. The information that she had not yet returned to America startled him, and he was not at all certain how he felt. Once a man of some confidence, he simply did not know himself anymore.
Upon rising the next morning, Halwell decided to go riding. His horse’s colic had improved, and he wished to avoid his mother. They had received a note the previous evening that Lord Alton was coming from London, and his mother was in both an anticipatory and apprehensive frame of mind. She had not seen her husband in some months. His time in the country was limited.
Halwell was unaware of the circumstances that kept the couple apart, but suspected that they simply did not care for one another. He had never felt that he could abandon his mother for long on her own, as his father seemed to have done. It perhaps was for that reason he and his mother were considered close.
He left the house, took the reins from his groom and mounted his horse. They rode out sedately. Desirous of avoiding any traffic from Alvord Castle, he turned toward the village, though he was not interested in visiting there either.
He had ridden no more than fifteen minutes when he saw a rider coming toward him. The dark top hat and tall figure in the saddle were unmistakable. St. John.
Halwell pursed his lips. He could simply nod and move on. He was prepared to do just that when St. John brought his horse to a halt. He tipped his hat, and Halwell returned the gesture.
“Good day, Halwell,” he said.
“Good day, St. John. Fine day for a ride.”
“Indeed, I wish I rode only for pleasure, but I have been to the village organizing events for the ball tomorrow night. Do you attend?”
Halwell blinked. Had not his mother harangued him about the very same thing only the previous day?
“I...I...” He was at a loss for words.
“Come, man. I know that Lady Georgianna spoke to Mary, and Mary assured her you would be welcome. We must put this behind us. You must come to the ball as previously invited. I apologize for issuing edicts that I meant at the time but which were not intended to be permanent.”
Halwell’s lips twitched. “You cast me from your house!”
St. John responded with a smile. “I did, did I not? Never darken my doorway again or some such nonsense.”
“Something similar, as I recall.”
“Walk with me,” St. John said.
When Halwell nodded assent, St. John slid off his horse and took up the reins. Halwell joined him, turning his horse around.
“We must find a way to mend our relationship,” St. John said.
Halwell was stunned.
“We do not really have such a thing, St. John.”
“But I wish us to be friends.”
“Why now?”
“I have changed. Mary has changed me. She has made me wish to be a better man.”
Halwell pressed his lips together.
“I know that you harbor an affection for Mary, Halwell, and I have been jealous of that affection. It was poorly done of me.”
“Not at all,” Halwell said. “May I speak freely?”
“Yes, as long as you do not declare your love for my wife. I truly wish you would not.”
“Do not fear. I will not. I realize that she is happily wed to you, and I am pleased for her.”
“Thank you.”
“I have had an opportunity for introspection over this past week and discovered that which I feared most.”
“Which is?”
“That I am a shallow man, a man whose sensibilities are as fickle as the wind.”
“I do not understand.”
“I thought if I cared for Mary—before she was your wife, of course—then I could not care for another woman, certainly not in the space of a month. And yet, I do. That suggests a shallow mind, does it not?”
“Of whom do you speak?”
“I am too mortified to say. How can I possibly declare an affection for a lady when I so recently declared my undying love for another?”
St. John reared his head and paused, turning to look at Halwell.
“Undying love, Halwell? Truly?” He raised a dark eyebrow.
Halwell shrugged. “Perhaps I exaggerate. But the point is the same. My head is turned this way and that. What kind of man am I?”
“Seemingly a confused one. What if—hear me on this—what if, Halwell, your affections for...Mary did not run as deep as you previously thought?”
Halwell nodded. “I have wondered that myself. And that makes me seem no less flighty.”
“But perhaps less heartbroken than you thought?”
Halwell raised his head to look at St. John. “What a very awkward conversation!”
“Indeed!” St. John noted, his expression wry.
Halwell gave his former rival a faint smile. “Do we truly declare a truce then?”
“Yes, I think we do. We must, for Mary’s sake.”
Halwell stopped and thrust out his arm. St. John took it in his.
They resumed walking.
“What can you tell me of this Miss Hickstrom?” Halwell asked.
“She is as powerful as I might imagine a witch to be,” St. John groused.
“A witch?”
“She is none such, but she is powerful. I heard that she has forced certain...conditions upon you. I am sorry.”
“Then you believe that she can enforce her will?”
“Yes, I know she can. Did you never wonder why I ceased going out in society, why I never left Alvord Castle for two years?”
“Yes, of course. The whole of the countryside wondered.”
“I was trapped, imprisoned on the grounds of the estate by none other than Miss Hickstrom, the fairy godmother.”
Halwell paused again to stare at St. John.
“What is this? How could that be? Did she block you from leaving the estate?”
“She did. I could not pass through the gate. You may ask my estate agent, Phelps. For two years, he suffered with me.”
“What a fantastical notion! And why would she do such a thing?”
“As she does with you. She believes she is a fairy godmother who must bring lonely hearts together, and if she believes that one or both lonely hearts are unwilling, she will force the issue. In my case, she cursed me to years of imprisonment and loneliness...until Mary came. I discovered in hindsight that she sent Mary to me.”
Halwell stared at St. John. “But why could she not simply bring Mary to you without such an ordeal?”
“As Miss Hickstrom explained to Mary, I needed to admit that what I desired above all was love. I had turned from such weakness most of my life. You may or may not have known that my mother and father were not the most attentive or affectionate parents, and I long ago came to the conclusion that love was an unnecessary sentimentality, even unwelcome. The fairy godmother decided I must change my mind. Unfortunately, I did not change it for years, not until I met Mary.”
Halwell shook his head. “It seems as if this fairy godmother could have ended your misery by sending you Mary much sooner. I must ask though, when you say ‘send Mary,’ what precisely do you mean?”
St. John’s jaw tightened visibly, and he turned to pet his horse’s neck.
“Then you still do not know,” he muttered.
“Know what?”
“I had hoped that Miss Lee, Rachel, might discuss the matter with you.”
“Miss Lee?”
“I am aware that you came to see her last week.”
“Yes, at her behest.” His shoulders slumped. “I must say that it did not go well. I angered her, although it was not my intent to do so. I spoke insensitively, without grace.”
“Indeed? How so? Or perhaps we have reached the limit of our newfound confidences.” St. John smiled broadly.
“You said that you heard of Miss Hickstrom’s machinations in my personal affairs?”
“I am mortified to say that I have.”
“Not as mortified as I. But I have no need then to tell you that the fairy godmother turned her attentions to me and decided that I was in need of love.”
“I am aware.”
“Apparently in my case, she did not imprison me in my home for two years but found a likely, albeit unwilling, candidate in Miss Lee. At the time, I believed my affections to be engaged elsewhere. We will say no more on that subject. But Miss Lee was no more willing than I to consider forming an attachment. She wishes to return home to America, I believe! At any rate, I gave her to believe...I told her...that I could never ‘fall in love’ with her.”
“Oh dear!” St. John said. “That was brusque.”
“I hope my words were more gentle, but I think the meaning was the same.”
“Yes, what young lady wishes to hear that she is not engaging enough to capture a gentleman’s heart?”
“St. John, really! I said no such thing! Not at all. I find Miss Lee infinitely engaging.”
Halwell paused. They had almost reached the gates of Alvord Castle.
“Indeed?” St. John said, his smile broadening.
“I have missed her,” Halwell said simply.
“Do you come to the ball?”
“I was uncertain. I believed myself to be unwelcome at Alvord Castle.”
St. John clapped him on the back. “All in the past. We hope to see you there. I have heard from Mary though that Rachel may leave after the ball. Miss Hickstrom may allow it.”
“I still fail to understand how Miss Hickstrom can allow or disallow such things.”
“No, I fear you do not. You are aware of her great power, but you do not know how she may control Rachel...or even your future. I cannot interfere in this matter, and I leave that up to you and Rachel to resolve.”
St. John tipped his hat. “Good day, Halwell. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow evening.”
Halwell bid St. John good day as the earl remounted his horse and rode through the gates of Alvord Castle. Halwell held his horse’s reins and watched St. John trot down the lane. He found himself wishing that St. John might have invited him in for a cup of tea or a drink or some other social nicety, such that he might encounter Miss Lee.
He had not thought to see her again and certainly did not imagine that he would stand at the gates of Alvord Castle, at one with St. John and with every intention of attending the ball.