Chapter Twenty-Three
She was living in a perpetual state of hell. From the moment she’d stepped into medieval Scotland, each tick of the clock hurt every fiber of her being. The following day made it even worse. Aedan’s gaze had followed her about, watching her, wanting her…
And today would take every strength she possessed not to crumble into a pile of lost hopes and dreams.
“Aline’s chamber is this way, miss.” A servant pointed to a room on the opposite side of the castle to Aedan’s quarters. Abby didn’t delve into the thought as to why she was housed in the room beside his and not his future wife.
She knocked and heard Aline beckon her to enter. The room was as spacious as hers, animal furs covered the bed and parts of the floor. Two chairs sat before the roaring fire, and although the room wasn’t warm, it wasn’t chilly like so many others.
“You wished to see me, Aline?” Abby shut the door, but didn’t venture any farther into the room. She didn’t want to be here in the first place. This woman was the sole reason why she’d never get what her heart wished for. Not that she could blame the woman entirely. Aedan had chosen her, had decided to move on and marry another. The thought brought tears to her eyes and she took a deep breath, less she start blubbering like a fool.
“Come and sit beside me, Abigail. I’m in need of your advice.”
“Of course.” Abby sat, folding her hands in her lap. Aline played with the long plait of hair that came over one shoulder. She smiled, and yet the gesture didn’t meet her eyes.
“I wish to discuss something with ye that is of a personal nature. In fact, there are a couple of things I wanted to know, if you’re willing to discuss them with me, of course.”
Abby swallowed, not sure if she should agree or not. “I’ll be as honest as I can. What is it you wish to know?”
“First, I’d like to know why you left Aedan after the battle. You were betrothed. Surely there was no reason to flee Scotland.”
Abby thought back to the story she and Gwen had come up with. All lies, and yet, they would suit their needs and explain why she was back within their fold. “After the fire, I was called back to the estate where I came from. A sick family member, who eventually passed, God rest her soul, needed me. I couldn’t refuse.”
“I see.” Aline sighed, the sound contrived. “But, I still don’t see why you would call off your betrothal with Aedan.”
“When apart, I realized we would not suit. I wrote to him and notified him that my feelings had changed. He was in agreement.” Abby watched as the words pleased Aline, and she mentally cursed the woman for the bitch she was. How Aedan could endure a lifetime with this woman was anyone’s guess. She doubted they’d last, but then, divorce wasn’t an option so… “What is the advice you wish help with?”
“As to that—” Aline giggled and Abby wanted to scratch her eyes out. “I’d like to know what your opinion is on pre-marital copulation? Aedan and I have known each other for a long time, and there are times when a mere kiss isn’t enough. I know by the feel of him he wishes to do more, when he clasps me hard against his body my own wants nothing more than to be as near to him as I possibly can be. Do you think I should offer him more before our marriage? Would that be too forward? Whoreish even?”
Abby stared at her a long moment, unable to form words. Aline smiled, the laughter in her eyes telling Abby how much she knew the question hurt. “I think, if it’s what you wish, then you should sleep together. In fact, as you’re already betrothed, I see no harm in it. No one has to know, right?”
Aline grinned. “That’s right. I’m so glad we’re able to have these chats, Abigail. I feel we didn’t get along when I last stayed, but I’m happy we can now be friends. Especially since you’re such close friends with Gwen and she will soon be my family.”
“I’m happy for you, Aline. I’m sure you will do well with Aedan. He’s a good man.” Abby stood. “I must change before dinner. I’ve been outdoors most of the day.”
“Of course. And please, do sit at the dais tonight. I wish to speak to you some more.”
“Thank you, that is very kind.” Abby left quickly, but once outside the room, she held the wall to stop herself from falling. Years stretched ahead of her, of being near Aedan, of hearing about his marriage to Aline, their children, all the while being stuck here, unable to leave, or move forward with her own life until Gwen’s daughter was able to help her.
“Are ye alright, lass?”
Her attention snapped up to Aedan who strolled toward her. He was in a kilt, his muscular legs tightened and flexed with each step. He wore no shirt, his torso damp from whatever exercise he’d come from. Her mouth dried and words became impossible.
“Abigail, lass. Are ye alright?”
She nodded, but feared her head shook the opposite way to what it was supposed to do. “Of course. I’m heading back to my room. Excuse me.” She went to walk around him and he clasped her arm.
“Ye dinna look well. Has something happened?”
Other than your fiancée breaking my heart… “Nothing’s happened. I’ll see you at dinner.”
He pulled her into an alcove, a long rectangular window at her back. Aedan stood before her, blocking her path of escape. She sighed and skittered back as far as the small space would allow. She didn’t need to be close to him, to have his presence envelop her, consume her, as it always did.
“Please tell me what has troubled ye. You must know I still care for ye and do not wish to cause ye anymore distress than I already have.”
The lump was back in her throat. “I know, but truly, let me pass, Aedan. There’s nothing you can do or say that will make this situation any easier for me.” She shrugged, fisting her hands at her side, lest she grab him and force him to kiss her.
Although by the dangerous look in his gaze, she doubted he’d be a difficult convert. He looked like he struggled with his words, and sighing, he stepped back, giving her the much needed space she craved.
She stepped past him and headed toward her room. Tears pooled in her eyes, and she again cursed her own stupidity at not looking up Aedan’s history. But then, anger thrummed in her veins with the thought that he couldn’t even wait a measly year for her. And why hadn’t Gwen told him of her plan?
She changed direction and went to seek out Gwen instead. She had a lot of explaining to do.
...
Gwen was sitting before the fire in her chamber.
“I was wondering when you’d come to talk to me.” Gwen’s lips lifted in a small smile and she beckoned Abby into the room.
Abby sat across from her, leaning forward to warm her chilled hands. At least they matched her chilled heart. “Why am I here? I mean, seriously, Gwen. Did you know that Aedan was courting Aline? Had in fact thought to make her his wife?”
“I knew he was courting her, and I told him that it was a mistake, but knowing my powers were weakened after the fire, he thought ye gone. Before your arrival, I hadn’t thought I could bring you back. All I know is, the moment his betrothal announcement was made, I swore I had to do something to change the course of history. I made an oath that should my daughter have my gift, that I would ensure you were brought back. That my descendants would make it so…” Gwen paused. “And almost as soon as I made the vow, you returned.”
“I’m stuck here now, Gwen. God knows for how long, probably years, if I have to wait for your daughter to be strong enough to send me back.” Despair crashed over her, and she swiped the tears from her cheek. Damn it, she wasn’t going to cry anymore. She’d cried enough to fill Loch Ness last night.
“You won’t be going back. You’re Aedan’s soul mate, and ye have to take back what’s yours.”
The resolve behind Gwen’s voice brooked no argument. “You cannot be serious. I’m not going to break his engagement. As much as I love the guy, I’m not going to sink to that level.” She paused, hating the fact she’d actually thought of this idea herself, but didn’t want to voice it out loud. She needed to keep some sort of moral compass. “And even if I wanted to, contracts have been signed between the clans. I’d probably cause another war, if Aedan chose me.”
Gwen scoffed. “Aline is not for him. Ye must do something, though I can’t tell you what. I will give you a home should ye wish to leave here, but I’ll not let ye go back to your own time. Your future is here, Abigail. You may not think so now, but ’tis true. Trust in his love, that’s all I ask.”
“I know he loves me, but as he said, things change. Life sometimes gets in the way of what we wish. He has a duty, Gwen, and I’ll not cause trouble for him, no matter how much I want him to be mine.” She stood, needing air. “I’ll see you later. I’m going for a quick walk before dinner.”
“Do ye love my brother, Abigail?”
Abby stopped at the threshold and studied the knots in the oak door. “More than anything in the world.”
“Then whether the path is right or wrong, you have one to walk. I have faith that people who’re born for one another, will find each other…eventually.”
Abby left, and hearing the sound of loud voices from the great hall, decided against a walk and went back to her room. She closed the door and leaned against it. The situation was heartbreakingly hopeless.
...
The next day, Abby had Cook make up a small picnic for herself. She wandered about the kitchen while the food was prepared. Two large fires burned and meats rotated above one, while on the other pots with an assortment of fragrances wafted from them. Two tables, L-shaped in their set-out, were covered with plates, cooked pies, and biscuits and apples.
“Do you leave the food out once it’s cooked or do you have a place to store it?”
The older woman wiped her hands on her apron, a little flushed from work. “We have a larder my lady, over there,” she said, waving to the opposite side of the room.
Abby went over to it and peeked inside. It was as warm as the kitchen and probably not the best place for food that required refrigeration. “You should put in an ice room beneath the kitchens, to help keep your perishable food longer and stop it from going bad.”
The staff in the kitchens stopped and looked at Abby with something akin to bewilderment. “What in all things holy is an ice room?”
“During the winter you’d collect ice, you could cut it from the top of a frozen loch. You would then place that ice into a stone room, away from heat and light. The ice will remain frozen for a very long time and you could store your meats and milks, things like that, within the ice room, and it’ll keep for a much longer time. At present, you salt your meat quite a lot to preserve it, and that would no longer be necessary.”
“And have ye seen such an ice room before, my lady? I know I never have.”
How did Abigail tell them that the ancient Romans had used them for years, and that in archaeological digs, even possibly China. “I have seen them.” Or what was left of such structures on old estates scattered about England. “When you store the ice, you insulate it with straw or sawdust to make it last longer. You should see if the laird would approve one. I think you’d find it a blessing, once you got used to using it.”
The cook pursed her lips, nodding a little. “Mayhap I’ll think on it and ask the laird when next I speak to him about the kitchens.” She placed the last of her food into a small basket and handed it to Abby. “Here ye are. Enjoy yer day, my lady.”
“Thank you,” Abby said, heading out the door that led off to the side of the castle. Not too far from the estate she found a secluded tree and sat. Her view overlooked the flowing waterway that ran beside the castle. Picking at a bread roll, her thoughts were far from the beautiful view of the Highlands that stretched out before her. Aedan, always Aedan, consumed her mind.
“Gwen told me ye had returned. I had to see for myself what she said was true.”
Abby turned at the sound of a friendly, familiar voice. “Black Ben.” She laughed. “It’s great to see you again. What brings you back to Castle Druiminn?”
“My friend and his forthcoming wedding.” He sat and started to rummage through her small basket. “I dinna think to see ye again. I must declare, I’m happy that you’re here.”
“I wish I could say the same.” Abby poured some wine into her goblet and handed it to him. He downed it in one swallow. How stupid to think she could make a life in this time. She should’ve reminded herself how brutal this time was and stayed in the twenty-first century where she belonged. Not in this time, where marriages between clans moved at lightning speed and people you would’ve trusted with your life let you down.
“Ye not happy to be back, then? I thought ye’d be right pleased.”
“I thought I would be, too, but.” She shrugged. It was hard to find words for what she actually felt. Perhaps, there were no words for the despair she found herself in. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, actually. Everything’s buggered up.”
“I don’t know what ye mean by buggered, but I’m assuming it’s a derogatory term?”
Somehow, even in her depressed state, Ben managed to make her smile. “Yes, it is.” Abby covered her eyes, hoping that he’d not notice her crying. “He’s going to marry her.” A sob tore free, and Ben placed a comforting arm about her shoulders. She went willingly against, him, seeking comfort for a situation that wasn’t going to change, no matter how much she cried about it.
“Aye, mayhap he will.” He rubbed her arm. “Dinna fret, lass. All is not lost yet.”
Abby looked up at Ben, a flicker of hope igniting in her stomach. “What do you mean? Do you know something that I don’t?”
“Nay. But Aedan is as close as a brother to me, and I’ll not let him make such a mistake without some input into the matter first. Let me talk to him, and we’ll see.”
Abby clutched at his shirt, unable to wipe the smile from her lips. “You’d really help me. Oh my gosh, thank you so much, Ben.” She kissed his cheek and he chuckled.
“You missed, lass. My mouth is in the middle of my face.”
“Enjoying yourself, I see.”
Abby’s laughter died on her lips at the sound of Aedan’s deadly tone. She stood quickly and looked at Ben. He stood slowly, seemingly unfazed, and yet his eyes looked wary.
“We were eating some lunch. You’re more than welcome to join us, if you like,” she said.
Aedan pinned Ben with a lethal gaze, and she shivered.
“What is really going on here? Explain. Now.” Aedan placed his hand on the hilt of his sword and fear crept up her spine.
“Nothing, Aedan. We were just eating.”
“It looked like more than eating.” He did look at her then and she shrugged, not knowing what else to do. “If you’re accusing me and Ben of an illicit affair, you’re being an ass.”
“Ass? I watched ye kiss the man.”
A muscle worked in his jaw and Abby wanted to go to him, reassure him, and yet the thought of Aline halted her steps. “And in only a week or so I’ll watch you marry Aline. Seems like a fair trade off.”
“I’ll leave ye two alone.” Ben went to leave and Aedan pushed him back toward her. Abby grabbed his arm to steady him, which she didn’t do a very good job of when she stumbled instead.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Aedan?” She righted herself, glaring at him.
Ben smiled before letting out a roar and charging Aedan. Shocked mute by the sight of Aedan and Ben pummelling each other, rolling all over the ground, it took Abby a couple of seconds to realize she should do something.
“Stop!” She attempted to pull Ben back, but only managed to fall over as Aedan rolled Ben under himself and started thumping him with sickening thuds.
“Aedan, stop!” But they didn’t, just continued to brawl on the ground. Looking about for a container, she spotted the basket. It wasn’t waterproof, but it would hold water for a little while. She ran the short distance to the river and filled it, coming back to the fighting men and dumping the full basket of water on their idiot heads.
They gasped, pulled apart, and glared at her.
“What did ye do that for?” Aedan’s chest rose and fell with labored breaths, and she tore her attention away from the magnetic sight.
“Why do you think? You’re acting like medieval morons.”
“I think the Laird of Druiminn is jealous. Ye can’t have all the women, boy.”
“You’ll not have her,” Aedan roared, startling her.
Ben stood without saying a word, and left.
She glared at Aedan, wanting to throttle him herself. “Get up.”
He did, clasping his stomach as he did so. “What,” he asked at length when she didn’t say anything.
“What are you doing? You can’t fight your closest friend for something he’s innocent of.”
“It didn’t look innocent to me, lass. Do ye want him now?”
Abby strode up to him and slapped his face. Hard. His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t react. “If I wanted Ben, I’d have Ben. You have Aline, after all. But I want you, Aedan, and I can’t have you. Is that what you want to hear? Because it’s true. I think of you all the time. The thought of you while I was away, the hope that I would see you again, was all that kept me sane.”
She paced, trying to calm down. “You know that I had a boyfriend, a lover in my time? I thought I’d marry him, have children with him, but I buried him, instead. He was a cop, a peacekeeper, and the job killed him. Just like one day, this job of yours, your position as laird, could kill you.”
His eyes clouded with jealousy but also a flicker of compassion. “What are ye trying to say?”
“I didn’t have to come back, you know. I could’ve kept my heart protected from the pain of losing someone I love by death, illness, whatever, but I didn’t. Life is nothing without love.” Tears welled in her eyes and she sniffed. “And, what do I come back to? You. Engaged to Aline, of all women.”
“I dinna think ye could come back. What did ye want me to do? Stay a saint for the rest of my life? I have to have heirs.”
“Why didn’t you ask Gwen to do”—she waved her arms about—“something!” She growled, wanting to hit something. “I’m so pissed off with you right now; nothing you say can change the fact that you couldn’t even wait a year to move on.”
“I was told within weeks of ye leaving that ye couldn’t be returned. What was I supposed to do?” He ran a hand through his long locks, cursing in a language she couldn’t understand. “I died when I knew I’d never see ye again. What did it matter who I married after that?”
“That may be so, but twelve months! Probably sooner, since you had to court her.”
He shook his head, stepping back. “I’m sorry, lass. I canna say any more than that.”
“No, you can’t.” Abby swiped a tear from her cheek and looked out over the serene water, hoping it would help her calm down a little. “It’s over, Aedan. Do what you want, marry whoever the hell you want. I can’t allow myself to care anymore.”
He clasped her arm, pulling her around to face him. “Ye can’t allow yourself to care, or you don’t care?”
His eyes burned into her soul, and she knew he’d gathered the answer before she spoke. “I can’t.”
“Lass…”
She placed her hand on his lips, stopping him from kissing her. “Don’t you dare, Aedan.”
“Why not?” Anguish tinged his voice.
“Why do you think? I don’t trust myself around you.” Abby pushed him away, gathered up what remained of her picnic, and held the basket before her in a pathetic attempt at a barrier. “I won’t become the other woman, not even for you. Aline and I deserve better than that.”
“What do ye plan on doing?”
“I’m leaving with Gwen, and maybe I’ll marry eventually, or go back to my own time when I can.” She shrugged. “Who knows?”
His eyes burned with hatred. At her or her words, she couldn’t be sure.
Abby started back toward the castle, leaving Aedan under the tree. It was better this way. She couldn’t be around him without wanting to give in to desires that she no longer had the right to feel.
He was as lost to her now as he had been when centuries separated them.
...
Aedan stormed into Black Ben’s chamber, slamming the door behind him. Ben sat before the fire, one eyebrow raised in amusement. “Come in.”
“You stay the hell away from Abigail. She’s not for you.” His friend laughed, and a red haze dropped over his vision. He’d kill him.
“And she’s not for ye, either, since you’ve decided to marry Aline.” Ben took a sip of mead. “Sit.”
Aedan slunk down in the opposite chair and swore, running a hand over his face, wishing he could undo his decisions of the past few months. “What am I going to do?”
“You’ll marry Aline, of course. What else can you do?”
Nothing… He gritted his teeth, wondering how fate could play such an unfair game with his life. “I didn’t think I’d ever see Abigail again. Had I even thought it was a possibility, I would’ve never signed an agreement with Clan Grant.”
“I sought out Gwen and she explained everything that’s happened here these last few weeks. I happened to run into Abigail. I didn’t seek her out, if ye were wondering.” Ben met his gaze square on. “She’s a friend and nothing more. No matter how bonny I think the lass, ye are my friend first and foremost.”
“Thank ye.” Aedan reached over to the little table before their feet and poured himself a cup of mead and took a sip. “When I saw—”
“Abigail kissing me you went into a rage? How are ye going to marry another when ye have such strong feelings toward the lass? The marriage will be a disaster. You’ll eventually despise Aline for being herself, and she’ll hate you for ruining her life. Ye canna go through with it.”
“To pull out now would cause another clan war, and I can’t do that to my people. We’re still healing after the battle with O’Cain.” But damn it he wanted to. To hell with everyone else’s expectations, the alliances—everything. He would go to war with everyone if it meant he could keep the woman he loved.
Ben cleared his throat, grinning. “I may have a solution.”
Aedan snapped his head up, willing to hear anything, if it meant he could possibly have Abigail back. “What is it?”
“I’ll seduce your betrothed. One night in my bed and she’ll not look in your direction again.”
“I canna ask for ye to do such a thing.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I cannot marry Aline. I will go to Laird Grant when he returns and declare my intentions. What will happen after that I do not know, but I’ll be prepared for anything.”
“My offer stands. You have saved my life more than once, ’tis time I repaid the debt. I’ll seduce the lass and she’ll never look in ye direction again.”
Aedan laughed. “You’re more ballsy than my male Highland heifers. What makes ye think she’ll fall into your bed so easily?”
Ben looked sheepish. “Let’s just say Aline Grant and I have some unfinished business from when we were staying here last.”
Aedan sat up. “You’ve seduced her already?”
“Nay.” Ben shook his head, frowning. “But after watching the woman and her viciousness, I was intrigued to know if she was always so vile. I found that she was not, not when kissed within an inch of her life, at least.”
For a moment speech was impossible, followed by a grain of hope. “Do ye want my permission?”
“It wouldn’t hurt. No one need know any of this, and think of it as a pre-wedding gift. Of course, ye know I’m speaking of your wedding with the delectable Abigail.”
“Dinna push our friendship, Ben,” Aedan said, only half joking. Delectable and Abigail were thoughts only he was allowed to have. To have the woman he loved more than life itself back in his arms, to feel her soft skin, smell her delicious scent, sent fire through his veins. “If ye seduce Aline, you’ll have to marry the lass. Are ye willing to do that?”
Ben shrugged, seemingly unfazed. “I need a wife, and although Aline seems verbally potent with most people, on her own she’s a different lass. I’ll keep her so occupied that she’ll never feel jaded with her life again.”
“High praise for yourself.” Aedan laughed. “I suppose I should apologize for earlier.”
“Aye, and so should I.”
Aedan stood. “Whether ye seduce the lass or not, I will be going to her father and telling him that the marriage will nay be going ahead. As much as I appreciate yer friendship and what ye are willing to do for me ’tis unnecessary. Do think on ye choice before ye take the lass as yer own.”
“Aye, I’ll think on ye words,” Ben said, catching his gaze.
“Ye are a true friend, and a man I’ll be forever indebted to, no matter what you do.”
Ben smirked, raising his goblet in salute. “Dinna forget it, lad.”
Aedan laughed as he left, closing the door behind him. He never would.