Chapter Twenty
Nothing.
It was odd. How did one quantify nothingness?
Nothing ached.
Nothing hurt.
Nothing beat.
Nothing moved.
Nothing.
It was as if she were in a pitch-black room and she couldn’t feel the walls or floor.
Then the sounds began.
Wheels from cars on the pavement, spinning and kicking up rocks and dirt. She didn’t know how she knew that but she did. And not just one car, but many, from all around.
Wind blowing outside, hitting the trees on the grounds and leaves rustling as they blew across the grass.
Her heart…no, her heart did nothing. Was she beginning to panic? That in itself made the panic attack begin. She waited for the chemical reaction, for the fight-or-flight response to kick in, but if one’s heart wasn’t beating and air didn’t fill lungs then…wait, she wasn’t breathing, either?
I’m dead.
Ash opened her eyes with a start.
The ceiling gleamed with whiteness and minute traces of pink, yellow and beige. There were lines in the paint, as if someone had used a wire brush to apply the coat. She blinked then counted the lines. Surely, she had more pressing matters to worry about, like her impending panic attack, but the need to count the lines in the paint was greater.
After she’d finished counting, she heard…what exactly? She blocked out the cars, the wind and the leaves and listened again. Quietness. No. A hum in the air.
“Asha, you’re finally awake.”
Ash closed her eyes against the sound. Clarissa. She was mad at her.
But why?
Did she really need a reason to be mad at Clarissa?
Clarissa wasn’t really nice to her, and hadn’t been nice in a long time.
Then it hit her.
Clarissa tearing her neck open and drinking from her artery with abandon. Ash lifted a hand to feel her neck. Instead of finding ripped skin, it was smooth to the touch. “You…you…attacked me.”
My voice. It’s different. Higher. Pretty.
“Clarissa?”
Her voice didn’t sound like hers at all. It sounded…it sounded like… A Vampire’s.
She opened her eyes wider. She turned to find Clarissa standing by her side.
“You made it through the transformation.” Clarissa wasn’t happy or sad about that statement. Indifferent was how Ash would’ve described it.
“What?” Ash lifted to sit up. “You changed me?” she shrieked.
“I told you of my plans.”
“I know, but I…” She’d hoped that Clarissa wouldn’t go through with it.
She swung her legs to the side of the bed. What now?
While she recognized all the furniture in the room, the colors were off. Instead of the dark-stained wood of mahogany, the furniture was vibrant and alive. Particles floated in the air. Not like how one could view dust in a room where sunlight shone through a window, but she could actually see things…tiny bugs…floating.
She glanced at the carpet, which used to be a normal beige but was now something a little different. But that wasn’t what held her attention. It was as if she were viewing the carpet under a microscope and could see dust and particles of dirt attached to each little fiber.
She peered at Clarissa again. She’d once thought Clarissa was as beautiful as an angel. Now, not so much anymore. She could make out the fine lines on her once smooth-as-porcelain skin. Suddenly, all of Clarissa’s imperfections were made clear. Her hair wasn’t as shiny as she had thought. It was dry and almost brittle. She appeared so regular and so fragile. As if knowing that she was under scrutiny, Clarissa smoothed down her hair and took a step back. “How do you feel?”
Ash noticed that she’d been staring at Clarissa for too long and pulled her eyes away. Good question. How did she feel? She looked down at her hands. They didn’t seem like her hands anymore. The veins that usually protruded under her skin were no longer there. Besides that, she thought she was fine. Actually, she would feel perfect if it wasn’t for the pain that was growing…in her stomach? No. She didn’t feel anything there. Where exactly was the pain coming from?
“I hurt,” Ash stated.
“You need to feed.”
Feed.
I don’t want to feed.
I want to feed.
I don’t want to hurt anyone.
But I’m so hungry.
Two different thoughts warred inside her. “I’m not going to harm anyone,” she said through clenched teeth. Although she’d said the words she felt sharp canines pressing against her tongue.
One side of Clarissa’s mouth lifted into a smile. “Do you honestly think you have a choice in the matter? You’re a Vampire now. It’s what you’ve always wanted, remember? Feeding comes with the territory.”
“I had changed my mind. But that didn’t matter to you.” Her anger rose.
Clarissa’s smile broadened. There was a wicked gleam in her eyes. “You’re mine now, officially, bound to me until the day you die.”
Clarissa was wrong. She could feel something else inside her. Hunter and the Pack. The ties that she’d felt before were still there, but now solid and thicker. The bonds that had been like pieces of string were now steel cables, connecting her to them, and the connection to Hunter was stronger than the others.
Nothing bound her to Clarissa.
She still had her family.
She slid to the floor and glared at Clarissa. “I’m not staying here with you, and you can’t make me.” She wouldn’t have stood a chance in hell with Clarissa before, but now power surged through her.
Clarissa tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “Really? Do you think that your mongrel lover would have anything to do with you now that you’ve become something that he hates? Something that killed his mother and father while he and his sister watched, hmm?” She chuckled. It wasn’t lyrical anymore, but childish. “You’re nothing but a monster to him now. One look at you and he’d try to kill you himself. He would rather risk death than have a lifetime mated to a Vampire.”
She didn’t know what hurt more, Clarissa’s words, or the fact that she was right.
She balled her hands into fists. “You’ve ruined my life,” she whispered.
“Ruined? Ha! I saved your life. Without me, you’d either be someone’s prostitute or dead. I brought you in, took care of you and how do you thank me? By mating with a mongrel.” Clarissa said the last part with such distaste and hate.
How dare she talk about my family like that?
She crossed the distance between them with a speed that she didn’t know she had. She gripped Clarissa’s throat and lifted her off the floor. Clarissa wrapped her legs around Ash’s waist and her powerful thighs squeezed her, crunching the bones in Ash’s back.
But even as the bones crushed, they healed just as quickly.
She released Clarissa’s neck and pushed her into the wall. Clarissa’s back went through the drywall, crumbling it around her. With a feral look, Clarissa punched Ash in the side of her face and her bones cracked under the assault. The molecules worked fast to repair themselves. She pulled Clarissa from around her body and heaved her across the room. Clarissa screamed as she soared onto the other wall. This time, instead of making a hole in the drywall, Clarissa’s body embedded in it. Ash could see into the other room.
She was just about to run over to her, to kick Clarissa through to the other side when she heard it. The fast beating of a drum.
No. A heartbeat.
Heavy breathing. The rush of air going into and out of lungs.
Sweat. She could hear it coming out of pores and slipping down skin.
She inhaled a deep breath for the first time and groaned. Ah, it smells so good.
What was that most delectable smell?
Her mouth watered. The pain inside her grew even more. Her mind clouded and jumbled with the only clear thought coming through to her brain—hunger. She was so hungry.
Clarissa laughed, but she was inconsequential. Ash looked toward the door, where just beyond was the cause of everything she was feeling.
The door opened and Ash went straight toward the source. A girl. She ran straight into Clarissa who’d beat her there. She tried to push Clarissa out of her way—she needed to feed. She was so very hungry, but Clarissa didn’t budge. She giggled as Ash struggled to move her.
“’I’m not going to harm anyone,’” Clarissa mocked. “I thought you would feel differently when your dinner arrived.”
“I’m so hungry,” she said, begging more than anything.
The girl stared at Ash with wide eyes. “You…you promised that you wouldn’t let her kill me,” the girl whined.
Clarissa ignored the girl. “Of course you are. But if I feed you then what do I get in return?”
“Anything. Please, Clarissa. I need to feed.” This time it really sounded like begging. She would’ve dropped to her knees and licked Clarissa’s boots if she would only ask. She wanted that girl. She wanted to end the hunger growing like a festering weed inside her.
The girl whimpered and she wanted her even more. She could practically see the blood pumping through her body. She wanted it. All of it.
“Sure, you say that now, but how do I know that you’ll feel this way once you’ve drunk your fill?”
“I promise. I’ll do anything that you ask. Please,” she whined.
“I’ll give you one little taste now and you’ll receive more later, depending on how your attitude changes.”
“I’ll act better,” she promised. Any misgivings that she’d had before were now gone. The Pack bonds no longer held her attention. Her mind was on one thing. Blood.
The triumphant smile that had been on Clarissa’s face fell. “Adir.”
Ash knew the name, but she didn’t care who had come to visit. She had eyes for one thing only.
“Clarissa,” a deep voice said. “Is this how you train your fledglings?”
“Adir,” Clarissa said again. “I-I was coming to an agreement with Asha. I had some…difficulties with her turning.”
Ash couldn’t take her eyes away from the girl, but a small part of her willed her to focus on Adir. She had always respected the head of the Vampire House. He’d always been nice and generous when he’d had no need to be. He wasn’t happy—at all. He glared at Clarissa and, for the first time since Ash had known Clarissa, she cowered.
“Of course you did, especially when she was turned against her will. Andras told me everything.”
“Asha,” another deep voice said. But this one was unlike the other, this voice was more demanding. But even still, she turned her attention back to the girl with the sweet blood coursing through her veins.
“Asha,” the voice said again. This time the pull was stronger. She turned toward the voice. She recognized the man—Wolf-Shifter—Andras. Who was he to her?
I’m your Alpha.
The voice was loud and commanding in her head, overriding her blood lust.
“Andras?” Ash whispered.
Another man pushed forward. Hunter. She remembered him immediately. Her proud and protective mate. He looked at her, shock written across his face.
Suddenly, she wasn’t so hungry anymore. She was embarrassed and ashamed.
“Hunter. I’m so sorry.” Her teeth made her voice distorted. She put a hand over her mouth, shielding her teeth from him.
Clarissa was right. She was a monster. Hunter wouldn’t love her anymore.