Chapter 6
Stracey
Two days. Two days Jasper has been away from me and I feel like I’m dying inside. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate on the tasks I’m meant to do. I’m a healer, for God’s sakes. What’s the point of me being a part of this pack if I can’t heal the wolves that need me?
I’ve shut myself away since I closed my door on Joel. He hasn’t been back, but I know he’s angry at me. I don’t blame him now that I’ve had time to think about my actions. If anything happens to Jasper, it’s my fault, because I made him leave here without a clear head. I’ll blame myself if he comes back a shadow of himself, because he left the security of the pack thinking I don’t love or care for him, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I love him more than life itself. That’s why I pushed him away on Friday evening, because I care too much. I just didn’t think about the way he would interpret my actions.
They only people I’ve seen since Monday are Chardonnay and Lisa. Lisa came to tell me that she and Markus were going home for a while. They have exams coming up and they need to study. I wouldn’t like to be them right now, between their exams and the worry they hold over this situation with Jasper and Kevin. It’s hard for me because of Jasper, but Lisa could lose Jasper and Kevin if this goes wrong. Then she must think about her mate, because he feels lost without his guardian around. Jasper is all Markus has depended on in his life, and now he doesn’t have his father figure around.
Chardonnay keeps popping in, encouraging me to leave my cabin and mingle within the pack. She’s tried to settle my nerves by telling me the pack doesn’t blame me for anything. Joel was just upset and angry. He’ll calm down when he sees things clearly. Well, I hope he calms down, because I really like Joel. I have a lot of respect for him. I wouldn’t like to lose my friendship with him over this, but I totally understand his loyalty to Jasper. After all, Jasper was the one who found and saved Joel. If it wasn’t for Jasper, Joel probably wouldn’t be here today.
Gosh, even I owe my life to Jasper, because if it wasn’t for him, I would have taken my own life after my grandmother passed away. I felt empty and alone, and I didn’t see a future for myself. It was Jasper who introduced me to this pack, when Carlos’s father, Carl, was the alpha. I’ve been here ever since. I’ve found my feet and fit in nicely. Well, until now. Now, I feel lost all over again. I don’t feel like I belong here anymore. I don’t see a future for myself without the pack and Jasper, and I don’t know what to do for the best. It wouldn’t be so hard if I could have some contact with Jazz. Even a text message would suffice, but, oh no, the council have taken every privilege from Jasper and Kevin. I bet they’re being tortured as I’m sitting here having my pity party for one.
I rest my head back against the wall and think about the man who has stolen my heart.
I lay in a crumpled ball, sobbing my heart out. I got the dreaded knock on the door from members of the paranormal council, alerting me of my grandmother’s heart attack. Their sincere apology meant nothing to me, because if they didn’t put her heart under stress and strain, she would still be with me now.
“Stracey!” I try to lift my head off the floor, but it feels too heavy. In fact, my whole body feels like that. “Stracey! It’s me, Jasper. Open up, honey.”
“Jasper!”
The next thing I know, my front door is kicked in, I’m scooped up into Jasper’s arms, and he’s sitting down on the couch with me on his lap. “I’ve got you, honey. Let it all out.”
“She’s gone, J-Jasper. What am I meant to do now?”
“Sshh! Don’t think about anything past this moment. Grieve for your grandmother and then I’ll help you get back to a better place.” His big, calloused hands run through my hair, making me relax into his body. My head fits perfectly in the crook of his neck and I inhale his masculine scent. “That’s it, let it out.”
“They killed her, Jasper. They did this to her.”
Jasper’s arms tighten around me and he lets me get out every bit of anger and frustration. He doesn’t rush me or tell me I’m wrong. He just sits there and listens to me spill my guts.
For all these years, Jasper has been my security blanket. Even when he was at home with Markus, he would send me an email or letter. We’ve never lost contact throughout everything, but now the council has done it again. They’ve taken the one person who means the world to me. It’s like they’re punishing me for loving people. Maybe I should stop showing love. Maybe I should be a hard-faced bitch, keep my distance, and not form any kind of relationship. Maybe then I’d stop getting hurt along the way.