I know my time in Tristan’s house, living Tristan’s life, is coming to an end. And I know that this thing between me and him isn’t real.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten lost in the whole allure of it. Hell, I bought sexy lingerie for our sexy Skype calls. If that doesn’t scream “I’ve got it bad!”, I don’t know what does.

It all seems like a dream. But that dream crashed into reality when he surprised me by coming home a day earlier than expected. One minute I’d been conjuring up erotic thoughts of him in my subconscious while I slept soundly, the next his hands were on me, waking me from slumber, pushing himself inside me.

If those dark, shadowed hours together last night were any indication, Tristan Wright missed me just as much as I missed him, whether he wants to admit it or not.

I’ve managed to save the salary he pays me, and I’ve been careful not to mention money to him again.

Dad’s called me once, but I ignored it. I haven’t mentioned that to Tristan, either.

I’m trying to just enjoy the time I have life living here. But, there’s a very real fear—one I keep shoving to the back of my mind—that this is all going to come to an abrupt end. Sooner than I’m ready for it to. I was hired to be a nanny, but now I feel lost as to what I really am.

“Tristan?” He’s still in my bed, dozing contently between wakefulness and sleep. The kids will be up soon, and he needs to head back to his own bedroom before they do. But, he’s going back on the road in a couple of days, and we need to talk, no matter how scared I am about what his real thoughts are on our situation.

“Hmm?” His eyes flutter but don’t open.

“What’s going to happen if you make it to the playoffs?”

His eyes snap open, startling me, and in a blink of an eye he’s got my arms pinned down, hovering over top of me. He’s got more than the playoffs on his mind, and I can feel the proof pressed against my thigh. The ache of missing him for so many nights returns, and he presses his lips against mine.

“We will win the playoffs,” he murmurs against my mouth.

It would be so easy to just shut up and let him take me again. But I can’t let him distract me. “Then what’s going to happen in April? When I finish up here, I mean. I’m just asking because…because I don’t know what’s going on. You hired me as the nanny, but we’ve been…you know?”

He stills against me, caught off guard by my rambling. Then, a moment later he rolls off me and sits at the edge of the bed. He stays silent long enough that I’m not sure he’s going to respond. Finally, he asks, “What do you want to happen?”

I hate that he answers my question with one of his own, but it’s better than not replying at all.

I should tell him the truth. That my own father told me I won’t have a job to come back to unless I continue to give him money. Tristan’s asked me how Dad’s doing, and I’ve lied to him. Told him everything’s just fine. It’s more comforting than the truth. Besides, he’s got enough on his plate. He doesn’t need my trials and tribulations piled on top of his. “Well, I guess I’m going to try to get into college. See about that scholarship—”

He interrupts me. “I’ll pay for it.”

I laugh, rolling my eyes. “You can’t do that.”

He sits up straighter. “The hell I can’t. If you don’t get the scholarship, then I’ll pay your tuition. Seriously, Faith. I’ve never seen my kids this happy, and I know that’s because of you. You need to go to college. You’re not the shy, quiet girl I first met. You’ve come out of your shell a bit.”

“And that’s because of you.” I give him a cheesy grin.

His arms wrap around me again, pushing me back down onto the bed.

“Tristan, what about us?”

My heart stops the moment I say the words, and he stops mid movement, too.

His gaze is locked on mine, searching for an answer to a question he hasn’t yet asked. “I want to keep seeing you,” he says softly. “But—”

Here we go, I think to myself. He’s going to let me down as gently as he can, but it’s going to break my heart just the same.

“—there’s a lot of distance between Boston and Arizona. And I don’t know if you’ll still want to be with an old man like me once you get to college.”

I reach out, hugging him to me tightly. “Trust me, I will. I mean, I do.” I chuckle at my own flustered speech. “Besides, you’ve got a lot of energy for an old man. I think you can keep up.”

He arches an amused brow. “Careful, that sounds like a challenge to me.”

“You’ve made me feel things I never thought I would, Tristan. I can’t imagine not seeing where this goes between us.” The words are out of my mouth before I think them through.

Tristan’s stone-like again. No movement, no sound. Which makes me realize maybe I’ve pushed things too far.

I want him to say something. Anything. To reassure me, even a little bit. Instead, he offers me a faint upturn of his lips and moves away from my embrace.

“The kids will be up soon.”

What just happened? Everything has just plummeted into a downward spiral.

I’m waiting for him to say something else, but he’s gone, slipping out of bed. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I crawl out from under the covers, too, pulling my robe on.

No, I refuse to cry in front of him. Maybe later, when I don’t have an audience. The same way I did when my dad gave me an ultimatum.

Men seem to have a way of lifting me up, then crushing me on the way back down.

I won’t let him get to me, I tell myself. But, I’m too late. He has gotten to me, into the deepest depths of me, and it cuts like a damn knife.