A random ballcap lands on my laptop.
“Put this on.”
I glance up from my half-finished English Lit paper to find Rob towering over the bed, wearing a non-descript hoodie, a beanie, and sunglasses tucked in his collar even though it’s dark outside.
“Uh…why?”
“We’re sneaking out.” He looks around the room like there’s anyone in here to overhear us.
“Uh…why?”
“Because we can’t go anywhere around campus without people harassing us, and I want to take you on a date! Now stop asking questions and just put your disguise on.”
I blink up at him. Rob’s a bit on the weird side like me, but he’s acting more bizarre than usual. “What if I have too much homework? Don’t you think it would be nice, romantic even, if you asked me on a date instead of telling me we’re going on one?”
He rolls his eyes. “I think we’ve already established I’m the least romantic guy on the planet. Besides, it’s been two years and for some reason, you still put up with my sorry ass, so I didn’t think I had to ask to take you out anymore.”
“I’d like to point out several flaws in your logic.”
“Oh, here we go.” He crosses his arms over his broad chest, gazing down at me with that fake expression of irritation he sometimes wears. “Do tell.”
“You’re six foot five and two-hundred forty pounds. Not even a grim reaper costume would disguise you on this campus. And a hat certainly isn’t going to change the way I look.” I squint my eyes, noticing he’s not maintaining eye contact. “You think you’re not romantic, but I’ve given you plenty of examples to show you are. And you’re definitely never bossy with me like this, so how about you tell me what’s really going on?”
He sighs, then meets my questioning gaze. His eyes are bright blue tonight, seeming to glow against the grey of his knit winter hat. After a soft kiss to my lips, he straightens up. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to order you around. I just thought…maybe…we could do something fun together for a change instead of holing up in our room and doing homework.”
I’m still not buying it, but if I want to find out what’s eating at him, I’ll have to play along. “You don’t have any work to do tonight?”
He shakes his head with a rueful smile. “Not much. And nothing that’s due tomorrow. We’re both pulling straight As, but if we don’t ease up off the throttle a bit, we’re going to burn out before finals. Come on, baby. Let’s be rebels and throw caution to the wind for one night.”
Who is this guy and what has he done with my boyfriend? Ever since my attack, Rob doesn’t do anything spontaneous. His potential emergency radar operates on full-alert at all times. “Isn’t wearing disguises being cautious?”
“Hmm.” He furrows his brow. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But, that’s not why I suggested it. I just want a night out with you. I don’t want anyone asking me about my predictions for the game this week, or trying to take random selfies with us in the background. And I definitely don’t want guys giving you sleazy looks like they’re imagining what’s under your clothes.”
I can’t argue with that logic. Those looks make my skin crawl, especially because they wouldn’t be drooling at me that way if they actually knew what was under my clothes. “Awesome. I’ve gotta admit watching all the women on campus lust after you gets old really fast.”
He bends down for another kiss that lasts longer than the first. “Now you know how I felt about your body being plastered all over those WAGS pages.”
Oh, no. We’re not doing this again. “And how I felt about your shirtless SI spread.”
“You were one of the people who talked me into doing that,” he reminds me with a tap on my nose. “I’m not looking to share myself with anyone else.”
If only he knew he already has. “And may I remind you, I had no idea what that photo shoot would entail. But, all right. You win this round, Superjock. Let me throw on some clothes and we’ll go…where are we going, again?”
“You don’t need to change, and it’s a surprise.”
I rise from the bed and glance down at my old sweatpants and the ratty long-sleeved IHS football tee I stole from Rob’s wardrobe. “Incognito is one thing, but I’m not going out looking like a total bum. Besides, the IHS shirt would give me away.”
Rob steps forward until he’s pressed against me, then twists his fingers in my hair. “Look at it this way: You never go out without looking completely put together. But, you’ve already had your shower for the night and are ready for bed. With your curly hair, glasses, and no makeup, you’ll be less recognizable.”
“You really hate that I try so hard to look my best on campus, don’t you?” His little comments here and there eat away at me, even though I know he doesn’t do it on purpose.
“It’s not that, baby.” With another sigh, he wraps me in his arms. “I love you. I love everything about you. You know I support you a hundred percent on anything you want to do. But, I can’t escape the nagging feeling you only dress the way you do now because of that worthless Wives’ Club, which should be disbanded on the grounds it’s morally reprehensible. It freaks me the hell out that you’re so into it, because it goes against all the feminist values you hold so dear. I don’t want you to dress, act, or be different because you think it helps me.”
“It helps me, too, Rob,” I admit into his chest. “When everyone else sees me for who I’m not, I can pretend the ugly doesn’t exist for a while.”
He pulls back until our eyes meet. “Oh, Mrs. Falls. When will you learn? You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Tears well in my eyes, but I sniffle them back and offer him a half-smile. “Maybe to you.”
“Yeah.” He nods. “To me.”
He disentangles us, then hunts in the closet for my boots and winter coat, throwing them on the bed with a motion for me to get ready to go. “And in that vein, I had a crazy idea earlier.”
A shudder rolls through me at his words, but I brush it off. “You’re throwing caution to the wind and coming up with crazy ideas. Did you get a concussion during practice today?”
He rolls his eyes, but takes my hand as we exit the safety of the room, only to play a little stint at ninjas as we sneak our way to the stairwell. Once he’s satisfied no one is around, he explains, “No matter how much we think we get better, we constantly backslide into our own heads. I know we can’t pretend that day never happened and didn’t change us for better…and worse, but what if we do what you suggested before everything went to hell?”
I pull up short after we exit the building in the rear where no overhead lights reveal our faces and hardly anyone ever stands around to smoke. “I didn’t suggest any of this. This is all your idea.”
“Hear me out.” He wraps me in his arms like he wants to defend me from the cold. “Do you remember way back when I admitted to you that I never flirted with girls because I didn’t know what to say?”
I nod.
“You advised me to start with hello. In hindsight, it really was that simple, but I didn’t have the guts to follow through. I do now.”
“So…you want to tell me hello? I think we’re way past that.”
“We are and we’re not. So, here’s my crazy idea. Let’s start at the beginning. I want a do-over, Evie. Give me another chance to get things right.”
“Okay,” I draw out. “So you want to start at the beginning. What exactly does that entail?”
His teeth gleam even in the darkness when a wide grin splits his face. “Hi, I’m Rob. What’s your name?”
“Eva, but my friends call me Evie.” Try as I might to be serious, I can’t stop a giggle from slipping out. He is making me feel a bit like a dumb-struck freshman all over again.
“Sorry I ran into you in the hallway, but you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. Will you go on a date with me?”
“Sure.” Another stupid giggle. “Where are we going?”
“Okay, pause.” He takes my hand and drags me toward the parking lot of our dormitory. “Real life necessitates we don’t go on a date around here if we want to actually spend any quality time together without people butting in. We’re going to drive to this little town I found on the map about forty-five minutes away and have our date there. It’s far enough away that people might not recognize us, and small enough that even if they do, they probably won’t say anything. But, the only thing to do there is bowling.”
“I don’t know if this is a good idea, Rob.” My acting is getting so much better.
He rounds on me wearing a frown. “You don’t like it? It’s a stupid idea, isn’t it? I just thought…”
I place a finger over his lips to shut him up. Not romantic, my ass. “All I meant was you might not want to continue dating me after I crush you on the lanes. I know how competitive you are, but you’re a football player, not a bowler.”
He nips at my finger until I let go. “And you are a bowler? Is that what you’re trying to tell me, Mrs. Falls?”
“No Mrs. Falls tonight. We’re starting at the beginning, remember? And yes. Papou and YiaYia used to drag me bowling with them all the time. I got pretty good, so be prepared to lose.”
“Fast forward,” Rob whispers, pulling me against him when we reach his car.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I refuse not to call you Mrs. Falls, and I’m about to kiss you like we’ve been together for two years.”
Yeah, the amount of tongue he uses would be obscene on a first date. It’s still hot, though.
“I can’t believe you beat me!” Rob scoffs with his eyes trained on the winding, dark road ahead of us.
“I told you I used to be really good, but I didn’t want to admit to you I might be a little rusty since I haven’t bowled in years.”
He flicks his gaze my direction, raising his brow. “That was your version of rusty? You bowled over two hundred for three games in a row!”
“I bowled a three hundred once in middle school.”
“That’s…a perfect game, isn’t it?”
A smug grin spreads across my lips as the memory of that small victory washes over me. “Yep.”
His laughter drowns out the country music softly emanating from the speakers. “Is it too soon to say I love you? Because I totally do.”
We’ve kept up this little game of pretend all night. Admittedly, the “accidental” brushes of his fingers against mine have had my heart racing and my anticipation for more at astronomical levels. I’ve imagined multiple times what it would have been like to experience all of this with him as freshmen, sophomores, or even juniors in high school.
Like normal teenagers who fall in love.
The kind who go on dates, have fun, laugh all the time, dance the night away at formals, and lose their virginity in the back of their cars on a deserted country road.
“Hey,” he murmurs, grabbing my hand in his own larger one. “Where’d you go? I promise no more early declarations of love.”
“I was just thinking. What if we’d been together for six years now instead of two? What would that be like? How different would we be? Both as individuals and as a couple?”
His lips caress the scar that still remains from the bonfire, which could have been a game changer had I not been so naive. “Let’s fast forward a bit, shall we? Instead of our first date, let’s make it our…eleventh. Yeah. That’s a good number.”
I cast a curious glance at him, but he doesn’t notice, too busy navigating these unfamiliar roads. “What happens on our eleventh date?”
His dimple peeks out with a shy smile. “We go driving around, find a cozy place to park, and see where the night takes us.”
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
His lips continue to trace along my skin in a soothing back and forth motion. “Never did any of the fantasies I used to have about you include forcing you to do something you didn’t want, too.” A soft chuckle escapes his lips, the warm breath tickling my hand. “But, I’ll tell you something else I’ve realized about those old daydreams. I always imagined being able to make you want me so much you’d be begging for me. In my wildest dreams, I never considered it would be me begging for you.”
My breath hitches in my throat at the implication in his words. “Are you begging now? Or do you want me to?”
He turns his soft gaze toward me long enough for me to gauge his sincerity. “You never have to beg me for anything, baby. You’ve had me on my knees since day one. I just didn’t see it.”
“What do you see now?”
“A fork in the road.”
He’s not romantic. Sure. He’s practically a poet.
“So all we have to do is choose, huh? It’s that easy?”
His bark of laughter breaks the spell I’m under. He gestures with our joined hands toward the windshield. “No, literally. There’s a fork in the road. Which way do you want to go? Left or right?”
“Uh, Rob?” I pry my hand free and fish for my phone in my purse. Zero bars show on my home screen. “Are we going to get lost out here?”
“Nope.” He swings the car left. “We’ll just go back the way we came. I didn’t want to take a chance with not being familiar with these roads, though. We haven’t passed a car for at least five miles, so I think we’ll have some privacy and not potentially be cited for lewd conduct.”
He was never so concerned when we went driving around the back roads those few times in high school. “Is that a thing? Did that happen to you with Sabrina or something?”
Rob throws me a dirty look that doesn’t nearly affect me. “No. It happened to Alex once. He was messing around with some girl from another school district and didn’t really know the good spots around her area.”
“Huh.” I never considered that possibility all the times I drove around the back roads. Honestly, getting busted by the cops could’ve made my time with Eddie so much shorter. That would have been enough motivation for me to never go driving around with him again.
“Does this look okay to you?”
It looks exactly the same as everything we’ve passed for a while. Dark, leafless trees line the gravel road, where just the barest hint of moonlight streams through the branches.
“Sure.”
He pulls over to the shoulder and kills the engine, bathing us in darkness. The sudden silence fills me with a nervousness I didn’t know I could have after all this time.
How far does he want to go?
Would we have taken things all the way on our eleventh date if reality hadn’t played us the way it did, and we were normal?
His voice sounds confident, albeit quiet as he opens his arms for me. “Come here, baby.”
We’ve done this before, I remind myself. I climb onto his lap, knowing he’s come for me probably a hundred times since last year.
With our clothes on.
That’s all we’ll be doing, right? Just the usual dry humping until we get off?
“Why so nervous?” Rob wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his chest in a tight hug that doesn’t make me relax like it should.
“I’m not nervous.”
“Are you cold?”
“No.”
“You’re shaking.”
With a strong but gentle hand on my chin, he tips my face up until his soft gaze comes into focus. “Don’t be afraid of me, Evie. I’d never do anything to hurt you. But, I am going to kiss you and love you…for the rest of my days.”
The promise made, he closes the distance between us with painstaking slowness. Whether to draw out the moment or give me time to say no, I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter, anyway. The moment his lips touch mine, he opens his mouth wide, his tongue gaining entrance immediately.
He smells like safety, feels like home, and tastes like everything I’ve ever wanted.
I wrap my hands around his neck, then let them travel up to tunnel my fingers in his hair. His expected moan in response makes me smile against his lips. He grins, too, then dives back in.
Slowly, I thaw under his magical hands that fist my curls, spread over my back, and run down my arms. Every movement he makes draws me closer to him with expert precision that’s only taken him a short time to master.
“You would never have been this suave on only our eleventh date,” I whisper as he lavishes my neck with his tongue.
“Probably not,” he admits with a chuckle as he pushes my coat down over my shoulders. “But, I would have been out of my mind with wanting you.”
I furrow my brow at the implication that he doesn’t want me now. His erection feels unmistakably hard beneath me. Is he forcing this?
He raises his head until our gazes meet. Cupping my jaw with both hands, he swipes his thumbs along my cheeks, studying me with that quiet intensity he uses like a weapon.
The only sound is our rapid breathing. Whether he doesn’t know what to say or is enjoying the quiet, I’m not sure. For myself, I become increasingly aware of him all around me. His calloused but gentle hands on my face, his large arms boxing me in, the heat that emanates from his chest to my own body, the solid feel of his muscular thighs and erection under me. I close my eyes and breathe in this stolen moment, pretending we can have it all.
I don’t startle when he rests his forehead against mine, his warm breath fanning over my face.
“Evie…” A few more heartbeats, then he pulls back. “Let me take back what he stole from you. From us.”
I’d be a fool not to want to give him what he’s silently pleading for.
A chance.
“I don’t want you to see,” I whisper.
“I don’t need to see tonight. Just feel.”
I expect him to reach for me when I give the slightest nod of my head, but he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses me deeply, breathing in my every exhale, and drawing sounds from me I hadn’t known I could produce until this very moment.
This kiss is different, but I can’t explain why.
His hands slide down my neck, over my shoulders. I can’t stop myself from tensing at the knowledge of what happens next. He must feel it, too, because he wraps his hands around my hips, guiding me to move against him in a familiar rhythm.
“I’ve only wanted this with you,” he murmurs against my lips. “No one else. You have all the pieces of me no one else can ever have.”
“Can I reclaim what’s been stolen, too?” He’s not the only one who feels cheated.
“Yes.”
One word sends me into a flurry of activity. Where he’s slow and gentle, I’m quick and strong, wrenching the button of his jeans open, then dragging down the zipper with shaky hands.
I pause at the moment of truth, brushing his hardness through his briefs with just the tips of my fingers. He breathes out a rush of air across my lips, and both of us shudder at the contact.
I feel against my mouth more than hear his words. “Evie, the rumors weren’t all lies. I’m big. I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
I’m afraid of losing you.
He kisses me again, but it doesn’t distract me from my goal. I pull him out, gripping his hardness. The smooth skin feels hot beneath my hand that barely fits around his girth. He gasps against my mouth, molding his hands to my breasts over my shirt.
So caught up in my own exploration, I don’t have the awareness to shy away from his.
He really is as big as the rumors claimed. Veiny, thick, and pulsing beneath my touch, it’s like nothing and everything I ever imagined all at once.
My fingers ghost over the tip of his silky flesh, and he squeezes my breasts in response.
“I want this off.”
“My shirt?” No way. It’s dark enough that he wouldn’t be able to see anything, but…it’s getting rapidly cold in here without the engine running.
“No, you’ll freeze.” He smiles against my lips. “The false advertising. I want to feel you.”
“Oh.” I can do that. “Okay. Hang on.”
I pull my arms inside the sleeves of my shirt and remove the offending item, tossing it into the back seat in my rush to return to my previous discovery.
He gapes at me, not seeming to notice I’m right back to my bumbling efforts at a hand job. “That was a neat trick.”
I glance down to make sure I’m not doing something wrong, or maybe he came already, but…holy shit, I have both my hands wrapped around him and still can’t cover everything.
“Can you teach me how to do that?”
Rob’s hesitant voice drags my attention back up, but his question doesn’t make any sense.
I know it’s been a while for him, but geez. “You don’t remember how to jerk off?”
He throws his head back against the seat and laughs so hard my hands shake loose of their hold. It takes him a few moments to regain some semblance of control. When he meets my gaze again, he’s just barely holding it together. “I meant, can you teach me how to take your bra off under your shirt?”
“Oh.” My face heats even in the chilly air. Some things remain unchanged. Few people can fluster me as easily as Rob does.
“I love you, Mrs. Falls.” With a wide grin, he pulls me against him so quickly, I have to brace my hands against his chest to keep from banging our heads together. More laughter rumbles up from his stomach. “I love our imperfectly perfect life together. I was aiming for sexy and smooth, but this is more authentic, don’t you think? It wouldn’t be us without some laughter and fumbling the ball.”
“You never fumble the ball.”
“Maybe not, but I’ve taken plenty of sacks these past few years.” He kisses me with less heat than before. This is back to soft, slow, and sweet. Just tender brushes of his lips along mine. His hands spread across my back, warming the chill away.
“I’ll teach you how to take off my bra if you’ll show me what you like.”
His smooth teeth slide against my lips when he smiles again. He doesn’t respond, simply pulls my lower lip into his mouth, sucking on it like it’s his favorite candy.
“You forgot what you liked, didn’t you?”
“No,” he murmurs. “At least…I don’t think so. I just can’t do it without you anymore.”
“Then show me.”
He guides my hand back to his thankfully still-hard erection, wrapping my fingers around his length. “Tighter.”
Tighter? Isn’t this area a little sensitive?
“You won’t break me, baby.” He wraps his hand around my own, guiding me up and down his shaft in a slow, steady motion.
Never in all my years of dreaming about Rob did I imagine us jerking him off together would be so…sensual.
“Now tell me what you want,” he whispers into my ear, fanning damp warmth across my neck.
“Just this.”
“I don’t want to be selfish,” he breathes. “Please.”
I don’t have any hands left to show him because I’m trying my best to give him what he needs. Instead, I lower my mouth to his, taking control of the kisses he’s owned so far.
Our tongues dance as my hands continue to mimic the motion he first showed me. He moans into my mouth to let me know I’m doing okay. Maybe more than okay if the rapid rise and fall of his chest is any indication.
Without any direction on my part, his hands find my breasts again. He kneads them in an identical rhythm to that of my own.
I’m not sure if it’s the knowledge I’m pleasuring him, or the fact I’m so turned on by what I’m doing, but the pressure against my scarred nipples feels…good.
He tears his mouth away from mine. “I want evidence of you in this car. Anything you looked for the first time you were in here, I want it. Your lacy bra in the back seat, your hand prints on the windows, your scent in the air. I want it all.”
My mind races back to the time he’s referencing. How he turned down someone else because he wanted this with me. I cling to that, trying to erase memories of the Barbie who made him come first. It’s not a competition, I remind myself. This is just us. We’re the only ones here; no memories allowed.
His voice sounds pained, on the verge of tears when he pants into my neck. “I love you. I love you, Evie. Please, don’t leave me.”
I have no idea what to make of that, but before I can voice my confusion, that familiar grunting sound that haunts my dreams escapes his lips.
Warmth floods over my fingers, and I look down, watching fascinated, as he spurts thick, hot liquid from his dick. I know from health class in middle school how this is supposed to play out, but actually seeing it happen, knowing I caused it, is a totally different ballgame.
“Evie, baby,” he groans, his head lolled back against the seat, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.
Pride erupts in my chest because I might not have been sucking him off, but words were never a part of the first time I heard him come.
His body shudders beneath me as he releases one last pulse of sticky cum before his muscles fall completely limp.
He moans a bit, like he’s as dazed as I am by what just occurred.
My gaze flits between his relaxed face and the mess I’m not sure what to do about that covers my hands, his still-hard dick, and some of his hoodie.
I don’t know what to do now.
So, I hold my breath, a part of me waiting for him to open his eyes and tell me I’m not good enough. That this wasn’t everything he fantasized about in high school.
Without the padding of my bra, there’s practically nothing for him to grab onto and be aroused by. He had to show me what to do; I didn’t know for myself how to please him. I’m as inexperienced as I ever was. Maybe now he’ll realize he wants someone more…sexual. At the very least, more like the girls who chase after him all over campus.
It feels like an eternity before he seems to peel his eyes open, gazing at me with a dazed expression.
“Rob? Are you okay? Was that…good enough for you?”
“Huh?” My words don’t seem to register in his mind.
“I…um. Is there something in the car we can clean this up with?”
I don’t dare move my hands. That’ll just spread cum everywhere.
He blinks a few times before focusing his gaze on his crotch.
Still seemingly out of it, he furrows his brow and chews his lip like he doesn’t know what to do next, either.
“I…”
All of my previous arousal evaporates, replaced by an awkwardness that seems fitting for our night of pretend.
Suddenly, Rob jerks upright, pulling the hoodie over his head with stunted movements. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think this through. Are you okay?”
He gathers the soft, worn cotton into a ball and pries my hands away, wiping them clean before anything else.
“I’m fine.”
When he’s finished cleaning up as best he can, he doesn’t tuck himself back inside and redo his jeans like I expect. Instead, he cradles me against him, tucking my head into his neck in my usual spot. On a deep sigh, he wraps his arms around me and one hand begins travelling a lazy path up and down my back. Another familiar gesture of his affection.
“I made a critical error tonight,” he mumbles.
“I’m really okay, Rob. I’m still not afraid of you, and I honestly wanted to do that for you. It’s fine that nothing happened for me.”
“Hmm.” The vibration from his throat tickles my cheek. “It’s not fine with me; it’s selfish and something I would have done or not done…before. But, that’s not what I meant.”
He’s being so bizarre tonight.
“What did you mean, then?”
“I’m so freaking tired, and we have over an hour drive back to campus.”
Relief floods through me that he’s not going to try to make up for my lack of pleasure, because I’m honestly spent, and my mind’s still processing everything that did happen. A laugh bubbles up from my chest at his relaxed state I’m responsible for. “That’s okay. I can drive us home.”
He squeezes me, then places a soft kiss against my forehead. “I love you, Mrs. Falls.”
“I love you, too.”