Chapter 17
Wakey Wakey
Ella
I woke to the sound of a door slamming shut.
My eyes shot open. Please tell me I imagined that. Please tell me that was a dream.
Because sure enough, I'd fallen asleep in Ryan's bed. I was completely naked and snuggled up with Ryan's hulking arm wrapped tight around me.
But my worst fears were confirmed when I heard Lance call, “Yoooooooo! I'm home!”
Oh my God. Lance is home, and I actually fell asleep in Ryan's room.
I knew this would happen. I knew it! Fuck!
“Hello?” Lance called from the living room. “Ella? You here? Huh.”
Ryan slept through it. I shook his great big body and spoke as quietly and urgently as I could.
“(Radar! Wake up! Lance is home!)”
His eyes bolted open with a look of terror.
“Shit,” he whispered. He sat up in a panic. “This is bad. Real bad.”
I raised my arms at him as if to say, well!?! What'd you think was going to happen?
“I told you not to fall asleep!” I said.
“I … I got too comfortable,” he mumbled.
We heard Lance's footsteps. He was coming down the hallway—heading for us. “Radar? You up, buddy?”
“You have to hide,” he whispered to me.
“What?” I asked, appalled.
Lance banged on the door. “Yo Radar. Wakey wakey! Don't be late for our morning skate!”
Radar's eyes were huge. “(Quick! Hide!)”
“(Where!?)”
“(Under the bed!)”
I hopped off the mattress and crawled underneath the bed. I immediately noticed Radar's snake-skin treasure chest—he'd moved it from the top of his dresser to under the bed after I noticed it? Why?
But I didn't have much time to solve the mystery, as the bedroom door opened. I watched from beneath the bed as Lance's feet came into view.
And—oh no—a green dress that laid right by door. My dress.
Lance started to step into the room before Radar yelled, “I'm naked, bro, don't come in!”
“Whoops, my bad.”
I had a view of Radar's feet as he climbed out of bed. He stepped into the boxers he wore last night and pulled them up his legs.
“(My dress, Radar, my dress!)” I tried to quietly warn him, but he didn't hear me.
Radar opened the door and let Lance in. A nausea spoiled my stomach as I watched Lance step right over my dress.
“What's up?” Radar asked him.
Had he seen it? Did he know?
“Just making sure you're up in time. We've gotta be at the morning skate in a few.”
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks. I overslept.”
“Yeah?” Lance asked, and I could hear his smile. “Must've been a good night, huh? You up pretty late?”
“Heh, yeah … you know …”
“So how was she?”
“Who?” Radar asked, suddenly sounding guilty as hell. And I hoped that neither of them could hear the sound of my palm smacking my forehead from beneath the bed.
“The puck bunny, duh,” Lance said. “Who else?”
“Oh, ha, right. Yeah man. She was uh … incredible.”
“Did you go to her place or bring her back here?”
“Her place,” Radar said huskily.
“Ha! You liar,” Lance said with a great glee in his voice. “Did you forget something last night? A little piece of evidence, maybe?”
“Wha'?” Radar stammered.
“There's a pair of white panties lying in the living room. Yeahhhh! That's right. You're so busted, dude.”
A flashback from last night played in my head: Radar pulling my panties down my leg and tossing them over his shoulder. Neither of us had remembered to pick it up afterward.
Oh my God, we're so caught.
Lance continued. “You're fuckin' sick, by the way. And the boys on the team are gonna love hearing about this one: I buy a new couch, and you fuck some puck-slut on it in less than 24 hours?”
A deep but silent breath spilled out of my lungs. He thinks those panties belong to someone else.
“You're lucky I love you, Radar. But you know you owe me for that couch now, right? You christened it before I did, you fucker. First fucking night, too. I can't believe you.”
“Heh … yeah. Sure. Sorry about that.” Radar gulped.
“Did Honey Badger hear you guys?”
“No … she was fast asleep …” Radar was desperate to change the subject. “But hey, how was your night?”
“Great, great. Spent the night at Lindsay's. I finally tapped it, bro. Finally.”
“You did?!”
“Oh yeah. That fuckin' ass, man. It's unreal.” I heard the slap of Lance's back-hand on Radar's bare chest. “Let's just say, Sir Lancelot came-a-lot.”
“Ew,” I whispered.
Radar laughed, and Lance laughed, and they were slapping at each other, hoo boy, over how funny that terrible joke was.
God, are hockey players even worse when they don't know a woman is around? That's great news …
“Anyway, Radar, I'm gonna run across the street and grab us some coffee and doughnuts, but I wanted to make sure you were awake.”
“Thanks bud. Appreciate it.”
“Yup. Don't mention it.” My guts twisted with anxiety as Lance's shoe stepped right on my dress. He stopped walking, and slowly turned around. “Don't forget to pick those panties up, by the way. Because I ain't gonna touch them. And I don't want Honey Badger to see them, or you know she'll flip her shit and rant about what sleazy horn-dogs men are, blah, blah, blah.”
“Right. I will. Sorry again.”
“No prob.” Lance turned around, and his foot lifted off my dress. Radar must've noticed it now, because he put his foot on it and quickly scooted his leg backward. My dress swooshed across the floor, scooping up a bunch of under-the-bed dust-bunnies, before it hit me in the face.
Gee. Thanks.
Lance turned around again. “Hey, speaking of Honey Badger—you wouldn't happen to know where she is, would you?”
“Oh, yeah, um—she told me she was going to the gym.”
“This morning?”
“Yeah.”
“She woke you up to tell you that? Huh. Weird. Anyway, I'm gonna go grab those doughnuts. I'll be right back.”
Radar shut the door after him. When we heard the sound of the front door open and shut, he crouched by the bed. “I'm sorry, Ella,” he said, extending his hand to me.
“I think I meant it last night when I said I hate you,” I grumbled. I gave him my hand and he pulled me out.
He nodded, wearing a frown. “Yeah, that's fine. I deserve that.”
I clutched my dress over my body to hide my shame. “What do you keep in that box, anyway? I noticed you moved it.”
“What box?” he asked.
“Don't play dumb. The one that was on top of the dresser, but is now beneath your bed.”
“Did you look inside it?” he asked as if he was accusing me of something.
“Wow. No, I didn't, but it must be something sensitive.”
“It's private. Don't look.”
“Forget it. I don't care about the box. We've got bigger problems, like what do we tell Lance now?”
“What do you mean? He doesn't suspect a thing. We stick to our story and we're fine.”
“Yeah. He doesn't suspect a thing.” I rolled my eyes sarcastically. “Until he wonders where I was sleeping while you were banging this 'puck-slut' on his new leather couch last night. You guys are fucking gross, by the way.”
“Don't overthink it, Ella. You'll just say you were sleeping in Lance's bed. You went to bed early, and you didn't hear or see anything.”
“You want me to lie, is what you're saying.” I tutted. “Did you not listen to what I told you last night? Don't you get it …?”
He buried his face in his hands. “I know how important it is to you to be honest. Believe me, I get it.”
“No you don't. Or you wouldn't be putting me in this position.”
“Do you know how important my career is to me? If Lance finds out, he could have me shipped to some other team. Hell, I could end up in the AHL again! Ella, all I'm asking is that you make an exception. Just this once. Don't you believe that sometimes, a lie can be for a good cause? Like, if it helps somebody out?”
“No, I don't believe that at all.”
“Please, Ella. Hockey is all I've got.”
“Then last night was a huge mistake for us both,” I said, seething. “You want me to lie for you? Fine. I will. But don't ever talk to me or ask me for anything again, because I swear you won't get a damned thing from me, Radar.”
“Ella—” He reached out to give me a hug, but I batted his stupid arms away.
“I said don't.”
I marched off to the shower, to wash away the grimy, sludgy sense of regret.
***
When I emerged from the shower, Lance and Radar were huddled at the kitchen table.
“Hey sis,” Lance said.
“Hi Lance,” I muttered.
“How was your workout?”
“Honestly?” I let the question hang just to see Radar squirm in his seat. “Not so good. I didn't really have it in me today. In fact, it's almost like I didn't workout at all.”
“Uh. Okay.” Lance laughed uncomfortably and wolfed down a doughnut in a single bite. I saw him catch Radar's eye, as if to silently communicate some thought like, 'women, what crazy bitches, am I right?'
“Did you sleep alright last night, Honey Badger?” Lance shot Radar another sly look. “Any strange sounds keep you up at night?”
“What, you mean besides the grunting and groaning at three in the morning? Radar was banging some slut in the living room, as I'm sure he told you.”
Lance burst into laughter, but Radar slumped in his seat.
“Okay, okay—wait, you mean you actually heard them fucking?! Because Radar seems to think that you slept through it …”
“How could I sleep through that? Her screams were just awful. Like a thousand wolves being burned alive.”
Lance practically fell out of his chair. “Ohhh my God! A thousand wolves—aaah! I would've loved to have heard that!”
“You laugh, but I was worried. I actually came out to check on them and make sure everyone was alright.”
Lance's eyes grew as big as plates. “You what???”
“I mean, what if someone was having a medical emergency? I had to make sure.”
“Well, what'd you see?” Lance asked.
“Um.” I covered my mouth and snickered. “Well, I saw Radar, butt-naked and covered with sweat, jack-hammering away on some blonde chick on the red leather couch that we just picked out.”
Radar turned as red as a tomato, but Lance beamed with delight.
“So you actually caught them in the act?! I am laughing my fucking ass off right now! Dude! Figures some shit like this would go down the one night I'm not here! Can you believe he fucked that girl on the new couch? I told him he owes me five grand. Look at how red Radar is—you can tell he's ashamed of himself, haa!”
“How do you think she feels? She's probably really regretting her life choices today,” I said, “especially once she realizes she left her panties here and everything. How embarrassing for her.”
“So you saw the panties in the living room, too?! Dude, Radar, you really fucked up, bud!” Lance howled, pointing a finger right in Radar's face. “But don't worry, Ella, I doubt she'll be missing those panti—”
“That's enough,” Radar roared, and the room fell suddenly quiet and tense.
Lance leaned back in his chair. “Jeez. Hey, sorry bud. Just playin' around, that's all.”
Radar checked his watch. “Look. We need to get going or we're going to be late.”
“Right, right.” Lance rose from his chair. “Lemme grab my shit.”
Lance went off to his room. I started to walk away too, but Radar spun me around with his hand on my shoulder.
“What the hell was all that?” he growled at me quietly.
“Huh? I'm just doing what you asked. You wanted me to lie for you, right?”
“Not like that! The more ridiculous details you add, the less believable it is!”
I rolled my eyes. “So now you're telling me how I should lie.”
“Ella, please! Be reasonable!”
Lance stepped back into the room, ready to go. He raised a suspicious eyebrow at the two of us. “What's up, you guys?”
“Radar was just apologizing for his behavior last night.” I strutted away. “You two have fun at your morning skate.”