Chapter Twenty-One
Tally stared at the letter in her hand as a wave of anger, unlike anything she’d ever experienced, moved over her. She’d never believed anyone actually saw red until this moment. The world around her was being filtered through a red haze that hadn’t been there a few seconds ago.
If you had asked her a year ago how she would react to what she’d just read, she’d have been able to answer without a moment’s hesitation. But now? Now the object of her anger wasn’t here for her to rage at, and she had no idea if he would ever return.
Accepting his death had been difficult for so many reasons, but she’d finally come to a place of peace. Then the pictures arrived, destroying the fragile first steps she’d made to put her life back together again. There’d been so many emotions to sort through, she’d felt like she was drowning for the first several weeks. The only reason she’d made it through relatively unscathed was the man who’d held her together when grief and guilt had threatened to pull her under.
Knowing her husband had kept this secret was almost as painful as knowing how far they’d drifted apart.
“Why wasn’t I enough?”
Koi’s arms came around her, and he pulled her back into his chest. She hadn’t even realized she was shaking until his strength stilled the shudders racking her body.
“Ma poupée, I don’t want to ever hear you say that again, are we clear? You are more than enough. You’re brilliant, loving, kind, thoughtful, funny, and beautiful. Your lively spirit draws people like moths to a flame. You think of others before yourself, and you give until there is nothing left if I don’t watch you closely.” He turned her and hugged her close, pressing her ear against the center of his chest.
“You hear that? That’s the steady beat of a heart I thought would never find a woman to love before I met you. When Karl approached me about becoming your third, I knew there was more to it than that—it was written all over his face. I didn’t hesitate because I was already fascinated with you, and we’d only seen each other in passing at Kodi’s wedding. We hadn’t even been introduced, and I was caught in your sweet web.”
Koi’s words were always a balm to her soul. Time after time, he’d held her when everything she thought she knew fell away to rubble. He’d shown her in a million little ways how much she meant to him, and so many times, Tally had worried she was the only one getting anything meaningful from the relationship.
“He always told me the time wasn’t right… that he didn’t want children until we were ready, and he was never ready. I gave up a lucrative career in Washington to move to Montana, and I never regretted that sacrifice because it so quickly became the home I’d never had. The majestic beauty was only part of its appeal. The people here are real, they say what they mean and mean what they say.
“I put off having a family because he’d sworn it would be worth the wait even though he knew how much it meant to me. At one time, he’d even talked about having a vasectomy, so he could play the sympathy card with the public. Woe is me because my lovely, professional wife and I can’t have children. When in reality, he didn’t want a child to interfere with his career. He was convinced children would hold him back politically, and God forbid if they weren’t absolutely perfect in every way.”
*
Koi could feel the emotion roiling through Tally, and as much as he wanted to calm her, what could he say? Her husband had fathered a child with another woman—a woman who had written to thank him for helping her shortly before he’d left on a trip that sent everyone associated with him into a tailspin. She needed to burn off the excess energy before she could deal rationally with her emotions. Letting her go off the rails now wouldn’t serve anyone well.
“Here are your choices, love. Kickboxing, swimming, or we can spend the rest of the evening in the playroom.” As much as he would enjoy losing himself in her for the next few hours that wasn’t what she needed most.
Taking a deep breath, he was pleased when she only hesitated for a couple of seconds before answering. He’d spent months building her trust, assuring her he meant it when he gave her choices, that he wouldn’t lay them out if he wasn’t perfectly fine with whatever she chose. So often she’d worried everything was a trick question, and she was being set up to fail. For that alone, Koi would gladly kick Karl’s ass. What had appeared on the outside to be an idyllic marriage had evidently been anything but.
“Kickboxing and I don’t want you to baby me. After we’ve finished, I’d like to eat greasy tacos and snuggle.” He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead.
“I have no intention of babying you in the ring, ma poupée, but I am going to make sure you burn off some of the anger I see in your eyes—it’s cheaper than bail money.” She laughed as he’d hoped she would as he led her up the basement stairs. When she reached the top, she turned so she could look directly into his eyes.
“Thank you.” He must have looked surprised because she laughed softly and shook her head. “Obviously, I don’t say it often enough if it surprises you when I express my gratitude.” She drew in a deep breath, and he wanted to erase the sadness clouding her eyes forever. When he opened his mouth to respond, she placed a finger over his lips. “I love you. I fall a little deeper every single day. You empower me when I feel the most broken, and you always manage to bring out the very best in me.”
Koi was stunned by everything Tally had just said. He’d been careful to not push her over the past year but had decided a few days ago he needed to find a way to tell her how he felt. Smiling to himself, he was grateful she’d been a step ahead of him. Brushing back a wayward strand of her pale blonde hair, Koi hoped he could find the words that would do justice to the depth of emotion he felt.
“I love you, too—more than I can tell you. I’m humbled you see me the way you do. The only other women who have ever loved me unconditionally are my mother and sister.” And it was true, he’d never had a woman of his own. He’d topped a lot of submissives over the years, but there had never been one he wanted to keep.
“When I first moved back to Montana, I wasn’t in a very good place. I was disillusioned with a career I’d always known could only end one of two ways. Either I’d get hurt and be forced into retirement, or I’d make a bad call and die in some dark alley in bum-fuck-nowhere. The government would never acknowledge I’d even been there, and Kodi would be left dealing with nothing but unanswered questions and endless red tape.”
It was true. Aside from his sister, his life hadn’t felt like it really belonged to him for so long, at times, he’d wondered if he would be able to find the man he’d once been. Warm fingers brushing over his cheek brought him back to the moment. Koi smiled at the love he saw reflected in her bright blue eyes. Karl Tyson had been a fool, he’d failed to recognize the treasure he’d had and thrown it all away. If the rumors floating through the intelligence community were credible—and they usually were—the man hadn’t even been faithful while he was trying desperately to convince Tally to marry him.
“Let’s go kick some ass. We’ll both feel better, and we’ll be able to enjoy those heavenly tacos without guilt.”
He agreed with her, they both needed to expend some of their pent-up frustration. He needed to stop regretting what he’d lost and live in gratitude for all he’d been given, and she needed to come to grips with Karl’s betrayal before deciding where she’d go from here.
Karl was currently recovering under a cloak of anonymity at a world-renowned drug rehabilitation clinic in Antigua, one of the few in the world on the leading edge of the new designer drugs and those being developed to allow the manipulation of cognition. Pharmaceuticals had long been used on prisoners of war, but technology had advanced to a point where it was dangerously easy to program another human to do your bidding. In Koi’s opinion nothing good could come from these drugs—nothing!
Koi had stood aside and let the Wests subtly discourage Tally’s inquiries about visiting Karl in Antigua. He’d suspected she would eventually remember the letter, and he’d been right. Learning he was still alive had been the push her subconscious had needed. It had been damned hard to stand down and let everything play out, but he’d wanted her to be in charge of her own destiny. He’d support her decisions, but ultimately, she needed to make them without his interference. She’d thanked him for empowering her. This was a large part of his effort to be sure she knew how strong she was, but it was damned hard to sit on his hands and watch her swim against the ever-increasing current.
They’d changed into workout gear and driven to their favorite gym in less than a half hour, and Koi was relieved to find sparring partners available for both of them. He didn’t mind training with Tally, and he’d been a damned tough trainer when she’d needed that outlet over the past year. But he usually refused to spar with her because he never wanted to cause her anything but the sweet pain that led to a mind-blowing orgasm.
Kick-boxing was one of Koi’s favorite forms of exercise; it required not only muscular strength and cardio-fitness, but there was also a significant strategic element that kept his mind sharp. He’d never doubted his ability to read his opponent’s body language had helped him be a better Dom, and that alone, made it worth the effort.
His sparring partner today was Lee Barber, one of Brandt Morgan’s deputies, and a member of the Mountain Mastery Club. Lee was a quick and intuitive kickboxer, and if Koi wasn’t careful, he was going to get his ass handed to him.
“What’s up with you, man? You’re not usually this distracted.”
Koi wasn’t a fool. He knew Lee had just very politely told him to yank his head out of his ass and pay attention to what he was doing. Refocusing on his opponent, Koi fought the urge to interrupt their session, so he could check on Tally. Lee deftly maneuvered them around the ring until Lee’s back was to Tally, ensuring his words wouldn’t travel across the space.
“Brandt briefed us on the situation with Senator Tyson.” This was one of the things Koi liked about former soldiers, they generally cut to the chase fairly quickly. “How is Dr. Tyson coping?”
“It’s been a challenge for her. She’d finally accepted his death, then she was hit with the news he might still be alive.”
“I can see where there would be a lot of unwarranted guilt associated with not knowing he was alive while he was being held prisoner.”
Koi didn’t respond because he had the distinct feeling the other man wasn’t finished. They continued circling the small ring, and Barber waited until he once again had his back to Tally before speaking.
“When I decided I wanted to resign my commission, Uncle Sam took it upon himself to reassign me for the last six months.”
Koi had sparred with Barber a few times, but they hadn’t talked much outside the ring, so this was news. “And?” Since Koi knew the other man wasn’t simply reciting his resume, he was anxious to hear what he had to say.
“At the time, the Secret Service was actively recruiting, and when they didn’t get any takers, they pulled in short-timers. I was assigned to the Senate for five months.” The look in the other man’s eyes told Koi this wasn’t information Barber intended to share in public, but before he could say so, the man grinned. “Like I said, unwarranted guilt. Dr. Tyson stitched me up a few months ago after I had my skiing accident. Nice lady. She deserves better.”
Koi made a mental note to talk to the Lee Barber privately, then nodded in agreement.
“She certainly does.”